Stilgherrian (@stilgherrian)

Wentworth Falls NSW AU

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @stilgherrian ever

December 31st, 2012

Filled with emptiness.

via Janetter for Mac

@ndrewg Oh yes. The list. I suppose I should post that somewhere.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to ndrewg

@SnarkyPlatypus Bonjour. Les choses ne sont pas comme elles devraient l’être. Autant de choses. Et vous?

via Janetter for Mac in reply to SnarkyPlatypus

@gattaca @myrcurial Um, I don’t think people need to be warned against having sex with a blender.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to gattaca

Apple Pie wasn’t on the list, @gattaca @myrcurial? Neither were rotary blenders or sharks.

via Janetter for Mac

RT @myrcurial: Watching @stilgherrian lose his mind is very entertaining. [Yeah, people have said this before.]

via Janetter for Mac

@ApostrophePong Thank you, but that was exhausting. Enough for one night.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to ApostrophePong

Anyone who has ever written for TechCrunch.

via Janetter for Mac

Formula 1 race drivers, and members of their immediate family older than 11 years.

via Janetter for Mac

The developers of Microsoft Sharepoint.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever used the words “embrace”, “next-generation” or “disrupt” in a press release.

via Janetter for Mac

Rupert Murdoch. Unless you’re black.

via Janetter for Mac

Any member of any trad jazz band ever. Unless they’re black.

via Janetter for Mac

Unless they’re really, really hot.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who thinks that the programming language Python’s use of whitespace as meaningful syntax is a good thing.

via Janetter for Mac

Any medical practitioner who has prescribed SSRI anti-depressants to anyone under the age of 18 years.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who helped construct those TV sets.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever been a set designer for a US television talk show that airs or aired later than 10.30pm Eastern Time.

via Janetter for Mac

Star Trek fans, any series.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever created a parody Twitter account.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever bought a season ticket to the Australian Opera, or thought about doing so.

via Janetter for Mac

Leigh Sales, but only because it shown a complete lack of respect.

via Janetter for Mac

Ayn Rand, whether alive or dead.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever written a sentence beginning “According to Ayn Rand…”

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever played the trombone.

via Janetter for Mac

Unpasteurised cheese.

via Janetter for Mac

Dugongs and/or manatees, unless you are in a lifeboat from a properly licensed merchant vessel that has sunk at least 48 hours previously.

via Janetter for Mac

Salt-water crocodiles (unless you’re a current or former staffer of @TheNTNews).

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who knew who Alain de Botton is without having to resort to Google.

via Janetter for Mac

Alain de Botton’s progeny, unto the seventh generation.

via Janetter for Mac

Senator Eric Abetz, unless you’re a bit drunk.

via Janetter for Mac

Channel Ten’s weather presenter whatever the cunt’s name is Christ I can’t stand him so I can’t imagine sex with him well I can but yeah no.

via Janetter for Mac

Japanese nuclear safety inspectors.

via Janetter for Mac

Those little porcelain dolls you often see in second-hand shops.

via Janetter for Mac

Squid with a tentacle length greater than 30cm.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone whose Twitter bio includes “SEO”.

via Janetter for Mac

The writers of the BBC TV series “Spooks”.

via Janetter for Mac

Hotel managers in any city in the Central Asian Republics, excluding hotels in Baku built before 27 March 1954.

via Janetter for Mac

Any prostitute who charges less than $150 per hour (excluding cab fares for outcalls).

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone whose genitals appear to be inflamed or discoloured.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who smells faintly of aniseed, no matter what their “explanation”.

via Janetter for Mac

Michelle Grattan. Ditto.

via Janetter for Mac

George Woodroffe Goyder (1826-1898), Surveyor-General of South Australia from 1861, BECAUSE HE’S DEAD YOU SICK BASTARDS.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever given money to anyone or anything via Kickstarter.

via Janetter for Mac

The short camels. Llamas or alpacas or whatever the fuck they’re called.

via Janetter for Mac

The cast and crew of “Home and Away”, past and present, except for that one guy I won’t be telling you about tonight.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who follows @stephenfry on Twitter.

via Janetter for Mac

Nobel Prize Laureates younger than 45 years of age.

via Janetter for Mac

Jon Bon Jovi, whether he’s waxed his chest or not.

via Janetter for Mac

Richard Wilkins, unless he is dead.

via Janetter for Mac

Crew members of any passenger ship of more than 10,000 metric tons gross tonnage below the rank of midshipman.

