Stilgherrian (@stilgherrian)

Wentworth Falls NSW AU

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @stilgherrian ever

July 3rd, 2013

Hang on what? Who’s this bloke on Sky claiming he’s the Prime Minister again?

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Mind you, we named a cat “J51”, after the cloakroom ticket on the back of which suggested names were written.

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Oh who the fuck calls their dog Bossley?

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OH: “Grab your big stick. Go on, grab your big stick! Grab it!”

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My God… the parks… they’re full of dogs!

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@riskybusiness Yeah, skipping over my bad joke, my experience is that such chaps and gals have rather practical mindsets, Presumably handy.

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@riskybusiness Aren’t special operations forces mostly bottoms?

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@caseyjohnellis @wolfcat It is a wise man indeed who knows when to stick a nuclear weapon up someone’s arse.

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Oh alright, @steve_evil @wolfcat, so I can’t be trusted when it comes to nuclear weapons. What of it?

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So far @regvulture has raised only $6,616 of the $100,000 they need to do the independent NBN study. 16 days to go. pozible.com/archive/index/…

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@RealNickHodge You’re pretty, no matter what you’re wearing on your head.

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Fraser Island? 10 kiloton tactical nuke. Turn it to glass. Sorted.

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@feedthepups @Asher_Wolf I suspect that trying to use Australian FOI law to get information on the US NSA would prove unfruitful.

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@ocean To be clear, I didn’t write the list. I’ve just asked the subs to add a note to that effect.

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@llament @dobes I’m pretty sure you can hang ELINT pods on those suckers.

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Also me at @CSO_Australia, me introducing their “10 Commandments of Data Sovereignty” cso.com.au/article/466539…

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Me at @CSO_Australia: “UNSW helps close cloud computing’s can of (legal) worms” cso.com.au/article/466538…

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Was that too wrong?

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RT @dobes: Q: What kind of monster takes a Nexus 7 and installs a base copy of Ubuntu on it? A: @mukimu [So, an Asian??!?!]

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Apparently platforms have planks. Unless when they’re made of concrete? Metaphors are hard.

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RT @darrenpauli: Those that can’t earn their place must die. [Central plank of my new political party’s platform.]

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Uhoh. It’s 1630 AEST. According to my plan, I was meant to be 100km from here two hours ago.

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The previous tweet was triggered by the realisation that I’m fretting over a thousand-word blog post that has way, way too much stuff in it.

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“Dear Writer, I know it feels like your words are your children. But that’s precisely why there’s too many of them, and you must kill half.”

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@nguyenmt @jamescroft Let’s start a list of People and Things to Blame. You know it’ll make things easier in the long run.

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@MikeCarlton01 Usually wanking isn’t for the spectators. When it is, isn’t there another word for it?

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RT @oberonsghost: Our SharePoint server is neither sharing nor pointing. Gareth is inconsolable. [From a fault, or by design?]

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I really should start using righttoknow.org.au to make Freedom of Information requests. It does actually work.

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RT @dobes: So Australia is getting armed drones. What are we going to do with them? [Replacements for half the P-3C Orion aircraft.]

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“e-Tax for Mac launch: an unsigned app was just the start of their woes”, writes @jamescroft. Ah, such lulz! reckoner.com.au/2013/07/e-tax-…

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Oh the poor ATO staffer, worried that @bengrubb was “drumming up support”, whereas her email to 20-odd people is…? righttoknow.org.au/request/61/res…

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@wobster Heh. Something along those lines, yes.

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@oberonsghost Yeah, it was only five years ago that I was configuring Exchange servers to deal with all that shit. [Shudder.]

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This week, between ATO e-tax, Outlook Web Access and Oracle Applications, my MacBook Pro is feeling very, very dirty. And not in a good way.

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I am logging out before a kraken emerges from the screen and devours me.

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@cafuego “Oracle Applications” is the only clear identification I can see. It’s all so… retro.

