Stilgherrian » julie bishop

Episode 3 online!

Stilgherrian — Fri, 23 May 2008 00:51:29 +0000

For better or for worse, episode 3 of Stilgherrian Live Alpha is online over at Ustream. I did rant at the camera as threatened. I went for 45 minutes instead of 25 to 30 because I was looking at the wrong clock. I have destroyed my personal brand forever. Chat logs to be reviewed later.

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So who’s ready for the future? Who’s not?

Stilgherrian — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 01:18:12 +0000

Maxine McKew and I aren’t the only ones who think Australia is ready to start a new conversation about our identity. The Australia 2020 Summit secretariat received 7251 nominations for the 1000 spots. I wish them well with the winnowing — and wish myself good luck with my own application.

The real fun now is seeing who’s actually ready for the future, and who just wants to stifle discussion.

Human rights lobbyist Howard Glenn puts it well, and shows that he’s ready:

Why am I enthusiastic about a relatively small two-day conference in April? Because it is a big gesture which says clearly that we have permission to start thinking about the future again. The flow-on effects are already starting. Schools want to have their own future summits, difficult long term issues are emerging for community debate. And that’s before it’s all really started.

It’s only two days and 1,000 people. Who gets to go is not as important as the fact that it is occurring at all, and that there’s such media attention to the attendance. Some will see it as a revival of the mythical Keating elites; the start of European-style social planning; a talk fest. I see it as the start of a restoration of confidence in Australian culture, identity and ingenuity, and a faith that we can think about future challenges, and find what we need to face them.

So what about everyone else?

Looking through recent news stories…

Opposition leader Brendan “Mr 9%” Nelson reckons the summit will be a dog’s breakfast. Looking at the state of his own party, I guess he’d know a dog’s breakfast when he sees it.
His deputy Julie Bishop branded it an “elite” event — yes, she’s imaginatively dragging out that Howard-era term of denigration, which apparently is not negative when applied to “elite athletes”. Somehow she knew this before she’d even seen the steering committee, let alone the full list of attendees. “Elitism is dead,” says the deputy leader of the party full of lawyers and private school attendees. Yes, that’s certainly reflected in the polls, luv! Keep up this mindless negativity and your stay in opposition will be a long one.
All sorts of people with a “special interest” whinge that their own specific focus isn’t mentioned by name somewhere: Gisela Kaplan on the environment; Duncan Riley on tech; Yvonne Zeniou on the parents of disabled children. Folks, a “vision for the future” is not just a list of jigsaw pieces.
Disappointingly, steering committee member Tim Costello focuses on the problem of teenage binge drinking which, while perhaps a problem that needs addressing, is hardly “a vision thing”. Let’s hope the “strengthening families and communities” topic doesn’t become a shopping-list for wowsers craving a return to some mythical golden past of endless backyard cricket.

People are wanting to talk about the future. Grass-roots websites have sprung up at Summit2020.org and CounterSummit Australia2020 and OzIdeas and BangTheTable and I’m sure there’ll be plenty more.

Is it only the federal opposition that’s afraid of the conversation?

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Unreliable Bangkok 4: Lust

Stilgherrian — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 03:51:33 +0000

Leena Jangjanya (ลีนา จังจรรจา, pictured above) is the most beautiful, most sexy woman in all of Thailand.

She’s usually just called Leena Jang, and since she’s a candidate in Sunday’s Thai general election her posters are everywhere in Bangkok’s northern suburbs. There’s three versions, including one in her graduation robes (law) and one where she’s looking like a successful businesswoman in white. You can see them both below.

But for me, that first image is the killer. The pink blouse! Those alluring eyes! The hair!

Julie Bishop, you’re so dumped!

The densest concentration of Leena posters is around the Chatuchak weekend markets — a massive concentration of more than 15,000 stalls over 1.1 square kilometres where it would seem Leena has her strongest support base. She’s seen as fighting for the poor and “ordinary people”, people such as the stallholders, and fighting against corruption.

