Filled with emptiness.
Disappointed.
@ndrewg Oh yes. The list. I suppose I should post that somewhere.
@SnarkyPlatypus Bonjour. Les choses ne sont pas comme elles devraient l’être. Autant de choses. Et vous?
Oh dear.
RT @myrcurial: Watching @stilgherrian lose his mind is very entertaining. [Yeah, people have said this before.]
@ApostrophePong Thank you, but that was exhausting. Enough for one night.
The End.
Anyone who has ever written for TechCrunch.
Formula 1 race drivers, and members of their immediate family older than 11 years.
The developers of Microsoft Sharepoint.
Anyone who has ever used the words “embrace”, “next-generation” or “disrupt” in a press release.
Rupert Murdoch. Unless you’re black.
Any member of any trad jazz band ever. Unless they’re black.
Jean Luc Ponty.
Unless they’re really, really hot.
Your siblings.
Anyone who thinks that the programming language Python’s use of whitespace as meaningful syntax is a good thing.
Tony Blair.
Any medical practitioner who has prescribed SSRI anti-depressants to anyone under the age of 18 years.
Anyone who helped construct those TV sets.
Anyone who has ever been a set designer for a US television talk show that airs or aired later than 10.30pm Eastern Time.
Star Trek fans, any series.
Anyone who has ever created a parody Twitter account.
Subscribers to @crikey_news.
Anyone who has ever bought a season ticket to the Australian Opera, or thought about doing so.
Leigh Sales, but only because it shown a complete lack of respect.
Ayn Rand, whether alive or dead.
Anyone who has ever written a sentence beginning “According to Ayn Rand…”
Anyone who has ever played the trombone.
Unpasteurised cheese.
Billie Piper.
Dugongs and/or manatees, unless you are in a lifeboat from a properly licensed merchant vessel that has sunk at least 48 hours previously.
Salt-water crocodiles (unless you’re a current or former staffer of @TheNTNews).
Anyone who knew who Alain de Botton is without having to resort to Google.
Alain de Botton’s progeny, unto the seventh generation.
Alain de Botton.
Senator Eric Abetz, unless you’re a bit drunk.
Channel Ten’s weather presenter whatever the cunt’s name is Christ I can’t stand him so I can’t imagine sex with him well I can but yeah no.
Japanese nuclear safety inspectors.
Those little porcelain dolls you often see in second-hand shops.
Squid with a tentacle length greater than 30cm.
Anyone whose Twitter bio includes “SEO”.
The writers of the BBC TV series “Spooks”.
Hotel managers in any city in the Central Asian Republics, excluding hotels in Baku built before 27 March 1954.
Any prostitute who charges less than $150 per hour (excluding cab fares for outcalls).
Anyone whose genitals appear to be inflamed or discoloured.
Bono.
Anyone who smells faintly of aniseed, no matter what their “explanation”.
Michelle Grattan. Ditto.
George Woodroffe Goyder (1826-1898), Surveyor-General of South Australia from 1861, BECAUSE HE’S DEAD YOU SICK BASTARDS.
Anyone who has ever given money to anyone or anything via Kickstarter.
The short camels. Llamas or alpacas or whatever the fuck they’re called.
Camels.
The cast and crew of “Home and Away”, past and present, except for that one guy I won’t be telling you about tonight.
Anyone who follows @stephenfry on Twitter.
Nobel Prize Laureates younger than 45 years of age.
Jon Bon Jovi, whether he’s waxed his chest or not.
Richard Wilkins, unless he is dead.
Crew members of any passenger ship of more than 10,000 metric tons gross tonnage below the rank of midshipman.
Members of the Thai royal family, unless you have previously presented a morning program on Adelaide television.
Current members of 3 Battalion, Royal Australian Regiment.
Your own mother. Unless you’re Greek.
The Dalai Lama, who really is the Bono of Buddhism.
Mark Zuckerberg.
Shannon Noll, unless you’ve got particularly good drugs.
That guy I met in Perth who works for a certain Asian airline because he really is a dull root and you’ll wish you’d never installed Grindr.
Holly Johnson.
Any member of Sugababes, past or present.
The Deputy Commissioner of Taxation.
The Commissioner of Taxation.
Anyone who owns an SUV, or any member of their immediate family (not including adoptees or foster children).
Volvo drivers.
Christopher Pyne.
That cardboard thing at the centre of rolls of toilet paper (trust me on that one too).
Benjamin Law’s mother. This sort of thing simply shouldn’t be encouraged.
Benjamin Law, no matter what the diameter of your cock.
The entire management of JetStar Airways, unless your cock is thicker than a broom handle.
Shortbread biscuits.
Anyone who has ever published a link to a photograph of a cat on the internet no shut the fuck up you are a lamer.
