Stilgherrian (@stilgherrian)

Wentworth Falls NSW AU

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @stilgherrian ever

December 2012

Filled with emptiness.

via Janetter for Mac

@ndrewg Oh yes. The list. I suppose I should post that somewhere.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to ndrewg

@SnarkyPlatypus Bonjour. Les choses ne sont pas comme elles devraient l’être. Autant de choses. Et vous?

via Janetter for Mac in reply to SnarkyPlatypus

@gattaca @myrcurial Um, I don’t think people need to be warned against having sex with a blender.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to gattaca

Apple Pie wasn’t on the list, @gattaca @myrcurial? Neither were rotary blenders or sharks.

via Janetter for Mac

RT @myrcurial: Watching @stilgherrian lose his mind is very entertaining. [Yeah, people have said this before.]

via Janetter for Mac

@ApostrophePong Thank you, but that was exhausting. Enough for one night.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to ApostrophePong

Anyone who has ever written for TechCrunch.

via Janetter for Mac

Formula 1 race drivers, and members of their immediate family older than 11 years.

via Janetter for Mac

The developers of Microsoft Sharepoint.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever used the words “embrace”, “next-generation” or “disrupt” in a press release.

via Janetter for Mac

Rupert Murdoch. Unless you’re black.

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Any member of any trad jazz band ever. Unless they’re black.

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Unless they’re really, really hot.

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Anyone who thinks that the programming language Python’s use of whitespace as meaningful syntax is a good thing.

via Janetter for Mac

Any medical practitioner who has prescribed SSRI anti-depressants to anyone under the age of 18 years.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who helped construct those TV sets.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever been a set designer for a US television talk show that airs or aired later than 10.30pm Eastern Time.

via Janetter for Mac

Star Trek fans, any series.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever created a parody Twitter account.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever bought a season ticket to the Australian Opera, or thought about doing so.

via Janetter for Mac

Leigh Sales, but only because it shown a complete lack of respect.

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Ayn Rand, whether alive or dead.

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Anyone who has ever written a sentence beginning “According to Ayn Rand…”

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Anyone who has ever played the trombone.

via Janetter for Mac

Unpasteurised cheese.

via Janetter for Mac

Dugongs and/or manatees, unless you are in a lifeboat from a properly licensed merchant vessel that has sunk at least 48 hours previously.

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Salt-water crocodiles (unless you’re a current or former staffer of @TheNTNews).

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who knew who Alain de Botton is without having to resort to Google.

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Alain de Botton’s progeny, unto the seventh generation.

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Senator Eric Abetz, unless you’re a bit drunk.

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Channel Ten’s weather presenter whatever the cunt’s name is Christ I can’t stand him so I can’t imagine sex with him well I can but yeah no.

via Janetter for Mac

Japanese nuclear safety inspectors.

via Janetter for Mac

Those little porcelain dolls you often see in second-hand shops.

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Squid with a tentacle length greater than 30cm.

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Anyone whose Twitter bio includes “SEO”.

via Janetter for Mac

The writers of the BBC TV series “Spooks”.

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Hotel managers in any city in the Central Asian Republics, excluding hotels in Baku built before 27 March 1954.

via Janetter for Mac

Any prostitute who charges less than $150 per hour (excluding cab fares for outcalls).

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone whose genitals appear to be inflamed or discoloured.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who smells faintly of aniseed, no matter what their “explanation”.

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Michelle Grattan. Ditto.

via Janetter for Mac

George Woodroffe Goyder (1826-1898), Surveyor-General of South Australia from 1861, BECAUSE HE’S DEAD YOU SICK BASTARDS.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever given money to anyone or anything via Kickstarter.

via Janetter for Mac

The short camels. Llamas or alpacas or whatever the fuck they’re called.

via Janetter for Mac

The cast and crew of “Home and Away”, past and present, except for that one guy I won’t be telling you about tonight.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who follows @stephenfry on Twitter.

via Janetter for Mac

Nobel Prize Laureates younger than 45 years of age.

via Janetter for Mac

Jon Bon Jovi, whether he’s waxed his chest or not.

via Janetter for Mac

Richard Wilkins, unless he is dead.

via Janetter for Mac

Crew members of any passenger ship of more than 10,000 metric tons gross tonnage below the rank of midshipman.

via Janetter for Mac

Members of the Thai royal family, unless you have previously presented a morning program on Adelaide television.

