What is measured, exists.
@jeremysear Possibly I haven’t conveyed the temporal aspect of my meaning.
Anyone who pins on a badge and says they agree with whatever package of worldviews is currently so badged is an unimaginably vast fuckwit.
I assume there’ll be arsehats who imagine my last tweet means I support Labor or The Greens or whoever. They’d be very big arsehats indeed.
That is not a prayer to any god, of course, but to those to fill the Liberal party room, an altogether different creature.
If we must be governed by a party whose ideology disagrees, at least let it be led by a man with whom we’d be comfortable breaking bread.
And note the admiration for @TurnbullMalcolm from those on his side? Do watch for anything even similar for @TonyAbbottMHR in coming weeks.
Those trained in reading body language should read @TonyAbbottMHR’s in response to @TurnbullMalcolm’s dig some 9m55s into the video.
Those who said @TurnbullMalcolm’s tribute to R Hughes and @GreenJ’s essay upon same were glorious spoke the truth. http://t.co/Ufy9o51R
RT @RandomTEDTalks: Second Life, Where Anything Is A Supermassive Black Hole [Heh. More true than Truth itself.]
@lewellyn We should indeed do drinks or something. I shall be in touch close to the dates, once I decide where I’m staying from Thursday.
@lewellyn I arrive SFO on Sun 26 Aug and fly out SJC on Mon 3 Sep. Thu to Mon is as yet completely unplanned.
Why was the Home Affairs minister interrogated as if a ship’s captain choosing “safety of crew” and “head to land” is somehow bad?
Note to self: Tokay is a fortified wine, m’kay?
“Spicy sausage”?
“Chorizo”?
How long does it take to post a letter from the Blue Mountains to Orkney? (I don’t even believe I have to ask that!)
RT @torrentfreak: Kim Dotcom Must Be Allowed To See FBI Evidence Against Him, Court Rules dlvr.it/20wt7T [We needed a court for that?]
I’ve no clear picture of what happened, but deep in my heart I know I want to buy @franksting a nice big drink and shake his hand.
mrspeaker My email: “… or we could do it programmatically”. My spell checker: “Do you mean ‘problematically’?”. Hmm, yes, probably.
Thank you, @NetPresident @laurenetrim @caseyjohnellis @AngeleneFay @PointZeroOne @thespurofthings, we have a clear consensus.
NewtonMark The #X51A Waverider is another example of the fact that there are more airplanes at the bottom of the ocean than submarines in the sky.
@GreenJ What? And destroy the fantasies of thousands of gay men? Or, possibly, enhance them?
@lewellyn Careful, matey, I’m in CA in about ten days…
Is it too early to start on the wine and cheese?
The entire world discovered masturbation in the eighties. Consider the hairstyles alone. #kajagoogoo
What IS it with me today?
Discovering the word “flâneur” at your age, particularly YOU, is like discovering masturbation in your eighties. A lot like it, in fact.
@igbtys @lif_au @ozdj Yes, out of 643 MILLION passengers per year. Not quite as tiny as one in a million, but close. http://t.co/jqWRJUlp
Germany: Facebook must destroy facial recognition database, opt-out violates EU law. http://t.co/HVFUW88V HT @counternotions/ @craigthomler
@manaz_d @VEvents Where’d I indicate surprise? I’ve dealt extensively with MYOB for clients. Dumped them 5y ago, dropped client work 3y ago.
@tomatom How many pigs? How many trotters? Work up from there as with any other noun phrase.
RT @ABCenvironment: Bilbies unexpectedly found on WA/NT border bit.ly/PqZiIN #australia #animals [IRREGULARS! STOP THE BILBIES!]
@smperris @R_Chirgwin Not the official access road to @bunjaree, but the one that cuts through 30m of Alex’s private property as signposted.
I commend unto you Melissa Parke MP’s speech on asylum seekers. Not a polished performance, but one with a conscience. http://t.co/7QgkH6Rt
Wine? Check. Cheese? Check. Crackers? Check. I am now prepared for this evening’s Assange-related bullshit. Oh wait. No heroin. Damn.