I guess she’s a bit like Pauline Hanson without the racism. Or a left-wing Bronwyn Bishop, if that’s possible.

Apart from the legal foundation and her political ambitions, Leena runs a cosmetic business.

One of ’Pong’s friends, a political journalist, tells me Leena doesn’t have a hope in hell of getting elected. Still, she has profile.

It was interesting hearing the Thai perspective on Australia’s federal election, which took place only a few days before I arrived in Bangkok. While many Australian commentators were talking about “Me-too Rudd”, supposedly identical to John Howard in all significant policies, Thai commentators could see real differences.

One late-night talk show host was even jealous that Australians had choices. Thais, he said, could really only choose between different sets of cronies. Rudd, he said, was very different from Howard: he was signing Kyoto, getting out of Iraq and apologising to the Aborigines. The me-too of economic issues didn’t get a mention.

And yes, Chairman Rudd’s skills in Mandarin were mentioned a lot in the newspapers, as was the Malaysian heritage of our Minister for Climate Change, Senator Penny Wong.

Whichever set of cronies gets elected tomorrow, they’ll be engaging with an Australia whose eyes are, once more, on the region instead of being focused solely on Washington. I get the feeling they’re expecting big changes.

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Neo-Con Dating Service

Stilgherrian — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 05:05:33 +0000

I guess if Julie Bishop won’t be my neo-con sex kitten, I’ll have to settle for Bill Maher’s Neo-Con Dating Service.

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Weekly Poll: Still to come

Stilgherrian — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 22:25:59 +0000

OK, I normally do the Weekly Poll on the weekend. But I’ve been so distracted by Julie Bishop that I’ll leave the current poll online for another day.

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Julie, I want to make you a star (in a Samantha Fox kind of way)

Stilgherrian — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 06:45:59 +0000

Julie… Julie Bishop, they just don’t appreciate you. I know they make fun of you on Facebook. But I think you’re a neo-con sex kitten.

And you know, when I linked to Samantha Fox singing Touch Me last week, that was just to make a joke about Andrew P Street. That was just me trying to be clever. I realise now that was so immature. Andrew means nothing to me. I’ve realized the truth — you’re as sexy as Samantha Fox ever was!

Julie… Julie Bishop, I don’t ever want anyone except you. Samantha Fox is just a cheap slut. Those lyrics… I can’t hear them now without thinking of you!

Like a tramp in the night
I was begging you
To treat my body like you wanted to

Those left-wing bastards at Crikey just make fun of you too. Unforgiveable! You have to meet George W Bush this week, you have to look your best, and they said:

New tie for Alexander Downer we expect! Julie Bishop combs her Safeway for the required 15 cans of Cedel.

Julie, they just don’t appreciate your beauty like I do. I know I write for Crikey sometimes but that doesn’t mean I share their narrow views.

Julie, will you be my neo-con sex kitten? Please?

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A Night of Politics: grubby, grubby…

Stilgherrian — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 22:54:11 +0000

The entire evening was filled with politics yesterday ~~and the chafing this morning is quite painful~~ and I learned a lot.

Christian Kerr, the national affairs editor for Crikey, was promoting his book “in conversation with” Antony Green, the thinking woman’s crumpet — a combination too good to miss! We went for dinner afterwards.

I didn’t realise I’ve actually met Christian before, until he saw me. “I know you,” he said. “You were the first person to play me I Like It Both Ways with Shaun Micaleff at 5UV.” I have no recollection of this event, Your Honour. However Christian recalled sufficient details for me to be convinced the event probably did happen. Somewhere. He knew certain obscure hand gestures. Stop asking questions.

