Gorn.
Feline attack! instagram.com/p/_jLP7YCFpH/
RT @hannahcommodore: Internet hole https://t.co/ZPSBKj4F9i
“STAR WARS: A Bad Lip Reading†https://t.co/LYqPsnMotp
Excellent work, everybody. https://t.co/5MhbdcB3K8
“Britain Explodes Atom Bomb†(1952) https://t.co/anQAua1F02
Trans Australia Airlines. https://t.co/k2WDBzFac4
A sense of humour. https://t.co/7qvtLyTKqe
NickatFP Americans’ current terror level at something like orange pic.twitter.com/Sz3SlTcFZ1
Fucking hell.
Wait. It’s only 1740 AEDT?
RT @paulkidd: All the trigger warnings. https://t.co/P43yc3QaTI
@RealNickHodge Look, the emu was obviously lonely, and they’re not the brightest crayons in the box.
This reminds me of when I had to… I mean the emu… Um… Look, I’ll tell you another time.
Well I must say, “emu semen” isn’t a phrase I expected to hear today. Or a thing I expected to see. So there’s that. #KPIsSmashed
@RealNickHodge Excellent work from everyone involved.
“I just came here to take photos of goats, and there’s an emu having sex with my camera bag.” #straya https://t.co/C9UGB290R9
People should stop calling it comfort food and face up to the fact that it’s sulk food. Food for sulking.
@SnarkyPlatypus BBQ Shapes, ham, and chocolate.
YES I KNOW. instagram.com/p/_iwy_tiFqG/
Oh. It is rainier than I thought, and I am sulkier than I thought, so I just got some unhealthy things from the corner shop.
I might go for a wander and see what I can discover to eat.
@SnarkyPlatypus @CatfishStory Meh. Live the dream, right?
@CatfishStory @SnarkyPlatypus Let’s cheer ourselves up by burning down some public building or other.
@lisafryar @humphriesmark This is exactly what my doctor said.
Sulking.
Well today has been utterly unproductive. What a win.
RT @WarWraith: It’s only a small change, but I think it’s far more accurate now… https://t.co/EODTV5MoB5
humphriesmark There are beautiful chocolate names like Ferrero Rocher, and then there’s… pic.twitter.com/KnfYulVdjx
Gawd, you can’t even wander down to the servo for milk and fags any more. https://t.co/nr1DD9zQvu
RT @jeamland: WOW!!!!! https://t.co/DnS36drc1x
joshgnosis I missed this on Friday: the PM just really likes tea. pic.twitter.com/E8pHAeUwaq
@werefox08 @banas51 Oh you’re yearning for a hug. You need to feel the warmth of someone’s arms around you. And a biscuit it always good.
@jdub Pish tosh! Live a little!
@werefox08 @banas51 Would you like a hug? It sounds like you would like a hug. Or maybe a biscuit first?
Ah, modern history! https://t.co/jqgvhkofFQ
@nancycato1 @ConnorParker @theage S u r e …
This is a lot of cyber. https://t.co/r7Be69lqaM
@rosieryan @ConnorParker That would make sense. I can’t be bothered trawling back through the images just now. The humidity is killing me.
Dear Media Reporters, @ConnorParker and I need to know why @theage added in a welder. https://t.co/VqsG94Z8Oy https://t.co/Vq9Kh8il0N
Yeah, I guess so. Ping @SwiftOnSecurity. https://t.co/OvtnNaqXS7
Apparently no-one has ever noticed that humans anthropomorphise non-human things until just now.
I was about to say “Where the fuck is this rain”, but I’ve found it. pic.twitter.com/tWwKHW02nH
So in summary, @ConnorParker @AOCarr, I have solved your mystery but opened another.
… and in this Fairfax story, under the same credit, Rob Young, but no welder to be seen. https://t.co/j3xdlxZaGX https://t.co/BFxUt8L6xv
…such as in this tweet … https://t.co/RYMOfjxugW
… leads me to discover this image on a number of news stories elsewhere..@ConnorParkere@AOCarrrpic.twitter.com/mtccrf7zXaXa
So, this spot by @connorparker (via @AOCarr) in this story… https://t.co/VqsG94Z8Oy https://t.co/2ebyKq2duL
RT @heyschoolgirl: What a steal! https://t.co/WaOImw6ALp
@SnarkyPlatypus Yep, Apex clubs, and at that time they were strong in Gawler and the Barossa Valley.
