Category: Enmore

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The Inaugural Paul Neil Milne Johnstone Award goes to…

Distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen, it is my very great pleasure tonight to announce the recipient of the Inaugural Paul Neil Milne Johnstone Award for Language Mutilation.

Photo of real estate sign reading: Well appointed medium size studio apartment Situated in a quiet enclave in Enmore. This studio apartment offers a new canvass awning over the balcony, Chardonnay cool with a south-easterly view over terra cotta rooftops. Lounge and meals area, good size kitchen & bathroom

This award is named in honour of the late Paul Johnstone of Redbridge in England, who was cited by author Douglas Adams as writing the worst poetry in the entire universe. This award isn’t about poetry, however. It’s about Language. Language — and especially the abuse of language — in all its glory.

Of the many things which make us human, Language is one of the most important. Language binds our society together. Language, some even say, is what allows us to think rational thoughts.

Photograph of Claudia Mendez

So when people use Language badly, when Language is abused in order to mislead, to corrupt, to baffle or to sell a product, we shouldn’t ignore it. We should stand it on a pedestal, call up the author, point to them and say in a loud voice, “This person is destroying the very meaning of humanity.”

With this in mind, I’ve chosen as the recipient of the Inaugural Paul Neil Milne Johnstone Award a representative of a profession — if I may call it that — which is renown the world over for misleading language, namely, a real estate agent.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please put your hands together for Claudia Mendez (pictured right), of Laing+Simmons, Newtown.

Now as Claudia is making her way to the stage, I’d like to say a few words about my choice, and take a look at her work…

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Kafenes Greek Restaurant

If you ever eat at Kafenes Greek Restaurant on Enmore Road, make sure you’ve got a big appetite. Last night the mixed dips followed by the mixed grill defeated both me and my accomplice — and the complimentary dessert almost killed us. Thoroughly recommended.

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Burnt out sofa, burnt out life

Photograph of burnt-out sofa on Stanmore Road, Enmore

“Want to buy a sofa, going cheap?” Mike, the bloke sitting on the veranda, laughs — amused that the discarded furniture was torched. He’s annoyed they started the fire too close to the fence, though, scorching the paw paw plant that’s just starting to come into fruit.

Somehow the conversation turns to the weather-beaten old homeless guy who was camped out nearby most of this week, but who’s now been moved on. “Keith? Nah, he’s not into money,” Mike tells me. “He’s a millionaire though.” Come again?

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Dawn Chorus, 18 March 2007

Here’s what dawn sounded like this morning (1.3MB MP3), or at least a minute and a half of it. There’s quite a few different kinds of birds. Unfortunately there’s a slight whine in the right channel — a bad microphone cable, that’ll have to be replaced! And the thumping sounds toward the end are one of the cats walking across the wooden deck, too close to the mic stands. But it’s a suitable test of my recording set-up, which hasn’t been used in ages.