@R_Chirgwin Alex’s new culvert is awesome. #notaeuphemism
@R_Chirgwin I’ll kinda miss the cab drivers living in fear of their entire car disappearing into a pothole though.
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: Let us never associate Tony Abbott with anal sex ever again [The Platypus speaks truth.]
Civil Works Foreman, Blue Mountains City Council instagr.am/p/OYSl6OiFtK/
Behold, @R_Chirgwin, the latest in civil engineering! instagr.am/p/OYSJYICFs9/
OMFG! BMCC has gravelled and graded Frenchmans Road! Ping @R_ChirgwinÂ
@feed_the_chooks Play @yarratrams some Robert Fripp, that’ll sort ‘em out.
“Porno once” WTF? Pronounced!
Perhaps it’s porno once “huh-WHINE”.
Yeah look all these vowels are costing us money instagr.am/p/OYQY7yCFsZ/
@phbarratt Have politicians ever been able to do arithmetic?
Maybe The Grand View Hotel can help me. They’re my only hope. Well, apart from D’Vine Cellars.
RT @SnarkyPlatypus You can’t escape webinars. [But you can outgun them.]
I need some Incentivation.
So, so tired.
I think I might start spending the afternoons in MYOB’s QA department. The bourbon must be bloody cheap.
VEvents *screams* MYOB has NO facility to enable businesses to upload all their current data to the Cloud software. It has to be entered MANUALLY!
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: Why isn’t there a meme yet for Nicola Roxon looking disappointed at you? [Ping @firstdogonmoon and the internet.]
Crossing the Nepean instagr.am/p/OYJoDHCFpl/
@elronxenu This has nothing to do with quiet carriages. It’s about him. That face. That expression. That inability to shave properly. Punch.
That reminds me. I still haven’t dealt with the BBC World Service for dissing me on the weekend. What is their email address?
@SnarkyPlatypus I did my early radio training with Gabrielle Carey.
snurb_dot_info Just got a call _claiming_ to be from @melbourneit, asking to renew my domain name by giving card details on the phone. Very dubious…
“I’ve been tricked!”
@BernardK We live in desperate times…
@GreenJ That would be a long queue indeed! It might even be the cue for laughter.
@mishaketch @ConversationEDU I can see that we might end up having to build a corral for the coral.
Yeah look, it has come to this. [Deep breath] For a non-loopy version of Assange / Ecuador / London try Guy Rundle. http://t.co/lYzc9JZ9
@jeamland @ConcupiscentGuy Snerk!
@jdub @BernardKeane Yeah, that’s what I said.
@jeamland @ConcupiscentGuy I’ll halt now. It’s fun but I wouldn’t put all ny exit one basket.
If you see this man on a train, you are required to punch him instagr.am/p/OYE4iLiFnf/
RT @BernardKeane So who’s DDOSing aph.gov.au then? [Morons who object to democratic process, usually.]
@jeamland @ConcupiscentGuy top idea. ps, I fg the jobs but I can ping you after I sleep. If you still fsck’n care.
Why yes, please add yet another custom URL shortener to your toolset so yet another bunch of unknown bastards can track everything I read.
@jeamland @ConcupiscentGuy Shell be right, right? Or do I need to biff you?
@ConcupiscentGuy @jeamland Who sed that?
MT @jeamland I am firmly of the opinion that Perl causes scabies.
@ndrwR It was a he. And no she wasn’t.
Is Margaret Thatcher still Prime Minister over there? Or that abandoned teddy bear chap I saw on TV? I’m really not up to speed.
Don’t worry, folks, I’ll be on the very next train out of town.
Yes. Yes it is. instagr.am/p/OYAI7MCFlR/
Pro Tip: Whatever big-picture cause you support, it is vital to abandon critical thinking about your own attitudes to this issue.
@piecritic Damn shame. I guess it’ll have to be a matter of slow and steady improvement. Bon Chance, Monsieur!
RT @piecritic: I think today I will buy absinthe and drink all of it. [And Australian politics will be 73% better for it. Please proceed.]
