Thud.
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: Marriage activists > all of them combined. [Yeah, that there.]
I’m not sure what’s worse. Furries, anti-vaccination activists or file-format zealots.
* All drug references are for satirical purposes only and in no way reflect the metabolic state of the alien penguin marauders.
RT @jonoabroad: To be clear, you are cutting lines at the dinner table? [If. Fucking. Only. Also, I fixed your typing. You’re welcome.]
Hmmm… I must catch the 0837 to Sydney at the very latest tomorrow. I’m now officially conflicted.
No no, I’ve got past the c-word, @fireworkspr. I’ve done quite a bit actually. @matthewlandauer and his cronies are the real problem.
@SnarkyPlatypus Actually writing in bed is bad. It’s not good for my back. I may finish the first cut here at the dining table.
@miss_shiny Please note, I did not do the 2-hour journey today. Nor yesterday.
@SnarkyPlatypus Um, sequentially or simultaneously?
@miss_shiny Katoomba back to Wentworth Falls is 9 minutes. But as it happens we’re 2 hours from Sydney.
Hmmm… Shall I finish this script or shall I go to bed?
And… I’m back at Bunjaree Cottages, where the rain has finally started after two days of not-fit-for-purpose weather “forecasts”.
So…. I got the 2124 train… and currently stand in the incipient rain awaiting automotive assistance.
Shoosh.
Uhoh.
@SnarkyPlatypus So this “bonus vodka:” is like the Baby Bonus?
@VirginAustralia Good work on the Twitters, but if I wanted to fly 350 people I’d charter, not use RPT. ;) @jkerrstevens @chrisbrownie
@SnarkyPlatypus Please explain this concept of “bonus vodka”.
Well no, @jkerrstevens, I don’t think Virgin Australia counts as private jet. Not quite.
Uhoh. Hypocrite alert. London-Manchester is 50km further than Sydney-Canberra, which I’ve flown 4 times this month. /cc @jkerrstevens
WTF @jkerrstevens? A private jet to Manchester from… where? England’s only as big as from here to the other end of the bar!
Dear ASIO, start looking here and work outwards, handing what you find to your SEKRIT Hit Squad. furry.org.au
NO @PointZeroOne DO NOT EVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT FURRIES OR THEY WILL INFECT YOUR WEBSITE WITH STUPID! arseh.at/54e
Just so everyone knows, I didn’t aim for the 1824, I ordered a pizza, I’m still writing the script, and the barman thinks it’s cool.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I have just opened Pandora’s fucking box, haven’t I!
People who organise “themed” parties deserve their own special place in Hell. FFS, we can enjoy each other’s company without daft gimmicks.
OK, decision time. Bolt this cider to get the 1824 train? Or relax, keep writing here (yeah right), and catch the 1924 train?
@en_gy I couldn’t figure out what that website was all about. Perhaps you could explain with diagrams.
@en_gy I have clicked through now, OK? And disturbed only a few people in this respectable public house.
Belay that, @thepatus. It’s something ‘tween me and the tubes.
Uhoh. arseh.at is down. Ping @thepatus
@BernardKeane Maybe you could do something with Robbie the Robot?
Apparently at The Big Day Out in 1994 there was a performer called Bjöarseh.at/on7U5yy
@expectproblems Oh you know I don’t do Python!
Two of the other words in the first 42 are “Gerry” and “Harvey”, so I’m guessing it’ll be OK.
RT @mpesce: @stilgherrian Quiet, you! [Oh, if I had a dollar for every time someone’s said that!]
Wondering whether using the c-word 3 times in the first 42 words of this script is at all excessive.
@mpesce “The Human Centipede” invalidates everything you just said.
[shrugs] Worth a try.
Just checking’); DROP TABLE Tweets; —
@stilgherrian @EmuAnon I’ve found that combining the words “counting and “tequila shots” never, ever works.
There’s only so many things you can do with apples and alcohol, @EmuAnon @expectproblems.
I just noticed that the browser tab next to the one with that awful #SMEG article is the Wikipedia entry for “Firebombing”. Firefox knows.
@expectproblems It is Cider of the Month here at wherever it is that I am. For $8.50.
