While clearing out the spammers’ attempts to post comments to this website today, I was struck by the rather attractive rhythm they formed — if “attractive” is the right word. Here, then, is the first poetry I’ve written in more than 20 years, entitled…
Spammer’s Ode #1
Boobs.
Teen Boobs.
Boobs.
Big Boobs.
Small Boobs.
Boobs.
Naked Boobs.
Boobs.
Bouncy Boobs!
Black Boobs.
Perfect Boobs.
Boobs.
Small Boobs.
Sexy Boobs.
Boobs.
Small Boobs.
Bouncy Boobs.
Baby got Boobs.
Pussy.
Hot Pussy.
Black Pussy.
Wet Pussy.
Britney Spears Pussy.
Teen Pussy.
Virgin’s Pussy.
Teen Pussy.
Young Pussy.
Hot Pussy.
Hairy Pussy.
Tight Pussy.
Pussy.
Pussy Licking.
Britney Spears Pussy.
Britney Spears Pussy.
Dick in a Pussy…
Tight Pussy!
Asian Pussy.
Hairy Pussy.
Young Pussy.
Asian Pussy.
Hairy Pussy.
Young Pussy.
Asian Pussy.
Hairy Pussy.
Young Pussy.
Free ringtones.
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18 July 2008 at 8:17 am
Pingback from Stilgherrian · So this is human sexuality?
13 February 2007 at 6:22 pm
Stilgherrian
OK, my immediate thoughts after hitting the “Publish” button are:
13 February 2007 at 8:03 pm
Snarky Platypus
I smell a novelty pop hit in the making. All we need is the tinny MIDI backing track and some generously endowed women shaking their stuff in the music video. “Pussy Galore” needs to be either the track or artist name.
13 February 2007 at 8:42 pm
Stilgherrian
And at this stage, I point everyone to the copyright notice at the bottom of this page!
Snarky, we must talk…
13 February 2007 at 8:55 pm
zoe
yes, of all the people I may know who might write poetry on such topics as ringtones….
etcetc
14 February 2007 at 5:43 am
Richard
‘A hit, a palpable hit’?
Seriously, I’m CRYING with laughter right now. This may be your finest hour.
14 February 2007 at 6:28 am
Stilgherrian
Zoe, maybe that should be the title: “Ringtones”.
Richard, I give up! I can try to write serious political commentary, point people to interesting material — but what gets the best reaction is… Steve Irwin Jokes or stringing together the crap in front of me that contains “rude words”.
Now, read it all again and imagine the sound of Ian Dury and the Blockheads with Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick.
14 February 2007 at 8:17 am
Stilgherrian
OK, folks, it’s now “in the system”, job number 16008. The relevant people will be notified over the next two working days.
Maybe the sound is more like King Crimson’s Elephant Talk (or am I thinking of the Adrian Belew version?).
14 February 2007 at 8:40 am
Richard
On reflection, your poem reminds me of one of Lenny Bruce’s comic pieces.
If you are going to record it, maybe you should use some sort of text-to-speech software to deliver the ‘vocals’, for added comic effect.
As far as a backing track goes, I’m hearing the mid-’90s Blur hit, ‘Girls And Boys’, or Moby’s ‘We Are all Made Of Stars’.
14 February 2007 at 8:58 am
Stilgherrian
Oh dear, this is going to take on a life of its own, eh?
Using text-to-speech certainly saves having to think of who’d do the vocals — and a lot cheaper.
I already have a session muso and recording engineer in mind.
And I just remembered I have something like $15k credit in advertising in a national pop music magazine…
Shooting fish in a barrel.
18 July 2008 at 11:01 am
Stephen Stockwell
Followed your link here from today’s porn article. You wrote this before I started reading and contributing to your blog, but I seem to remember hearing about it from you on the phone one day — this was one of the main ideas that led to Skank Media, was it not?
Nevertheless, can I just say — you’ve really done me proud with this effort, Stilgherrian. This is pure pop culture at its most base and beautiful. The ending is perfect. And there can be no greater acclaim than to simply say, “I wish I’d done that!”