OH: “I need to get my hands on some of Edgar Allen Poe’s work.” YES, IT IS SUCH A DIFFICULT CHALLENGE.
@intrepidfear @SnarkyPlatypus Actually, spending $150k on a wankfest could be… um, oh never mind.
RT @feed_the_chooks: “I want a thin-crust pizza, extra mozza, a little chilli and HOLD THE BUGS.” [So that’s Domino’s ruled out…]
No, Crowdfunding Fans, we don’t need no stinking ACCC interfering with our Glorious Sparkly Future! indiegogo.com/lifemeanswhat HT @SnarkyPlatypus
@manne0411 Which international law has the UK violated so far? And where did I ever say they had that right should they choose? Sheesh!
SisterMorphine @Idealaw @stilgherrian Maybe the police presence is all just a horrible misunderstanding. I hear pizza delivery is a dangerous business…
RT @Idealaw: @stilgherrian And also, will Julian ever actually get his pizza? [HEY @ABCNews24 HAVE YOU GOT SOMEONE ON THIS?]
@willemrt Well The Met is, as one would expect, saying precisely nothing about a current operational matter. As, indeed, is fine by me.
@gusworldau Focus on the door, not the drawer. After all, you don’t look at the mantlepiece when you’re stoking the fire.
RT @SwearengenCD: “Team” is just another way of spelling “meat”. [HT @jonoabroad Ping @SnarkyPlatypus]
I hereby call upon the world’s news media to address the critical shortage of baseless speculation about what is happening in London.
@wikileaks Well, with all due respect, Mr Assange has now presumably breached bail conditions. So he IS a fugitive from the law.
@CameronAtfield @Slate And which “official” announced this? White House? Island Records? UN Twitter Influence Agency?
You may think this a tad disproportionate to apprehend a man wanted to assist .se police with their enquiries. I couldn’t possibly comment.
@willozap Are you crossing the Kevent Horizon?
@KarlMayerhofer Please pass on to your brother my admiration for his stamina and self-control.
@jayrosen_nyu “NYU’s Jay Rosen advocates dropping the ‘factual’ requirement from journalism.” So, like that?
Welcome to the Attention Economy. Please turn your speakers to 11. https://t.co/oubF4iDG Ping @feed_the_chooks @PeteDotAscian
Stainless Steel Crash Bolandicoot!
Analysis of the audio suggests I should answer in the negative.
Hold on, I just need to check something with Gina, Clive and Mr Branson… instagr.am/p/OX38LXiFvX/
RT @jonoabroad @stilgherrian why are you wiring that building with explosives? [That’s not important right now, Bulwinkle.]
BREAKING! RT @smh: Cubic Corporation inks deal to produce new Robert Fripp video.
So at Newtown High School of the Performing Arts, in which year do they teach the boys that annoying nasal whine?
Progress, Sweetness Version instagr.am/p/OX2Xw2iFud/
Progress instagr.am/p/OX2PlmiFuU/
For some reason I seem to be Possessed by Wrong today.
@BernardKeane Giving him a creaming, are they?
RT @feed_the_chooks They’ve got nothing on Robert Fripp. [It wouldn’t be hard to fabricate the necessary evidence. No-one would suspect.]
RT @leslienassar Quick, everyone. OUTRAGE HARDER!
RT @newsdotcomHQ ASSANGE THREAT: Mum says it’s an act of war http://t.co/HKFANN1J [You left out “noted international lawyer”.]
RT @0x1C @stilgherrian You mean your panties don’t match your hair? Rookie. [I stand corrected.]
For those who aspire to be tossers… instagr.am/p/OX0TLcCFsn/
Mobile: Check out; errand to Newtown / Enmore, which may include lunch; train to Wentworth Falls; remainder TBA.
RT @ApostrophePong: Street whaling in Bangkok instagr.am/p/OXzBgQPGED/
My legal team has advised me that this would perhaps be an excellent time to adjourn for lunch, should Your Honour agree.
Uhoh.
