Category: Media

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The aim of PR

There’s two kinds o’people. Those who pay to be in the media, and those who are paid to be in the media. The aim of PR is to get you into the second group.

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Paris Hilton, branding expert (apparently)

OK, I know that at one level I’m being sucked in by the very cult of celebrity I despise by even mentioning this, but… Paris Hilton has been offered a million dollars to teach a one-hour class on “How to Build Your Brand.”

Bill Zanker, president of The Learning Annex, previously paid Donald Trump $1.5M to lecture his students, so he must reckon Paris is roughly 67% as good:

“She’s a brilliant entrepreneur. I believe she can offer her knowledge and give back to other entrepreneurs. She’s obviously brilliant, and my students would love her.”

Bill, I’ll give you the Paris lessons for free:

  1. Start off rich. If you’re rich, you’ll automatically be invited to parties where paparazzi swarm. And without having to work for a living, you’ll have time for all the parties.
  2. Start off stupid. If people see that you’re rich and stupid, they’ll reckon it’ll be easy to separate the fool from her money. You’ll get a lot of attention. Just ask Rob Mills.
  3. Slut around like there’s no tomorrow. There’ll be plenty of Names at those parties. Pick a few and pork away! It’s all a numbers game anyway, so you’re aiming for quantity, not quality.

Et voila! An instantly-recognisable global brand!

Thanks (well, I guess it’s thanks) to Zern Liew for emailing me this vital information privately.

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Terrorist Special Olympics in the UK

I’ve unsubtly hinted at this before, but the mainstream media doesn’t seem to run this angle: The “terrorist” “bombings” in the UK just now were completely half-arsed and simply don’t deserve the attention they’re getting — unless it’s about having a really good belly-laugh.

Bruce Schneier, ever the clear-thinker about these issues, says it in his headline:

Terrorist Special Olympics in the UK

First London and then Glasgow. Who are these idiots? Is there a Special Olympics for terrorists going on in the UK this week?

Two points about Glasgow:

Thumbnail of Glasgow car burning

One, airport security worked. And two, putting a propane tank into a car and driving into a building at high speed is the sort of thing that only works in old episodes of The A Team. On television, you get a massive, extensive explosion. In real life, you only get a small localized fire.

I am particularly pleased with the reaction from the Scots, which is measured and reasonable. No one was hurt; no need to panic. Life goes on.

But don’t let this reality disturb the paranoid Fox News uberreality in which we live. Lo! There is grainy vision of a burning car. Lo! There are foreign men with funny names and dark skin. Lo! We raid their homes and find “religious literature”…

Hang on! Did I miss the day “religious literature” became suspicious?

Bruce Schneier’s essay on that laughable plan to blow up JFK (the airport, not the dead president) makes an important point about that:

Terrorism is a real threat, and one that needs to be addressed by appropriate means. But allowing ourselves to be terrorized by wannabe terrorists and unrealistic plots — and worse, allowing our essential freedoms to be lost by using them as an excuse — is wrong.

Indeed.

And let’s repeat the point. You’re far more likely to be killed by lightning or by drowning in your own bathtub than being killed by a terrorist.