The Sydney Film Festival starts in a little over a week. How do you choose from more than 300 films to see?
The Inaugural Paul Neil Milne Johnstone Award goes to…
Distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen, it is my very great pleasure tonight to announce the recipient of the Inaugural Paul Neil Milne Johnstone Award for Language Mutilation.
This award is named in honour of the late Paul Johnstone of Redbridge in England, who was cited by author Douglas Adams as writing the worst poetry in the entire universe. This award isn’t about poetry, however. It’s about Language. Language — and especially the abuse of language — in all its glory.
Of the many things which make us human, Language is one of the most important. Language binds our society together. Language, some even say, is what allows us to think rational thoughts.
So when people use Language badly, when Language is abused in order to mislead, to corrupt, to baffle or to sell a product, we shouldn’t ignore it. We should stand it on a pedestal, call up the author, point to them and say in a loud voice, “This person is destroying the very meaning of humanity.”
With this in mind, I’ve chosen as the recipient of the Inaugural Paul Neil Milne Johnstone Award a representative of a profession — if I may call it that — which is renown the world over for misleading language, namely, a real estate agent.
Ladies and gentlemen, would you please put your hands together for Claudia Mendez (pictured right), of Laing+Simmons, Newtown.
Now as Claudia is making her way to the stage, I’d like to say a few words about my choice, and take a look at her work…
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Sleeping through a gunshot
I gained a certain reputation one night when I woke to the sound of gunfire — and then muttered “Oh, it’s next door,” before nonchalantly falling asleep again. But I don’t think even I could sleep through a gunshot wound to the head!
How to fire a client
Melbourne designer Jonathan Nicol has published a great article on how to fire a client.
Fred Dagg on Real Estate
I’ve finally found the text for the famous “Real Estate” speech by Fred Dagg, aka John Clarke. Lifted from Eric Lindsay’s blog, where it was shameless plagiarised…
Introducing: Nosefrida
Thanks to BoingBoing I can tell you about the Nosefrida… “A suction straw for clearing snot out of your kids’ nostrils. Put the rubber hose up your kid’s nose, then suck on the other end (keep track of which end you use for what). A filter stops the gunk and germs from ending up in your mouth.”
Of course the really, really evil part of me wants to start a competition…
How else could the Nosefrida be used in your life? Or someone else’s life, for that matter.
Please post your suggestions in the comments, and at the end of May I’ll give some sort of lame prize to whomever I judge the winner.