Thud.
And this.
Yeah maybe not this bit either.
Oh except maybe for a few bits.
Cleaver Greene is probably my new role model.
Well that’s an excellent idea, @Pollytics. I’m happy to act as anyone’s Life Coach for a moderate fee.
RT @Pollytics: @stilgherrian Ever thought about switching careers to “Life Coach”? The world could do with an insurgency of 80’s debauchery
The number of hashtagged normal sentence words in a tweet is a rough proxy measure for fuckwittedness.
“This is a great school and I want every school around the country to be a great school.” #gillardwisdom
mudville100 Tried new Siri on ios6 , I said to Siri ‘what is good about ios6”…Siri replied, “I do not understand ’ what is good about I owe ass sex’ “
@Pollytics Hookers and blow, Sir, hookers and blow.
@witty_knitter I can email you the PM’s script if you like. It’s not all that exciting.
@benmoretti Oh. Well, either way, yes, we need to buy a better one. “How?” is another question…
@intrepidfear Nope, it’s the newly-completed intersection at Wentworth Falls.
@lewellyn Huh? I wasn’t aware that I had any such method.
The quality of material on my Twitter feed accurately reflects what you pay for it.
@benmoretti Yeah well buy me a better one.
Sign of Civilisation instagr.am/p/P1Hg7XiFi0/
The Great Western Highway instagr.am/p/P1HK3eCFiw/
Right. I’m going back to @bunjaree to eat cheese and sleeping pills and beetroot dip, for tomorrow I begin two busy weeks based in Sydney.
I want to say “condescending cunt”, but it seems a little early.
@seamus @SnarkyPlatypus Jesus, Seamus, just one look at the photo of that guy and I want to punch him very hard in the face.
@juhasaarinen I approve of your orthography in “pr0k sausages”. Ping @SnarkyPlatypus
Why do tech news outlets not report individual store stock levels of, say, paperclips? Or Toshiba Ultrabooks? Any any other thing at all?
So Australia’s data retention proposals. Criminal evidence as protected by Dodo Internet. I feel safer already.
It approaches 1745 AEST and no-one has been killed yet.
PM Gillard to host forum on the “digital economy” at UNSW on Fri 5 Oct. Not on the PM’s website yet.
@penbo A “landfill”? Or is that just wishful thinking?
@LovesagoodRant And I wasn’t wearing a tracksuit, so there’s something.
@LovesagoodRant Well yes, every round I fired that day, with the Browning 9mm, M4 carbine, or FN SCAR-H assault rifle, hit the target.
@jarrodbooth @aus_media I hadn’t filed Mr Hinch under “racist”, but then I’ll admit I haven’t studied his form in any detail.
menendymendez i.imgur.com/no75Z.jpg look, can google maps find you a train station that was closed in 1892? i didn’t think so.
@LovesagoodRant Indeed. And I have totally safe hobbies. youtube.com/watch?v=ZCldL3…
I remember when one London Underground station engaged in dialog with @newscientist’s “Feedback” column, they on whiteboard, NS in print.
I know everyone has already posted the London Underground notice about iOS 6 maps, but hey it’s sweet. pbs.twimg.com/media/A3QARhSC…
Look forward tonight to the Prime Minister saying something mildly amusing about the unnamed knitting app she uses. Yes, the PM knits.
Dear Tech PR People, <Our boss> said <much the same as everyone else> on <long-running issue we’ve all covered> isn’t news.
@smperris @garystark @mediahunter @expectproblems @TurnbullMalcolm Dunno. The ways of Canberra politicomedia operatives are mysterious.
It would appear that I’m no longer on @TurnbullMalcolm’s email list.
I just struck jackpot ont he crisp vending machine. $2.50 in for a $2.40 purchase, around $4 delivered in change. Win!
@duncanriley Yeah I was surprised to see all those dates too. And there’s other various spots mentioned. [shrugs] I’m not his audience.
@duncanriley “Hinch (Seven Network 1987–1991, then 1992–1994 Network Ten)… The Midday Show (Nine Network) (199en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derryn_Hi…bZ44
RT @aus_media: BREAKING: #DerrynHinch has joined Seven as national public affairs commentator | bit.ly/RCRm8N [HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!]
“[He was] charged with recruiting persons to engage in criminal activity and printing/publish to incite/urge/aid commission of crime.”
Oh look! Existing laws can be used to charge people with existing crimes done on “social media”. Who knew? police.nsw.gov.au/news/media_rel…
Someone please explain to Apple’s Trudy Muller the difference between “cloud” and “crowdsourcing”. Also, “service” and “joke”.
“Maps is a cloud-based solution and the more people use it, the better it will get,” said Apple’s Trudy Muller abc.net.au/news/2012-09-2…
Everything explained instagr.am/p/P06xZ3iFup/
@SnarkyPlatypus Who asked you? Do you know what a canal is?
