Gorn.
RT @newsbanks: The internet is too snarky. [Have you tried turning it off and back on again?]
@johnthelutheran @maxfuckery @georgegalloway @RichardDawkins @DonaldTrump1946 @rickygervais @JoeBiden @JamesBlunt @jimmyfallon Who?
behindyourback I like my coffee like I like my men, slowly growing cold as I forget that it exists.
@vealmince “Trend spottersâ€, as a class, seem to remarkably ignorant of… well, of the whole world.
Temple plans separate toilets for Thais and other non-Chinese tourists, citing Chinese lack of bathroom etiquette. http://t.co/64Fq6k9tBy
maxious #UAE407 says nope nope nope flightradar24.com/UAE407/5a3505a pic.twitter.com/lfK8RVe36T
@vealmince Indeed. So are we seeing what’s really just a low-greade moral panic? The new thing must be “excessive�
@NewtonMark @alexkidman I produced an interview once with women who run a crime-scene clean-up services. They had all manner of handy tips.
@NewtonMark What about people tied to stakes on the ground? Asking for a friend.
maxfuckery .@RichardDawkins @stilgherrian @DonaldTrump1946 @rickygervais @JoeBiden @JamesBlunt @jimmyfallon @Madonna yeah geez have some respect guys
@alexkidman Or winning.
@alexkidman I believe I have already called for Philomena Cunk to be Prime Minister.
RichardDawkins PLEASE, when you have a long Twitter conversation with someone, consider NOT tagging third parties who play no part in the conversation.
@alexkidman Do they even know what words mean?
@kcarruthers Yes, but apart from people like you who do things specifically to annoy me.
@alexkidman I suspect that if we investigated we’d discover that “binge watching†was a disparaging term invented by network TV people.
@alexkidman I don’t, because it’s judgemental. A binge is about uncontrollable excess, whereas choosing to watch a story may not be.
Arsehats using the term “binge watchingâ€, do you call someone reading a book other than in one-hour blocks a week apart a “binge readerâ€?
“The future of media is podcastingâ€, a good overview of the rise of podcasts, despite the daft headline. http://t.co/uCmkwT7eyb
@nontgor @smartbrain I just downloaded it to watch later with the tools I already have.
@timpoliti Not, “worried†as such. Actually more that you were reacting to the headline and not the article. It happens, apparently.
drearyclocks His butt is very damp and we are all glad he wore dark jeans.
@timpoliti True. That’s why I sometimes shorten the URLs. Telling people “The next thing is a joke†seems wrong.
@timpoliti Out of curiosity, did you read the article?
Facts. Thai facts. #verythai
RT @NotThatBobJames: Chonburi police boss says only 1% of #Pattaya CCTV cameras work. City refutes claim, saying 86% work, but wires linkin…
RT @ClintonDucas: @stilgherrian Every journalist and news editor should listen to @onthemedia every week. @jeffjarvis [This is also true.]
Every journalist and news editor should listen to this @onthemedia interview with @jeffjarvis, and agree or not. http://t.co/F9FwXrtklf
Why you MUST use a standing desk: “According to an important WebMD article that my friend Tony described to me…†http://t.co/LBST0YfW5q
@johnb78 Everything is driven by love.
Hmmm. That’s not playing at the right aspect ratio. Seriously, people, if you’re recording stuff off TV for YouTube, learn to do it right.
“Charlie Brooker’s Weekly Wipe | Season 3 Episode 5†https://t.co/xfFvEEygAK
kevinseccia So we’re agreed, the Internet was a huge mistake?
@kcarruthers Does Bristol Seven declining to Bristol Six count as “OK� Asking for a friend.
@kcarruthers You don’t have a vast bulk.
@kcarruthers They wouldn’t fucking dare.
Oh, I’d missed thi@davpopepe cartoon from the other day. I am enjoying it nowgoo.gl/oc0BNQ5pic.twitter.com/a4ubr5pgKuKu
There. I have retweeted @johnb78, and after a brief pause I think it will be OK for us to continue with our lives.
johnb78 >play phil collins
Permission denied
>sussudeo play phil collins
OK, everyone, I am about to retweet @johnb78, and it is really really bad and we should all be ashamed. Nevertheless, here it is.
ItsBouquet Sheridan says Australians find Abbott “a riddle wrapped inside an enigma”
More likely they find him - “a liar wrapped in a flag”
@Rob_Stott Turtlesex. You’re thinking about turtlesex, aren’t you. Or at least lots of turtlesnogging.
“It’s very possible that there could be an Australian princess… maybe,†says Posh White Boy. Ah, Australian monarchists, wot special petals!