Westons Premium Cider, established 1880. arseh.at/on4
Angry, @drunkenmadman? This highly informative article about social media will calm you. Contains zero* stupidity. arseh.at/olg
OH: “It’s amazing going through your whole life not knowing your Zen and then everything comes together: meeting promoters, getting gigs…”
No, Microsoft Word, please do not be “correcting” my spelling from “Super Hornets” to “super horny”. Well, not in this document.
Tomorrow I’m on this cloudy panel thing in Sydney and on the internets. arseh.at/oej #zdnetlive
@sophblack Beetroot is very, very important.
RT @BernardKeane: Can’t you use Robbie the Robot instead? [I can possibly make this work, yes. If not, there’s a 2-minute monologue done.]
For those that didn’t read @BernardKeane yet: “The Coalition’s creature from the economic id, Barnaby Joyce…” arseh.at/on1
Oh fuck you, @BernardKeane! I wanted to use that “Forbidden Planet” reference for something else this evening. Still, yours is very good…
It is, as you say @sophblack, with the lot. The hamburger that is, yes. And there’s is now glorious grease ALL OVER ALL OF THE THINGS.
That guy there with the Sydney Uni Elite Athlete Program t-shirt? Clearly stolen.
@EmuAnon Nah, I didn’t get a single meaningful response to my query. Mind you, it didn’t rain either.
RT @thetowncrier: Fine, but don’t touch us with your sticky fingers. [And you used to like it… [sulks]]
I am going to read @crikey_news while eating a hamburger. Then I shall have one drink. And then I shall return to the cottages, to write.
@DDsD See also: Raising kids on Thomas the Tank Engine.
Did I see today that Australia’s defence forces will replace Windows XP “by 2014”? In other news, musket upgrade program begins 2015.
Mobile: Walk dirt track then Railway Pde to Wentworth Falls; 1500 train to Katoomba; remainder TBA, but you’ll see it unfold.
Look, I have already showered and panted-up [lovely term], @life42 @adamson @LovesagoodRant @jonoabroad, SO SETTLE DOWN!
@R_Chirgwin Erm, Justice Annabelle [coughs] BENNETT. She of the excellent power-fashions.
@garthk I’m assuming you saw this, which needs to be promulgated across America now that their weekend is over? arseh.at/odu
Tempted to auto-delete all emails that have “cloud” in the subject line.
@erkpod No rain at Katoomba yet. Radar indicates I’ll probably get to Wentworth Falls station before the rain does.
I am going to have a shower now. And then put on pants. And then go to Katoomba. In that order.
RT @theburgerman: “Watch a first kiss between virgins that will make you never want to have sex again”: j.mp/sGu3DI [All too true.]
@NikitaBombita @expectproblems A little from Column A, a little from Column B… All hail Eris!
Essential ingredients for “The 9pm Edict” research: Twitter; vodka; methylmorphine [look it up]; YouTube, bandwidth; deep, deep bitterness.
RT @umairh: Aaargh invasion of the corporate post pointless work party zombies. [This is a universal phenomenon, it seems.]
RT @chrisberg: @jonkudelka dawkins doesn’t need to be cited, he’s everywhere and everything. [Like herpes. See also: militant atheists.]
Mind you, a sensible working assumption would be that the Sharks wouldn’t have any players left, right? #compulsoryjoke
Imagine the furore if Cronulla Sharks dumped a player because he slept with a man. And yet a gay-only sports team… arseh.at/omq
Wait. Marinated chicken is a common law offence now, @expectproblems @NikitaBombita?
OH: “Maybe they’re post-ironic faggots.”
In an earlier tweet, please replace “2001” with “2011”. Also, the same thing with my entire life.
Sexuality, @SnarkyPlatypus? No, gay isn’t a sexuality. It’s a haircut and a variety of irritating nasal whine, logged for market research.
RT @darrenpauli: if noone feeds the beast it will die and wither away. [Sadly, no. The “statistics” just get bigger and more lurid.]
Please note, in my previous tweet the word “awesome” was used in its 2001 sense of “possible mildly interesting”.
Awesome! Let’s all vote on who’s gay and who’s not gay! Mob rule FTW! arseh.at/omq HT @JohnSafran
@thebreg Who is Matt Cowan? Why is he so clearly addicted to Kool-Aid and Bullshit? Facebook a tech company my arse! What “tech” can I buy?
