Stilgherrian » Humour

Rudd government delivers yesterday’s broadband

Stilgherrian — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:08:30 +0000

One of the Rudd government’s election promises was a national fibre-to-the-node (FttN) broadband network, putting at least 12Mb/sec download speeds within reach of 98% of the Australian population. Tuesday night’s Federal Budget kept that promise. I think.

Here’s how I wrote about it for Crikey yesterday:

Of $4.7b promised for the National Broadband Network, only 0.16% has been committed: $2.1m this financial year and $5.2m next for “establishment and implementation”. The remaining 99.84% — you know, actually building the thing — is all “nfp”. Not for publication. We’ll get back to you.

Spending is now “up to” the pre-election $4.7b figure. Broadband is competing with run-down roads, railways and ports for a share of the $20b Building Australia Fund, where “disbursements… will be subject to budget consideration, and will be spent responsibly, in line with prevailing macroeconomic conditions.”

Whatever the final budget, Australia will still be rolling out a 12Mb/sec network in 2012. Other countries are rolling out 100Mb/sec networks now.

It really is building yesterday’s network, isn’t it.

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International Fake British Accent Day

Stilgherrian — Tue, 06 May 2008 22:02:21 +0000

Today, 7 May, is International Fake British Accent Day. Apparently. Should I slag it the way I slagged International Talk Like a Pirate Day? Or should I slip into a well-oiled Received Pronunciation, old chap?

Mind you, my birthday on Friday is tagged as “International Be Sexually Inappropriate With Your Friends Day”. Apparently. Should I…? Oh, never mind.

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World’s first drive-thru dentist…

Stilgherrian — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 19:45:47 +0000

… is Dr Betty Zilka in Petersham, Sydney. Please engage your handbrake and open wide!

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Some videos what you can enjoy, y’hear?

Stilgherrian — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 08:04:56 +0000

Here’s some moving images on the Internet for your enjoyment.

You know how Westpac bank ATMs have that woman who gestures at you through the transaction? Does she annoy you? I especially hate how she asks whether you want a receipt, and then says you can’t have a receipt. Ignorant bitch. What about this version?
Check out the most in-demand video editing crew in the entire Sunnyvale trailer park.
A currently-running TV advert with a nice beaver. I encourage you to join the conversation there about the use of the word. Has the advertiser got it right for the Australian audience?

Now this is nothing more than links to things I found interesting. Should this be a full post like this, with a headline? A “Note” which, on the website home page at least, is shown without a headline but with a red line in the margin? Or should I just Twitter them as I find them?

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Quotes of the Day, 11 March 2008

Stilgherrian — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 00:53:56 +0000

Eavesdropping highlights from the last 24 hours:

“Somehow I suspect book lovers feel the same way about Harry Potter as music lovers feel about Jeff Buckley.” (Alastair Rankine)
Overheard while walking past a house where young boys were playing noisily: “I’m the birthday boy so I have to be team leader.”
“Someone in my office just said ‘cyberspace’. I hope I’m not paying them.” (abacab)
In response to my comment, “Stilgherrian is thinking about things that geeks think about”, someone who should probably remain nameless said: “Most geeks I know think about banging Natalie Portman in a blow-up-pool filled with custard…”
“Stilgherrian, one day in the future, your life will confuse historians.” (Nick Hodge)

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Garfield minus Garfield

Stilgherrian — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 08:38:03 +0000

As an antidote to the intense conversations across the weekend, try Garfield minus Garfield. “Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life?” (Thanks, Garth.)

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Saturday Reading, 8 March 2008

Stilgherrian — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 21:27:17 +0000

I think I might make this a regular feature? Should I just use some automated social bookmarking tool to generate the page?

Over at New Matilda, Ben Eltham has written a fine summary of The Super Seasprites Saga. He links to an explanation of the sunk cost fallacy which probably contributed to this monumental fuck-up.
Laurel Papworth’s piece 2020 Summit: Objective Journalists vs Passionate Blogging, which I’m planning to respond to at length some time this weekend.
A piece from The New Yorker, Scents and Sensibility: What the nose knows, which ponders, amongst other things, why one molecule smells of spearmint when its exact mirror image smells of caraway. (Hat-tip to 3 Quarks Daily.)
And for a change of pace, try the selection of First Dog on the Moon cartoons which were published in Crikey through January and February.

Four pieces feels about right for today.