RT @en_gy: @stilgherrian @SnarkyPlatypus Ah yes, #CopsAreTops [Not in my experience.]
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: The UK police penetrating things? I’ve seen that DVD [The Platypus speaks truth.]
RT @bernietb: Why hasn’t anyone asked Warren Truss what he thinks about this whole thing? [Ping @GreenJ.]
@Sephyre I just RTd @jonathonio’s comment, but with @smh’s deployment of the Memory Hole these days who can tell? Trust? My arse…
@adamgdunn @jonathonio Yes I know that. But I care even less until it’s all over. Microreportage is bullshit.
BREAKING! RT @smh: Cubic Corporation has stormed Ecuador’s embassy.
Some questions answer themselves, I suppose…
RT @jonathonio: Why is the SMH the only news source I can find reporting that British police have raided the Ecuadorian embassy?
RT @godaisies: A gorgeous digital library about Australian pests with HQ photos: http://t.co/rwRVatOg #webdesign [Doesn’t list Assange?]
Full Circle estimates that 0.03% of Australia’s GDP is telcos over-charging their customers. $480M a year. http://t.co/UkNwI8qb
sunili BABUSHKA EMBASSIES! YES! RT @domknight: So can the whole of the Ecuadorian Embassy now seek asylum in a larger embassy?
RT @mrgrumpystephen: @stilgherrian Bewitched? [Yes, that’s the one, Tabitha.]
WARNING: “Cloud in a Vault” (CiaV) is now a thing. We have entered that Zone that they did that black and white TV program about.
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: I can Twitter effectively while doing everything else half-arsedly. [The Platypus speaks truth.]
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: #CBF has hit too early here today. I think I need a carafe of Bloody Marys to counter this. [The Platypus speaks truth.]
Joe Ludwig keeps sending me emails about farms. Oh wait.
Setting up a mail filter rule: Is the important/urgent flag set? Route straight to trash.
Check his recommendations! “We’re watching you: why the government should focus on cybersecurity, not surveillance” https://t.co/iH1GyMWU
Plotting something unusual involving a Thai Princess. #notaeuphemism
I seem to be seeing only about half of the @replies that are sent to me. Just a FYI on why I may appear unresponsive. Well, one reason.
mishaketch Just received confirmation from Malcolm Fraser’s office that @MalcolmFraser12 is the former PM. Pleased he’s on twitter.
I wouldn’t openly call for @expectproblems to be put to death, but… you know.
RT @intrepidfear: @stilgherrian @mpesce Sex Industry really does drive technology to new and exciting places. [Next week’s “Patch Monday”.]
@mpesce Coinage rights on HYPERBORDELLO please.
“Prostitutes Turn Airbnb Apartment Into Brothel” http://t.co/dczjW4pk Ping @mpesce
@Idealaw Followed by “man with knife becomes instant surgeon”. God, I love the future!
RT @Idealaw: And so a guy with a mobile phone becomes instant journalist [At least till his phone goes flat I guess] bambuser.com/v/2905136
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: It’s a Dell computer so you can’t treat it in a civil manner.
Thu plan, v2: Clear comms backlog; minor client webby works; errand to Newtown/Enmore; return to Wentworth Falls; research and the like.
@jonoabroad You may live, Earthling.
@mpesce No, just breathing heavily?
GreenJ i do envy Greg Sheridan his sense of utter, unimpeachable certainty. he must be good at rose pruning i reckon.
RT @bubbiting: @stilgherrian Soon that embassy will be girt by police vans [Oh! Oh! Oh! I think I love you!]
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: ‘Besieged’ is a better term to use. [Possibly. But we’re dealing with folks who think anyone with a camera is “spying”.]
@BwBBKK @Skellor @Colvinius “ITV reporting police”? There is such a thing? A boundary’s been crossed there! Who pays them?
I was then going to make a joke about Roxon and penetration testers, but thought better of it. /cc @ruxcon
Just be aware, folks, @ruxcon and Roxon are not the same thing.
I HAVE SURROUNDED THE CHEESE PLATTER.
