Stilgherrian (@stilgherrian)

Wentworth Falls NSW AU

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @stilgherrian ever

November 2011

RT @SnarkyPlatypus: Marriage activists > all of them combined. [Yeah, that there.]

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I’m not sure what’s worse. Furries, anti-vaccination activists or file-format zealots.

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* All drug references are for satirical purposes only and in no way reflect the metabolic state of the alien penguin marauders.

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RT @jonoabroad: To be clear, you are cutting lines at the dinner table? [If. Fucking. Only. Also, I fixed your typing. You’re welcome.]

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Hmmm… I must catch the 0837 to Sydney at the very latest tomorrow. I’m now officially conflicted.

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No no, I’ve got past the c-word, @fireworkspr. I’ve done quite a bit actually. @matthewlandauer and his cronies are the real problem.

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@SnarkyPlatypus Actually writing in bed is bad. It’s not good for my back. I may finish the first cut here at the dining table.

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@miss_shiny Please note, I did not do the 2-hour journey today. Nor yesterday.

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@miss_shiny Katoomba back to Wentworth Falls is 9 minutes. But as it happens we’re 2 hours from Sydney.

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Hmmm… Shall I finish this script or shall I go to bed?

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And… I’m back at Bunjaree Cottages, where the rain has finally started after two days of not-fit-for-purpose weather “forecasts”.

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So…. I got the 2124 train… and currently stand in the incipient rain awaiting automotive assistance.

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@SnarkyPlatypus So this “bonus vodka:” is like the Baby Bonus?

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@VirginAustralia Good work on the Twitters, but if I wanted to fly 350 people I’d charter, not use RPT. ;) @jkerrstevens @chrisbrownie

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@SnarkyPlatypus Please explain this concept of “bonus vodka”.

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Well no, @jkerrstevens, I don’t think Virgin Australia counts as private jet. Not quite.

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Uhoh. Hypocrite alert. London-Manchester is 50km further than Sydney-Canberra, which I’ve flown 4 times this month. /cc @jkerrstevens

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WTF @jkerrstevens? A private jet to Manchester from… where? England’s only as big as from here to the other end of the bar!

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Dear ASIO, start looking here and work outwards, handing what you find to your SEKRIT Hit Squad. furry.org.au

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NO @PointZeroOne DO NOT EVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT FURRIES OR THEY WILL INFECT YOUR WEBSITE WITH STUPID! arseh.at/54e

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Just so everyone knows, I didn’t aim for the 1824, I ordered a pizza, I’m still writing the script, and the barman thinks it’s cool.

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Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I have just opened Pandora’s fucking box, haven’t I!

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People who organise “themed” parties deserve their own special place in Hell. FFS, we can enjoy each other’s company without daft gimmicks.

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OK, decision time. Bolt this cider to get the 1824 train? Or relax, keep writing here (yeah right), and catch the 1924 train?

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@en_gy I couldn’t figure out what that website was all about. Perhaps you could explain with diagrams.

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@en_gy I have clicked through now, OK? And disturbed only a few people in this respectable public house.

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Belay that, @thepatus. It’s something ‘tween me and the tubes.

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Uhoh. arseh.at is down. Ping @thepatus

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@BernardKeane Maybe you could do something with Robbie the Robot?

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Apparently at The Big Day Out in 1994 there was a performer called Björk. arseh.at/on7

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Two of the other words in the first 42 are “Gerry” and “Harvey”, so I’m guessing it’ll be OK.

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RT @mpesce: @stilgherrian Quiet, you! [Oh, if I had a dollar for every time someone’s said that!]

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Wondering whether using the c-word 3 times in the first 42 words of this script is at all excessive.

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@mpesce “The Human Centipede” invalidates everything you just said.

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[shrugs] Worth a try.

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Just checking’); DROP TABLE Tweets; —

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@stilgherrian @EmuAnon I’ve found that combining the words “counting and “tequila shots” never, ever works.

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There’s only so many things you can do with apples and alcohol, @EmuAnon @expectproblems.

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I just noticed that the browser tab next to the one with that awful article is the Wikipedia entry for “Firebombing”. Firefox knows.

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@expectproblems It is Cider of the Month here at wherever it is that I am. For $8.50.

