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Google Rank and website basics: a practical example

10 May 2009 in Business, Internet by Stilgherrian | 35 comments

Photograph of Dunlop Volley tennis show (black)

The shoe in the photograph is the Dunlop Volley Classic tennis shoe. A black one. If you’ve met me in the flesh, you may have noticed that it’s my default footwear. Comfortable. Practical. Cheap.

Thing is, the Volley website, which I’ll talk about shortly, exhibits everything but those attributes. Fail.

I don’t play tennis, or any sport for that matter. The thing about the Volley Classic, though, is that its rubber sole offers a firm grip on all sorts of surfaces. Even in the wet. Indeed, I’m told that people in certain SEKRIT professions like them because they’re perfect for scurrying across rooftops on dark, rainy nights.

And they’re black.

If you use a black felt-tip marker, you can colour in that white flash at the rear of the shoe so it’s completely black, and at night you’re totally invisible just like a ninja.

From the ankles down.

The reason I’m telling you all this is because this morning I bought a replacement pair of these truly awesome shoes. I’m sick of my chiropractor giving me grief about the holes in my current pair. Yesterday my usual supplier was out of stock, at least in size 11. But just now I bought new shoes — before 9am on a Sunday — without even getting out of bed.

It’s a lesson in the importance of making sure your website is properly indexed on Google, and that you concentrate on what really helps make a sale.

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Links for 03 July 2008 through 04 July 2008

05 July 2008 in Daily Links by del.icio.us | No comments

Stilgherrian’s links for 03 July 2008 through 04 July 2008, gathered with joy and mutton:

Draft Report | Garnaut Climate Change Review: The Draft Report describes the methodology for evaluating the costs and benefits of climate change mitigation; to the application of the science of climate change to Australia; to the international context, and to Australian mitigation policy.
Turing Test | xkcd: On the other hand, maybe the test is to make the examiner think that HE'S the computer!
Turing test | Wikipedia: "The Turing test is a proposal for a test of a machine's capability to demonstrate intelligence." What I love about the REAL Turing test is the subtlety of it… It's not faking a human, it's faking a human faking.
Manned Cloud by Jean-Marie Massaud | Dezeen: This just has to be the most beautiful design for an airship I've ever seen. Guys, build it soon!
The BBC and the future of broadcasting | Stephen Fry: Stephen Fry's speech on the future of public service broadcasting, and the BBC in particular.

Your career as a “Timeline of Understanding”

24 January 2008 in Business, Marketing by Stilgherrian | No comments

My good friend and colleague Zern Liew has updated the website for his business, Eicolab. It’s glorious. And one of the most glorious parts is this visually stunning timeline of his career — presented not as a list of employers and projects, but as a record of his evolving professional thoughts.

If you click through to the full-size graphic, you’ll see how it begins in 1998 with observations like “Flash is bad” and variations on “Appropriate technology” through to current observations like “markets are conversations” and “business is personal” — things I happen to agree on.

What would your career look like in this format? What were the observations, tools and guiding principles which shaped your career path?

The Sydney Writers Festival starts tomorrow and runs all next week. I’m impressed with their website: a minimalist design which actually concentrates on the content — words!

27 May 2007 by Stilgherrian | No comments

What is “Web 2.0 design”? Is there such a thing? Before he explains how to do Web 2.0 design, Ben Hunt points out: “In sociological terms, movements impact people on many levels: economic, cultural, political, etc. Is skate-punk about entertainment and sport, music and the music industry, fashion, or the breakdown of society?”

20 April 2007 by Stilgherrian | No comments

I need a hand…

19 April 2007 in Business, Personal by Stilgherrian | No comments

Photo of a hand

I don’t have time to learn and understand everything. Who does? Me and my business need various skills to make things happen more quickly — now. So if you know anyone who can help, put them in touch.

I need a telephone geek to get my Nokia N80 and 3G network stuff working more efficiently. A workflow from the phone through to WordPress and Flickr would be nice.

I need another telephone geek to re-organise my business phones. Telcos are useless — they just want to sell products. Maybe someone who knows Asterisk is the answer?

I need a web developer who can work in XHTML/CSS code (no Flash or Dreamweaver muppets!) with excellent attention to detail and, ideally, a knowledge of WordPress and proper object-oriented PHP. We don’t do complex work, but we do want quality. I’ll be advertising this soon.

I’m still looking for a good technical support human who’s actually human. This is a full-time job.

A junior systems administrator wouldn’t go astray. This would suit a student who’s familiar with Linux, has run a website or two and needs a few hours paid work a week.

A techno producer who can work in a minimalist German style for a crassly commercial music project.