Earlier I should have said “an evergreen†not “a evergreenâ€. Sorry, everyone.
rpy the light rail operator examines patronage numbers after the Opal travel reward loophole is removed pic.twitter.com/fOwanhbRo6
@MoviusC So that’s all your junk?
And about time. https://t.co/l8HqheMZhy
@SnarkyPlatypus Why do you remember this? Also, I’m sure they did, they have much community spirit.
That’s my home town. #gawlerpride https://t.co/XZyrH1Ahev
@giddeygirl @ajobbins This is a terrible euphemism.
@NicholasFryer Your earlier message was understood complete.
@RealNickHodge Excellent. Everything is going to plan.
ajobbins The AC is dead in Target Highpoint and chocolate Darth Vader has melted in the heat pic.twitter.com/E1u9TjWlD4
@Greybeard3 Yeah, I’ll leaf it off now.
QueerDiscOx I love how Hermione being black is somehow more implausible to some people than a universe where the entire postal system depends on owls
Deciduous what I did there? Huh? Huh? https://t.co/TkSl57oiXZ
Yeah, @JazzTwemlow is right. A movie like this would be a evergreen. https://t.co/v1CLSIb2eK
People who want it all to make sense. #IceMoonPrison
RT @TheFix: Just an amazing quote. https://t.co/rCgDUmey2R
RT @semibogan: FOR FUCK SAKE. https://t.co/XFwZ8WAIjr
@k8alexandra @mpesce Should anyone need another party at this time of year… ;)
@0x1C Sounds a bit Muslim to me. Can he be trusted?
Note to self: Those constant hand gestures must’ve been the “signals desire†part. https://t.co/JkfWDIvGcG
This calls for some Science! https://t.co/SOoPb7jxtC
@k8alexandra @mpesce Solstice isn’t until 1548 AEDT tomorrow.
RT @jeffsonstein: Mom has done a good job https://t.co/0SlWhJfQuS
@paulkidd Seems fair.
Just reviewing my Twitter mute filters. These all stay. instagram.com/p/_iSF_viFsv/
Wait, Roy Morgan is a rent boy? https://t.co/84Qy3AjfY3
@BXGD Perhaps, but Fred Nile MLC is a special case. I couldn’t fit suitably comprehensive bile into a single tweet.
@Freed0m_machine That’s it, is it? That’s the depth of your understanding? God, how pathetic.
rainbowrowell Also my mom saw Star Wars. “The best part was that little old lady who looked like a tangerine. The whole movie should have been about her.”
What an odd coincidence. The people who reckon they know the “truth†about Islam are all tedious old white bigots. https://t.co/xutF2MQ9iG
In NSW it’s only illegal to leave a kid unattended in a motor vehicle. https://t.co/tVVedXSLbE Refrigerators, ovens, little cages, all good.
@SnarkyPlatypus @jeffsonstein @Asher_Wolf This’d make a great yarn.
@jeffsonstein @Asher_Wolf This is clearly a looming child safety issue.
@Asher_Wolf Well, we’ve got a generation of resilient people on the way, eh?
RT @SBS2: Mike Baird Admits He Was Inside The #StonerSloth Costume: https://t.co/5EGSKuABFg @SBSComedy https://t.co/xTObyzhMHc
The Piñata of Success! HT @thegrugq. https://t.co/ELOwQvkTFx
Mashing my face into the desk repeatedly, as per @firstdogonmoon’s helpful diagrampic.twitter.com/Dgx70L23GeGe
So I have been waiting for the cleaners to arrive at the new time of “1100”, having failed to see the second word in the message, “Tuesdayâ€.
@AbstractCode So what you’re saying is that they were terrible teachers. Got it.
@AbstractCode No, tell me more about your parents.
“Parents been ‘lectured’ by police for letting their children walk to the shops or catch a bus on their own†(2012) https://t.co/U8xvxGrBmC
“How children lost the right to roam in four generations†(2007). Radius of action down from 6 miles to 300 yards. https://t.co/UZNgj1swV9
Were parents always such gullible paranoid dipshits?
C_NyaKundiH A farmer in Uttar Pradesh released 3 sacks full of 40 snakes in a gvt office after the officials asked for bribe. pic.twitter.com/TIeNb83bEg
FFS, parents, you do remember that your kids can even talk to each other without using the internet at all? MY GOD THEY COULD SAY ANYTHING.
Where “safe place†is defined at “a place were what humans say to each other is monitored constantlyâ€. https://t.co/zekOQKJUXI
RT @rohan_p: SMH story related to the IGIS report: Australia’s bungling spies dialled wrong numbers and bugged wrong phones https://t.co/CL…
@hughstephens @rpy I asked Opal if they had plans to make CSV files available, but no, they can only do PDFs of your statements. Arsehats.