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Westons Premium Cider, established 1880. arseh.at/on4

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RT @nanopunk: @timehhh Where’s my rushing elves? [Down their K-hole?]

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Angry, @drunkenmadman? This highly informative article about social media will calm you. Contains zero* stupidity. arseh.at/olg

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OH: “It’s amazing going through your whole life not knowing your Zen and then everything comes together: meeting promoters, getting gigs…”

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No, Microsoft Word, please do not be “correcting” my spelling from “Super Hornets” to “super horny”. Well, not in this document.

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Tomorrow I’m on this cloudy panel thing in Sydney and on the internets. arseh.at/oej

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@sophblack Beetroot is very, very important.

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RT @BernardKeane: Can’t you use Robbie the Robot instead? [I can possibly make this work, yes. If not, there’s a 2-minute monologue done.]

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For those that didn’t read @BernardKeane yet: “The Coalition’s creature from the economic id, Barnaby Joyce…” arseh.at/on1

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Oh fuck you, @BernardKeane! I wanted to use that “Forbidden Planet” reference for something else this evening. Still, yours is very good…

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It is, as you say @sophblack, with the lot. The hamburger that is, yes. And there’s is now glorious grease ALL OVER ALL OF THE THINGS.

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That guy there with the Sydney Uni Elite Athlete Program t-shirt? Clearly stolen.

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@EmuAnon Nah, I didn’t get a single meaningful response to my query. Mind you, it didn’t rain either.

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RT @thetowncrier: Fine, but don’t touch us with your sticky fingers. [And you used to like it… [sulks]]

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I am going to read @crikey_news while eating a hamburger. Then I shall have one drink. And then I shall return to the cottages, to write.

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@DDsD See also: Raising kids on Thomas the Tank Engine.

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Did I see today that Australia’s defence forces will replace Windows XP “by 2014”? In other news, musket upgrade program begins 2015.

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Mobile: Walk dirt track then Railway Pde to Wentworth Falls; 1500 train to Katoomba; remainder TBA, but you’ll see it unfold.

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Look, I have already showered and panted-up [lovely term], @life42 @adamson @LovesagoodRant @jonoabroad, SO SETTLE DOWN!

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@R_Chirgwin Erm, Justice Annabelle [coughs] BENNETT. She of the excellent power-fashions.

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@garthk I’m assuming you saw this, which needs to be promulgated across America now that their weekend is over? arseh.at/odu

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Tempted to auto-delete all emails that have “cloud” in the subject line.

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@erkpod No rain at Katoomba yet. Radar indicates I’ll probably get to Wentworth Falls station before the rain does.

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I am going to have a shower now. And then put on pants. And then go to Katoomba. In that order.

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RT @theburgerman: “Watch a first kiss between virgins that will make you never want to have sex again”: j.mp/sGu3DI [All too true.]

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@NikitaBombita @expectproblems A little from Column A, a little from Column B… All hail Eris!

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Essential ingredients for “The 9pm Edict” research: Twitter; vodka; methylmorphine [look it up]; YouTube, bandwidth; deep, deep bitterness.

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RT @umairh: Aaargh invasion of the corporate post pointless work party zombies. [This is a universal phenomenon, it seems.]

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RT @chrisberg: @jonkudelka dawkins doesn’t need to be cited, he’s everywhere and everything. [Like herpes. See also: militant atheists.]

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Mind you, a sensible working assumption would be that the Sharks wouldn’t have any players left, right?

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Imagine the furore if Cronulla Sharks dumped a player because he slept with a man. And yet a gay-only sports team… arseh.at/omq

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Wait. Marinated chicken is a common law offence now, @expectproblems @NikitaBombita?

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OH: “Maybe they’re post-ironic faggots.”

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In an earlier tweet, please replace “2001” with “2011”. Also, the same thing with my entire life.

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Sexuality, @SnarkyPlatypus? No, gay isn’t a sexuality. It’s a haircut and a variety of irritating nasal whine, logged for market research.

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RT @darrenpauli: if noone feeds the beast it will die and wither away. [Sadly, no. The “statistics” just get bigger and more lurid.]

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Please note, in my previous tweet the word “awesome” was used in its 2001 sense of “possible mildly interesting”.