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AH! A MESSAGE FROM THE GODS! The finance officer just emailed me to say it’ll all be handled my minions their end. Next pay period.

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Yes, there is also a job ticket system, @cafuego. I am trying not to be stilgherrian.stilgherian@[REDACTED] in Active Directory.

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@snerdish This is true. When I started to log in remotely, I feared the Java installation prompt.

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Ah, here we go! “For help in entering pay claims, please go to the Online Pay Claim Staff User Guide.”

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Can’t I just do this in Basecamp?

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“Add another row. Recalculate.”

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“IF YOU HAVE SUBMITTED AN INCORRECT TIMECARD, CONTACT YOUR PAYROLL LIAISON OFFICER BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO CORRECT THE CLAIM.”

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“ALL SUPERVISORS MUST APPROVE THE CLAIM BEFORE PAYMENT CAN BE PROCESSED.”

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“IF WORKING IN MULTIPLE POSITIONS, ALL HOURS MUST BE ENTERED ON THE SAME TIMECARD, IT WILL BE TRANSMITTED TO ALL RELEVANT SUPERVISORS.”

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“Copyright (c) 2006, Oracle. All rights reserved.”

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This is hilarious. How do corporations even operate? Also, “Single sign-on, motherfucker, do you speak it?” Um, that’d be a no.

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“IMPORTANT: YOU MUST ONLY CREATE ONE TIMECARD PER WEEK.” And it’s in RED PIXELS, so it must be true.

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Also, “Outlook Web Access” is still a thing, apparently.

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Ah. As I explore the [ORGNAME REDACTED] HR system, I see that “accept engagement” is separate thing from “pay claim entry”.

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This is the first so-called “payslip” I’ve seen in 18 years, but I seem to recall that at least some of the numbers should be non-zero.

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I am, this week, discovering what actual employees have long known about corporate HR and payroll systems. Disgruntled.

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I think I might go with an unplanned pregnancy. Thank you, @shipw.

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That’s probably too much quantum physics for the occasion, @DrMiaow.

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Thank you for your suggestions of anvil, meteor, X-TREME [huh?], my balls, slide of lemon wrapped etc, rake in grass, unplanned pregnancy.

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The CIA… what? ALL the cocaine?

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“[an event] that slams reality back into your face like an X”, sure, but what is X?

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The problem is, I was after a word-picture of a really hard slap. None of those suggestions really fits the bill.

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Google explains how to slap people, in two parts. twitpic.com/d0ithp

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“I’m no tech head: Albanese” is @joshgnosis’ headline. I see. zdnet.com/au/im-no-tech-…

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Well that’s the @CSO_Australia story filed. Is it time to cry now?

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The War on Infographics.

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Right. That’s enough noodling and umbrella-returing and erranding. I shall now finish my writing thing.

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Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a religious cult.

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Clearly when I become a Senator I will be Minister for Industrial Relations.

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More magic fucking fairy dust instead of people getting on with the job they’re bloody well paid to do.

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RT @BRW How gamification is changing businesses from MYOB to Suncorp. ow.ly/mBPVo [Kill them. Kill them all.]

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@juhasaarinen @amworldtodaypm @bengrubb I refuse to wear a tie. I don’t even own one. I struggle with pants most days.

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@juhasaarinen @amworldtodaypm @bengrubb I dunno about “professional”, I’ve just been doing words for a very long time.

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That feeling when you visit a noodle shop for the first time in six months and they say “Here’s the umbrella you left here.”

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@bengrubb @amworldtodaypm Thank you. But I’m sure it was @johjarvis01’s editing that strung together the few coherent things.

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I know @garthk said positive things about DevOps the other day, but… let’s just say I’ve known him for a very long time.

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Maybe I should go to the DevOps thing as an anthropological thing. You know, one of those live-with-the-cult experiences.

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@skeevestevens @atlassian Hey, I doubt not your skills at network assessment. ;) But that does seem odd.