@oberonsghost Also, regexp as feminine makes sense. Complex, mysterious, understood by few mortal men. #casualsexism
There’s a fair chance I won’t actually cry.
Transport to Freedom! instagr.am/p/P04uLdiFuC/
I see that once more Janetter and Twitter have conspired to hide 25% of people’s tweets. @AppDotNet looks ever more appealing.
@oberonsghost Gawd, I thought my #3yrsoflatin was excessive! Thank you. #8yrsoflatin
Prohairetic Australia lives in a delusional bubble in which the Sydney protests and the Festival of Dangerous Ideas are seen as significant things.
I probably don’t need that level of insight into your mental processes. Plus I’m happy with the current crop.
Changing pubs. Changing villages.
You’ve done a video?
@0x1C Oh I think I just fell in love. Google says, though, “Barbara, I am here, because I do not understand regex.” Close enough.
Re-pimp. Next Sat, Festival of Dangerous Ideas, “I Share Therefore I Am”. Me and Victoria Doidge. (Is she on Twitter?) fodi.sydneyoperahouse.com/#i-share-there…
@ZebraBites Good God! You’re one of the people paying good money to listen to me? Have you sought medical attention?
Per regexp ad astra. (Is “regexp” masculine, feminine or neuter in Latin?)
Stabby.
@petey_jee Look, my email address is on my website. How about you write up your lecture and send it to me there?
@petey_jee More pointedly, there’s nought wrong with giving blunt feedback to news editors when you think they’re making the wrong decision.
@petey_jee Do you know what the word “complaint” means?
Amount that I care about the internal politics in some private school in another city: 0.0000000000000000000000 minus infinity.
The dissonant bullshit “techno” they’re playing in this pub is not making me want to stab people AT ALL.
I’m over this week.
@bastardsheep Warning! Someone has hacked your Twitter account and is posting links to YouTube clips as really bad jokes.
RT @jeamland: Am I allowed to destroy the Universe? [Nay, you are REQUIRED to destroy the Universe. Please. Do us all a favour.]
RT @Beaker: “Let’s get up at 5am to go to the airport” is highly over rated [Which is why the Good Lord invented bourbon?]
Dear Everybody in Technology and Management, English has prepositions other than “around” for a reason. Learn to use them, motherfuckers!
@CassieST Really? I use “punter” myself, and the flavours I want to convey are the powerlessness, being the recipient of other’s actions.
@oberonsghost With luck that life sentence won’t be terribly long either.
People who refer to a market, business sector or product range as a “space”. #IceMoonPrison
“Gerry Harvey – sucker or savant?businessspectator.com.au/bs.nsf/Article…eK
To Buses instagr.am/p/P0i-R6CFhk/
@MetaMikeBiggs Too late, sorry, but there’s plenty of dirt track pics on my Flickr stream.
Alien invasion instagr.am/p/P0gN3-CFu2/
Mobile: Walk dirt track then Railway Pde to Wentworth Falls; 1232 train to Lawson; Blue Mountains Hotel; remainder TBA.
@RatbagsDotCom My pleasure. I had a perfectly good Long Island Iced Tea and much joyous hilarity. I may go again.
RatbagsDotCom I would like to thank @stilgherrian for taking the pain at the Blue Mountains creative show last night. I would have needed bail money.
PR people need to learn that no means no.
‘Tis done.
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: Your session with the Blue Mountain creatives last night, obviously. [Yes, I was thinking that.]
OK, I’m nearly finished these questions. One more to go. “11. Best thing you’ve seen or heard this week?” I wasn’t doing them in order.
@elronxenu @michaelmeloni Ah, but LOLcats date back to the 1800s. Not digital, I grant you, but not a new idea.
So there’s a iOS 6 Maps Tumblr. Of course there is. theamazingios6maps.tumblr.com HT @mpesce
RT @ssharwood: iPhone queue ‘superficial and pretentious’ says queuing fangirl theregister.co.uk/2012/09/20/iph… By me [Thanks, Simon.]
RT @eztephen: The Elder Wand. harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Elder_Wand / Do you see what I did there? #wandmeme [I see what you did, and approve.]
@SophieAG @PointZeroOne Great suggestion, but it appears that viruses causing behaviour change is an older idea. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasm…
I note that 4chan’s domain was registered on 14 February 2004. Hmmm…
OaaSvc @NewtonMark Apple will report you to the PM for making them sad.
RT @michaelmeloni: But seriously, I think it’s Grindr. Not since ancient Rome has getting laid been so easy (if that’s your preference …)
Today’s Useful Phrase for Tech PRs: “Other accessories to make the unit more suited to different masturbatory activities include…”
It says here, @michaelmeloni, that the Hitachi Magic Wand is from the 1970s. Fail. But I like your thinking. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hitachi_M…
RT @michaelmeloni: Most important idea of the last 10 years? The Hitachi Magic Wand? The Sybian for last century for sure.