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I’ve changed my mind about Newstopia

Stilgherrian — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 21:26:47 +0000

I didn’t like the first episode of Newstopia on SBS last year. I thought Shaun Micaleff was trying too hard to sound like he was being satirical. “I. Am. Telling. A. Joke. Now. And. I. Am. Clever.” But last night I changed my mind. I watched the latest episode online: he’s relaxed into the role, and much lolz. Maybe I’m finally over the fact that I found Mr Micaleff to be a painful arsehole back when he was at the Uni of Adelaide with me. (Weren’t we all, though.) Maybe it’s because I was, as Christian Kerr alleges, the first person to play him Supernaut’s I Like It Both Ways.

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Zombies in Plain English

Stilgherrian — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 07:27:48 +0000

The folks at Common Craft are worried about you and your brain at Halloween. That’s zombie season and they want you to be prepared. To help, they made this 3 minute video that will enure you survive, brain intact. Wacky Canadians. (Hat-tip to Peter Black, kinda.)

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Pornography-jaded public demand new orifice

Stilgherrian — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 00:22:09 +0000

Bored by pornography? You’re not the only one, according to The Onion.

Jaded by the sight of what it deemed “run-of-the-mill” orifices, the nation’s pornography-saturated populace released a statement Monday demanding a new bodily opening to leer at. “At this point, staring at an anus, vagina, or beckoning mouth has become so commonplace that it is no more titillating than ogling, say, the human elbow.”

Read the whole article to discover what the populace demands in its new orifice, so to speak. Hat-tip to Boing Boing.

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No, this wasn’t me, but close

Stilgherrian — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 23:12:24 +0000

Thank you, Richard, but no. This article in The Onion is not about me. Close though, eh?

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Corey Delaney’s Other Party

Stilgherrian — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 01:43:44 +0000

Hugh Atkin, the man behind the excellent Chairman Rudd propaganda videos [1, 2], has retrieved an interview from the future, when Brendan Nelson is replaced as leader of the Liberals. Hat-tip to various people, including Peter Black. (I know, a few weeks old but still very amusing.)

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Strength through Fear

Stilgherrian — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 23:07:05 +0000

That august political journal The Onion has brilliantly outlined the new US political strategy.

We must all do whatever we can to preserve America by refocusing our priorities back on the contemplation of lethal threats — invisible nightmarish forces plotting to destroy us in a number of horrific ways. It is only through the vigilance and determination of every patriot that we can maintain the sense of total dread vital to the prolonged existence of a thriving, quivering America.

Our country deserves no less than every citizen living in apprehension.

Fear has always made America strong. Were we ever more determined than during the Yellow Scare? When every Christian gentleman lived in mortal terror of his daughter being doped up on opium and raped by pagan, moustachioed Chinamen? What about the Red Scare, when citizens from all walks of life showed their pride by turning in their friends and associates to rabid anticommunists? Has America ever been more resolute?

Hat-tip to Bruce Schneier.

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Quote of the Day, 6 February 2008

Stilgherrian — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 19:15:47 +0000

Headline of the Decade, perhaps? “Police: Crack Found in Man’s Buttocks”. Who’d have thought. “Hagerstown, Md. (AP) — Police searching a downtown home found a man hiding 15 plastic bags of crack cocaine in his buttocks.” Hat-tip to Angus Wheaton.

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Heath Ledger dead: jokes here please

Stilgherrian — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:58:55 +0000

Yes, Australian actor Heath Ledger is dead, possibly from a drug overdose. So now it’s time to collect all the jokes, ‘cos he can’t sue you for libel. Please add them in the comments.

Tasteless? Yes. Exploitative? Probably. Too soon for this? Yeah probably that too.

So why do it?

It’s an experiment…

More than a year after the event, a collection of jokes about Steve Irwin’s death is still one of the most heavily-visited pages on this website. More than half of the searches bringing people here are for Corey Worthington Delaney.

Tasteless is what you want, so tasteless is what you’ll get.

We’ll even throw in the phrases “heath ledger porn” and “heath ledger naked” to help things along. Index that, Google!

The comments will be moderated, but not heavily. They may take a while to show up because — oddly enough! — there are other things to do.

[Update: Scroll down to find the comments thingy. Try to spell properly. And if you're going to whinge that "It's too soon to make jokes," then at least suggest how long someone has to be dead before they're not sacred any more. And try to spell properly.]

[Update 27 January 2008: The two rules about relevance are now being enforced. Comments will not be published if (1) they repeat jokes which have already been posted, unless they're substantial improvements, or (2) they're just some anti-gay comment that doesn't have any relevance.]