I’ll be kind today, @darrenpauli, and not name them. I’ve already given them a massive serve this year.
Deleting yet another media release full of self-serving “survey” results, poor logic, and dodgy statistical analysis.
RT @mukimu: How do you like them Apples? RT @zdnetaustralia: Court overturns injunction against Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 #applesamsung
Photographing receipts. It’s for my expenses claims, but it feels more spooky.
RT @joshgnosis: It’s in court today. They had to extend it a day. #iitrial [I stand corrected. Ah, such fun!]
Decent catch-up summary of AFACT vs iiNet from @joshgnosis before it hits the High Court tomorrow. arseh.at/omj #iitrial
@1057darwin Happy to chat any time! I should’ve gone that goose over that lame old “Twitter is for twits” line. Have a good break.
An inquiry into “media ethics”? Well that shouldn’t take long…
@EnsignR I forgot to say, yes, logger tapes, thanks. And there’s also media monitoring firms. But I’m not desperate to archive my stuff.
Submissions to Australian government’s inquiry into a “right to privacy” are starting to appear online. arseh.at/omi
Right. Time for another coffee and the putting on of some pants.
Thank you, @Verbacacious @jodiem, it’s always fun being an Instant Expert. Should’ve blasted that arsehat pollie about Twitter though.
And… we’re done on the radio. I didn’t record that one either, it seems, ‘cos my phone decided to keep the voice link up and limit data.
HERE WE GO…
Oh another old bloke moaning about the internets destroying communication. THE NORTHERN TERRITORY DISCOVERS 1995!
“Twitter users are twits”, eh? THIS GUY IS SO GONE NOW!
NT pollie on air now doesn’t know that “relative” does not mean “relevant”. Twat.
stemcd @stilgherrian Finally, a cogent theory explaining how Dr Brendan Nelson became Opposition Leader. It’s only taken 4 years.
Oh I am seriously NOT going to introduce them to Tub Girl, @michaelmeloni! Not before lunch, anyway.
On hold for ABC @1057darwin to talk Downfall parodies and internet stuff. Listen in at arseh.at/5il
Oh, he was the local president of the Australian Medical Association. From memory, constant whinging is pretty much their mission statement.
RT @ZaraBaxter: But crocs go “tick tock” not “nyan!” #ConfusedJapaneseCritterSounds [THIS IS WHY WE INVENTED THE TWITTER!]
WHAT DID HE JUST SAY??!?!1!!? Oh. “Cost shifting.” I misheard.
I’m hearing the staple of talk radio on ABC @1057darwin right now: a middle-aged man moaning about something. My turn will be soon.
The world is indeed ready for Nyan Croc, @liamvhogan, and a better one than this one! youtu.be/lPAB-QnrK1I
Wondering what internet memes to tell the NT punters about, apart from the Downfall videos.
“[NT] CLP blames Labor for Hitler parody”, and doesn’t understand the Streisand Effect, it seems. arseh.at/omf
Wed plan, belated: Lazyish day, ‘cos Insomnia bited hard last night; possible wander to Katoomba; plod through comms backlog.
Apparently someone did a Downfall parody of current Northern Territory politics, but it’s now been taken down.
Uhoh. @jasonlangenauer has found the worstest #SMEG articler evah! HOW MANY KINDS OF STUPID ARE IN THIS? arseh.at/olg
I am going to Wednesday all the things on ABC @1057darwin at 1100 AEDT / 1030 ACST, you can listen at arseh.at/5il
RT @jeamland: IT’S WEDNESDAY AS HELL AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE! [Oh that’s much, much better. Sigh.]
IT IS WEDNESDAY AND I AM GOING TO FORCE YOU TO FACE THAT FACT!
Insomnia cannot be cured with casual racism, unconvincing model effects and wooden acting. Pax Britannia!
@sylmobile Thanks. I’m amazed at the macro quality in the bee photo. It’s not exactly a high-end camera.
New blog post, late: “Weekly Wrap 77: Canberra, infosec, Chinese and bees” arseh.at/oko
@jasonlangenauer When I did computing science it was general knowledge that the halting problem could be solved if only you had enough LSD.
