As we begin a new and somewhat rainy Monday here in Sydney, it’s worth reflecting on my world as revealed through Twitter.

1. If only cats ate cockroaches my two most significant household chores would cancel out.
2. The only thing a VCR is good for is to watch old porno movies.
3. “Luxurious possum fur” is an oxymoron.
4. Twitter is (like all networks) just an amplifier. Natural news-bringers bring news. Natural wankers wank.
5. Total Eclipse of the Heart has the most sensible music video of any song ever.
6. “Wynyard Hotel, the sign saying ‘restrooms maintained to highest standard’ doesn’t stop stale urine smell.”
7. As we all know, cardio fitness is improved through gin.
8. “Do not insert in ear canal” is sage advice.

Now what sort of impression of me does that give? And what will this week bring?

[Credit: Cartoon Twitter-bird courtesy of Hugh MacLeod. Like all of Hugh's cartoons published online, it's free to use.]

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We try to stick with conventional weapons — physical force, hunting, stalking, persuasion and satire. But sometimes that isn’t enough.

Australia led the diplomatic battle against chemical weapons globally. But we just love them in the kitchen. Bioallethrin, Imiprothrin, Cypermethrin, Biorespethrin — the sort of thing which, if possessed by the likes of Saddam Hussein, would trigger another Gulf War.

And so the noble and innocent mantis, our ally in the great struggle against the Small Brown Beast, makes the mistake of walking where the chemicals lie in silence. And he dies a lingering death.

Household protection for up to six months. Ultra low allergenic.

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