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Current members of 3 Battalion, Royal Australian Regiment.

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Your own mother. Unless you’re Greek.

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The Dalai Lama, who really is the Bono of Buddhism.

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Shannon Noll, unless you’ve got particularly good drugs.

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That guy I met in Perth who works for a certain Asian airline because he really is a dull root and you’ll wish you’d never installed Grindr.

via Janetter for Mac

Any member of Sugababes, past or present.

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The Deputy Commissioner of Taxation.

via Janetter for Mac

The Commissioner of Taxation.

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Anyone who owns an SUV, or any member of their immediate family (not including adoptees or foster children).

via Janetter for Mac

That cardboard thing at the centre of rolls of toilet paper (trust me on that one too).

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Benjamin Law’s mother. This sort of thing simply shouldn’t be encouraged.

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Benjamin Law, no matter what the diameter of your cock.

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The entire management of JetStar Airways, unless your cock is thicker than a broom handle.

via Janetter for Mac

Shortbread biscuits.

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Anyone who has ever published a link to a photograph of a cat on the internet no shut the fuck up you are a lamer.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever used cane toads as a metaphor for anything, even in passing.

via Janetter for Mac

Real estate agents, or cane toads.

via Plume for Android

Residents of Iowa, Sheffield or any Pacific island with an area greater than 100 hectares.

via Plume for Android

Anyone who has published a book through Random House.

via Plume for Android

The Director of Central Intelligence (US).

via Plume for Android

Rent boys shorter than 165cm named Daryl no of course this isn’t personal and who live in Chippendale.

via Plume for Android

Dogs weighing less than 10kg.

via Plume for Android

Anyone who has ever produced a film or TV program that includes vampires. Yes, even that good one.

via Plume for Android

Anyone holding the rank of Deputy Sheriff in the states of Nevada, Montana or Texas.

via Plume for Android

Anybody whose given name starts with the letter F.

via Plume for Android

Yes I know I just did that I’m not stupid and do understand the basic concepts of irony you fucktard.

via Plume for Android

Anybody who has ever posted a tweet including the hashtag . They are bad roots beyond redemption, each and every one.

via Plume for Android

Julie Bishop, even if you are seeking advantage within the WA Liberal Party.

via Plume for Android

Anyone who has ever appeared on @theprojecttv.

via Plume for Android

That barman, no matter what you might have been thinking just then yes I know he’s hot but no. Seriously. No.

via Plume for Android

Anyone who has ever tried to implicate you in a failed drug deal at the Beresford Hotel in Sydney shut the fuck up what are you saying.

via Plume for Android

Anyone connected with the mining industry, unless their given name starts with a consonant in the first half of the alphabet.

via Plume for Android

Anyone under the age of 11.

via Plume for Android

Penguins (any species).

via Plume for Android

One-kilogram bags of mixed nuts.

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Joe Hockey (trust me on this one too).

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Anything that seems to have an opening into a larger internal cavity, but doesn’t.

via Plume for Android

Milk bottles (trust me on this one).

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Front bench members of parliament.

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The exhaust pipes of large tractors.

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The wives of other family members.

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Maybe I should just tweet about all of the things that you shouldn’t fuck until it turns 2013,

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Or even fucking a pig, for that matter.

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It really does seem that it’s now that time of the year on Twitter when I could admit to raping a nun no one would notice.

via Plume for Android

historyweird 1906: Young girls must perform hours of needlework a day, urges Dr Talmey, to tire their fingers so they cannot be put to “disgusting uses”.

via Twitter Web Client (retweeted on 12:39 AM, Dec 31st, 2012 via Plume for Android)

Experiencing a bizarre coincidence.

via Plume for Android

Um, but just checking… Martial law hasn’t just been declared in Australia, right? It’d be embarrassing to get that wrong.

via Plume for Android

Oh +1000 points to the police in that paddy wagon who stopped a car with “This is the police. Pull over. Martial law has been declared.”

via Plume for Android

I’d like to personally thank the staff at [REDACTED] for their temporary amnesia regarding the Responsible Service of Alcohol laws.

via Plume for Android

Oh, and Merry Christmas and something about peace or some shit.