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Awesome! Let’s all vote on who’s gay and who’s not gay! Mob rule FTW! arseh.at/omq HT @JohnSafran

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@thebreg Who is Matt Cowan? Why is he so clearly addicted to Kool-Aid and Bullshit? Facebook a tech company my arse! What “tech” can I buy?

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I’ll be kind today, @darrenpauli, and not name them. I’ve already given them a massive serve this year.

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Deleting yet another media release full of self-serving “survey” results, poor logic, and dodgy statistical analysis.

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RT @mukimu: How do you like them Apples? RT @zdnetaustralia: Court overturns injunction against Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1

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Photographing receipts. It’s for my expenses claims, but it feels more spooky.

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RT @joshgnosis: It’s in court today. They had to extend it a day. [I stand corrected. Ah, such fun!]

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Decent catch-up summary of AFACT vs iiNet from @joshgnosis before it hits the High Court tomorrow. arseh.at/omj

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@1057darwin Happy to chat any time! I should’ve gone that goose over that lame old “Twitter is for twits” line. Have a good break.

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An inquiry into “media ethics”? Well that shouldn’t take long…

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@EnsignR I forgot to say, yes, logger tapes, thanks. And there’s also media monitoring firms. But I’m not desperate to archive my stuff.

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@mpesce @rod3000 How dare you doubt my ability to be an “historian”!

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Submissions to Australian government’s inquiry into a “right to privacy” are starting to appear online. arseh.at/omi

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Right. Time for another coffee and the putting on of some pants.

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Thank you, @Verbacacious @jodiem, it’s always fun being an Instant Expert. Should’ve blasted that arsehat pollie about Twitter though.

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And… we’re done on the radio. I didn’t record that one either, it seems, ‘cos my phone decided to keep the voice link up and limit data.

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Oh another old bloke moaning about the internets destroying communication. THE NORTHERN TERRITORY DISCOVERS 1995!

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“Twitter users are twits”, eh? THIS GUY IS SO GONE NOW!

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NT pollie on air now doesn’t know that “relative” does not mean “relevant”. Twat.

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stemcd @stilgherrian Finally, a cogent theory explaining how Dr Brendan Nelson became Opposition Leader. It’s only taken 4 years.

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Oh I am seriously NOT going to introduce them to Tub Girl, @michaelmeloni! Not before lunch, anyway.

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On hold for ABC @1057darwin to talk Downfall parodies and internet stuff. Listen in at arseh.at/5il

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Oh, he was the local president of the Australian Medical Association. From memory, constant whinging is pretty much their mission statement.

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RT @ZaraBaxter: But crocs go “tick tock” not “nyan!” [THIS IS WHY WE INVENTED THE TWITTER!]

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WHAT DID HE JUST SAY??!?!1!!? Oh. “Cost shifting.” I misheard.

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I’m hearing the staple of talk radio on ABC @1057darwin right now: a middle-aged man moaning about something. My turn will be soon.

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The world is indeed ready for Nyan Croc, @liamvhogan, and a better one than this one! youtu.be/lPAB-QnrK1I

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Wondering what internet memes to tell the NT punters about, apart from the Downfall videos.

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“[NT] CLP blames Labor for Hitler parody”, and doesn’t understand the Streisand Effect, it seems. arseh.at/omf

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Wed plan, belated: Lazyish day, ‘cos Insomnia bited hard last night; possible wander to Katoomba; plod through comms backlog.

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Apparently someone did a Downfall parody of current Northern Territory politics, but it’s now been taken down.

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Uhoh. @jasonlangenauer has found the worstest articler evah! HOW MANY KINDS OF STUPID ARE IN THIS? arseh.at/olg

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I am going to Wednesday all the things on ABC @1057darwin at 1100 AEDT / 1030 ACST, you can listen at arseh.at/5il

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RT @jeamland: IT’S WEDNESDAY AS HELL AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE! [Oh that’s much, much better. Sigh.]

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IT IS WEDNESDAY AND I AM GOING TO FORCE YOU TO FACE THAT FACT!

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Insomnia cannot be cured with casual racism, unconvincing model effects and wooden acting. Pax Britannia!

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@sylmobile Thanks. I’m amazed at the macro quality in the bee photo. It’s not exactly a high-end camera.

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New blog post, late: “Weekly Wrap 77: Canberra, infosec, Chinese and bees” arseh.at/oko

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@jasonlangenauer When I did computing science it was general knowledge that the halting problem could be solved if only you had enough LSD.

