Paris Hilton, branding expert (apparently)

07 July 2007 in Marketing, Media by Stilgherrian | 3 comments

OK, I know that at one level I’m being sucked in by the very cult of celebrity I despise by even mentioning this, but… Paris Hilton has been offered a million dollars to teach a one-hour class on “How to Build Your Brand.”

Bill Zanker, president of The Learning Annex, previously paid Donald Trump $1.5M to lecture his students, so he must reckon Paris is roughly 67% as good:

“She’s a brilliant entrepreneur. I believe she can offer her knowledge and give back to other entrepreneurs. She’s obviously brilliant, and my students would love her.”

Bill, I’ll give you the Paris lessons for free:

  1. Start off rich. If you’re rich, you’ll automatically be invited to parties where paparazzi swarm. And without having to work for a living, you’ll have time for all the parties.
  2. Start off stupid. If people see that you’re rich and stupid, they’ll reckon it’ll be easy to separate the fool from her money. You’ll get a lot of attention. Just ask Rob Mills.
  3. Slut around like there’s no tomorrow. There’ll be plenty of Names at those parties. Pick a few and pork away! It’s all a numbers game anyway, so you’re aiming for quantity, not quality.

Et voila! An instantly-recognisable global brand!

Thanks (well, I guess it’s thanks) to Zern Liew for emailing me this vital information privately.

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3 comments

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07 July 2007 at 9:15 am

Stilgherrian

Stilgherrian’s avatar

I was going to include this quote from the article:

Hilton will do a spread for People magazine this week, also for free, an editor said yesterday.

But hey, the comeback line is way, way too obvious. ;)

10 July 2007 at 11:37 am

Fiona

Fiona’s avatar

i don’t get it

10 July 2007 at 11:52 am

Stilgherrian

Stilgherrian’s avatar

@Fiona: Oh dear. Think of meanings of the verb “to spread” in the context of the Paris Hilton lessons described above…