RT @oberonsghost: @kcarruthers Why cant AGNSW build Sydney Modern in Parramatta? [Because they’re unimaginative special-petal arsehats.]
RT @JaidenEverett: @stilgherrian Maybe it’s related to this? @BrigadierSlog @safzoro pic.twitter.com/9UwfDUTlkO [Maybe. Good thinking.]
RT @BrigadierSlog: What even? pic.twitter.com/AFi8CWBtqo [Cheap, fast and easy!]
Bracing myself for the onslaught of @LeeLinChinSBS.
RT @kcarruthers: What if I don’t wanna? RT @briandavidearp: Seems a little coercive http://t.co/r90kYBfTsx
@bengrubb Yep, DFAT is in charge of passports. It should be easy to find out who won the tender to make them, and head upstream from there.
@trentyarwood That said, we know Gemalto does passports, and has 30% of the smart chip market globally. It’s likely, I’d say.
@trentyarwood We didn’t know that on Thursday, as far as I know, and I’ve been focusing on other things since th@bengrubbrubb may know.
@StanDevia No, the timing is wrong for that. If it was something I ate, it’d have to be something further down the pipeline. So to speak.
“Government Admits ‘The Only Thing We Know About Metadata Is It Stops All Crimes’†http://t.co/2BcY78Iw7v
The case of Max-Hervé George illustrates why you always read the paperwork. He could’ve given up millions for £10. http://t.co/9ayzxcWTSW
“Cardinal George Pell, the Vatican’s financial watchdog, slammed for lavish spending†http://t.co/HmKAjEV2lZ
“Plan of portion of Port Jackson to illustrate Report on the Defencesâ€, 3 Jan 1863. http://t.co/jVnpDT3bgT http://t.co/WVQp0t4e0M
RT @yewenyi: We could reactivate all those 19th century coastal defences built to keep the Russians put. [Good thinking!]
“Sir John Sawers, ex-MI6 chief, warns of Russia ‘danger’” http://t.co/blWIGUTahY Glad you noticed, sir.
@juhasaarinen There’s a number of things I could say, but hey if people who like that sort of thing enjoyed it then that’s OK.
Well, sleeping for three and a half hours has helped a bit. I feel slightly less dreadful and we’re down to Bristol Six. Dunno what this is.
My recommendation to @billshortenmp is to take whoever thought up that lame meme down to the nearest river and drown them.
Oh. Bristol Seven.
MT @Cheezburger: This evil Chihuahua goes to great lengths to guard its precious hot dog. pic.twitter.com/wCvhTB0TVP [O hai, Christopher.]
@caseyjohnellis Seems we’re good for something after all@semiboganan. Happy Saturday.
@semibogan The internet is haaaard.
@semibogan It is an easy trick.
@semibogan Yeah, I see your problem. The first four words in that tweet. Ponder them, and you too will see your error.
If you’re short of reading material, Friday’s @5at5daily might help. http://t.co/6nmtKDXlFG
@djmer1 It would seem that you have missed my excellent* pun. I am saddened and ashamed. :(
@djmer1 But does anyone else give a fig?
RT @JoelStanton: They look like they’re about to have an awkward first date kiss. [You might think that. I couldn’t possibly comment.]
MT @audreyNZH Abbott and Key in the official box just before first over. pic.twitter.com/hdu4vh7lbb [Pod people. Definitely pod people.]
RT @SsRP5: .@jdekz @NotAllBhas @time_indefinite *fedora intensifies* http://t.co/ahyVjISaRr
RT @DMReporter: READERSHIP: And the comment of the day is… #TheDress http://t.co/PDGv7NKQ2E
Look, @Lilylauren @egadheg, I don’t see wh@LockheedMartinin should bother with accuracy. It’s not as if they do anything needing precision.
I might make “Senator Brandis did not appear to have a clear understanding of†into a keyboard macro. Doubtless will be used again.
“Prof Burdekin said Senator Brandis did not appear to have a clear understanding of what his role of attorney-general entailed.”
“Brian Burdekin slams ‘disgraceful’ attacks by Tony Abbott and George Brandis on Human Rights Commissioner†http://t.co/dV5A1lVsaS
Ah, @egadheg @jessradio, this is the same @LockheedMartin that confused @australian with the Australian government. https://t.co/ZTZ27pg3Bl
egadheg Nice harbour, Avalon “@LockheedMartin: Who we are, what we do, and where it’s happening in Australia: #avalonairshow pic.twitter.com/6KqvHgfXCb”
In which David Marr discusses Crusader Rabbit’s trashing of the law for thuggish momentary advantage. http://t.co/P7MUQGnsmT
Yes, I do know that there’s a fundamental problem with that scenario.
