Ask and it shall be done! Who is the ultimate pop princess?

In alphabetical order of first name, we have 9 nominees. As usual, if you disagree with the shortlist you can take it up in the comments.

1. Amy Winehouse: “For the kids who don’t like ‘mainstream’ pop,” says the Snarky Platypus. “Never mind the fact Amy is probably more mainstream than Dannii Minogue.” I trust his judgement in these things.
2. Anthony Callea: OK, OK, he’s fading fast. But it gives me a chance to make a pathetically gratuitous gay reference and waste 15 minutes looking at his photos. It was either him or Elton John, and there’s only so much my stomach can take.
3. Björk: Yes, her music’s bizarre, but she knows how to deal with intrusive journalists.
4. Britney Spears: Where to begin? She’s got it all! And it’d be polite to say something nice about her at the moment, she’s had a rough week.
5. Dannii Minogue (not pictured): Since she did so well in our poll for Governor-General, she must be included. I didn’t bother with her photo, though. Just look at Kylie, squint and grimace.
6. Kylie Minogue: Neighbours and Stock Aitken Waterman to… superstardom. Not even cancer can stop her! She even inspired our new national anthem.
7. Madonna: I suppose there’s some life still left in the old hag.
8. Melissa Tkautz: “She is kinda obscure to non-Australians / trash pop culture junkies / E-Street watchers,” warns the Snarky Platypus. “She’s kinda obscure to non-Australians,” warns the Snarky Platypus. “Actually, obscure to most people, except for trash pop culture junkies & E-Street watchers” However this gives us a chance to introduce Melissa to a wider audience. Read my lips! [Beware, there is rap. Sort of.]
9. Olivia Newton-John: Another oldie, but she’s the closing act for Mardi Gras this year so presumably someone thinks she’s worth it.
10. Someone else? Discuss!

As usual, go to the website to vote — scroll down to find the poll on the left-hand side.

Previous results: Most people reckon Australian of the Year is worth keeping, but only if they choose more relevant people. We shall return to this subject in December…

[poll=18]

Chairman Rudd reckons:

Lee Kernaghan’s music resonates with every Australian by connecting us all to the spirit of the bush, but more importantly he gives hope and pride to those on the land when they need inspiration most.

He has rolled up his sleeves to make a real difference for those in need in rural Australia.

Pull the other one, Kevin.

OK, Kernaghan has certainly worked hard to lift morale in the drought-stricken bush. But when 98% of us live in urban areas, and 30-odd percent were born elsewhere, can we really say that nasal, droney bush ballads represent our world?

In fact, does a concept like “Australian of the Year” even matter in 21st Century Australia?

Australian of the Year was satirised so well by Chris Lilley in We Can Be Heroes. “Worthiness” is about certain narrow, “respectable”, backward-looking middle-class values.

[Edit: And then there's the Australia Day Honours, giving out gongs to citizens who've done good things.]

In the Sydney Morning Herald today, journalist David Marr wonders why there aren’t any real artists in the list.

Is there anything for Cate Blanchett as she lines up for another Oscar? No, nothing. Or John Mawunrdjul, the greatest of the bark painters after his recent Paris triumph? Not a thing. What about Richard Tognetti, the creative genius of the Australian Chamber Orchestra? Again nothing.

There isn’t a novelist on the 2008 list. This year the nation could have tackled the backlog of great writers unhonoured by Yarralumla. But Helen Garner, Peter Carey, Shirley Hazzard, Alex Miller, Kate Grenville and Tim Winton — among many others — have still to be recognised… Republicans among them may feel now is not the time to accept such honours, but clearly the business of writing isn’t high on the list of achievements officially blessed in today’s Australia…

23 awards were made in the category of the arts, [but] closer examination reveals very few of these distinguished men and women are actually artists. God bless them for being patrons, collectors, administrators, board members, fund-raisers, producers, publishers, gallery owners, researchers, teachers, historians, agents, therapists, curators, keen amateurs and church organists. But where are the professional artists?

Only one of real — and quirky — stature is honoured in the list: Peter Travis, kite maker and sculptor who deserves a place in the pantheon of great Australians for creating the Speedo.

And while I haven’t ploughed through that list, I wonder if there’s anyone who represents our future. No, not people like Young Australian of the Year, motorcycle racing hero Casey Stoner. I mean the people caving out a new vision of Australia for when we live in a wildly-interconnected information world, and when China and India are the world powers.

So, two questions for you on Australia Day 2008:

1. Does Australian of the Year matter any more? Vote at the website.
2. If it does, who do you reckon would make a great Australian of the Year? (And this time, let it not be Dannii Minogue, OK?

Results from last time: Without a doubt, Dame Edna Everage should be our next Governor-General, followed by Ja’mie King. God bless you, Australia, always picking a bloke in a frock!

[poll=17]

Over the past few days we’ve been speculating about who’ll be Australia’s next Governor-General. Some high-profile folks reckon it should be a woman. So which of these nominees would you choose, and why? Vote at the website, and add your comments.

In alphabetical order of surname…

• Marie Bashir, well-respected Governor of NSW and tireless worker for Aboriginal mental health.
• Liz Ellis, former captain of the Australian netball team and solicitor.
• Edna Everage, housewife superstar, actress and ambassador for Australian culture.
• Julie Hammer, an electronics engineer and intelligence officer who blazed the trail for women in the air force.
• Ja’mie King, dedicated fund-raiser and self-promoter. (Personally I think Ja’mie will eventually replace Dame Edna as our leading international celebrity.)
• Dannii Minogue, because… oh, someone will think of a reason.
• Kylie Minogue, pop princess and actress of renown.
• Lowitja O’Donoghue, first chairwoman of the disbanded Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Commission.
• … or someone else?

