Stilgherrian (@stilgherrian)

Wentworth Falls NSW AU

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @stilgherrian ever

January 1st, 2013

Well, folks, all this has blown my January budget for coping with arsehattery. A shame. I’d thought that Science would be a winner.

via Plume for Android

I hereby declare,based on the evidence so far, 2013 to be Year of the Arsehat. It’s like the Scientific Revolution never happened!

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@rickads @catebolt @juhasaarinen @smashman42 ‘Cos we’re primates (well, some of us) and there’s better strategies than doing shit at random.

via Plume for Android in reply to rickads

It’s so sweet how so many of you tweet things back to me as if I cared or something.

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Pro Tip: Judicious use of bleach, and no one would know anything had ever happened.

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Being that person standing outside the apartment building with the keys in one hand and a bemused look in the other. No. Hang on.

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Oh. Yeah. Happy New Year.

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Perhaps if we email every missing person and crime report into every Twitter account automatically then CRIME WILL BE SOLVED.

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I remember when, oh, when everything was in roman numerals, that we chose to focus on the effective shit, not on feel-good mindlessness.

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DEAR PLANET EARTH JUST KEEP DOING RAMDOM SHIT BECAUSE IT MIGHT, YOU KNOW, WORK.

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@smashman42 @catebolt @juhasaarinen By the same logic we should get the bomb squad to inspect every handbag because it might…

via Plume for Android in reply to smashman42

As a nation we will not have matured until everyone on the dole really does get free hookers and blow.

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@gnoll110 @StephenKelly Every single comparison with “OECD nations” is a fraud perpetuated against the majority on this planet.

via Plume for Android in reply to gnoll110

@mansillo Well if you create an underclass they’ll have something to aspire to. It’s in the Bible. Or some book.

via Plume for Android in reply to mansillo

RT @en_gy Actually, I’ve no idea what LesMis is even about. [Skin care products and smart phones, as far as I can figure.]

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Maybe every politician needs reminding of the story of the going among the people incognito? Oh, also the having-a-moral-compass thing.

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“Hi, I’m a 19yo with Year 10 just laid off from the burger store, I’ll just dip in to my savings to pay to get my car fixed.”

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So Macklin, as Minister, is aware that you can’t get the dole if you have “savings” you can “dip into”? Moron.

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Let’s petition every politician to balance on an exercise ball to raise awareness of inner ear infections! POLITICIANS WITH BIG BALLS! WIN!

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Oh Jesus fucking wept will you stop retweeting that stupid call for Macklin to do a pointless stunt. YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM, PEOPLE.

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@catebolt @juhasaarinen True, because nothing shows respect to people in crisis better than a totally pointless gesture based on blind hope.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to catebolt

HOW DARE THEY RUN TELEVISION ADVERTISEMENTS ON COMMERCIAL TELEVISION WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING.

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Oh hang on. He’s betting on the dogs. Well that’s OK then. I’ll assume he’s a bottom.

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Yeah, mate, look the fact that you’re playing the pokies at your local on New Year’s Day pretty much takes you off the rootability index.

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@oberonsghost Yeah, but that suggests that I got something very, very wrong. And like how could that ever happen?

via Janetter for Mac in reply to oberonsghost

RT @joshrowe: @stilgherrian spammers are people too. [And so was Pol Pot, so that’s reassuring.]

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It’s “a very fat six minutes” until the next race, apparently.

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@terencehuynh Far easier approach: “Kill all these friends, get newer and hotter ones.”

via Janetter for Mac in reply to terencehuynh

@en_gy Yeah you do know Douglas Adams wrote “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” ABOUT people like you?

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@oberonsghost Well I’m intrigued too, now, if that’s the closest match you found.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to oberonsghost

OH: “So many beers!”

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@t_mu No, Jenny Macklin is a politician. There’s no reason to imagine there’s any connection between what she believes and what she days.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to t_mu

RT @mattcdef2000: OH BLOODY HELL!!!! RT @Colvinius RT @daveweigel: Beck’s song “Loser” is now 20 years old. [I KNOW LINEAR TIME WTF?]

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popurls Coworker brought his kids to work. Found this on my desk when I got back from lunch… j.mp/130Y4I5

via popurls news (retweeted on 9:11 PM, Jan 1st, 2013 via Janetter for Mac)

“Introducing the new yfrog social network designed for people, not advertisers.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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@oberonsghost Did you seriously just look up tonight’s race card? Also, no, I don’t think that’s the right rhythm. But, you know, dogs.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to oberonsghost

Oh right, so THIS is where that henna’d little slut comes to drink when he’s not… um… yeah look forget that.

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benpobjie Tomorrow night, ACA uncovers the vast underground diamond mansions in which the unemployed and refugees cohabit

via Tweetbot for iOS (retweeted on 9:00 PM, Jan 1st, 2013 via Janetter for Mac)

I didn’t meet Hitler either.

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@annetreasure @franksting “Tough on vodka, tough on the causes of vodka.”

via Janetter for Mac in reply to annetreasure

jdub Some vicious sociopath in my building is playing Coldplay very, very loudly.

via Tweetbot for iOS (retweeted on 8:57 PM, Jan 1st, 2013 via Janetter for Mac)

@jonoabroad @GeordieGuy @coldsnacks Yeah, we’re way beyond @TheOnion’s satirical five and have delivered six to the market.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to jonoabroad

@GeordieGuy @coldsnacks I’ve managed to keep it down to four blades, but I don’t know how I’m be able to maintain that.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to GordyPls

I could have sworn I heard the race-caller refer to that dog as “Flatulence of Allah” but that can’t be right? I mean, there’d be trouble!