Last night I dreamt that I was in a cafe with Graham Richardson running Tony Abbott’s numbers and laughing.
@macro2779 Breakfast is not a difficult concept, I’d have thought.
The sauce and noodles are added, and it’s nearly ready to serve. pic.twitter.com/9IcU40hRF8
Breakfast is under construction… pic.twitter.com/Wm3wOsRU46
Sat plan: Deal with the backlog of comms, administrivia and scheduling; write words for @zdnetaustralia; not be eaten by leeches.
@YaThinkN @AbrasiveTeapot @davidbewart @geoffrey_payne @GeorgeBludger @simonhackett Thanks for that.
@AbrasiveTeapot @davidbewart @YaThinkN @geoffrey_payne @GeorgeBludger Dunno if the graphic is @simonhackett’s, his original was hand-drawn.
@davidbewart @YaThinkN @geoffrey_payne @GeorgeBludger @AbrasiveTeapot It’d be nice to credi@simonhacketttt with that analysis, you know.
RT @cooneymj: The Age of Reason is over. “@JoshBBornstein: Getting pretty weird now http://t.co/9Iy5opTcc4â…
“NSW election complicates Liberal moves for Tony Abbott leadership spillâ€, writes @LaurieOakes http://t.co/jKddOstVnd
pacohope Stopped at the roadside for a #software update. Sigh. pic.twitter.com/wYWXkcnA91
@Telstra “Neverâ€, eh? Guaranteeing that email is error-free? That’s a bold claim, and one that I’d never make.
@myrcurial The bird life here at @bunjaree is spectacular. More than 50 species have been recorded (not by me). Should compile my best pics.
Being visited by the local Eastern Yellow Robin clan. Here’s one I prepared earlier. https://t.co/gLpLIF3VQA http://t.co/vLwDtF8Quu
@NicholasFryer In all likelihood, yes. I need to wrap the competition etc at the very least. I have at least one other to drop in.
“It’s time someone put the Prime Minister out of his miseryâ€, writes @JohnBirmingham http://t.co/3lcQ8ZVpao
I would like @davpope to design my next computer. Or maybe not. pic.twitter.com/4JPW4fcUPy
KKeneally Liberal flyer says “recent changes in boundaries now places you in Maroubra”. That happened in 2007. Keep up, guys. pic.twitter.com/6amn2KdlSA
RT @Steve_Lockstep ‘I’m among the first Swedes with a microchip’ http://t.co/o2QTRh39mO via @TheLocalSweden [Lemmings are from Norway, tho?]
Sat plan, draft: Deal with the backlog of comms and administrivia; eat kangaroo; write words for @zdnetaustralia; not be eaten by leeches.
Me at @zdnetaustralia: “The second-class internet? You’re soaking in it†http://t.co/fGTLpYqNpb Thanks, Madge. https://t.co/g0cG3Bbzc0
RT @paulkidd: @stilgherrian alright then, 9. [Yeah, OK then… [Walks away, shaking head slowly.]]
RT @paulkidd: @stilgherrian 7. [See, you’ve already failed, haven’t you.]
Saturday. Please choose a number. Do not tell anyone what it is. You must remember it, however. Await further instructions. Saturday.
“George Brandis still struggling with metadataâ€, writes @jon_lawrence http://t.co/UVV9YF0PKC
“Blade Runner’ Sequel: Harrison Ford Confirmed; Denis Villeneuve In Talks To Direct†http://t.co/iNcO0LE2mA
MeteoGib Beautiful photo of Kelvin-Helmholtz waves captured over #Morrojable #Fuerteventura yesterday - photo @DavidOrtega64: pic.twitter.com/Grjh8jsb9l
@alexkidman @kcarruthers Perhaps. At least you could fake it.
@kcarruthers Shhh! @alexkidman must never know that he has been Transferred.
“Come and see the ALP policy goblins in their sparkly grotto of innovation!†by @firstdogonmoon http://t.co/cZelqsSUuI
@portusprince Well that’s the cat.
Because @SBS2 is showing old episodes of @midnight, behold! “So Your Cat Wants A Massage?†https://t.co/XP4LIOI5C7
“Couple pleads guilty to death of elderly relative housed in shipping container” abc.net.au/news/6268638
“Brandis not doing his job, former human rights commissioner says.” You go, @Graemeinnes! abc.net.au/news/6269466
@murpharoo Oh. I thought they weren’t linked, but that one would follow the other.