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So my apologies for trivialising the personal trauma you face every work day. I don’t know how you cope.

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I suppose everyone’s views have been coloured by the endless stream of heroin addicts killing themselves in their office toilets.

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Yeah maybe don’t get me started on the French.

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Yeah so I’ve pretty much lost faith in each and every one of you. I hope you’re happy.

via Plume for Android

Well screw you. I’m never going to invite you to dinner because you might choke on a chick pea and sue me. Christ I hate your world.

via Plume for Android

Well how about you concentrate on the basic common courtesy part rather than your fucked-up paranoid fantasies. That’d be nice for a change.

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OMFG I have imagined some rare and actually completely hypothetical scenario where offering common courtesy might lead to a disaster!

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What the fuck is wrong with you people?

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@Rhys_Needham “In your situation”? I’m not in need of some exotic medical treatment! It’s basic bodily functions.

via Plume for Android in reply to Rhys_Needham

There is nothing suspicious about wanting to go to the toilet. What is wrong with our society?

via Plume for Android

@Rhys_Needham Yes, we should all have to ask teacher’s permission to take a slash. Welcome to the dignity of adulthood.

via Plume for Android in reply to Rhys_Needham

@Rhys_Needham Well maybe, just maybe, it might be better if said that rather that parroting bullshit “justifications” for this idiocy.

via Plume for Android in reply to Rhys_Needham

OMFG PEOPLE MIGHT GO INTO A TOILET AND USE IT FOR A PURPOSE OTHER THAN EXCRETION OF BODILY WASTE SO FUCKING WHAT HOW DOES THIS THREATEN YOU.

via Plume for Android

@Rhys_Needham What fucking difference does it make to you if, in providing a place for me to piss, an addict might quietly shoot up?

via Plume for Android in reply to Rhys_Needham

@Rhys_Needham Oh fuck off. Who cares what else they might be used for? You stupid reactionary cunt.

via Plume for Android in reply to Rhys_Needham

It’s pretty fucking basic, CityRail. You run a place where people might wait, you provide basic human services. Toilets. Drinking water.

via Plume for Android

Dear CityRail, wanting to take a piss after dusk is not suspicious, it’s normal. Locking down your toilets is arsehole behaviour.

via Plume for Android

@nickobec @jowyang My gripe wasn’t Google’s demand for “real names” but the ignorant arrogance of a system that couldn’t support the policy.

via Plume for Android in reply to nickobec

@nickobec @jowyang And “what Google does” is a measure of social policy relevance how, exactly?

via Plume for Android in reply to nickobec

CityRail, when there’s more “revenue protection officers” in paramilitary dress on a station platform than passengers, you’ve lost the plot.

via Plume for Android

The fucking French. They think they understand despair as they tweet from thousand dollar smartphones. How soon they forgot the guillotine.

via Plume for Android

The Reality of Christmas flic.kr/p/dFHr2Y

via Flickr

There is no escape from the depression of dull reality. Remember that before you listen to any of snake oil merchants.

via Plume for Android

@paulwallbank Then you underestimate the hypocrisy of attention sluts, which knows no bounds.

via Plume for Android in reply to paulwallbank

So this is how it goes… flic.kr/p/dFBUVv

via Flickr

I DIDN’T KNOW PNAU WAS STILL PERFORMING IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.

via Plume for Android

Wanted for crimes against media dignity and relevance instagr.am/p/T2xsYBiFuD/

via Instagram

@swearyanthony @DJBentley Well that’s good, because all the revenue will flow back to struggling farmers of wait sorry I may be drinking.

via Plume for Android in reply to swearyanthony

Someone seriously needs to address the global shortage of “Blue Monday” remixes.

via Plume for Android

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

via Plume for Android

chrisberg wine

via Twitter Web Client (retweeted on 6:12 PM, Dec 30th, 2012 via Plume for Android)

lukebuckmaster To my gay friends: fear not, Virginia’s Cowboy Church can “cure” you by having you stroke a horse! bit.ly/12PNUuD (via @JohnSafran)

via TweetDeck (retweeted on 6:12 PM, Dec 30th, 2012 via Plume for Android)

So everything is a cliff now, @DJBentley? This is a scandal! It’s… It’s… Cliffgate!

via Plume for Android

RT @DJBentley The screen in my cab ride home informed me that there’s an impending Dairy Cliff. I will investigate this tomorrow.