via Janetter for Mac

Members of the Thai royal family, unless you have previously presented a morning program on Adelaide television.

via Janetter for Mac

Current members of 3 Battalion, Royal Australian Regiment.

via Janetter for Mac

Your own mother. Unless you’re Greek.

via Janetter for Mac

The Dalai Lama, who really is the Bono of Buddhism.

via Janetter for Mac

Shannon Noll, unless you’ve got particularly good drugs.

via Janetter for Mac

That guy I met in Perth who works for a certain Asian airline because he really is a dull root and you’ll wish you’d never installed Grindr.

via Janetter for Mac

Any member of Sugababes, past or present.

via Janetter for Mac

The Deputy Commissioner of Taxation.

via Janetter for Mac

The Commissioner of Taxation.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who owns an SUV, or any member of their immediate family (not including adoptees or foster children).

via Janetter for Mac

That cardboard thing at the centre of rolls of toilet paper (trust me on that one too).

via Janetter for Mac

Benjamin Law’s mother. This sort of thing simply shouldn’t be encouraged.

via Janetter for Mac

Benjamin Law, no matter what the diameter of your cock.

via Janetter for Mac

The entire management of JetStar Airways, unless your cock is thicker than a broom handle.

via Janetter for Mac

Shortbread biscuits.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever published a link to a photograph of a cat on the internet no shut the fuck up you are a lamer.

via Janetter for Mac

Anyone who has ever used cane toads as a metaphor for anything, even in passing.

via Janetter for Mac

Real estate agents, or cane toads.

via Plume for Android

Residents of Iowa, Sheffield or any Pacific island with an area greater than 100 hectares.

via Plume for Android

Anyone who has published a book through Random House.

via Plume for Android

The Director of Central Intelligence (US).

via Plume for Android

Rent boys shorter than 165cm named Daryl no of course this isn’t personal and who live in Chippendale.

via Plume for Android

Dogs weighing less than 10kg.

via Plume for Android

Anyone who has ever produced a film or TV program that includes vampires. Yes, even that good one.

via Plume for Android

Anyone holding the rank of Deputy Sheriff in the states of Nevada, Montana or Texas.

via Plume for Android

Anybody whose given name starts with the letter F.

via Plume for Android

Yes I know I just did that I’m not stupid and do understand the basic concepts of irony you fucktard.

via Plume for Android

Anybody who has ever posted a tweet including the hashtag . They are bad roots beyond redemption, each and every one.

via Plume for Android

Julie Bishop, even if you are seeking advantage within the WA Liberal Party.

via Plume for Android

Anyone who has ever appeared on @theprojecttv.

via Plume for Android

That barman, no matter what you might have been thinking just then yes I know he’s hot but no. Seriously. No.

via Plume for Android

Anyone who has ever tried to implicate you in a failed drug deal at the Beresford Hotel in Sydney shut the fuck up what are you saying.

via Plume for Android

Anyone connected with the mining industry, unless their given name starts with a consonant in the first half of the alphabet.

via Plume for Android

Anyone under the age of 11.

via Plume for Android

Penguins (any species).

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One-kilogram bags of mixed nuts.

via Plume for Android

Joe Hockey (trust me on this one too).

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Anything that seems to have an opening into a larger internal cavity, but doesn’t.

via Plume for Android

Milk bottles (trust me on this one).

via Plume for Android

Front bench members of parliament.

via Plume for Android

The exhaust pipes of large tractors.

via Plume for Android

The wives of other family members.

via Plume for Android

Maybe I should just tweet about all of the things that you shouldn’t fuck until it turns 2013,

via Plume for Android

Or even fucking a pig, for that matter.

via Plume for Android

It really does seem that it’s now that time of the year on Twitter when I could admit to raping a nun no one would notice.

via Plume for Android

historyweird 1906: Young girls must perform hours of needlework a day, urges Dr Talmey, to tire their fingers so they cannot be put to “disgusting uses”.

via Twitter Web Client (retweeted on 12:39 AM, Dec 31st, 2012 via Plume for Android)

Experiencing a bizarre coincidence.

via Plume for Android

Um, but just checking… Martial law hasn’t just been declared in Australia, right? It’d be embarrassing to get that wrong.

via Plume for Android

Oh +1000 points to the police in that paddy wagon who stopped a car with “This is the police. Pull over. Martial law has been declared.”

via Plume for Android

I’d like to personally thank the staff at [REDACTED] for their temporary amnesia regarding the Responsible Service of Alcohol laws.

via Plume for Android