@murpharoo Well they wouldn’t be allowed on the bus then.
cnni A scan of a golden Buddha statue revealed an extraordinary secret. See what was inside: cnn.it/1BkgBCs pic.twitter.com/dCcSQlhZA9
@murpharoo This I don’t know. It was billed as a “llama dramaâ€, but how do you tell the difference between a llama and an alpaca? [Shrugs.]
@murpharoo Llamas, eh?
RT @oberonsghost: @stilgherrian I wouldn’t. Here’s why. pic.twitter.com/EJ09K4URSw [This is just wowserism. Nanny state gone mad.]
@Garth_P_Newton @ausmus As the local says, Wentworth Falls. I update it as I cross the Nepean.
Me at @zdnetaustralia: “The second-class internet? You’re soaking in it†http://t.co/fGTLpYqNpb Thank you, Madge. https://t.co/g0cG3Bbzc0
Hmmm. I have told my friend that isopropyl alcohol isn’t much chop.
RT @pixelambacht: Introducing Sans Bullshit Sansâ„¢, a font that gets rid of buzzwordssansbullshitsans.com7pic.twitter.com/zmFMUwVJOtOt [YES!]
Can you drink isopropyl alcohol, perhaps with lime? Asking for a friend.
Seriously, what is going on here? Last night I was RUN DOWN by a car. Today I am ATTACKED by a leech. IT IS THE END TIMES.
@Garth_P_Newton @ausmus So I am reasonably convinced that the two critter was the leech.
@Garth_P_Newton @ausmus Well, the critter disappeared near to where I was cooking before, and then the leech was on me as I finished lunch.
@kcarruthers Well that would keep the leeches away while I slept, certainly.
@nazzer NO I AM BEING EATEN ALIVE.
Please go through my recent tweets and replace “anterior†with “posteriorâ€. How am I expected to remember Latin when I am being eaten?
@GailWilkie I did that and then slid the fucker off me, and THEN smashed it and smashed it and smashed it and smashed it and smashed it.
Oh well. I was tired and thinking of having a nap just before but NOW I AM TOTALLY AWAKE AND LIVING IN FEAR OF BEING DEVOURED BY CREATURES.
I had no idea leeches were so long (10cm) and thin when they wandered around.
RT @PointZeroOne: I really don’t know how you thought that was a worm [You Google “leech†and the images are all fat things.]
Here is a close-up of the front end, showing the silver stripe and the yellowish banding. pic.twitter.com/AW68syoohC
It’s the leech@Manic_Henryr@engochickck. On the high-res photo I can see the yellowish sections that showed more clearly when it was fat.
MT @madcatjo2point0: Has it got a silvery grey stripe? [From the photo, yes.] It is some sort of leech. [Yes, so it is. Bugger.]
NO I AM NOT POSTING A PIC OF THE SPOON AND YES THERE IS BLOOD EVERYWHERE BUT HONESTLY THAT IS NOT REALLY SO UNUSUAL.
Indeed, @Manic_Henry @engochick, I was fairly sure it was a worm. I didn’t see where it went though.
I can’t show you a picture of the leech ’cos I kinda smashed it to a pulp with a wooden spoon.
The critter I just removed was only a quarter the length, has an obvious anterior sucker, and visible yellowish banding.
OK, so is this a leech? I thought the anterior sucker was quite a large, visible thing? pic.twitter.com/Wvwc2r4rbE
Fucking hell. That was definitely a worm earlier, but I just found a leech attached between my toes. Fuck knows where it came from.
5at5 number 150: Winning photos, stylish air travel, shit, piss, cum, and old criminals. It’s a disturbing weekend. http://t.co/6nmtKDXlFG
RT @michellebvd: CNN Interviews A Celebrity Llama Named Pierre On Live TV http://t.co/IUuW6PPKO8 http://t.co/LRDboKvZcp
@SnarkyPlatypus Yes.
I’ll read the report on the weekend. I’m in no mad rush.
Tray fatty gay.
Maybe if I pretend that everything is an imprisoned child then it’ll be easier to ignore.
God I’m going to have to read that report, aren’t I. Because I’m not Senator Ian Macdonald and actually do my job.
“Advisory report on the Telecommunications (Interception and Access) Amendment (Data Retention) Bill 2014†http://t.co/p0BBDRxdO2
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: Xxl fd to executeddf execx ldexecxf [Well obviously.]
Look, like I would use a gatling gun “inappropriatelyâ€.
I’ve had to unfollo@WoefulAuspolol because it’s just too depressing.
