It’s Friday afternoon, it’s the end of the financial year, so a little irreverence is acceptable — if not compulsory. So here’s a link to story about a ship with an unfortunate name.
Explain the rules, plainly
It may seem obvious, but if you want your clients to behave in a certain way, why not just tell them? Open honest communication really is the way to go.
That’s why I was thrilled to see the following message in a newsletter from my chiropractor:
Missed appointments and late cancellations — our solution
Missed appointments and late cancellations are an inconvenience not only for us, but also for other clients who may have wanted your appointment time and miss out. So in future missed appointments and cancellations on the same day will be handled as follows:
1st missed appt: We understand, anyone can forget once.
2nd missed appt: We’re not very happy — a gift (wine or flowers etc) is required to appease us. Or we will donate your “Missed appointment fee” to charity.
3rd missed appt: Our regular fee will apply.
4th missed appt: Our regular fee will apply and we won’t make any more appointments for you.
What a superb piece of writing, too. It’s friendly and conversational, but it’s also laying down the law.
Geosynchronous taxidermist
Mostly I ignore spam, but I love it when the “random word” subject lines create a joyous concept. Such as today’s effort: geosynchronous taxidermist. Now there’s a speciality!
“Turd” is woody
The Inaugural Paul Neil Milne Johnstone Award goes to…
Distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen, it is my very great pleasure tonight to announce the recipient of the Inaugural Paul Neil Milne Johnstone Award for Language Mutilation.
This award is named in honour of the late Paul Johnstone of Redbridge in England, who was cited by author Douglas Adams as writing the worst poetry in the entire universe. This award isn’t about poetry, however. It’s about Language. Language — and especially the abuse of language — in all its glory.
Of the many things which make us human, Language is one of the most important. Language binds our society together. Language, some even say, is what allows us to think rational thoughts.
So when people use Language badly, when Language is abused in order to mislead, to corrupt, to baffle or to sell a product, we shouldn’t ignore it. We should stand it on a pedestal, call up the author, point to them and say in a loud voice, “This person is destroying the very meaning of humanity.”
With this in mind, I’ve chosen as the recipient of the Inaugural Paul Neil Milne Johnstone Award a representative of a profession — if I may call it that — which is renown the world over for misleading language, namely, a real estate agent.
Ladies and gentlemen, would you please put your hands together for Claudia Mendez (pictured right), of Laing+Simmons, Newtown.
Now as Claudia is making her way to the stage, I’d like to say a few words about my choice, and take a look at her work…
Continue reading “The Inaugural Paul Neil Milne Johnstone Award goes to…”
Fred Dagg on Real Estate
I’ve finally found the text for the famous “Real Estate” speech by Fred Dagg, aka John Clarke. Lifted from Eric Lindsay’s blog, where it was shameless plagiarised…