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If I ever become an Evil Overlord…

… then here’s the plan: Follow the advice given in The Top 100 Things I’d Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord. Including:

  • My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
  • I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
  • If my advisors ask “Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?”, I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
  • My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

Sure, the list is a decade old, but I only found out about it just now from author John Birmingham, who continues the discussion.

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Remember the bigger picture

On a beautifully rainy morning, a raindrop becomes part of a metaphor in my horoscope from Astrology.com.

Have you ever stood too close to a painting or a photograph? Here you thought you were looking at a drop of rain, but when you back up, you realize it’s the entire ocean. Take that perspective on your life now.

Yes, you. Now.

Um, yes Miss.

Back later.

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Competitors or colleagues?

On Friday night I ran into three local restaurateurs chatting in the street — proprietors respectively of Sydney’s best Lebanese restaurant Fifi‘s, Greek meze specialists Kafenes and The Razor’s Edge.

While I’ve eaten at Fifi’s several times and can vouch for their wonderfulness, which is why I stopped to chat too. I haven’t tried the others — but they both have excellent reputations.

The guy from The Razor’s Edge left to set up for dinner. And then the guy from Fifi’s mentioned that his kitchen hands were late and he had to go too. Maria from Kafene’s reaction: “Do you need a hand?”

Restaurants across the road from each other are meant to be arch enemies, aren’t they? Or are they? This cooperative approach to business was inspiring.

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Owns plasma TV, but still a racist

Photo of accommodation poster

This poster advertising share accommodation in Sydney is pretty typical of the genre — a list of features, tear-off tags with phone numbers, and the notice that you’d be the fifth person in a 3-bedroom apartment.

But there are two features worth pointing out.

1. Boasting that “Nobody sleeps in the living room!!!!!” reminds us that it’s now normal to over-crowd CBD apartments. These buildings were designed with a certain occupancy, so may the gods help them all in the event of a fire.

2. Saying “Europeans, North- and South Americans or Australian applications preferred” is just a coward’s way of saying “No blacks or Asians” — which is a bit rich for someone choosing to live in Sussex Street, right next to Sydney’s Chinatown.

Owners of mobile phones 0415 520 775 and 0403 220 688, you may well own a plasma TV and “really nice furniture”, but you’re still racist turds.

If it wasn’t for the fact that doing so might count as harassment, I’d suggest that we all phone you and say so.