Vodafone only half-useful

Yesterday I couldn’t find Vodafone’s website because for some inexplicable reason I got the spelling wrong. Who knows, maybe it’s because in English the word is “phone” so I went to www.vodaphone.com.au. The stupid thing is, Vodafone had already gone half-way to solving the problem, but left me hanging.

Now I won’t get into the whole “Let’s convince customers we’re cool by using funky spelling” thing, except to say I think it’s a complete wank. As soon as you try to be cool, you’ve failed.

What’s daft is that Vodafone had in fact already licensed the Internet domain vodaphone.com.au…

posen:~ contour$ whois vodaphone.com.au
Domain Name: vodaphone.com.au
Last Modified: 16-Nov-2002 06:04:14 UTC
Registrar ID: R00010-AR
Registrar Name: Melbourne IT
Status: OK

Registrant: Vodafone Pacific Limited
Registrant ID: OTHER 056 161 043

Registrant ROID: C0754342-AR
Registrant Contact Name: THE MANAGER
Registrant Email: hostmaster@vodafone.com.au

… but done nothing with it. So, for anyone who knows how to spell and goes to www.vodaphone.com.au, nothing happens. The resulting marketing message is “We’re offline. We’re unreliable”.

Yet with less than an hour’s work, the message could have been “Hey, our name is actually Vodafone. We’ll now take you to www.vodafone.com.au.”

And if they did that, they’d even know how many website visitors they’d been losing this way.

The lesson for businesses: Where are your customers looking for you? When they go there, will they find you?

Web’s Short Attention Span (plus more)

If you’re writing for the web, get to the point! The average home user spends only 52 seconds on a web page.

Other useful facts from Nielsen/NetRatings’ June 2006 figures:

  • The average home user has 36 web-browsing sessions per month, visiting a total of 63 unique domains.
  • There are 10,546,747 active “digital media” consumers in Australia (does that mean “Internet users?), out of an estimated 13,745,868 potential users.

Two Favourite Satires

OK, it’s been ages since I posted something, so to remind everyone that I still exist, here’s two of my current favourite satires.

Panexa: Wonder Drug

Thanks to New Scientist magazine for news of this “important new wonder-drug”:

PANEXA is a prescription drug that should only be taken by patients experiencing one of the following disorders: metabolism, binocular vision, digestion (solid and liquid), circulation, menstruation, cognition, osculation, extremes of emotion.

Dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO)

The Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division (DMRD) of Newark, Delaware warns us of “the controversy surrounding this dangerous chemical”.

DHMO is a constituent of many known toxic substances, diseases and disease-causing agents, environmental hazards and can even be lethal to humans in quantities as small as a thimbleful…

Despite the known dangers of DHMO, it continues to be used daily by industry, government, and even in private homes across the U.S. and worldwide.