Stilgherrian » masturbation

Honesty is the best policy

Stilgherrian — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 22:19:14 +0000

“I supposed at least he was honest,” said Duncan Riley when he passed on this story (pictured).

I’ll reproduce the text here so the search engines find it — which may or may not be a Good Thing. My website ends up in enough weird searches as it is.

Burglary

A 38-year-old Cole Avenue man reported that his home was invaded on Sept. 9. The man said that he was sitting home alone masturbating and watching a pornographic movie when a man came down into the basement, holding a gun, and started to videotape him. The man said that before he left, the intruder fed his dog some mushrooms and the dog died.

The story is supposedly from The Beacon Journal, Sunday 21 September 2003. If it’s a fake, someone’s gone to a lot of trouble.

Now, is this the weirdest crime story you’ve heard recently? Please, links to even weirder ones!

OK, that’s set the tone for the day…

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You should stop…

Stilgherrian — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 00:39:55 +0000

This is the “best joke I’ve heard in a while”, says my friend Richard:

I went to see my doctor today. He told me I should stop masturbating.

I asked him why.

He said, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”

[Update: This joke was found at Crying all the way to the fish shop. Ta, Richard.]

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Stabbed, kept masturbating

Stilgherrian — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 09:06:57 +0000

A stab victim kept on masturbating, even though knifed twice in the shoulder. The Brisbane man, Daniel Peter Blair, took amphetamines and… well… read the story for yourself! (Hat tip to the Snarky Platypus.)