@R_Chirgwin That’s OK, I have another plan. If you have enough pear cider your blood it tastes like fruit and mosquitoes hate it.
@jasonlangenauer You’re not counting the not-stopping thing as difficult then? Or is that just exasperating?
@R_Chirgwin There’s chemical agents for dealing with intruders like rats, mice, ants and wrinkled shirts, but nothing for airborne threats.
“These pictures might be different…” flic.kr/p/8H3dAB
@R_Chirgwin Is there an approved Die You Bastard Cunt Mosquitoes chemical, device of kinetic weapon?
@jasonlangenauer You are somewhat behind the times. I blame caching.
If you’re staying at Bunjaree Cottages any time soon, just remember: I have been handling the “clean” towels.
New blog post: “Latest video: Aromatherpy (sic)” arseh.at/okg
@miss_shiny Alas, the compliment is highly dependent on one’s relationship with @R_Chirgwin’s laundry.
Ah, rediscovering some of my random photography: “Danger, Children of Putney, Danger” flic.kr/p/8ad1vC
@R_Chirgwin @oberonsghost The sound I just did was one I just heard, but then… do we have geckos up here?
@R_Chirgwin @oberonsghost “Perron’s Tree Frog”? Is that “Whirr-irr-it whirr-irr-irr-irr-it. Whirr-irr-it whirr-irr-irr-irr-it”?
RT @oberonsghost: @R_Chirgwin ….breck-ke-kex ko-ax ko-ax……ko-ax [I bet you say that to all the boys…]
There’s not many who can say they’re amply serviced by frogs, @R_Chirgwin, with the possible exception of Kylie Minogue.
Full @media140au panel Digital Anonymity now online with @jessradio @karalee_ @Wrays @jkerrison arseh.at/oke #media140
@R_Chirgwin I suspect the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is down by the dam, ‘cos there’s so many bugs to be blatted there.
I know where your towels are at, @R_Chirgwin, you hoopy frood!
Oh here’s the train back quickly change the subject.
Uhoh that’ll get back.
RT @SBSNews: SBS’ Insight program is looking for creative, experienced television producers bit.ly/uYFinR [And about time, too!]
@leslienassar A SMEG-Buster app is a Grand Public Service and you deserve an Order of Australia for it. #SMEG
“Could you photoshop it so that I look like less of an asshole?” arseh.at/ojt
Hail cue jokes, @BernardKeane! “A priest and a pedant were waiting at the bus stop…”
Oh. This is definitely not the Marine Boy I remember… 마린arseh.at/oj0S9DhaFKd
Whitstable Oyster Company just offered me USD 7k monthly salary + 10% commission for receiving / performing wire transfers. Looks easy.
Pic: Campbell Newman conducts LNP team bonding exercise. arseh.at/oiz
How dare you people link to the ALP Draft National Platform without providing clear warning! Some of us have delicate stomachs.
PitcherJenna RT @dr_nic: Please help @bengrubb procure a small child RT @bengrubb: We’re looking for a toddler who uses an iPad. jonathan.swan@smh.com.au
@R_Chirgwin It’s still bright and sunny here at… Katoomba. I’ll be heading back soon. Operation Towel Rescue will be launched.
Of course, @SnarkyPlatypus, being a radio expert is performing-seal stuff. You hear your name, you talk the same old bullet points.
Done on the radio. It seems I forgot to press the “record” button properly. So my words have been lost in time. Like tears in rain.
On hold for @abcgoldcoast …
I’m on @abcgoldcoast 1615 AEDT / 1515 AEST [15 mins or so] talking exploding iPhone / holiday cybersafety. Listen at arseh.at/8gb
Thinking I may have to declare an Edict on the subject of entitlement.
We need population growth, @benrhughes? [cough] Refugees? [cough] Oh, sorry. White middle-class population. Working in nursing homes. Wait.
Arriving at Katoomba. Thinking lunch, then drink, then @abcgoldcoast spot.
RT @Pollytics LOW INCOME WORKERS SHOULD PAY FOR MY POST BREEDING RECREATION PROGRAM! <pretty much sums it up> [This!]
Culture of fucking entitlement much!
