“Satay tofu burger”? No such thing!

The next time you see a café menu listing a “satay tofu burger”, please remember this Venn diagram.

Truly, there is no such thing as a “satay tofu burger”.

A burger has meat in it. Tofu is not meat, even if you cut it into little animal shapes — and that’s just self-deception anyway.

Satay is a peanut sauce for grilled or barbecued meat. If it’s not meat, it should not have satay sauce on it. End of story.

And even if you were using meat, a satay burger? What a wanker!

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  1. Eric TF Bat’s avatar

    I was raised Catholic, so I have an innate talent for hypocrisy. I can thus believe and accept your argument with every fibre of my being while simultaneously enjoying sate tofu… though not a sate tofu burger, because that’s going too far.

    Reply

  2. Simon Rumble’s avatar

    It may not be a real thing, but the satay tofu burgers sold by Paul & Fiona at the Sunday Marrickville markets are delicious. Unreal. Delicious. Unrealicious. Nom nom nom.

    Reply

  3. Stilgherrian’s avatar

    I am pleased to discover both the limits to Catholicism and a stall to burn down at the Marrickville markets.

    Reply

  4. Snarky Platypus’s avatar

    Tofu with satay sauce is nice. As to the “authenticity” of the experience – bleh.

    If you want to use a fermented soy product in a burger, I think tempeh would be much better. However, you should just use actual meat with a burger. I don’t think either fermented soy product has the right texture to be used in a burger.

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  5. Sean Carmody’s avatar

    Eric, I am onto your cunning ways. You think you can get away with eating it because you call is a “sate tofu burger” not a “satay tofu burger”. That will not wash… and I don’t mean the satay stains, which it probably does too.

    Reply

  6. franksting’s avatar

    Rubbish! Burger comes from Hamburger, derived from Hamburger a citizen of Hamburg. So Burger can be anything from Hamburg? Of course not!!! Burger comes from Burgher, which IIRC means a citizen…

    In any case Burger just applies to the delivery mechanism, not the content, and is to all intents and purposes a SANDWICH.

    Reply

  7. Stilgherrian’s avatar

    The Macquarie Dictionary says:

    hamburger noun 1. a flat round cake of minced beef, seasoned and fried.
    2. a round bread roll or bun split into halves and containing between them such meat and usually various garnishes such as onion, salad, fried egg, etc.
    [shortened form of Hamburger steak, that is, steak as it is served in Hamburg2]

    In other words, the Hamburg nature of a hamburger is the “beef, ground with seasoning and fried” bit, not the “served in a bun” bit. Which supports my position entirely. So there.

    @franksting: Bite me.

    Reply

  8. franksting’s avatar

    You trust a definition from an Australian Dictionary? ;)

    Reply

  9. franksting’s avatar

    The Oxford Compact has one for veggie burger – none available for Tofu Burger, which we assume doesn’t really exist then ;)

    • noun a savoury cake resembling a hamburger but made with vegetable protein or soya instead of meat.

    stupid English

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  10. Danielle Warby’s avatar

    I, like Simon, will be enjoying the best tofu satay burger in. the. world. down at the Marrickville markets this Sunday. I think it will taste even better than usual this time!

    Reply

  11. Stilgherrian’s avatar

    Eat your tasteless coagulated bean curd as much as you like, people. I couldn’t give a shit. Poison yourself however you like. Just don’t call it a burger unless dead animals are involved. Burgerness, as I say, is about ground and fried meat, not being a sandwich.

    Reply

  12. AJC’s avatar

    Aim: To prove Stilgherrian is correct

    Method: According to Wiktionary, that ever-reliable source:

    burger (plural burgers)
    1. a hamburger or similar sandwich

    hamburger (plural hamburgers)
    1. A hot sandwich consisting of a patty of cooked ground beef, or a meat substitute, in a sliced bun, sometimes also containing salad vegetables, condiments, or both.
    2. The patty used in such a sandwich.
    3. (uncountable) Ground beef, especially that intended to be made into hamburgers.

    (Note: “or a meat substitute”, which I believe includes tofu)

    However:

    satay (plural satays)
    [Alternative spellings: satai, saté, sate]
    1. A popular dish made from small pieces of meat or fish grilled on a skewer and served with a spicy peanut sauce, originating from Indonesia and Malaysia.

    (Note: no mention of meat substitute)

    Conclusion: While you can have a tofu burger or a satay burger, you cannot have satay tofu, and hence cannot have a satay tofu burger.

    QED

    Reply

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