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@R_Chirgwin That’s OK, I have another plan. If you have enough pear cider your blood it tastes like fruit and mosquitoes hate it.

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@jasonlangenauer You’re not counting the not-stopping thing as difficult then? Or is that just exasperating?

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@R_Chirgwin There’s chemical agents for dealing with intruders like rats, mice, ants and wrinkled shirts, but nothing for airborne threats.

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“These pictures might be different…” flic.kr/p/8H3dAB

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@R_Chirgwin Is there an approved Die You Bastard Cunt Mosquitoes chemical, device of kinetic weapon?

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@jasonlangenauer You are somewhat behind the times. I blame caching.

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If you’re staying at Bunjaree Cottages any time soon, just remember: I have been handling the “clean” towels.

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New blog post: “Latest video: Aromatherpy (sic)” arseh.at/okg

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@miss_shiny Alas, the compliment is highly dependent on one’s relationship with @R_Chirgwin’s laundry.

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Ah, rediscovering some of my random photography: “Danger, Children of Putney, Danger” flic.kr/p/8ad1vC

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@R_Chirgwin @oberonsghost The sound I just did was one I just heard, but then… do we have geckos up here?

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@R_Chirgwin @oberonsghost “Perron’s Tree Frog”? Is that “Whirr-irr-it whirr-irr-irr-irr-it. Whirr-irr-it whirr-irr-irr-irr-it”?

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RT @oberonsghost: @R_Chirgwin ….breck-ke-kex ko-ax ko-ax……ko-ax [I bet you say that to all the boys…]

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There’s not many who can say they’re amply serviced by frogs, @R_Chirgwin, with the possible exception of Kylie Minogue.

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Full @media140au panel Digital Anonymity now online with @jessradio @karalee_ @Wrays @jkerrison arseh.at/oke

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@R_Chirgwin I suspect the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is down by the dam, ‘cos there’s so many bugs to be blatted there.

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I know where your towels are at, @R_Chirgwin, you hoopy frood!

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Oh here’s the train back quickly change the subject.

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Uhoh that’ll get back.

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RT @SBSNews: SBS’ Insight program is looking for creative, experienced television producers bit.ly/uYFinR [And about time, too!]

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@leslienassar A SMEG-Buster app is a Grand Public Service and you deserve an Order of Australia for it.

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“Could you photoshop it so that I look like less of an asshole?” arseh.at/ojt

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Hail cue jokes, @BernardKeane! “A priest and a pedant were waiting at the bus stop…”

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Oh. This is definitely not the Marine Boy I remember… 마린보이! arseh.at/oj0

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Whitstable Oyster Company just offered me USD 7k monthly salary + 10% commission for receiving / performing wire transfers. Looks easy.

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Pic: Campbell Newman conducts LNP team bonding exercise. arseh.at/oiz

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How dare you people link to the ALP Draft National Platform without providing clear warning! Some of us have delicate stomachs.

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@peterhau No, it hadn’t occurred to me at all. /cc @nanopunk @dr_nic @bengrubb

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PitcherJenna RT @dr_nic: Please help @bengrubb procure a small child RT @bengrubb: We’re looking for a toddler who uses an iPad. jonathan.swan@smh.com.au

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@R_Chirgwin It’s still bright and sunny here at… Katoomba. I’ll be heading back soon. Operation Towel Rescue will be launched.

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Of course, @SnarkyPlatypus, being a radio expert is performing-seal stuff. You hear your name, you talk the same old bullet points.

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Done on the radio. It seems I forgot to press the “record” button properly. So my words have been lost in time. Like tears in rain.

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I’m on @abcgoldcoast 1615 AEDT / 1515 AEST [15 mins or so] talking exploding iPhone / holiday cybersafety. Listen at arseh.at/8gb

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Thinking I may have to declare an Edict on the subject of entitlement.

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We need population growth, @benrhughes? [cough] Refugees? [cough] Oh, sorry. White middle-class population. Working in nursing homes. Wait.

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Arriving at Katoomba. Thinking lunch, then drink, then @abcgoldcoast spot.

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RT @Pollytics LOW INCOME WORKERS SHOULD PAY FOR MY POST BREEDING RECREATION PROGRAM! <pretty much sums it up> [This!]

