Humour

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Photo of Clive Palmer and colleagues, fists raised: click for original story at The AustralianDo billionaire arsehat and political candidate Clive Palmer and his colleagues really think that this is the best hand gesture to make in 2013? “Fisting the Future!” Jesus wept.

As soon as editor Chris Duckett pointed to this photo, which was used to illustrate a story at The Australian, and as soon as Jonathan Green coined the slogan “Fisting the Future”, I knew what had to be done. And here it is.

Nick Hodge has also created an approved-by-Taiga version of this image.

I recommend the hashtag #fistingthefuture in any future mocking of Clive Palmer’s whacky ideas.

And for some not-so-private-joke historical background, please read Fisting Twitter and the birth of “trend fisting”.

[Original photo caption: Clive Palmer, with Scott Higgins, left, and Glenn Lazarus, right, says he will announce more candidates for his party. Picture: Glenn Barnes. Source: The Courier-Mail.]

Twitter logo with Christmas hat“It really does seem that it’s now that time of the year on Twitter when I could admit to raping a nun no one would notice,” I tweeted in the early hours of New Year’s Eve. “Or even fucking a pig, for that matter.”

The traditional media Silly Season seems to apply to all these new-fangled media operations as well. On and on about the goddam cricket, they tweet.

Meanwhile the traffic levels, and hence the potential audience for any tweets you might tweet, are way down. Hence my coenobitic considerations and porcine ponderings.

“Maybe I should just tweet about all of the things that you shouldn’t fuck until it turns 2013,” I tweeted, despite what Charlie Brooker might think.

And so I did. For the next hour and forty minutes.

Here’s the list. I reckon that just reading it here, without the real-time performance aspect, diminishes it. Nevertheless, enjoy.

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Given that I didn’t get around to writing any sort of general round-up of 2010, you might as well enjoy Charlie Brooker’s 2010 Wipe, broadcast on the BBC earlier this week.

It’s not anywhere “official” that I can discover yet, but of course it’s already on YouTube in four parts: 1, 2, 3, 4.

It doesn’t hold a candle to His Benevolence Stilgherrian’s Christmas Message from 2008, but it’ll do.

Fake McDonald's memo: click to embiggen

Following yesterday’s news that a memo claiming McDonald’s deliberately rips off customers was a fake (pictured), I spoke about Internet pranks on ABC Radio 891 Adelaide this morning. I figured you might as well see my notes.

Oh, and the audio is below.

The fake memo was the work of Adelaide-based satirist and prankster David Thorne who, amongst other things, runs the website 27bslash6 as troll-bait and is flogging t-shirts and a book of his pranks called The Internet is a Playground.

Personally, I reckon pranks that just waste people’s time or otherwise annoy them without making any more significant point about society are pretty cheap.

Thorne’s attempt to pay a bill with a drawing of a spider is perhaps amusing, and it’s good that the victim saw the joke. But I put it at the same level as The Chaser bringing a horse into shops. Whereas The Chaser‘s breach of security at APEC, which you can see on video, made an important point about security theatre and social engineering attacks.

Anyway, this is what I discovered while poking around…

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Thanks to a post at The Inquisitr, I’ve found a whole new way to waste time: letting Google suggest the questions we should be asking.

Screenshot of Google asking "Why does he..."

Just start type in the first part of a question, like “Why does he…”, and Google tells you what’s important to people.

  • Why does he do that?
  • Why does he ignore me?
  • Why does he like me?
  • Why does he love me?
  • Why does he cheat?
  • Why does he push me away?
  • Why does he lie?
  • Why does he stare at me?
  • Why does he text instead of call?
  • Why does he hurt me?

Screenshot of Google asking "Why does she..."

Asking the same question about females gets a similar-but-different result.

  • Why does she stay lyrics?
  • Why does she stay ne yo?
  • Why does she ignore me?
  • Why does she cheat?
  • Why does she stay lyrics neo?
  • Why does she love me?
  • Why does she like me?
  • Why does she lie?
  • Why does she play hard to get?
  • Why does she stay youtube?

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Photographs comparing Senator Stephen Conroy, mouth open and hands outstretched, with an inflatable sex doll

When I saw the photograph of Senator Stephen Conroy accompanying yesterday’s ABC News piece about the leaked blacklist, I couldn’t help but notice the similarity. Sorry, Senator. (AAP: Alan Porritt, file photo)

I’ve blipped up in a couple new places overnight. ZDNet Australia quoted me in a story, Australian Twitter use hits all-time high. Given the volume of my Twitterstream that’s probably my fault alone. And I’ve also appeared in cartoon form thanks to websinthe. More on both those stories soon.

15 January 2009 by Stilgherrian | 5 comments

Crikey logo

One of the Rudd government’s election promises was a national fibre-to-the-node (FttN) broadband network, putting at least 12Mb/sec download speeds within reach of 98% of the Australian population. Tuesday night’s Federal Budget kept that promise. I think.

Here’s how I wrote about it for Crikey yesterday:

Of $4.7b promised for the National Broadband Network, only 0.16% has been committed: $2.1m this financial year and $5.2m next for “establishment and implementation”. The remaining 99.84% — you know, actually building the thing — is all “nfp”. Not for publication. We’ll get back to you.

Spending is now “up to” the pre-election $4.7b figure. Broadband is competing with run-down roads, railways and ports for a share of the $20b Building Australia Fund, where “disbursements… will be subject to budget consideration, and will be spent responsibly, in line with prevailing macroeconomic conditions.”

Whatever the final budget, Australia will still be rolling out a 12Mb/sec network in 2012. Other countries are rolling out 100Mb/sec networks now.

It really is building yesterday’s network, isn’t it.

Today, 7 May, is International Fake British Accent Day. Apparently. Should I slag it the way I slagged International Talk Like a Pirate Day? Or should I slip into a well-oiled Received Pronunciation, old chap?

Mind you, my birthday on Friday is tagged as “International Be Sexually Inappropriate With Your Friends Day”. Apparently. Should I…? Oh, never mind.

Photo of dentist premises with garage-style roll-up door

… is Dr Betty Zilka in Petersham, Sydney. Please engage your handbrake and open wide!

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