The 9pm Extensive Salad-Tossing of the Monarchy with David F Porteous

David F Porteous
David F Porteous seen in a valiant attempt to appease Her Majesty’s trained assassins. (Photo: Supplied)

The winter series of The 9pm Edict continues with special guest David F Porteous joining us from Edinburgh in the actual Scotland. He’s an author, he’s a social researcher, he’s a podcaster, and he’s a lovely chap to chat with. 

In this episode we talk about the hairstyles of royalty, the joys of COVID-19, Britain’s brilliant plan to send refugees to Rwanda, minimum wages and living wages, the Thunderdome, the non-demise of Boris Johnson, salad cream, the advantages of colonial oppression, and whether Stilgherrian should be allowed to keep a nuclear submarine.

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This episode — and indeed the whole series — it’s thanks to all the generous people who contributed to The 9pm Winter Series 2022 crowdfunding campaign.

CONVERSATION TOPIC: Gay Rainbow Anarchist.

THREE TRIGGER WORDS: Craig Crompton, Crispin Harris, John Lindsay, Jonathan Ferguson, Peter Sandilands, Peter Viertel, Sheepie, Travis Smith, and one person who chooses to remain anonymous.

ONE TRIGGER WORD: Andrew Best, Bruce Hardie, Chris Rauchle, Dave Gaukroger, Frank Filippone, Gavin C, Joanna Forbes, Joop de Wit, Mark Newton, Matthew Moyle-Croft, Michael Cowley, Miriam Mulcahy, Nicole Coombe, Oliver Townshend, Paris Lord, Paul Williams, Peter Blakeley, Peter McCrudden, Peter Wickins, Ric Hayman, Rohan Tayler, Scott Reeves, Stacy Smith, Stephen Collins, Syl Mobile, and four people who choose to remain anonymous.

FOOT SOLDIERS FOR MEDIA FREEDOM who gave a SLIGHTLY LESS BASIC TIP: Andrew Duval, Andrew Kennedy, Benjamin Morgan, Bob Ogden, David Heath, Garry McKenzie, Garth Kidd, Garth Kidd (again), Garth Kidd (yet again, yes, for the third time), Iain Triffitt, Jamie Morrison, Jason Anderson, Jordan Wightman, Kimberley Heitman, Matt Arkell, Michael Strasser, Paul McGarry, Regina Huntington, Shane O’Neill, Tim Bell, Tony Barnes,, and four people who choose to remain anonymous.

MEDIA FREEDOM CITIZENS who contributed a BASIC TIP: Brenton Realph, Elissa Harris, Mel, Raena, Ron Lowry, and one person who chooses to remain anonymous.

And another seven people chose to have no reward, even though some of them were the most generous of all. Thank you all so much.