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Culture of fucking entitlement much!

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Do we really want government to be Rich Uncle Vincent, handing out red envelopes at every life event of note?

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So if I get you right, @WakeinFright, nursing home staffing is best solved by Moar Random Infants? I spot a few gaps in that plan…

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@MiaFreedman Explain to me again why “having a baby”, a perfectly everyday event, needs a “bonus” at all?

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@DeanBarnett Possibly you’re confusing Wentworth Falls with Waterfall?

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Surrounded by yellow flowers.

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It certainly smells like it will rain soon. Very quiet in the scrubland.

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Mobile: Walk dirt track then Railway Pde to Wentworth Falls; making the rest up as I go along, depending on hunger and thirst levels.

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I’m on @abcgoldcoast at 1615 AEDT / 1515 AEST talking exploding iPhones and holiday cybersafety. Listen at arseh.at/8gb

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Hmmm… Nearly 2pm. I should find some pants. And then find somewhere within 20km still serving lunch. Slack Tuesday is failing.

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Being emailed cheap deals for hotels in Bangkok.

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This is a seriously important tech breakthrough! arseh.at/oig

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Making inappropriate suggestions. Though there’s always the chance…

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@R_Chirgwin That Ethernet-over-Power thingo, did you get that working by any chance? I didn’t get a Round Tuit.

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RT: Wanted: Upper Blue Mountains location with northerly view and a decent bar to watch incoming rain this afternoon / evening.

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@bernyoung I have respondified to your internet letter, but it was full of links so it may have been spamerated.

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RT @electric589: I’ve always suspected the ‘freedom from porn’ was knowingly marketing. A selling point, esp. in middle-America. [Agreed.]

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@ApostrophePong Yeah the wind noise is a bit severe. You need a Dead Kitten!

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“If … you never have ice cubes in your freezer, be sure that your son is freezing the anal caverns of other men.” arseh.at/oic

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@expectproblems You’re offering your laundry as a drinking venue?

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@dananimal As it happens I am this throwing those exact questions back at the client.

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I see @ApostrophePong has found yet another way for Bangkok to kill you going about your everyday business. youtu.be/hJY37UcamqM

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Wanted: Upper Blue Mountains location with northerly view and a decent bar to watch incoming rain this afternoon / evening.

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RT @nanopunk: Skyrimming bit.ly/uhw11y [So, “Skyrim” and an unexplained link from @nanopunk. Am I brave enough?]

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YouTube-then-embed is indeed workable and suitably lazy, @Sephyre, but not in this case. Resolution is important, I’m told.

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So how are the smart kids putting still-image slideshows with an audio track into WordPress these days?

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Thu plan, belated, unordered: Catch up on “paperwork”; catch up on blog posts; find somewhere nice to watch the rain arrive; drink there.

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Wait? There’s a web browser in iDevices, @NewtonMark @expectproblems? I should try this web thing. I hear it’s even better than AOL.

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MT @expectproblems: I suspect Farmville has done more damage to our society as a whole than pornography has. [WE CAN MEASURE THIS!]

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Steve Jobs apparently believed a great many things, @expectproblems. “Freedom from pornography” has to be one of the most daftest.

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RT @charispalmer: Yes, but the baby bonus has been cut - how will we populate our nation!!!!! [There’s an app for that but Apple banned it.]

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Numbers about “the economy” always sound big WHEN YOU FORGET TO DIVIDE BY 22.8 MILLION!

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RT @charispalmer: So the deficit just blew out to $37 billion [Doesn’t seem much. $1600pp? Compare credit card debt!]

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Today’s forecast up here: 26C, shower or two developing. Tomorrow: 24C, a few storms and showers. Yum. I’ll sort some images and audio.

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Stretch. Chewsday. Having slept in, much-neededly. Let’s be reasonable about this.

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“We’re about to hand the nuclear codes to a guy who, every now and then, loses it so bad he needs sat-nav to find his own nipples.”

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“If he does hear you saying that he’ll fuck you harder than Ron Jeremy and with less warmth.”

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A: “Be there or be square!” B: “I can do both.”

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@sylmobile Recorded with Zoom H4n (onboard mics, 44.1kHz 24-bit), normalised in Reaper, render to MP3 (22.050kHz, 16-bit ca320bps).

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