A graphic artist/designer who can do finished artwork for print as well as basic web stuff. We sometimes end up doing a full corporate image for clients. We need someone for the grunt-work, like doing ten newspaper adverts to a pre-existing style, or preparing fifty product shots for a website.

The classic book The Grammar of Ornament has been digitised! Thanks to The Other Andrew and Things Magazine for the heads-up.

19 April 2007 by Stilgherrian | No comments

Apple iPhone parodies

26 January 2007 in Humour by Stilgherrian | 1 comment

Thanks to the ever-observant people at Signal vs Noise, I can draw your attention to Worth1000.com‘s competition for fake designs for non-existent Apple products.

Photo-mockup of Apple iToilet

I can’t be the only one with infantile humour, because there’s lots of toilet-themed entries — though for my money this is the best.

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What’s more British than a Spitfire?

04 December 2006 in Marketing by Stilgherrian | 7 comments

Nothing, apparently. When designer Jeremy Fisher was creating a new logo for exclusive tailor English Cut, he wanted an image which defined “The Best of British”.

A BBC story — reminiscent of the Australian values debate — suggested everything from gin and tonic to the National Health Service. But Fisher chose the iconic Spitfire fighter aircraft of WWII.

New English Cut logo

“‘British’ used to be a byword for quality, trust, craftsmanship and innovation,” he says.

Thanks to Gaping Void for the pointer.

Her Majesty’s Disco Stick

14 March 2006 in Humour, Marketing, Politics by Stilgherrian | 4 comments

Photograph of Commonwealth Games Baton

According to an unknown retired Major-General, the Queen’s Baton (pictured right) has become the beacon, a shining symbol of unity, of hope and the shared aspirations of a world sorely in need of such healing and inspiration.”

Get me a bucket.

The Queen’s Baton for the Melbourne 2006 Commonwealth Games is a subtle and dangerous trap. It is sucking out our brains and it has already formed a parasitic relationship with the Prime Minister.

I urge the People of the Commonwealth to re-name this crass object “Her Majesty’s Disco Stick”.

HM’s Disco Stick is inspiring such pretentious drivel that we’re in danger of forgetting how to think.

“We should applaud Her Majesty’s foresight and wisdom in sending this remarkable baton on its wonderful journey throughout the commonwealth nations she loves so much,” gushes the Major-General. Oh, apparently he’s the Governor-General, I’ve just been told.

Behold the Disco Stick!

Behold the triumph of feature-list over taste!

Disco Stick is jam-packed with cutting edge technologies never before utilised in a Games baton, including front and rear view Baton Cam.
Disco Stick has Global Positioning System (GPS), so we can track its every move — at least when the website’s not overloaded and the satellite link’s working.
Disco Stick’s front slots glow with a green light, like a hotted-up computer case from Chinatown.
Disco Stick’s green lights flash in a chaser pattern! The green light moves up and down its length like an athlete’s self-love!

Behold the subtlety of Melbourne’s self-promotion!

The gold tip reflects Melbourne’s elegance and grandeur and the important role the metal has played in the city’s history and prosperity. Melbourne thrived during Victoria’s 1850s gold rush, which drew many people from diverse nations to the great city to seek their success; not unlike the athletes that will flock to Melbourne for the Games in 2006.

Magnesium, often referred to as the “metal of the future”, is used in the front panel of the baton. Australia is one of the world’s largest producers of magnesium and the metal has special significance to Australia’s prosperity and economic future. The green colour used on the back of the baton reflects Melbourne’s park surrounds and Victoria’s place as “The Garden State.”

And behold the People’s Praise!

Geoff Strong scored a free trip on The Ghan and used his journey well:

The Queen’s Commonwealth Games baton rests in its case like a sculptural tribute to the underground nematode worm Caenorhabditis elegans. When its batteries are activated the thing radiates a rippling phosphorescent green, its Melbourne-based designers perhaps inspired by a Doctor Who episode or a Star Wars movie.

But what I love is that amid all this mucilaginous praise, this Baton is still an Australian baton: the night before its Big Day, the Baton is going to a party.

Assigning Blame

Charlwood Design's wireless EFTPOS terminal

Her Majesty’s Disco Stick was designed by Charlwood Design in Melbourne. They’re also responsible for empire-inspiring wireless EFTPOS terminals (pictured right), hotel door locks, ventolin inhalers and a thing for bashing down asphalt on the roads.

I don’t blame Charlwood’s designers, though. They had a hard act to follow.

In 2002, Manchester gave us the magnificent Jubilee Baton — fashioned from sterling silver and engraved with traditional symbols of the creative artists’ families and cultures, including a wolf, a raven and “an eagle with a frog in its mouth”.