In a preview of the federal election and subsequent conversation I learned:

Christian thinks that the election won’t be fought over industrial relations, as many pundits are saying, but over the economy. It’ll be about the Howard government’s “sound economic management” (as they describe it) versus the It’s Time factor.
Unless something changes, it will be a Labor victory. For all the talk of “the polls are all over the place,” Antony Green says this is the most consistent series of polls he’s ever seen.
There is a Big Yabby in Alexander Downer’s electorate, at Goolwa, which is symbolic somehow.
Malcolm Turnbull could still win the federal seat of Wentworth thanks to his Fabulousness Factor.
No-one seems to understand why John Howard won’t support gay-related issues. And I’ve just finished reading his biography — nothing there gives a clue either.
Mattresses.
Iguanadons.

Now where’s that moisturiser…?

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“Touch me, Margaret Thatcher!”

Stilgherrian — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 21:28:14 +0000

In early voting, Margaret Thatcher is emerging as the erotic favourite to sing Touch Me at 36% ahead of Julie Bishop and Natasha Stott-Despoja tied on 18%. I’m guessing that’s because my non-Australian readers don’t known who the others are. Perhaps I should have included Madeleine Allbright, Golda Mier, Hillary Rodham Clinton and Queen Elizabeth II.

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Weekly Poll: Who should sing…?

Stilgherrian — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 09:03:52 +0000

Andrew P Street is a genius. I say that because (a) he is, (b) knowing Andrew is one of the three vital components for understanding the full subtlety of this week’s poll, and (c) I dare not upset him by failing to acknowledge his enormous throbbing brain.

Last night ’Pong and I went to the Excelsior Hotel in Glebe. Their website is slick and glossy — but the web designer has clearly never set foot in the establishment because the Excelsior is what we in the business call a “dive”. Or, as the Macquarie Dictionary puts it, “a disreputable place, as for drinking, gambling, etc.”

I wish to report that the Excelsior is well-equipped for drinking, and we made ample use of its facilities.

Andrew P Street is, I believe, also well-equipped for drinking, being in possession of hands, mouth, gullet etc. He also has a guitar, and his mouth is so arranged that red wine may flow inwards while, at other moments, song flows outwards.

You may learn much more about Andrew from his MySpace profile and in particular the blog post The *Real* Andrew P Street. I was moved to learn — and I’m sure you will be too — that:

Like so many of the world’s hottest supermodels, I’m entirely made up of tinier Andrews; each of whom are, in turn, made of deliciously spicy Andrews which are only slightly tinier, but wear thicker jumpers. That’s fractal geometry at work, right there.

And:

WHAT’S SOMETHING THAT YOU’VE NEVER TOLD ANOTHER PERSON?
“My hovercraft armada will take those universal dorsal flaps to Bournemouth, Jason Donovan.”

Andrew P Street was also at the Excelsior last night. But before I elaborate on that, I encourage you to revisit the 1980s and listen to a song.

Yes, Samantha Fox, singing Touch Me. Possibly the finest song of the 80s, in the same way that I Like It Both Ways was without doubt the finest song of the 1970s.

Samantha’s performance in that video is notable for three reasons:

Her breasts
The young man who dances with her who, in my expert opinion, is extremely unlikely to be genuinely interested in said breasts. That’s professionalism.

Last night, Andrew P Street also sang Touch Me. And can I say that the song has a very different meaning when sung by a 35-year-old man who’s had more than one glass of red wine and who, it must truthfully be said, is not quite as slim as when I first met him more than a decade ago.

Like a tramp in the night
I was begging you
To treat my body like you wanted to

Uh….
Uh, it’s begging for you

(this is the night)
Touch me, touch me

This all set me thinking.

If Andrew P Street is perhaps not the most appropriate person to be singing this song, who is?

Obviously it has to be a politician because politics remains the most popular topic on this website. But which one? Please visit the website to vote. Or, if your favourite candidate isn’t listed, please add them in the comments — with an explanation.

Last week’s results: It started off looking like the most annoying Howard government action was buying $6 billion of military aircraft the RAAF doesn’t want, the “intervention” in Aboriginal communities edged ahead.