Scandinavia.
Anyone who has ever used cane toads as a metaphor for anything, even in passing.
Real estate agents, or cane toads.
Residents of Iowa, Sheffield or any Pacific island with an area greater than 100 hectares.
Anyone who has published a book through Random House.
The Director of Central Intelligence (US).
Rent boys shorter than 165cm named Daryl no of course this isn’t personal and who live in Chippendale.
Dogs weighing less than 10kg.
Anyone who has ever produced a film or TV program that includes vampires. Yes, even that good one.
Anyone holding the rank of Deputy Sheriff in the states of Nevada, Montana or Texas.
Whales, generally.
Wales, generally.
Anybody whose given name starts with the letter F.
Melons.
Yes I know I just did that I’m not stupid and do understand the basic concepts of irony you fucktard.
Anybody who has ever posted a tweet including the hashtag #auspol. They are bad roots beyond redemption, each and every one.
Julie Bishop, even if you are seeking advantage within the WA Liberal Party.
Anyone who has ever appeared on @theprojecttv.
All stone fruit.
That barman, no matter what you might have been thinking just then yes I know he’s hot but no. Seriously. No.
Anyone who has ever tried to implicate you in a failed drug deal at the Beresford Hotel in Sydney shut the fuck up what are you saying.
Anyone connected with the mining industry, unless their given name starts with a consonant in the first half of the alphabet.
Anyone under the age of 11.
Penguins (any species).
One-kilogram bags of mixed nuts.
Triffids.
Joe Hockey (trust me on this one too).
Anything that seems to have an opening into a larger internal cavity, but doesn’t.
Milk bottles (trust me on this one).
Front bench members of parliament.
Mailboxes.
The exhaust pipes of large tractors.
The wives of other family members.
Dogs.
Pigs.
Maybe I should just tweet about all of the things that you shouldn’t fuck until it turns 2013,
Or even fucking a pig, for that matter.
It really does seem that it’s now that time of the year on Twitter when I could admit to raping a nun no one would notice.
Ruining everything.
historyweird 1906: Young girls must perform hours of needlework a day, urges Dr Talmey, to tire their fingers so they cannot be put to “disgusting uses”.
Experiencing a bizarre coincidence.
Um, but just checking… Martial law hasn’t just been declared in Australia, right? It’d be embarrassing to get that wrong.
Oh +1000 points to the police in that paddy wagon who stopped a car with “This is the police. Pull over. Martial law has been declared.”
I’d like to personally thank the staff at [REDACTED] for their temporary amnesia regarding the Responsible Service of Alcohol laws.
Oh, and Merry Christmas and something about peace or some shit.
So my apologies for trivialising the personal trauma you face every work day. I don’t know how you cope.
I suppose everyone’s views have been coloured by the endless stream of heroin addicts killing themselves in their office toilets.
Yeah maybe don’t get me started on the French.
Yeah so I’ve pretty much lost faith in each and every one of you. I hope you’re happy.
Well screw you. I’m never going to invite you to dinner because you might choke on a chick pea and sue me. Christ I hate your world.
Well how about you concentrate on the basic common courtesy part rather than your fucked-up paranoid fantasies. That’d be nice for a change.
OMFG I have imagined some rare and actually completely hypothetical scenario where offering common courtesy might lead to a disaster!
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
@Rhys_Needham “In your situation”? I’m not in need of some exotic medical treatment! It’s basic bodily functions.
There is nothing suspicious about wanting to go to the toilet. What is wrong with our society?
@Rhys_Needham Yes, we should all have to ask teacher’s permission to take a slash. Welcome to the dignity of adulthood.
@Rhys_Needham Well maybe, just maybe, it might be better if said that rather that parroting bullshit “justifications” for this idiocy.
OMFG PEOPLE MIGHT GO INTO A TOILET AND USE IT FOR A PURPOSE OTHER THAN EXCRETION OF BODILY WASTE SO FUCKING WHAT HOW DOES THIS THREATEN YOU.
@Rhys_Needham What fucking difference does it make to you if, in providing a place for me to piss, an addict might quietly shoot up?
@Rhys_Needham Oh fuck off. Who cares what else they might be used for? You stupid reactionary cunt.
It’s pretty fucking basic, CityRail. You run a place where people might wait, you provide basic human services. Toilets. Drinking water.
Dear CityRail, wanting to take a piss after dusk is not suspicious, it’s normal. Locking down your toilets is arsehole behaviour.
@nickobec @jowyang My gripe wasn’t Google’s demand for “real names” but the ignorant arrogance of a system that couldn’t support the policy.
CityRail, when there’s more “revenue protection officers” in paramilitary dress on a station platform than passengers, you’ve lost the plot.
The fucking French. They think they understand despair as they tweet from thousand dollar smartphones. How soon they forgot the guillotine.