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@baethan Depends largely on what they’re shaving with those razors.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to baethan

@s_lynn4 Yeah but who cares if the unemployed get depression? They can still lift heavy objects and clean toilets.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to s_lynn4

@quelet @alexbellos @johnthelutheran Indeed, and I look forward to seeing in all the base 13 documents and applications we deal with daily.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to quelet

Oh Dear Christ, it’s turning into a Twitter meme.

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Well exactly, @6564828, who’s so stupid that they leave their meds in the bathroom cabinet for anyone to find?

via Janetter for Mac in reply to timfdavis

@GeordieGuy Yeah, sure, but I get to judge you by all those other things too.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to GordyPls

I judge people by the number of blades in the razor I find in their bathroom when I sneak in to learn from their lifestyle.

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OH FFS DON’T SERIOUSLY TRY TO MAKE MAKLIN DO THIS POINTLESS STUNT BECUSE IT IS POINTLESS JUST PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.

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@jendudley @PizzaCapers “Pizza Capers”? Did you see the straight version or the gay version?

via Janetter for Mac in reply to jendudley

That would be as opposed to every other government department, which are departments of unhuman (or subhuman?) services.

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BTW, we all saw the Dept of Human Services’ declaration that cheesecake is a health food? Yes, you did. You just forgot, right?

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Given that, @leslienassar, any Macklin-base dole test has to run for three years, i.e. the capital depreciation cycle.

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Uhoh. There’s some weird heavily-suppressed suburban homoerotic shit going down in this bar tonight. Also, race 6 from Warragul on screen.

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Football. In summer. What the fuck is wrong with you people?

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RT @toaf: Good grief! This Snog or Marry thing is an actual TV show. bit.ly/aRLN7P [It’s be criminal if it wasn’t.]

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@Nyx2701 I’m reasonably sure Alan Jones isn’t a woman.

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@annetreasure @franksting Yeah look can’t talk about vodka right now too busy solving the problem of unemployemnt.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to annetreasure

OH, bitter old regular at the pub: “Oh well, it can only be a better year.” Yeah memory loss is a continuing tragedy.

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@stevemcilhatton The process seeks purpose-designed to induce major depression and convince you you’re a potential criminal.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to stevemcilhatton

@stevemcilhatton Yeah, I did 18 months on sickness benefits in the late 1990s. Now add to that the bullshit “activity statement” rules.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to stevemcilhatton

@leslienassar My understanding is that the horse and charlie are provided by the Parliamentary Library. Line-itemed as “research”.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to leslienassar

@barrysaunders @annetreasure @jdub “Monetising alcoholism”? HELLO? JOURNALISM?

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AND THEY’RE BEING PAID FOR IT THAT’S DOUBLE DIPPING UM SO TO SPEAK.

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Maybe they all just imagine people on the dole are having more and better sex than they are.

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Actually, re the earlier thing, make Maklin arrange the appointments with her tricks using the free phone in the local Centerlink office.

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Trying to understand life on the dole in a 2-week stunt is like trying to understand fighting WWII from watching the marching-out parade.

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I’ve never understood why, in one of the richest nations on earth, helping those having problems is somehow wrong.

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RT @franksting: If you only read twitter you might think that @annetreasure was continually drunk on Gin [Whereas there’s also vodka.]

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I’m sure most of the middle class imagines “the unemployed” are folks just like them but a tad lazy, with free cash delivered fortnightly.

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@ericscheid Ah yes, the list. They are indeed on the list.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to ericscheid

They could do it as a reality TV show, “The Pollie Prossers”!

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Actually, now that I think about it, I’d have every frontbencher out there turning tricks during the summer break.

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Oh, does all this relate to a TV program that I’ve got hashtag-muted out of my life?

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True, @R_Chirgwin, I remember journos watching astonished when Bush I launched into praise of bar code scanners as new US tech.

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If Macklin really is going to live on the dole for a short period, maybe she can make ends meet by turning tricks like everyone else.

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Do politicians imagine that the ABS sets “the poverty line” as some sort of utopian dream?

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“I can live on fuck all why can’t you?” works, yes, when you already have a house full of working appliances and a comprehensive wardrobe.

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Those “live in the dole” stunts are all bullshit. One week or one month, they don’t experience the long-term decline or random big bills.

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Suddenly realising it’s been more than five years since my last holiday. I should probably have another one some time.

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Apparently it’s the barmaid’s fault that the customer didn’t bring her reading glasses and can’t quite make out her betting slips.

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Look, mate, you’re not in any position to honk at that other driver. Your car’s still got Christmas antlers on it.

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Anyone who has ever used cane toads as a metaphor for anything

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Mobile. But not far. Just far enough to get some dinner.

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RT: New blog post, for those that missed it live: “On Twitter, the Silly Season, and a certain list” stilgherrian.com/personal/on-tw…

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I don’t think you know what “racist” means. clientsfromhell.net/post/393323596…

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@paulkidd Thanks, Paul, that makes sense. And Happy New Year. @AndyRoflz @indigoid @prestontowers

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How come all there people are suddenly following me on Flickr today? Is it the Instagram thing?

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Having devious ideas. Or, to be more precise, being possessed by them.

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@michaelneale I’ve Irished up pretty much every food and beverage since mid-December.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to michaelneale

Fear not, Gentle Tweeters, I grabbed a beer from the fridge as the phone rang.

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Apparently he’s moving football teams and some journalist, you’ll never believe this, has found out about it without being told by him.

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If that. We’ve only covered one of the grandchildren so far.

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Mother says “Well, I’d better go.” So that means we’re one-third of the way through her call.

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New blog post, for those that missed it live: “On Twitter, the Silly Season, and a certain list” stilgherrian.com/personal/on-tw…

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Wait. This is just like the last one.

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