Stilgherrian – Page 217

08 June 201326 August 2020

Hillary’s mangoes, no NSA involved

[I was in a bit of a mood on Thursday, so when The Guardian broke the news that the NSA has been collecting the phone records of American citizens, my tolerance for political arsehattery was nonexistent. Calls for street protests? Bah! My countermove was to tweet a bunch of nonsense, which is posted here as prose.]

Maybe if we all run around like headless chooks, Mr Obama will say “Oh, sorry” and disband the NSA. And then Mr Obama will mount his trusty cyberpig and fly to the Moon, leaving behind a chemtrail of glitter and Bitcoins.

But look, headless chooks are the important bit. The more rushing around and screeching you can manage, the sooner the cyberpig lifts off. And quite frankly, Obama’s first term was a big disappointment as far as glitter showers go.

By comparison, I imagine that on weekends Hillary Clinton pumps out a steady stream of glitter. Like a Queen Ant, kinda.

Nyan Cat was DARPA’s prototype for that. DARPA’s main challenge was making it come out as glitter. When Hillary gets steam up, there’s no telling what it’ll be. Hummus, sometimes. Whipped cream.

One day it was just mangoes. Whole mangoes. Three a second, hour after hour. Secret Service guys took the whole weekend to clear the mess.

Then they had to figure out a cover story. Why were there mangoes smeared all the way down Pennsylvania Avenue? Eventually they decided just to tell everyone it was Madeleine Albright’s fault, so the press corps obviously bought that.

There’s a reason trams never took off in Washington.

[Photo: Mangoes by Flickr user umstwit, used under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.]

05 June 201305 June 2013

Weekly Wrap 156: An excess of Sydney, with smog

My week Monday 27 May to Sunday 2 June 2013 was rather different from how I first imagined it.

I ended up spending much of it in Sydney, covering the CeBit Cyber Security conference and recording all manner of conversations — the results of the latter to appear over the coming weeks.

Articles

Security goes military at CeBIT, iTnews, 30 May 2013.
Australia, your lack of cyber transparency disturbs me, ZDNet Australia, 31 May 2013.

Media Appearances

On Tuesday morning I spoke about the National Broadband Network (NBN) on Radio Adelaide’s breakfast program.
On Tuesday evening I spoke about the alleged Chinese hack of ASIO on the BBC World Service program World Have Your Say.

Corporate Largesse

On Tuesday I covered the CeBit Cyber Security conference, so as usual with such things there was food and drink.
On Wednesday I had lunch at the Customs House Bar with some folks from Sourcefire, and they paid.
On Wednesday night I was a guest of Kaspersky Lab at their dinner with Eugene Kaspersky at Aqua at Milsons Point. There was fine food and drink, a water taxi there and a Cabcharge voucher for the ride back.

The Week Ahead

Since it’s already quite late on Wednesday afternoon, all I’ll say is that I plan to head down to Sydney tomorrow, Thursday, for an interview recording — at least once I’ve got my ZDNet Australia column out of the way — and what happens for the rest of the week and the annoyingly-positioned long weekend will then depend upon circumstances.

And that’s not all I’m annoyed about.

[Photo: Night falls over Sydney, looking towards the CBD from Camperdown on 29 May 2013.]

01 June 2013

Talking ASIO hack on BBC World Service

Monday night’s Four Corners episode claimed, amongst other thing, that Chinese hackers had stolen the plans to the new headquarters of the Australian Security and Intelligence Organisation (ASIO). It made global news, and as a result, I ended up being interviewed on the BBC World Service program World Have Your Say.

The 15-minute live panel discussion also included Four Corners journalist Andrew Fowler, one of the BBC’s journalists based in China, and a journalist from The New York Times.

I quite enjoyed the chat, but it also showed how new all this stuff is to a mainstream audience.

Here’s the audio of the full 30-minute program. It starts off with a discussion of the current situation in Syria, and then we start at about the 14-minute mark.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (12.3MB)

01 June 201304 June 2013

Talking NBN on Radio Adelaide

The National Broadband Network (NBN) has been a thing in the news for years. It’s less that four months until another federal election where the NBN will be a critical policy issue. And yet I still find myself explaining some of the basic concepts in the media.

Tuesday morning saw another such session, on Radio Adelaide‘s breakfast program with presenter Angus Randall.

I wonder how well we managed to explain the differences between the Labor and Coalition policies. In interviews like these, I try to present both policies fairly. While I have my own views on what I think Australia should do in terms of its broadband policies, it’d be completely unprofessional to turn such an interview into an opportunity to push my own agenda.

~~Here’s the full audio.~~

[Update 4 June 2013: The interview has been posted at the Radio Adelaide website, and at their request I’ve linked to that instead of embedding the audio here. Due to a quirk of how they’ve set up their site, I am unable to make that part of the iTunes-compatible feed on this website.]

27 May 201315 June 2022

Clive Palmer, “Fisting the Future”

Photo of Clive Palmer and colleagues, fists raised: click for original story at The Australian

Do billionaire arsehat and political candidate Clive Palmer and his colleagues really think that this is the best hand gesture to make in 2013? “Fisting the Future!” Jesus wept.

27 May 2013

Weekly Wrap 155: Chemtrails, elitism and much thinking

My week Monday 20 to Sunday 26 May 2013 was spent returning from The America, and then reading, writing, planning and generally trying to focus on the future.

If that sounds vague, it’s because it was vague. And it felt vague. It was all very, very vague. But the next week will be less vague. By at least fifteen percent.

Articles

Decoding NetSuite’s anti-SAP bravado, iTnews, 20 May 2013. This is the first story I’ve done for iTnews since 2010, when I visited Microsoft’s War Room and took photographs, and the first since the redoubtable Charis Palmer became editor.
iPhone, therefore I am … a selfish disruptor, ZDNet Australia, 24 May 2013. I’m completely sick of the word “disruption” being used, in and of itself, as a positive term for progress. It turns out I’m late to the theme of private shuttle buses as a symbol of the emerging Silicon Valley elitism, however — and I’ll return to that theme this week, somewhere.

Media Appearances

None.

Corporate Largesse

None, which I suppose counterbalances last week.

The Week Ahead

On Monday I’m doing the day trip to Sydney to catch up with Peter Coffee, Salesforce.com VP and head of platform research, for a chat about The Future. This is, I think, our fourth attempt at meeting up since we met at the Dreamforce event two years ago, and I’m very much looking forward to it.

Tuesday is mostly a day of writing and research back at Wentworth Falls, although it kicks off with at spot on Radio Adelaide talking about the differences between the broadband policies of Labor and the Coalition. That’s at 0745 ACST / 0815 AEST.

Wednesday sees me heading into Sydney again, for interviews with Eugene Kaspersky of Kaspersky Lab and Chris Wood from Sourcefire, and then in the evening a long dinner and drinks event with Mr Kaspersky. I suspect I’ll be staying overnight in Sydney that night. If I survive the experience at all.

And then the rest of the week is about writing and podcast production. Probably. You known how my weeks go. Disorganisedly.

[Photo: How they make chemtrails, photographed at dusk over San Francisco International Airport. They’re just so blatant about it these days. While this photograph was taken on the evening of Sunday 19 May 2013 local time, it was already Monday 20 May Australian time, so I’m allowing myself to use this photo this week.]