The Reality of Christmas flic.kr/p/dFHr2Y
There is no escape from the depression of dull reality. Remember that before you listen to any of snake oil merchants.
@paulwallbank Then you underestimate the hypocrisy of attention sluts, which knows no bounds.
So this is how it goes… flic.kr/p/dFBUVv
I DIDN’T KNOW PNAU WAS STILL PERFORMING IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.
Free range pork.. #fteerangepork
Non £$ ;’
nn;…
Wanted for crimes against media dignity and relevance instagr.am/p/T2xsYBiFuD/
I AM NOT POUTING.
@swearyanthony @DJBentley Well that’s good, because all the revenue will flow back to struggling farmers of wait sorry I may be drinking.
Someone seriously needs to address the global shortage of “Blue Monday” remixes.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
chrisberg wine
lukebuckmaster To my gay friends: fear not, Virginia’s Cowboy Church can “cure” you by having you stroke a horse! bit.ly/12PNUuD (via @JohnSafran)
So everything is a cliff now, @DJBentley? This is a scandal! It’s… It’s… Cliffgate!
RT @DJBentley The screen in my cab ride home informed me that there’s an impending Dairy Cliff. I will investigate this tomorrow.
This looks like an original. flic.kr/p/dFySdV
Except possibly a certain genre of movies that… that I’ve been told about.
Why do Scandinavian backpackers always strut? It’s not as if they’re important in the grand, or any, scheme of things.q
In position.
@SnarkyPlatypus Embrace Love.
@swearyanthony I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.
OH: “My dad says she’s English, but she’s got the worst English accent I’ve ever heard. So bad!” Says the girl with the nasal Shire whine.
Discovering the utility of Chrome sharing my web browsing history between laptop and smartphone.
And yes, @leslienassar, a few episodes of “The Wire” would work wonders.
@oberonsghost @swearyanthony That and the fact that railway stations are chock full of security cameras. There should be a TAFE course.
@SnarkyPlatypus As a recent “On the Media” podcast noted, “‘True Blood’ is for the audience that likes watching vampires and naked people.”
Watching two teenage boys conducting a drug transaction at Hurstville station. I’d suggest that their OPSEC requires a bit of attention.
Mobile: Walk to Hurstville Central; 1550 train to Central; [REDACTED]
Someone in this apartment building is playing incidental music from “Star Wars” on piccolo.
@expectproblems Both, though not necessarily to the same person.
Pondering the late-afternoon drinks options.
@Pollytics It’s not rum that makes them cockheads. They’re just cockheads, and the rum suppresses their residual anti-cockhead tendencies.
@michaelneale I dunno what it means to you, but there’s no undue wear on the R key. A lighting or compression artefact.
@jplonie Thank you. I learned a lot about my recent life while generating those charts. I had to gather the data, and noticed other data…
@yewenyi “Tosser” comes from “to toss off”, that is, to masturbate.
New blog post: “Weekly Wrap 144: Christmas contrasts and introspection” http://t.co/SKasyyy0
Noticing that before taking that photo I’d put on one of my socks but not the other. I’m sure I don’t have an attention disorder.
Pointless picture to check the installation of the Flickr app on my phone. flic.kr/p/dFw1Jn
Politicians are naturally attracted to events with crowds, @stokely, just like flies are attracted to a corpse.
@coliwilso Sorry, no direct link, but ABS has a mapping interface onto Census data. Dunno if it does dot maps. @R_Chirgwin knows this stuff.
RT @RatbagsDotCom: A new species of parasite poised to become a health risk epidemic. bit.ly/ZKP2RE [Article not about Mia Freedman.]
RT @coliwilso: Very cool Census Dotmap of the USA. I’d love to see one for Australia! http://t.co/Ey4KQyD3 [Doesn’t ABS website do this?]
New blog post: “Doing the business on Stilgherrian’s journalism”. Includes two items of chartporn. http://t.co/EVDLeiwA
Sun plan: Finish blog post(s); sketch out the coming week, in broad strokes; 1600 The Drinking begins.
“Do you know A Luxury Travel Blog, Mark Newton and Anthony B[axter]?” asks Twitter to the @bunjaree account. Imagine that weekend away!
I’ll make it better with cheese.
Thank you for all your tweets, cards and letters suggesting further places to see evidence of humans being cunts, but I’m fine for now.
Well there’s an Edict segment sketched out. And I’m not even out of bed yet.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY DEAD BABY? YOU SAID I’D HAVE A CAREER IN AUSTRALIAN POLITICS! WHERE IS MY DEAD BABY?
I suppose I should get out of bed now, but I’m not sure that the Prime Minister has killed enough babies yet. WHERE IS MY DEAD BABY, JULIA ?