Previous results: Kevin Rudd becoming PM was the clear winner on first preferences at 52%, with The Chaser crashing APEC security a strong 2nd at 36%. The antic of footballer Ben Cousins was twice as important as Australia’s signing of the Kyoto protocol.

[poll=16]

Still, I’m going to risk further irrelevance and ask what, for you, was the biggest event in Australia for 2007. Was it…?

• Kevin Rudd replacing John Howard as PM
• The signing of Kyoto
• The Chaser crashing the APEC security
• Interest rate rises
• Ben Cousins generally

Or something else? Please go to the website to vote, and add further suggestions in the comments.

Previous results: Yes, more people said Christmas was “too much effort” than any other single answer. However “a glorious celebration of Our Saviour’s birth” did score 24% in a late come-back.

[poll=15]

Yes, it’s that time of year again, when a celebration of the birth of social radical Joshua bar Joseph is turned into a retail extravaganza.

How do you feel about Christmas? Personally, I get annoyed with the “compulsory cheerfulness” and the pointless mob behaviour. As the old saying goes, you can’t pick your families, and Christmas forces them together regardless — though reports that the suicide rate peaks at Christmas is an urban legend.

Yes, how do you feel about Christmas? Go to the website to vote, or add your comments here.

[Yes, that is me in the photograph. I made the antlers for the Snarky Platypus, who should be wearing them on Friday, and ’Pong took the photo using my Nokia N80.]

The basic deal is that our beautiful cat was probably hit by a car. She ran, but the car’s tyre caught the hair on her tail and scalped a 20cm section. The photo shows what it looked like after the vet had shaved it back for inspection.

Since then, Artemis “failed to re-gain tail functionality”. The tail has been amputated. So, as I explain to friends, we now have 1.95 cats. Apparently this is quite a common injury for urban cats.

Artemis is coping remarkably well, and it was a neat piece of surgery (thanks Katherine!). The main trauma was that it all happened while ’Pong and I were in Bangkok. Thanks to the Snarky Platypus and my office manager Virginia Bridger for helping out while we were away.

The other day Artemis, one of our cats, was run over by a car. Or at least the fur on her tail was, and a 20cm section was effectively scalped, exposing the flesh beneath the skin. Yummy.

I have a photo. It’s fairly gross. A TV newsreader might preface it with “Some viewers may find this image disturbing.”

Now I have no qualms about publishing good Anglo-Saxon swear words. We can hear them any day on a bus, so I reckon being coy and writing “f*ck” and “c*nt” is stupid. I mean, we all know what these words are, so adding an asterisk doesn’t change the received meaning. But I did hesitate before posting this photo.

So, should I publish it? Go to the website to vote!

Last week’s results: After a year of phoney campaigning and a long, 6-week election campaign, it looks like most voters are indeed very glad today’s election day and we can all move on.

Or are you only now deciding to get interested? Or perhaps you’re looking forward to one final orgy of campaigning. Which is it? Go to the website to vote!

Last week’s results: From the choices offered, most voters thought John Howard was the most disconnected from voters. Yes, Prime Minister, you are the problem, it seems. However a few people recognised that the Australian Democrats have had their day.

[Yes, I know the weekly poll hasn't been weekly lately. It was a non-core promise. Deal with it.]

Is it Tony Abbott, who yesterday slagged off a dying man? Arch-monarchist and oddly right-wing David Flint? Or one of our other choices? Have you any other suggestions? Go to the website to vote!

Last week’s results: Well OK the last poll was online for much longer than a week. Nevertheless, the results were precisely as predicted by the Snarky Platypus. Our new national animal is indeed the “lying rodent”.

You might have thought the Prime Minister could have made the effort to be there for his adversary of 27 years standing, but he did not. John Howard remains a miserable toad. The rest of the Howard ministry took their cue and also absented themselves — Robb and Nelson the exceptions. And know also that when Beazley finished speaking and sat down, and those in the public gallery got to their feet to join the applause of Beazley’s Labor colleagues and most of us in the press gallery, Andrew Robb and three of the Liberal backbenchers applauded, too.

Brendan Nelson did not.

I always liked Kim Beazley — which, you should note, is not the same thing as saying he’d make a good Prime Minister. He was a strategic thinker and a good orator, both skills lacking in modern politics.

I meant to say it at the time: the articles by Alan Ramsey (which I just quoted) and Annabel Crabb are well worth reading — if for nothing else than the historical snippets Beazley dropped.

Last week’s results: Sadly for the Snarky Platypus, “I really want to see a remake of Flashdance” received only one vote. The clear winner was “A bit more to the left, and with a bit more velocity.”

Did anyone understand that poll?

So this week’s poll — yes, I know it’s a week late, deal with it! — asks you to choose from a number of phrases the one you’re most likely to use in conversation. Go to the website to vote.

Last week’s results: Yes, without a doubt, Duran Duran is the greatest band in the history of pop.

Go to the website to vote. Your choices are limited. Problem with that? Explain yourself in the comments!

Nominees:

1. Duran Duran
2. New Kids on the Block
3. Bay City Rollers
4. Bananarama
5. Pussycat Dolls

Last week’s results: By a very slim margin, most voters would prefer to see Senator Natasha Stott-Despoja sing Samanta Fox’s Touch Me.