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@skeevestevens @atlassian That bad? I use US-hosted web apps all the time and, well, I survive. Then again, I AM PATIENT BEYOND ALL BELIEF.

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To judge by the media coverage, the development company in Australia is called Atlassian.

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Not that one. A different one.

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Hey DevOps Devotees, are there any people on this conference schedule that I’d be an idiot not to meet next Friday? devopsdays.org/events/2013-do…

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That thing I said earlier wasn’t really true.

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@zackwhittaker Oh no! All editors are wonderful. They watch.

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Editors are the loveliest people.

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@ApostrophePong I just ran into Ian Walker in the street. He says hi. He’ll be in BKK for 4 weeks next month.

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Mobile: Errands to Camperdown, Enmore and other places. There shall by much transportation today.

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@SnarkyPlatypus On ne devrait jamais avoir des sentiments. Ils sont dangereux. Et si c’est le gin. Mais gin, c’est mieux.

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Actually, @dobes @chrisjrn, my usual presentation style wouldn’t meet ’s code of conduct. Just ask @mpesce.

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Hah! This very moment Linux.conf.au announced a Golden Ticket prize for a topic that didn’t make it linux.conf.au/cfp

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MT @dobes: @stilgherrian @chrisjrn based on your past interests, I’d assume it’d some sort of encrypted teledildonics in the cloud [Yes.]

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RT @dobes: @stilgherrian @chrisjrn you could announce the launch of the OpenCyber project [Dunno what that is, but already I WANT ONE.]

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@chrisjrn I hadn’t thought of that, I was thinking more the making-media thing. But I suppose I could go cyber at them.

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So linux.conf.au 2014 is starting to get its organisational act together. Perth, 6 to 10 January. I hope to go to this.

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@grmsn @chieftech @trib @smperris I can only speculate, ‘cos the jemmy-bar of FOI has yet to be deployed.

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@SnarkyPlatypus Bonjour. J’apprécie les vastes océans du chaos. Je nage. Un peu. Et vous?

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Thanks, @trib @servantofchaos @purserj, ‘cos I felt like I was being a tad too blunt about the ATO.

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EFA is supporting “National Day of Action: Protect our Privacy” this Saturday 6 July. efa.org.au/2013/07/01/nat…

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@purserj One should show a certain amount of restraint when on someone else’s media patch.

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Should you be desperate to hear or read my feelpinion on ATO’s e-tax for Mac mess, here’s the @amworldtodaypm story. abc.net.au/pm/content/201…

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Wed plan: Write for @CSO_Australia (near-done); errands; solve cashflow annoyance; topic for tomorrow’s column?; domestic tasks; not freeze.

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@tanmushi As it happens, I will indeed be avoiding the negative temperatures this weekend.

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Well that’s the bulk of the morning’s writing done, and a hot shower had. This pleases me, despite the lack of decent sleep.

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@alexkidman @R_Chirgwin @elisedavidson It doesn’t count if half those 2000 words are about cats and Ruslan Kogan. :P

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Oh right, adding @R_Chirgwin and @elisedavidson to the early writers list. [Waves.] I’m pausing ‘cos I’ve already done half my word count.

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Oh excellent, @gusworldau @Red_Hag, though I knew I was far from alone on this one. Anyway, back to the making of the paragraphs.

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I am writing. Because for some bizarre reason, even when I’ve had too little sleep, the early morning is a productive writing time for me.

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Wed plan, draft: Write for @CSO_Australia; solve cashflow annoyance; think of topic for tomorrow’s column; domestic tasks; do not freeze.

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@llament Oh Dear God no! Watching the news makes me stabby, not sleepy.

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Well that was a strange but nevertheless useful nap.

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RT @lifehacker: Largest, most controlled sleep study ever confirms: the less you sleep, the fatter you get: lifehac.kr/fAywu1h [Great!]

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Oh hello, Mistress Insomnia!

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