RT @PointZeroOne: duh the idea of Facebook [Is it, though? I’m thinking something more physics or biochemistry.]
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: YOLO [Oh dear. That’s tempting…]
“5. Most important idea of the last 10 years?” Has there even been one?
RT @michaelmeloni: Why not let us answer them for you? [Yeah, what could possibly go wrong? OK, I’ll try a few.]
Answering 12 questions sent to me by the organisers of the Sydney Opera House’s Festival of Dangerous Ideas. Harder than I thought.
@Jester_Jeff I regret nothing!
RT @leslienassar: Idiocracy. pic.twitter.com/3zDyUb51 #iPhone5 #BrandAllTheThings [Am I the only one who wants to punch this face?]
Pro Tip: If a pub gives you an itemised receipt for your bar tab, destroy it before you see it the next morning. #adn
@jendudley @juhasaarinen I spoke to that guy on Tuesday. He’s pimping his start-up phone plan comparison website.
@MrSABlack “Cynical”? Moi?
Google-owned Motorola Mobility ask US authorities to ban most Apple products, writes @juhasaarinen. itnews.com.au/News/316354,mo…
Fri plan: Write promo thing; client webby work; lunch (Lawson, maybe?); write for @zdnetaustralia; remainder TBA, but TGIF. #adn
RT @jendudley: The moment the Apple iPhone 5 launched worldwide. #iphone5 pic.twitter.com/iswihmBC [Thanks for capturing all the sad pathetic.]
baratunde Maybe twitter doesn’t unify its retweet experience across apps b/c it would destroy the world. Like the button. In #Lost. #onlyexplanation
In further hilarious Apple news, their new clock (gasp! a clock!) seems to infringe a trademark of Swiss rail system. news.cnet.com/8301-13579_3-5…
@MrSABlack “OJSLUT”? How does that work, exactly?
RT @GreenJ: Mr Pyne sensed that this day would bring its share of challenges twitpic.com/awopsm #handbaghitsquad [I’m a bit turned on…]
Opdiner How to get Google Maps back on yer IOS6 device businessinsider.com/get-google-map…
omarelakkad Ireland’s justice minister is warning pilots not to crash their planes in a farm that Apple Maps calls an airport: tnw.co/UuBjc9
People who email you by replying to any old random email regardless of subject line, and then wonder why confusion results. #IceMoonPrison
Yes, @joshrowe, Twitter is killing the ability for me to auto-post to @AppDotNet, but that’ll just speed my move off Twitter. #adn
Possibly that one move by @twitter has bought them a few fans, @bernietb @johnthelutheran … but it won’t last. You’ll see! YOU’LL SEE!
johnthelutheran @stilgherrian Does this mean I can now stop killing the people who /use/ animated gif avatars? Hypothetically speaking, of course…
Here’s @panzer with background on the @twitter @IFTTT thing, and linkage. thenextweb.com/apps/2012/09/2…
bernietb Frankly, people with animated gif avatars needed to be shot.
amateuradam VERY unimpressed with the Maps on iOS6 :-( lockerz.com/s/246086109
Oh. @twitter is also killing animated GIF avatars. Weep, My Children! buzzfeed.com/jwherrman/rip-…
@JohnBristowe Every new apartment block is quiet until the tenants move in.
See also “Think @AppDotNet is just a Twitter clone? Then you’re missing the point” gigaom.com/2012/08/13/thi…
Recent “Patch Monday” podcasts on Twitter’s seeming suicide zdnet.com/twitter-mimics… and @AppDotNet’s plans zdnet.com/au/app-nets-ra…
This is perhaps a good time to mention that I’ve staked out my place on @AppDotNet and will slowly ramp up my communications there.
SnarkyPlatypus I look forward to our glorious future on Twitter with an endless stream of promoted tweets in our timeline with the occasional cat picture.
I presume that if my tweets are mine then there’s a button on @twitter’s website that allows me to download them? No? So why is that?
Yet @twitter is happy to wave the “tweets belong to users” card when it suits them, to be seen as progressive supporters of free speech.
The hypocrisy is that @twitter is fine with sucking in YOUR content from elsewhere, just not YOU posting YOUR content how YOU want.
So @twitter continues its arsehat journey to being a pointless walled garden. @IFTTT shutting down Twitter Triggers on 27 Sep. #adn
@SnarkyPlatypus Je manque de sommeil aussi. C’est la vie. Mon foie commence actuellement l’annexion du Kazakhstan.
@caseyjohnellis You mean “Conficker renders gaol CCTV footage tampered evidence”? scmagazine.com.au/News/316166,co…
@SnarkyPlatypus Bonjour. Je suis remarquablement sain, compte tenu de la torture psychologique que j’ai souffert. Et vous?
Final plug: Me at @CSO_Australia: “Symantec’s Sydney SOC surge sounds suspiciously so-so” cso.com.au/article/436952…
Hello, Friday. You’re going to be special. Plink!