More @DeptDefence @Australian_Navy imagery of HMAS Sydney’s last journey. http://t.co/DVdzxCqVLG http://t.co/bufHaLniNH
So, @DeptDefence @Australian_Navy, with HMAS Sydney decommissioning, you won’t want this Phalanx any more, rightpic.twitter.com/YdHmUuK3jXjX
RT @DeptDefence: HMAS Sydney entered #Sydney Heads for the final time as a @Australian_Navy ship today http://t.co/Rr7C5ILxcP http://t.co/l…
missdi_k Something something llama something something dress. I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue
TheFix The @BuzzFeed “What Color is This Dress” post has been viewed more than 4 million times in 3 hours. The Internet is amazing/awful.
EverythingGoats Baby Goat wearing white and gold sweater pic.twitter.com/m1VzbtaEQZ
@JohnBirmingham @PanMacAus Look, I wouldn’t want to scare anyone…
BlogsofWar #TheDress Twitter has me all like pic.twitter.com/87RVOUy9NU
@JohnBirmingham It certainly is. Maybe there should be a kiloton rating on the front cover.
hypatiadotca Planning on giggling your way thru @CSICyber’s premiere next week? Here’s some help - presenting CSI: Cyber Bingo! cyberbingo.herokuapp.com
@MadScotty @JohnBirmingham Yes, the first boom is indeed excellent. I’ll be reading the second as soon as I get in a reading mood.
@TownCraftGame @expectproblems You people should be ashamed of yourselves.
bustersdah @YaThinkN @davidbewart @Drag0nista Has Bill announced when good opposition will start?
@purserj Kill yourself.
@ResignInShame My mistake. Oops. Sorry.
[A topical but ultimately unfunny joke about ungulates and women’s clothing.]
@ResignInShame OMFG THERE WAS A TYPING MISTAKE IN A TWEET WHATEVER SHALL WE DO. Well, maybe just get on with our lives.
@jdub Meh. I want the article to be found when people look for it. “Prostrating yourself†is a few steps past that. Here, I’ll show you.
It would seem, from those book covers, that @JohnBirmingham won’t be happy until he’s exploded the entire world.
RT @JohnBirmingham: YAY! “@PanMacAus: Another drum roll.. cover reveal for ASCENDANCE: Dave Hooper # 3. Hello sexy covers!! #TheDave http:/…
“Stop monkeying around with our metadata laws, prime minister†(19 Feb) http://t.co/cEzuu5tIhG
OK, I used “metadata†in recent headlines, but that’s more for the bloody SEO than debate. Hence my recent yarn…
Me from March 2014: “It’s time that metadata met and end†http://t.co/eqY78u4tpQ
Stop calling it metadata. That just reinforces the government framing that it’s special and different and you don’t have to worry about it.
“Unbalanced,
“We are falling in behind Tony,’ said South Australian MP Rowan Ramsey. So, like a mass grave? http://t.co/YJgnXGMkdf
“I Am Troughman: Meet the Elusive Godfather of Golden Showers†http://t.co/NSO6t9uFL5
Erm. No, phone, that Instagram image is from 12 hours ago. What even is the point?
Crossing the Nepean, after midnight instagram.com/p/zlg6rliFhX/
Photos from the ‘Forensics: The Anatomy of Crime’ at Wellcome Collection in London this week. http://t.co/qVKI0ERXeS
@jeamland @mercergov Excellent news. Usually it’s just culturally illiterate programmers, who are of course quite rare*.
Revesby man arrested by @nswpolice for large-scale mail theft. At least 164 victims across 20 suburbs. http://t.co/2WzxRamu7Y
So @redbubble now does leggings. @myrcurial will be so pleased. redbubble.com/shop/leggings pic.twitter.com/OGnrp7Ykbh
jturner_ibrs Metadata is also a matter of perspective. My name is data, but it is also metadata about me.
jturner_ibrs Metadata is data. It’s data about the data. It’s not less data, it’s more data.
“Ruddock asked me to do my job ‘without fear or favour’. Brandis ended that traditionâ€, wrotes @Graemeinnes http://t.co/sRpSho7csK
RT @markham: In journalism you can be factual, profound and quick, but only two of those at a time #mediamistakes @cunyjschool http://t.co/…
@GreenJ And I only got 6 on the biscuits.
@GreenJ I still had fresh memories of this list of 300 new North Korean slogans. http://t.co/cRVY03idvG Though it says something about TED.
@purserj @R_Chirgwin @ZDNet Sooner, with any luck.
@GreenJ What did you get on “North Korean Slogan or TED Talk Sound Bite?â€? http://t.co/SUWeH9a76b I got 13 out of 14.