Episode Links

  • The official website of Scottish Author David F Porteous
  • Author. Podcaster. Social researcher. Karaoke superstar. New novel ‘The Wicker Man Preservation Society’ is out 21 June 21.
  • [14 June 2022] Ros Atkins looks at the government’s controversial plan to fly some illegal arrivals to Rwanda, on a one way ticket.
  • Rwanda, officially the Republic of Rwanda, is a landlocked country in the Great Rift Valley of Central Africa, where the African Great Lakes region and Southeast Africa converge. Located a few degrees south of the Equator, Rwanda is bordered by Uganda, Tanzania, Burundi, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
  • The Pacific Solution is the name given to the Government of Australia policy of transporting asylum seekers to detention centres on island nations in the Pacific Ocean, rather than allowing them to land on the Australian mainland. Initially implemented from 2001 to 2007, it had bipartisan support from the Coalition and Labor opposition at the time.
  • Nauru (/nɑːˈuːruː/ nah-OO-roo[9] or /ˈnaʊruː/ NOW-roo;[10] Nauruan: Naoero), officially the Republic of Nauru (Nauruan: Repubrikin Naoero) and formerly known as Pleasant Island, is an island country and microstate in Oceania, in the Central Pacific.
  • Manus Island is part of Manus Province in northern Papua New Guinea and is the largest of the Admiralty Islands. It is the fifth-largest island in Papua New Guinea.
  • G4S is a British multinational private security company headquartered in London, England. The company was set up in 2004 when London-based Securicor amalgamated with Danish firm Group 4 Falck. The company offers a range of services, including the supply of security personnel, monitoring equipment, response units and secure prisoner transportation. G4S also works with governments overseas to deliver security services.
  • [15 June 2022] Minimum wages will increase by at least $40 a week, with the hourly pay rate lifting from $20.33 to $21.38, the Fair Work Commission has ruled.
  • [15 June 2022]
  • [15 June 2022] My message to Australian families who are doing it tough is this - I'm on your side and we are working hard for you.
  • The minimum wage rates increased on 1 April. This short report looks at the 2022 increases and the path ahead for the next year.
  • [16 November 2021] Today (16 November) on Living Wage week, we are delighted to report that Edinburgh is celebrating its new status as a Living Wage City. Edinburgh Poverty Commission welcomes this vision and accreditation being realised and congratulates all city partners involved.
  • Elizabeth II (Elizabeth Alexandra Mary; born 21 April 1926) is Queen of the United Kingdom and 14 other Commonwealth realms.
  • Elizabeth II (born 21 April 1926) has held numerous titles and honours, both during and before her time as monarch of each of her Commonwealth realms.
  • [26 February 2022] In this episode we compare and contrast Boris Johnson and Scott Morrison. We also talk about blaming the poor people, privatising the Moon, Prince Charles, haggis, cheese, racism, refrigeration, Jacob Rees-Mogg, universal basic income, writing, cancer, and the Queen’s secret affair.
  • Louis XIV (Louis Dieudonné; 5 September 1638 – 1 September 1715), also known as Louis the Great (Louis le Grand) or the Sun King (le Roi Soleil), was King of France from 14 May 1643 until his death in 1715. His reign of 72 years and 110 days is the longest recorded of any monarch of a sovereign country in history.
  • [5 June 2022] “Thirty” - oil on canvas. My largest ever painting at 1 metre by 1 metre. I have nowhere to put it though.
  • [2 June 2022] This week marks The Queen’s Platinum Jubilee. In her seven decades on the throne, The Queen has been a reassuring constant, projecting calm and strength. Tonight, along with 53 other nations, we light a beacon to give thanks to Her Majesty and send our warmest congratulations.
  • Vivid Sydney is an annual festival that sparks the soul of our city with creative brilliance for 23 days and nights. Celebrating its 12th year in 2022, Vivid Sydney fuses art, innovation and technology in collaboration with some of the most boundary-pushing artists, thinkers and musicians of our time.
  • Blackpool Illuminations is an annual lights festival, founded in 1879 and first switched on 18 September that year, held each autumn in the British seaside resort of Blackpool on the Fylde Coast in Lancashire.
  • The East India Company (EIC) was an English, and later British, joint-stock company founded in 1600. It was formed to trade in the Indian Ocean region, initially with the East Indies (the Indian subcontinent and Southeast Asia), and later with East Asia. The company seized control of large parts of the Indian subcontinent, colonised parts of Southeast Asia and Hong Kong, and kept trading posts and colonies in the Persian Gulf Residencies. At its peak, the company was the largest corporation in the world, competing with the Dutch East India Company.
  • The Red Arrows, officially known as the Royal Air Force Aerobatic Team, is the aerobatics display team of the Royal Air Force based at RAF Scampton. The team was formed in late 1964 as an all-RAF team, replacing a number of unofficial teams that had been sponsored by RAF commands.
  • This 2nd June 2022 70 aircraft from the Royal Navy, the Army and Royal Air Force soar over Buckingham Palace watched by the Queen and members of the Royal Family to honour the Queen in her Platinum Jubilee.
  • Barnstorming was a form of entertainment in which stunt pilots performed tricks — either individually or in groups called flying circuses. Devised to "impress people with the skill of pilots and the sturdiness of planes", it became popular in the United States during the Roaring Twenties.
  • Chesley Burnett "Sully" Sullenberger III (born January 23, 1951) is an American diplomat and retired airline pilot best known for his heroism as captain of US Airways Flight 1549 that he ditched in the Hudson River in 2009 after both engines were disabled by a bird strike. All 155 people aboard survived.
  • The Roulettes are the Royal Australian Air Force's formation aerobatic display team. They provide about 150 flying displays a year, in Australia and in friendly countries around the Southeast Asian region. The Roulettes form part of the RAAF Central Flying School (CFS) at RAAF Base East Sale, Victoria.
  • The Blue Angels is a flight demonstration squadron of the United States Navy. Formed in 1946, the unit is the second oldest formal aerobatic team (under the same name) in the world, after the French Patrouille de France formed in 1931. The team, composed of five Navy and one Marine Corps demonstration pilot, fly Boeing F/A-18 Super Hornets.
  • The USAF Air Demonstration Squadron ("Thunderbirds") is the air demonstration squadron of the United States Air Force (USAF). The Thunderbirds are assigned to the 57th Wing, and are based at Nellis Air Force Base, Nevada. Created 69 years ago in 1953, the USAF Thunderbirds are the third-oldest formal flying aerobatic team (under the same name) in the world, after the French Air Force Patrouille de France formed in 1931 and the United States Navy Blue Angels formed in 1946.
