Ah, enough.
So “satirist” now means “person who writes rambling, disjointed crap than makes no sense”? Shit, I can do that!
Disgruntled. In case you hadn’t noticed.
If you “analyse” every goddam event through the lame prism of “left” vs “right”, why not just tattoo “I’m a shallow cunt” on your forehead?
Well that was quite an interesting meeting. Off record, so no details for you lot, but it’ll emerge in due course.
I have arrived early and cleared security. At least I am on schedule today.
Yes, yes, Freedom of Speech. Now shut the fuck up.
Mobile. Light rail then heavy rail. 1215 meeting in Sydney CBD.
Wed plan: Minor administrivia; 1215 meeting Sydney CBD; supposedly some writing, if energy and inspiration allow.
Wednesday? Yeah, OK.
I really don’t care.
@paulbradshaw Please tell your student that if they think success as a journalist depends on the gadgets they buy then kill themselves now.
Allegedly.
Ah, gotta love jumped-up I’m-a-hero suburban drug dealers! So full of testosterone and bullshit!
OH: “… and they were the most powerful mushrooms in the world. Do you know what you’re getting into here?”
@unsungsongs Don’t worry about facts, the cunts will only beat you over the head with them.
Peter Black yearns for the good old days of syphilis. arseh.at/lb1 Each to their own.
Yes, the joys of writing for a living include reading Zachary King’s comment. arseh.at/lb0 Hnestly, I’m not fragile. Really. Well…
Wow. I’m a “proto-techno-hippie” apparently.
“We must metaphor on…”
Whenever someone uses the word “reinvents” in a product description a kitten commits suicide.
On hold fror the wireless…
I’ll look at tweets and reply a bit later… or not.
Shortly will talk Facebook on ABC @1057darwin. You can listen at arseh.at/5il apparently. Awaiting the call…
@jmacmullin @grantshow I am as a sponge…
In a security briefing lunch thing at Wildfire, Circular Quay. Absorbing facts and knowledge and stuff. Also, wine.
@AussieSocrates Oh? The opposite, surely? That measures of followers and tweet levels count little for spreading trends.
RT @GreenJ: @Tsagadai that’s actually @stilgherrian’s full name: Madonna Stilgherrian. [It’s true. But don’t tell anyone. Oh.]
@bullokie Oh the toxic comments atmosphere at @ABCthedrum and other news sites is easily explained. arseh.at/lat
@adm_76 Where did I indicate that I am surprised?
Ah good. Comments thread at @ABCthedrum is populated by the same selfish pricks who reckon respecting diversity is such an inconvenience.
@maggielig Happy to help. Will there be anywhere I can listen to the finished story online?
Tue plan: Quick client webby work; 1200 security briefing Circular Quay; write about same, probably; remainder TBA.
@PointZeroOne I’m in no rush for Google+. I won’t send documentation if policy requires “common name”, and can’t be displayed properly.
@AussieSocrates #twinfluencer? IMO “tw-‘” words for on-Twitter things are childish and stupid, and the whole “influence” think is bullshit.
My “Google+: What’s in a name?” is up at @ABCthedrum arseh.at/lan There’s a lot of us with one name, you know.
Well, sleeping in was a good idea for me, but not the herds of people sending me messages. Working through them…
Chewsday. Yum.
RT @Wyane: Oh yeah right. shoot the messenger. [Well, yeah, you start there, obviously, but that’s not all that’s required.]
@R_Chirgwin Oh nothing major, just that it’s a completely different network and it ignores me. But, you know, that’s probably sensible.
The internet is overrated anyway.
Ah, these internets at Lilyfield are different from previously.
Rolled-up newspapers. Ouch.
Bridges.
Tunnels.
“I’m so stupid I’ll dive naked into a river, so buy this stuff.’
Why is a Bear Grylls endorsement worth, like anything?
That’d be like neutrinos.
A tweet about some sort of calculation involving hipster factor, alcohol content and rootability.
Interacting with Japanese businessmen in the street.
I have no idea what you mean, @The_Rooster. Also, shut up, they’re watching.
Editors are lovely people and it would be a mistake to ever question whether they’d actually read your pitch. Because they are lovely.
RT @JohnBirmingham: Many suggestions from twitter were hilarious. But unusable. [That’s the 21st century, right there in that tweet.]
@expectproblems Oh hello, Expert.
Yes, yes, you play computer games. You’re Special.
RT @ibbers: 1 beer for hour the Belgians held off the Germans. [So, about a pony then. Righty-oh.]
