Bottom (in three parts)

For some reason, people’s… um, private parts have popped up in my blog reading this week. Young’uns and folk of delicate dispositions should read no further. And especially don’t read the last item.

1. Today The Other Andrew tells me he’s proved that you’re never too sick to have a sly one off the wrist. Apparently. Get well soon, dear.

Send photographs, by all means.

2. Mind you, only on Friday Andrew reported that…

during the study [on sleep patterns], they wore rectal thermometers continuously to provide a minute-by-minute record of their body temperature.

… and goes on to say that “I don’t think I’d sleep like a normal person if I had something jammed up my ass.”

Apart from confusing a donkey with his own rectum, maybe I agree. At least today. But can you trust someone who suffers from zoo-anatomical confusion?

3. However the biscuit goes to… hmmm… wrong choice of words maybe? The Golden Buttplug Award goes to Zhasper who relates:

I don’t know what prompted me to stick my finger in my clean ass and lick it. Perhaps, I was checking for an injury or something else — I really can not say for certain as to the reason — but my mouth started burning in flames from jalapeños. Yes, I had jalapeño pepper juice up my ass! I can’t believe how I discovered this — you know what I mean? — and I can not believe that I confirmed what I thought. I have jalapeño pepper ass and need immediate help!

I admit to him the situation. We bust out laughing because we can’t believe the twist of events. He was still in disbelief making claims of washing hands but he is a gentleman. He asked what could he do to help me and I told him that he is going to have to eat the jalapeño pepper juice out of my ass — and in a hurry! So, my legs fly up in the air and he is down there licking away — his mouth in flames — trying to rescue me from my situation! Periodic stops to drink more beer were needed and about another 15 minutes of licking, I started to find relief.

I did warn you.

And now my work is done.

6 Replies to “Bottom (in three parts)”

  1. Readers, Stilgherrian has obviously been kidnapped and replaced by Steve-O from ‘Jackass’. Call the police.

  2. Gah, you make one innocent post that mentions rectal thermometers and one casual comment about having a sickbed wank and all of a sudden you’re up there with people who could butt-munch for Australia… 🙂

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