“A second large red police van has arrived to surround the Ecuadorian embassy”. So previously it was “surrounded” by, um, one van? Arsehats.
Poached pears with blue cheese.
@SnarkyPlatypus Only have 2000 words. It’ll be difficult to include ALL the sub-plots we discussed. But I sketched it out under the shower.
Bloody internet people you are FORCING me to make use of the #cheeseplatter this morning it is outrageous. #buffetbuffethippo
Who ARE these arsehats?
WE HAVE INVENTED A NEW THING AND IT HAS A BUZZWORD SO YOU ARE JUST A RELIC OF THE PAST AND WE ARE ALL HONEST PEOPLE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.
HAHAHAHAHA. “Crowdfunding pioneers” are so funny. “Let’s just collect money for ill-defined purposes how dare you have, like, rules.”
RT @dr_nic: A ball peen hammer, obviously RT @stilgherrian What is a Dick Smith and what sort of hammer does one use? [Obviously. Bravo.]
Oh. With that tweet I probably blackballed myself for life from the International Current Affairs Satire Writers Cabal.
The great thing about doing jokes about the news is that you don’t actually have to read the news first. People fill in the gaps themselves.
RT @mpesce: Nearly there pic.twitter.com/odTbZCug [Yeah, I mean sod “I have a dream…”]
RT @chrisberg we can no longer call ourselves a free people if dick smith cannot put a paid insert in the newspaper of someone he criticises
I am starting to suspect that I’m not helping.
So is @Clarke_Melissa that chick on the TV, or a Twitter p0rn bot? You decide.
Clarke_Melissa Well @BreakfastNews viewers, we asked on your behalf - Malcolm Fraser has refused to confirm or deny that he is @MalcolmFraser12
What is a Dick Smith and what sort of hammer does one use?
Today on “I’m an Instant Fucking Expert”, the verb “to storm”. Because media diversity.
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: Fred Nile is such a bullshit Christian.
RT @MylesPeterson: Fairfax Media *prints* its missing-in-action #Trapwire correction - #fairfaxofthefuture pic.twitter.com/OMnK45ue
You will please be stop referring to this phenomenon as The Merging.
So Salesforce has launched Salesforce Communities, private whitebox social networks for business. http://t.co/uYgV3hTf
What is WRONG with the Australian Labor Party? Why is everything it does somebody else’s fault? FFS man up, you pricks! The sheilas too.
RT @chris23: @stilgherrian @mpesce Fartcast! [So this is either perfection itself of a reason to commit homicide. Possibly both.]
@bastardsheep Alas, I can’t do a candlelit dinner tonight. I must return to the Blue Mountains and deal with some personal chores.
Thu plan, v1: Breakfast, then plan out a day in Sydney. Who needs to meet me this week? Who’s taking me to lunch? Otherwise it’s writing.
RT @intrepidfear: @stilgherrian you might want to consider a Thursday plan first [Oh. Yeah. Thanks to you and @mspecht.]
@RealNickHodge Sure. @mpesce knows all the old farts of the internet. @mpesce is the Molly Meldrum of the Internet. (He’s gonna kill me.)
Tue plan, v1: Breakfast, then plan out a day in Sydney. Who needs to meet me this week? Who’s taking me to lunch? Otherwise it’s writing.
There’s evidence to suggest @mpesce and I could win with a regular podcast of two old farts talking about the internet with guest farts.
@SnarkyPlatypus Bonjour. Je suis heureux de dire ce que Les Étapes sont source d’inspiration ma journée. Et vous?
RT @TheOnion: Area Woman’s Hair Always Wet onion.com/N0UXfB
I’d very much like to thank those who RTd or otherwise supported those thoughts last night. Maybe there is still some hope.
RT me: “So Ms Gillard, about the concentration camps you just authorised… remember what these blokes fought for?” http://t.co/JucrsHNi
Oatmeal Help me raise money to buy Nikola Tesla’s old laboratory is.gd/3hQ94c
Good morning, Surry Hills instagr.am/p/OXQKuZiFiK/