@adm_76 Secret kittens. Secret LOGO kittens, They will haunt you in your sleep.
So, hypothetically speaking, how much Belgian beer is permitted on a Monday?
You think it’s turtles, don’t you! Well it’s not turtles. Of course it’s kittens. IT’S KITTENS ALL THE WAY DOWN!
That’s not an infographic, you stupid cunt! It’s just out-of-context yellow numbers on a grey background.
DO ANY OF YOU FUCKING PEOPLE EVEN KNOW HOW TO WORK THE INTERNET?
@jdub I have been imagining you as a little girl all afternoon.
Dear @jeamland @grantshow, please compare your mis-reads and come back when you’ve got your story straight.
@ibbers Oh good, because you can’t be too careful.
@ibbers The hyper-intelligent dolphins from Atlantis, obviously. They’ve been Sending Instructions. Do you have fillings in your teeth?
@ibbers Yeah, sure, that’ll do as an explanation if you like. It seems to cause you consternation so let’s go with it.
I really do need to get a firearms license again.
What? “Good morning, I’m wondering if I might engage with you today?” @StephenYarwood @wolfcat Who the fuck even speaks like that?
Illuminati “conspiracy theories” are hardly just “theories”, @ibbers. But if you want to live a life of ignorance, feel free.
Peter Gabriel, “Steam”. Apparently. And it’s not some gay sex-on-premises promotional song. No, it’s not. It’s not.
@quietdiscourse Sadly, antibiotics don’t “kick in”. Trust me on this.
Misplaced apostrophe fail.
@jillhill99 I have no idea what the chickens are doing. Sitting, yes, its possible I suppose.
@stemcd It’s only hard to photograph if you intend your image to be a work of fiction rather than recording reality. YMMV. ROFLBBQ. Etc.
Thanks, @jillhill99, that really does sum up my life. yfrog.com/nyu34ssj
So does Facebook use an army of cut-outs to post false guides to deleting your Facebook account, @paulwallbank?
“Reconfirming” is such an odd concept. Either it’s confirmed or it’s not.
There is something innately amusing about bees. And ducks.
RT @abcmarkscott: Julian Morrow is now giving evidence to the Senate inquiry about ABC programming. [Next, sheep with evidence on abbatoir.]
Thingowhatsit story filed, via the email dooverlackie.
Yes, email subject lines are an intelligence test. Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention.
Back to writing, finally.
@rycrozier Nah, it’s only 2 visits and the tooth is definitely dead. There is… history.
Root canal required, eh? Whacko.
Awaiting the dentist.
And that’s the wireless done with today. I think.
On hold for the wireless… again…
Next up, @abcgoldcoast at 1035 or 1040 AEST to talk more Facebook. Listen in at arseh.at/8gb as they say.
Ah, l’esprit de l’escalier! Le sigh.
Well that was a bit different from the main angle I expected. More “Why are we so compelled to stay connected all the time?”
On hold for the wireless…
Was there an unbalanced quote mark in my last tweet? Why didn’t Twitter crash?
New “Patch Monday” podcast: Cyberwar: back to basics” with @nphair arseh.at/l9s
Today’s first radio spot talking Facebook is @ABCMidNorthNSW at 1010 AEST. They don’t appear to have the internets streamed.
Radio spots changed. It’s now 1010 ABC North Coast NSW and 1040 ABC Gold Coast, talking Facebook. More time for writing now. Handy.
New blog post: “Weekly Wrap 68: Bad shoulder, with inquisitive rosellas” arseh.at/l9n
Oh. I hope that today’s “Patch Monday” podcast is perfect, because I just deleted all the production files rather than backing them up.
New blog poast: “Talking Facebook on ABC 666 Canberra”, with audio. arseh.at/l9l
Science has determined that my shoulder is much improved today. I like science.
Mon plan: Writing; 0940 & 1010 radio spots; 1220 dentist Darlinghurst; more writing, probably; quiet night, probably.
Monday, as it happens. I am experiencing it live.
Trying to remember why Jaron Lanier was in my dream last night.
Telstra NextG data rate in Potts Point right now: 200kbps download, fuckedifI’mwaiting upload. Maybe if we chipped in to but a cell…
Sun plan: Potter at the desk; a little writing, both for me and for others; 1600 record “Patch Monday” podcast, then produce & package.
Slumday.
Bandwidth fail in Potts Point. Recording rescheduled to tomorrow.
Sat plan: 1030 record interview for “Patch Monday” podcast; avoid everything else until tomorrow.
Sadderday. Kinda.
I think I OH interesting things, @ret56fe @area51research, because I listen rather than have headphones on all the time.
