That Leena runs her own cosmetics business as well as being a prominent labour rights lawyer should hold her in good stead. But, my Beautiful Leena, you need to update your website and destroy last year’s posters.

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• Long Live the King! (5 comments)
• Another week according to Twitter (0 comments)
• “Discount anal videos” (0 comments)
• Gaydar exists! (3 comments)
• Pornography-jaded public demand new orifice (0 comments)

The most common search terms apart from my own name are still “heath ledger jokes”, “steve irwin jokes”, “used knickers” and “corey delaney”. The only ones I could see “young pussy”, “asian pussy”, “strip pork gams porn”, “sex fuck cartoon milf jimmy neutron”, “latina asian hardcore free no charge gratis porn sex amateur” and, my favourite, “deep throat black hung transsexuals no membership free access”.

[Update: Actually, there is an increase in traffic. It's not showing up in the search analysis, but that page of search terms is getting 200 visitors a day.]

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For all that Cardinal Pell, bless his little silk knickers, thinks that sex only happens between (one) man and (one) woman who are married, have the lights turned off, and are not enjoying the experience but are breeding to better the Catholic Church, actual experience proves the complete opposite. Humans have and enjoy sex in pretty much every combination that can be imagined.

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If you’re still with us, you might compare this list with Spammer’s Ode #1.

5 Random Semi-Related Posts

• My week through Twitter (2 comments)
• Child Wise’s Bernadette McMenamin on Internet filtering (24 comments)
• Face facts: Macs get malware, people look at porn (2 comments)
• Ride the Sex Train Gerbil! (5 comments)
• Conroy has the Internet filtering report… do we? (3 comments)

I take back everything negative I’ve ever said about the Hotel Cremorne. I went exploring upstairs and found a cocktail bar called “Antlers”. Antlers and cocktails? Heaven!

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On Wednesday my Twitter stream was dominated by the Politics & Technology Forum, and I’ll write more about that later. The other highlights this week:

1. MYOB continue to flood me with far too much promotional material, even when specifically requested not to. Losers.
2. People continue to install new software on the very day of its release, discover that it’s still buggy or insecure, and then complain. Do you never learn?
3. The Aurora Hotel in Surry Hills and the C Bar on the corner of Pitt and Campbell Streets in the Sydney CBD have free Wifi.
4. The comedians on stage at The Sly Fox Hotel on a Monday night are 300% more bitter & disturbed than I am.
5. There is no evidence that 17 Massachusetts schoolgirls became pregnant because of a “pregnancy pact”
6. There is not, but should be, continuous 3G or HSDPA phone coverage on the highway between Sydney and Canberra. In some places there isn’t even GSM!
7. “The 7 categorises of satedness: Food. Sexual pleasure. Alcohol. Music. Visual appeal. Amphetamines. Blue cheese. Agreed?”
8. The Concourse Bar at Wynyard Station has Coopers Ale for $4.70 a schooner and a choice of six cocktails for $7 each.
9. “Backpacking” has descended from “travel world for enrichment” to “global party by indulgent drunken arseholes”. Hence, “gas them”.
10. Automatic weapons really do solve so many everyday problems.

[Credit: Cartoon Twitter-bird courtesy of Hugh MacLeod. Like all of Hugh's cartoons published online, it's free to use.]

5 Random Semi-Related Posts

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• Enmore Autumn (1 comments)
• Why does MYOB always seem so desperate? (6 comments)
• Mute sheep means beastility goes unpunished (0 comments)
• Not happy with how the Twitter digests work (5 comments)

[T]he common stereotypes are wrong: unsurprisingly, given that pornography users make up about a third of Australian adults, they are fairly representative of the broader population, with the major exception being that fewer than one in five of the respondents were women…

Detailed analysis of the most popular Australian DVD titles shows that, even with broad definitions, fewer than 2% of scenes have any kind of violence. The total ban on violence in the Australian X-rated category seems to have worked. Another finding was that “pornography does not really objectify women more than men… On some measures, men are the more active sexual subjects… on others, it’s the women.” The Internet is a lot more diverse, but despite extensive efforts the authors managed to find not a single site with actual rape photographs, and only a handful of sites with faked ones.

There is no evidence that pornography causes harm to its users: the studies that suggest this have involved pushing pornography on non-users in artificial laboratory experiments. In contrast, there has been almost no attempts to study the beneficial effects of pornography, even though consumers overwhelmingly report positive effects…

Part 2 of the book covers issues such as censorship, and notes:

“Protecting the children” has been a rallying call for censorship for a long time. It turns out that actual child pornography — the police prefer to call it “child abuse material” — is extremely hard to find. And evidence-based education has to be central to protecting children from harm, whether from cyberstalking or contact with material they will find disturbing.

Essential reading, I’d have thought, for anyone wanting to discuss censorship of the Internet, eh Senator Conroy?

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This note, scribbled on a piece of tissue paper, was found lying in the gutter outside a house where someone had obviously just moved out.

The text reads: “I wish you a fan-fucking-tastic life! Fuck hard as if you were being filmed! Your friend, Marek.”

Now this little piece of Found Art has been sitting in my files for at least a couple of years, so I wonder whether Marek’s friend has indeed had a fan-fucking-tastic life?

I also wonder why being filmed would make you more likely to “fuck hard” — and I’m assuming here that fucking “hard” is considered to be an improvement over any other kind of fucking. Personally, I suspect I’d find the presence of the camera to interfere with my confident enjoyment of the process and lead to performance anxiety — but maybe that’s just me.

And now, the fear sets in: what sorts of comments am I going to get on this post?

It’s been a while since I posted the first Found Art object. I’ll try to choose one from the files more regularly.

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1. “Somehow I suspect book lovers feel the same way about Harry Potter as music lovers feel about Jeff Buckley.” (Alastair Rankine)
2. Overheard while walking past a house where young boys were playing noisily: “I’m the birthday boy so I have to be team leader.”
3. “Someone in my office just said ‘cyberspace’. I hope I’m not paying them.” (abacab)
4. In response to my comment, “Stilgherrian is thinking about things that geeks think about”, someone who should probably remain nameless said: “Most geeks I know think about banging Natalie Portman in a blow-up-pool filled with custard…”
5. “Stilgherrian, one day in the future, your life will confuse historians.” (Nick Hodge)

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Jaded by the sight of what it deemed “run-of-the-mill” orifices, the nation’s pornography-saturated populace released a statement Monday demanding a new bodily opening to leer at. “At this point, staring at an anus, vagina, or beckoning mouth has become so commonplace that it is no more titillating than ogling, say, the human elbow.”

Read the whole article to discover what the populace demands in its new orifice, so to speak. Hat-tip to Boing Boing.

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Maybe it’s just because I’m an Australian of A Certain Age, but I find this sign in an African grocery shop on Enmore Road rather funny. The fact that it’s “organic” is even better.

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I went to see my doctor today. He told me I should stop masturbating.

I asked him why.

He said, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”

[Update: This joke was found at Crying all the way to the fish shop. Ta, Richard.]

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As dusk fell on Perth last night, I noticed this billboard advertising Sexpo with the odd imperative: Ride the Sex Train Gerbil! Erm, OK.

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