Do we really want government to be Rich Uncle Vincent, handing out red envelopes at every life event of note?
So if I get you right, @WakeinFright, nursing home staffing is best solved by Moar Random Infants? I spot a few gaps in that plan…
@MiaFreedman Explain to me again why “having a baby”, a perfectly everyday event, needs a “bonus” at all?
@DeanBarnett Possibly you’re confusing Wentworth Falls with Waterfall?
Surrounded by yellow flowers.
It certainly smells like it will rain soon. Very quiet in the scrubland.
Mobile: Walk dirt track then Railway Pde to Wentworth Falls; making the rest up as I go along, depending on hunger and thirst levels.
I’m on @abcgoldcoast at 1615 AEDT / 1515 AEST talking exploding iPhones and holiday cybersafety. Listen at arseh.at/8gb
Hmmm… Nearly 2pm. I should find some pants. And then find somewhere within 20km still serving lunch. Slack Tuesday is failing.
Being emailed cheap deals for hotels in Bangkok.
This is a seriously important tech breakthrough! arseh.at/oig
Bugger.
Making inappropriate suggestions. Though there’s always the chance…
@R_Chirgwin That Ethernet-over-Power thingo, did you get that working by any chance? I didn’t get a Round Tuit.
RT: Wanted: Upper Blue Mountains location with northerly view and a decent bar to watch incoming rain this afternoon / evening.
@bernyoung I have respondified to your internet letter, but it was full of links so it may have been spamerated.
RT @electric589: I’ve always suspected the ‘freedom from porn’ was knowingly marketing. A selling point, esp. in middle-America. [Agreed.]
@ApostrophePong Yeah the wind noise is a bit severe. You need a Dead Kitten!
“If … you never have ice cubes in your freezer, be sure that your son is freezing the anal caverns of other men.” arseh.at/oic
@expectproblems You’re offering your laundry as a drinking venue?
@dananimal As it happens I am this throwing those exact questions back at the client.
I see @ApostrophePong has found yet another way for Bangkok to kill you going about your everyday business. youtu.be/hJY37UcamqM
Wanted: Upper Blue Mountains location with northerly view and a decent bar to watch incoming rain this afternoon / evening.
RT @NanoPunk: Skyrimming http://t.co/btFmLcXF [So, “Skyrim” and an unexplained link from @NanoPunk. Am I brave enough?]
YouTube-then-embed is indeed workable and suitably lazy, @Sephyre, but not in this case. Resolution is important, I’m told.
So how are the smart kids putting still-image slideshows with an audio track into WordPress these days?
Thu plan, belated, unordered: Catch up on “paperwork”; catch up on blog posts; find somewhere nice to watch the rain arrive; drink there.
Wait? There’s a web browser in iDevices, @NewtonMark @expectproblems? I should try this web thing. I hear it’s even better than AOL.
MT @expectproblems: I suspect Farmville has done more damage to our society as a whole than pornography has. [WE CAN MEASURE THIS!]
Steve Jobs apparently believed a great many things, @expectproblems. “Freedom from pornography” has to be one of the most daftest.
RT @charispalmer: Yes, but the baby bonus has been cut - how will we populate our nation!!!!! [There’s an app for that but Apple banned it.]
Numbers about “the economy” always sound big WHEN YOU FORGET TO DIVIDE BY 22.8 MILLION!
RT @charispalmer: So the deficit just blew out to $37 billion #keepcalmandcarryon [Doesn’t seem much. $1600pp? Compare credit card debt!]
Today’s forecast up here: 26C, shower or two developing. Tomorrow: 24C, a few storms and showers. Yum. I’ll sort some images and audio.
Stretch. Chewsday. Having slept in, much-neededly. Let’s be reasonable about this.
“We’re about to hand the nuclear codes to a guy who, every now and then, loses it so bad he needs sat-nav to find his own nipples.”
“If he does hear you saying that he’ll fuck you harder than Ron Jeremy and with less warmth.”
A: “Be there or be square!” B: “I can do both.”
@sylmobile Recorded with Zoom H4n (onboard mics, 44.1kHz 24-bit), normalised in Reaper, render to MP3 (22.050kHz, 16-bit ca320bps).