Ah, they’re Broncos fans.
OH: “Of course I didn’t write her fucking love letters. I can’t even read.”
OH: “Why didn’t he have a shit before he come? He knows it’s a big occasion. His problem is he doesn’t know how ti wipe his arse properly.”
OH: “11? That’s got to be the worst TV station in the world.”
OH: “My mum is trying to put him [6yo] into the movies business, what’s it called? Acting and shit.”
OH: “We’re meeting Steve, but we’re about 100 drinks behind so we won’t be able to stand him.”
Oh look! Another train! I shall board it.
RT @dahowlett: OpenGraph = Zuck owns yer farts and will monetize them. Next step: ‘liking’ someone’s funeral arrangements.
@jplonie “More hair, less weight and a suit”? So he’s my double how? Assuming it’s a “he”…
Pondering refreshment, dinner and accommodation choices.
Fatuousness pays the rent, @jasonlangenauer, don’t knock it.
@rubyfriday Yeah ABC @666canberra has started referring to me as a “minor internet celebrity” for some reason. Ask @elerimai.
And that’s Canberra done. MOAR RADIOZ on Monday morning, but I’ll worry about that later.
Melbourne done, now on hold for ABC @666canberra…
On hold for ABC @774melbourne…
These radio spots will be coming live from The Central Hotel, Blacktown. Staying classy.
That’ll be followed by ABC @666canberra at 1730 AEST, also on Facebook. Listen to that one at arseh.at/7y9
Talking Facebook on ABC @774melbourne at 1710 AEST, listen in at arseh.at/897
bennyfactor Seriously, look at this. He looks like a knock-off urban Rachel Maddow. I mean, I like Maddow but she’s not a 16yo boy pic.twitter.com/nRT0UMXY
Mobile.
I haven’t dug into Facebook’s “follow” rather than “friend”, @brightcarvings, that’s one potential gotcha. And trusting 3rd party access.
Fri plan, mid-arvo edition: 1535 train from Wentworth Falls; break at Blacktown, probably, to do ABC radio spots; resume journey to Sydney.
Me at Crikey: “Hey Facebook, we want to share, but this is ridiculous” arseh.at/l8g
@piawaugh I can’t really offer a price must for the rest of today, Friday arvo stabbiness could win. /cc @NewtonMark
All pretty much true, @grantshow.
RT @grantshow: I read these updates as ‘Crickey! Story filed’ as if you’re exclaiming that you made it in the nick of time, and are bogan.
@NewtonMark @piawaugh “I’ll give you $20 if you don’t stab anyone today”?
Crikey story filed. Kinda.
Thoughts tumble, some many of them, and yet they are not yet turning into coherent paragraphs. Too much blank space on the screen. I pace.
And now, to figure out what Mr Zuckerberg’s latest brainfart signifies for humanity. And write upon it. Without swearing.
Fri plan, unordered: Write two things; catch the train to Sydney; lock in “Patch Monday” recording for tomorrow; clear comms backlog.
@derekbradley I’ve found it’s easier just to assume people haven’t clicked through… ;)
RT @lukehopewell: Woo. @engochick giving us her rendition of Friday in the office. #gottagetdown [Sometimes 100km distance is just right…]
As I’m sure you saw in the brief article, @derekbradley, there wasn’t an explicit list of what was counted. Still, folks love this bullshit.
“90% of all time on social networks is spent on Facebook.” arseh.at/l87
Improving my start to the day by enjoying the gloriously Soviet retro-futurism of these Ekranoplans. arseh.at/l85
Fridache.
Who is that ranty old crank on the radio? Oh. Dick Smith.
RT @franksting: I feel like plugging a mouse.
RT @NanoPunk: “violates the Google+ Community Standards or Names Policy” No clear reason [Google really is clueless about due process.]
Google continues its “suspend first, ask questions later, maybe, if ever” policy. arseh.at/l7a
I like “latte smearing”, but I’d have hyphenated it.
@R_Chirgwin I haven’t set fire to anything so far today, so it’s going well.
Mobile: Walk the dirt track and Railway Pde to Wentworth Falls; The Grand View Hotel for lunch; shopping; return.
“Australia’s cyber warfare warning” by @nphair arseh.at/l71
Oh you people are just grubby! @jeamland @dobes @expectproblems
It seems that Member for Bradfield @paulwfletcher has me over a barrel, so to speak. Details in Crikey’s lunchtime email.
