1. Today The Other Andrew tells me he’s proved that you’re never too sick to have a sly one off the wrist. Apparently. Get well soon, dear.

Send photographs, by all means.

2. Mind you, only on Friday Andrew reported that…

during the study [on sleep patterns], they wore rectal thermometers continuously to provide a minute-by-minute record of their body temperature.

… and goes on to say that “I don’t think I’d sleep like a normal person if I had something jammed up my ass.”

Apart from confusing a donkey with his own rectum, maybe I agree. At least today. But can you trust someone who suffers from zoo-anatomical confusion?

3. However the biscuit goes to… hmmm… wrong choice of words maybe? The Golden Buttplug Award goes to Zhasper who relates:

I don’t know what prompted me to stick my finger in my clean ass and lick it. Perhaps, I was checking for an injury or something else — I really can not say for certain as to the reason — but my mouth started burning in flames from jalapeños. Yes, I had jalapeño pepper juice up my ass! I can’t believe how I discovered this — you know what I mean? — and I can not believe that I confirmed what I thought. I have jalapeño pepper ass and need immediate help!

I admit to him the situation. We bust out laughing because we can’t believe the twist of events. He was still in disbelief making claims of washing hands but he is a gentleman. He asked what could he do to help me and I told him that he is going to have to eat the jalapeño pepper juice out of my ass — and in a hurry! So, my legs fly up in the air and he is down there licking away — his mouth in flames — trying to rescue me from my situation! Periodic stops to drink more beer were needed and about another 15 minutes of licking, I started to find relief.

I did warn you.

And now my work is done.

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