Touched by the UIBN

On her personal blog, Quatrefoil tells us that “Touched” is…

… just the name someone thought to give to the style of incredibly ordinary bra I bought this evening. Honestly! I think it describes their state of mind. (Un)fortunately the other styles by the same manufacturer were not called ‘squeezed’, ‘groped’ or ‘felt up’. Who comes up with these names anyway?

To which I replied…

Bra names are set by the International Brassiere Nomenclature Union (UIBN) under the rules agreed upon by the UIBN Convention of 1885, which was held at the Palace of Versailles.

The UIBN Approvals Committee comprises representatives from the five founding nations (France, Britain, Italy, Belgium and the Netherlands), the Treaty nations of 1919 (in order, Austria, Monaco, Luxembourg, Russia, Hungary, Greece, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Ireland, Germany and the US), plus two rotating “guest nations”, currently Libya and South Korea.

All names must adhere to all 15 “Règles de la Nomenclature”. In this case, the name “Touched” has been selected under Rule 3, which specifies that single-word names must have an inherent “Référence à la passion érotique” without being explicit. The other words you suggest would fail that test.

You do have the right of appeal, however, to the International Court of Appeals for Brassiere Names in Geneva, provided that your petition is supported by a member of parliament from one of the UIBN Treaty nations or (since 1975) a Member of the European Parliament.

Perhaps Wikipedia needs to be updated in the light of this new-found information.

Then again, it has been said that I have too much time on my hands.

Deeply worried

As the Snarky Platypus and I had lunch today, we overheard a radio advertisement with a female voiceover:

If there’s one thing I worry about more than ill-fitting underwear, it’s other women wearing ill-fitting underwear.

And I agree. Three afternoons a week, I lie in the street or take up a strategic position near a staircase or escalator so I can look up women’s skirts — and I’m appalled at the number of women whose underwear doesn’t form a smooth, form-fitting surface that matches their body contours. I should write to my local MP.