This week’s @NBN_Buzz is a fine summary of the NBN price debate, not only ‘cos I’m quoted a bunch. arseh.at/l6y
@DokterW Yep, I’ve enjoyed it do much my shoulder is aching again. I should not be writing so much.
Indeed, @R_Chirgwin, I wrote a thing about organisations paying for their web development with our privacy. arseh.at/72t
@DokterW By and large, we’re on the same page, I think.
@DokterW “Why do you hate Freedom?”, eh? ;) Democracy’s more subtle than a dictatorship of the 51%, I’d have thought.
I’m quite worried, @DokterW, when government uses Facebook, allowing them to track us citizens in ways government wouldn’t be allowed.
@DokterW Oh yes. I have a stock phrase. “I think I’d like to know more, but I can do so without having to tell my life to Facebook?”
@DokterW Usage stats don’t show whether people “had an issue”, only whether they didn’t know or caved in or whatever.
@DokterW It’s generally OK to exclude minorities, then, as long as most people are happy? Not sure I like that…
@DokterW If your sporting team uses Google+ or Facebook to coordinate, say, it’s all or nothing. [Worded poorly, sorry.]
@DokterW I believe you’re seeing this as a purely commercial issue, “shop elsewhere”. But what about the social issues?
@DokterW Erm, you pay for Facebook with data-mining access to your personal life. And look how much they can make from it.
@GreensMPs Calling Bob Brown a doorstop, how rude!
RT @zdnetaustralia: RIM sitting on 800,000 PlayBooks: report bit.ly/nVua6D #PlayBook [Well, RIM can’t afford chairs any more.]
@NanoPunk Oh I gave up wading through all the shit. It’s bad enough Google’s tonguing that tech-co-slut will.i.am anyway.
@NanoPunk It would seem Vic Gundotra stopped deleting comments when he was called out on it. He really is a piece of work.
@wraptinweb I think it’s easy to believe, actually. I’ve explained what would’ve happened until now.
Google’s Hypocrite in Chief Vic Gundotra welcomes G+profile of “will.i.am .”, deletes complaints. Prick. arseh.at/l6v
Thu plan: Tidy “desk”, email, task list to remove crises; tidy house; Wentworth Falls for late lunch, errands, beer #1; remainder TBA.
RT @caseyjohnellis: lol at how they buried security in the features/benefits list… [Yeah, I’ll ask them about that.]
RT @jplonie: But you know the security issue they are fixing is the previous one. [Orly? I’ll admit I’ve lost track. Ta.]
New blog post: “Adobe Flash and the very definition of irony”. Still laughing. arseh.at/l6s /cc @LiamT
Waiting for the codeine to work.
“A faster, simpler alternative might have been to hold his head down a toilet till the kicking stopped.” arseh.at/l6l
Problem is, most news sites haven’t learned the basic lesson of commenter communities. arseh.at/l6r /cc @akent @ozdj @PeteDotAscian
Another slow start, thanks to continuing but slowly improving shoulder pain. Pondering how much work to commit to today.
+100 RT @akent: I’m thinking some kind of browser extension to hide the comments — “67 stupid people said something dumb about this”
Honestly, news sites don’t need a whole commenting system, just a button marked “Yes, I am stupid” that people can press repeatedly.
Fursday. You can rub my tummy.
@bbedit Well yes, but you make your own choices about your consumptions of psychotropics. ;)
@HappySinger Oh thank you. Well, I hope we see similar interest in my soon-to-be-announced cuntspiking.
@ret56fe It’s 600 lines of PHP. It needs about as much optimisation a a nativity play. No, I don’t know what that means either.
@cocaine_ I believe I have been using BBEdit since version 1… which is distressing.
@HappySinger Oh don’t listen to what stupid old faggot has to say!
Well that’s quite enough programmifying for today. I’ve broken the back of it, only a bit of tidying tomorrow.
@en_gy @stufromoz @jasonlangenauer I have a blog post coming soon, “The art and science of #cuntspiking”.
Whenever I see “$PHP_SELF” I think of dildos. True. Well, ish.
@cocaine_ I’ll write my own code, thank you very much. I’m not leaving it to no machine.
@cocaine_ Dreamweaver? What the fuck for? No, I am using my dear old friend BBEdit.
If at first you don’t succeed, MOAR DIVS!
@craigspry I’ve always found willful ignorance to be deeply unsettling. #sentencesthatmakeyousoundold
@grantshow It’s lovely, yes. “Orthogonal is such a woody word.”
Fair point. Most people don’t realise how farking complicated this stuff is.
The problem with only working with code occasionally is that you have to keep looking up everything you can’t quite remember. Slow.