via Plume for Android

This looks like an original. flic.kr/p/dFySdV

via Flickr

Except possibly a certain genre of movies that… that I’ve been told about.

via Plume for Android

Why do Scandinavian backpackers always strut? It’s not as if they’re important in the grand, or any, scheme of things.q

via Plume for Android

OH: “My dad says she’s English, but she’s got the worst English accent I’ve ever heard. So bad!” Says the girl with the nasal Shire whine.

via Plume for Android

Discovering the utility of Chrome sharing my web browsing history between laptop and smartphone.

via Plume for Android

And yes, @leslienassar, a few episodes of “The Wire” would work wonders.

via Plume for Android in reply to leslienassar

@oberonsghost @swearyanthony That and the fact that railway stations are chock full of security cameras. There should be a TAFE course.

via Plume for Android in reply to oberonsghost

@SnarkyPlatypus As a recent “On the Media” podcast noted, “‘True Blood’ is for the audience that likes watching vampires and naked people.”

via Plume for Android in reply to SnarkyPlatypus

Watching two teenage boys conducting a drug transaction at Hurstville station. I’d suggest that their OPSEC requires a bit of attention.

via Plume for Android

Mobile: Walk to Hurstville Central; 1550 train to Central; [REDACTED]

via Janetter for Mac

Someone in this apartment building is playing incidental music from “Star Wars” on piccolo.

via Janetter for Mac

@expectproblems Both, though not necessarily to the same person.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to expectproblems

Pondering the late-afternoon drinks options.

via Janetter for Mac

@Pollytics It’s not rum that makes them cockheads. They’re just cockheads, and the rum suppresses their residual anti-cockhead tendencies.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to Pollytics

@michaelneale I dunno what it means to you, but there’s no undue wear on the R key. A lighting or compression artefact.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to michaelneale

@jplonie Thank you. I learned a lot about my recent life while generating those charts. I had to gather the data, and noticed other data…

via Janetter for Mac in reply to jplonie

@yewenyi “Tosser” comes from “to toss off”, that is, to masturbate.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to yewenyi

New blog post: “Weekly Wrap 144: Christmas contrasts and introspection” stilgherrian.com/weekly-wrap/14…

via Janetter for Mac

Noticing that before taking that photo I’d put on one of my socks but not the other. I’m sure I don’t have an attention disorder.

via Janetter for Mac

Pointless picture to check the installation of the Flickr app on my phone. flic.kr/p/dFw1Jn

via Flickr

Politicians are naturally attracted to events with crowds, @stokely, just like flies are attracted to a corpse.

via Janetter for Mac

@coliwilso Sorry, no direct link, but ABS has a mapping interface onto Census data. Dunno if it does dot maps. @R_Chirgwin knows this stuff.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to coliwilso

RT @RatbagsDotCom: A new species of parasite poised to become a health risk epidemic. bit.ly/ZKP2RE [Article not about Mia Freedman.]

via Janetter for Mac

RT @coliwilso: Very cool Census Dotmap of the USA. I’d love to see one for Australia! mobile.theverge.com/2012/12/29/381… [Doesn’t ABS website do this?]

via Janetter for Mac

New blog post: “Doing the business on Stilgherrian’s journalism”. Includes two items of chartporn. stilgherrian.com/personal/busin…

via Janetter for Mac

Sun plan: Finish blog post(s); sketch out the coming week, in broad strokes; 1600 The Drinking begins.

via Janetter for Mac

“Do you know A Luxury Travel Blog, Mark Newton and Anthony B[axter]?” asks Twitter to the @bunjaree account. Imagine that weekend away!

via Janetter for Mac

I’ll make it better with cheese.

via Plume for Android

Thank you for all your tweets, cards and letters suggesting further places to see evidence of humans being cunts, but I’m fine for now.

via Plume for Android

Well there’s an Edict segment sketched out. And I’m not even out of bed yet.

via Plume for Android

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY DEAD BABY? YOU SAID I’D HAVE A CAREER IN AUSTRALIAN POLITICS! WHERE IS MY DEAD BABY?

via Plume for Android

I suppose I should get out of bed now, but I’m not sure that the Prime Minister has killed enough babies yet. WHERE IS MY DEAD BABY, JULIA ?

via Plume for Android

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