  • [27 April 2022] I know its for the Queens jubilee, but do you suppose that @HeinzUK know that in the US “Salad Queen” is gay slang for a man who enjoys a spot of anilingus?
  • Salad cream is a creamy, pale yellow condiment based on an emulsion of about 25–50 percent oil in water, emulsified by egg yolk and acidulated by spirit vinegar. It is somewhat similar in composition to mayonnaise and may include other ingredients such as sugar, mustard, salt, thickener, spices, flavouring and colouring. The first ready-made commercial product was introduced in the United Kingdom in 1914, where it is used as a salad dressing and a sandwich spread.
  • A slang-term indicating the use of one's tongue and lips to lick, suck, and penetrate one's anus for the purposes of sexual stimulation: The term originated in prisons during the late 1970's or early 1980's and was derived from the fact that salad dressing was often used to help suppress the taste. Other condiments such as grape-jelly, maple-syrup, and ketchup have also been used for this purpose as well.
  • Imperial Leather is a brand of soaps, toiletries and healthcare products manufactured by PZ Cussons. The brand originates in Britain and is now available in a number of other countries including Nepal, Australia, Denmark, Germany, Hong Kong, India, Indonesia, Iran, Ireland, Kenya, Malawi, Malta, New Zealand, Pakistan, South Africa, Uganda, the United Arab Emirates and Zambia. The brand is not widely available in the United States but can be obtained via online sales and in some speciality shops.
  • British Royal Warrants are currently granted by Queen Elizabeth II and Charles, Prince of Wales to companies or tradespeople who supply goods and services. The warrant enables the supplier to advertise the fact that they supply to the royal family. The professions, employment agencies, party planners, the media, government departments, and "places of refreshment or entertainment" (such as pubs and theatres) do not qualify. The Merchandise Marks Act 1887 makes it illegal for companies to falsely claim that they have a Royal Warrant.
  • When languages collide and creoles are born.
  • [2 June 2022] When Prime Minister Anthony Albanese announced his ministry this week, one appointment jumped out to many observers: Matt Thistlethwaite, assistant minister for the republic.
  • "Q. To what extent would you support or oppose Australia becoming a republic with an Australian head of state?"
  • The Australian republic referendum held on 6 November 1999 was a two-question referendum to amend the Constitution of Australia. The first question asked whether Australia should become a republic with a President appointed by Parliament following a bi-partisan appointment model which had been approved by a half-elected, half-appointed Constitutional Convention held in Canberra in February 1998. The second question, generally deemed to be far less important politically, asked whether Australia should alter the Constitution to insert a preamble. For some years opinion polls had suggested that a majority of the electorate favoured a republic. Nonetheless, the republic referendum was defeated, partly due to division among republicans on the method proposed for selection of the president and dissident republicans subsequently supporting the no campaign.
  • [15 June 2022] Nicola Sturgeon has launched a fresh campaign for Scottish independence. Scotland's first minister says she "stands ready" to negotiate with PM Boris Johnson over the issue. So is another referendum now inevitable?
  • The Orville is an American science fiction comedy-drama television series created by and starring Seth MacFarlane as series protagonist Ed Mercer, an officer in the Planetary Union's line of exploratory space vessels in the 25th century. The show is inspired primarily by the original Star Trek and its Next Generation successor, both of which it heavily parodies and pays homage to. It follows the crew of the starship USS Orville on their episodic adventures.
  • [7 June 2022] Polly Toynbee, Bob Neill, David Lammy, Devi Sridhar, Ed Davey, Dawn Butler and Zubaida Haque.
  • The 1922 Committee, formally known as the Conservative Private Members' Committee, is the parliamentary group of the Conservative Party in the House of Commons of the United Kingdom. The committee, consisting of all Conservative backbench members of Parliament, meets weekly while Parliament is in session and provides a way for backbenchers to co-ordinate and discuss their views independently of frontbenchers. Its executive membership and officers are by consensus limited to backbench MPs, although since 2010 frontbench Conservative MPs have an open invitation to attend meetings. The committee can also play an important role in choosing the party leader. The group was formed in 1923 (by MPs who were elected in 1922) but became important after 1940. The committee, collectively, represents the views of the Conservative Party parliamentary rank and file to the party leader, usually also the prime minister of the United Kingdom or leader of the Opposition. Whips are present but their role is limited to announcing future business and reporting questions and complaints to the chief whip.
  • [31 May 2022] Following the failure that was the 2022 federal election, The Saturday Paper spoke to numerous current and former members of the Liberal party, including current MPs, advisers and officials about what they think went wrong for the Coalition.
  • Lauren Opal Boebert (/ˈboʊbərt/ BOH-bərt; née Roberts, December 19, 1986) is an American politician, businesswoman, and gun-rights activist. A member of the Republican Party, she serves as the U.S. representative for Colorado's 3rd congressional district. Born in Florida to parents who moved to Colorado when she was 12, Boebert dropped out of high school and, after a few years, started working for a drilling company, where she met her husband. Together they founded Shooters Grill, a restaurant in Rifle, Colorado, where staff members are encouraged to openly carry firearms.
  • Lauren Boebert claims Jesus “didn’t have enough [AR-15s] to keep his government from killing him.”
  • Not long to go now with the editing. A phrase that came up while @dfpiii and I were chatting was “Boris Johnson with an albatross around his neck” so obviously I needed to ask DALL-E for an interpretation. #dalle
  • We’ve trained a neural network called DALL·E that creates images from text captions for a wide range of concepts expressible in natural language.
  • AI model generating images from any prompt! [This version can be used on the web, to save you downloading and installing it yourself.]

If they aren’t showing up, try here.

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