LiveTrafficNSW MACKSVILLE: Heavy holiday traffic northbound on the #PacificHwy. 2km queue. Allow additional travel time and #ArriveAlive
RT @thegrugq: Juniper’s source code review process. https://t.co/a92lDsC3f3
Right. So let’s make Opal even more difficult to understand. “Just trust us, and we’ll deduct the right money.” https://t.co/I81Ig5Zn3P
rohan_p Quite disturbing (from the Inspector-General of Intelligence and Security annual report igis.gov.au/node/7 ) pic.twitter.com/NVIvZ911HM
RT @thegrugq: There will be cyber.
A nice new gig for @unsungsongs, this. Congratulations, Sir! https://t.co/SdiSIOuDIK
No, not a world first. Politician have been incredibly stupid in the past too. https://t.co/QHrhVgHrW1
@evcricket Read ’em and weepairtasker.com/tasks/23
@evcricket Virtual Assistants already exist as a thing, but these one-offs are an Airtasker / TaskRabbit thing already?
@scott_thewspot This is not the same thing. My card got breached; the Bad Guys were trying to rack up PSN transactions.
RT @blowdart: “I took some ketamine stolen from a vet and I didn’t get the right high. Can I sue?” Oh Reddit. https://t.co/WeaH43ZePu
@BXGD Bit of a long bow, that. It’s a comment on TV presentation technique that I’d hit a man with just as hard.
Meanwhile… https://t.co/jACycjMwY6
FFS.
MICHELLE.
DOWN.
HANDS.
YOUR.
PUT.
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!1!@!
PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN MICHELLE. https://t.co/DhnXxdkObs
“… as opposed to sticking coat-hanger wire in my ears and forgetting everything.†Good plan, Ms Guthrie. J’approve. https://t.co/eRSK2BWxdS
This is an excellent hope. https://t.co/WUYw7bZNOm
Watching the new ABC managing director Michelle Guthrie on @ABCNews24 right now. She needs to stop the constant invisible-boobs gesture.
SethBoster_Star Star Wars spoilers threatened in the newsroom. @TLockette_Star steps in: “This is where free speech ends.” @OHnewsroom
Yes. Yes, it is. https://t.co/5TEBfJ9sJL
Wait. What? https://t.co/by4lHXXT4a
@danilic @R_Chirgwin It might be safer, or at least more gentle, to start with the Edict tomorrow, with the Public House Forum #2 episode.
@danilic @R_Chirgwin Corrupted Nerds should ramp up again soon. corruptednerds.com The 9pm Edict is just wrong. stilgherrian.com/category/edict/
@danilic @R_Chirgwin Through some oversight by the authorities, I have two podcasts. Something should be done.
RT @joshgnosis: Happy third anniversary for that time @dannolan got yelled at by PJK. https://t.co/eNpzQSlMry
I gather from the news that a car salesman did something atrocious. Wow.
@R_Chirgwin No Richard. @danilic is already well aware of me.
@intelwire True. Now I’m trying to work out what word to use instead of “secretâ€. Having trouble.
Maybe I should just start drinking now and avoid the rush.
“Secret hashtagâ€. Let’s just think that through, shall we? https://t.co/nj7TetRleO
Wow, this is a tough one. How long have I got until I have to lock in my answer? https://t.co/DNZp3lzXRe
Cocaine. https://t.co/BptehOPqky
I’m not sure that so-called “lexicographer†@bgzimmer understands how linguistics works any more. https://t.co/OTr5dwiRsZ
Right, well, having kicked off the working week with a hearty round of card fraud, I will now have a shower and shave and try to start work.
@pingudownunder @darrenpauli You are terrible and need to stop.
So there’s this. https://t.co/lBunPcLKSs
Thankfully, Westpac has cardless withdrawals from ATMs using their app and SMS auth codes, so I can get that happening. YAY FOR THE FUTURE.
@MatthewBevan Indeed there was. “Hit†also works, and is two syllables shorter. Nice try, mate. :P
@ChazFH I use neither of those things That’s not where the problem lay.
@mccartm1 Yeah, this is where I’m sulking a bit, because this is a debit card, and also the only account that I have.
@SnarkyPlatypus Indeed. This is why card details alone aren’t worth much on the black market any more.
“Impactedâ€, @MatthewBevan? FFS! They “hit†the wall. “Smashed†the wall. “Buggered up†thew all. #managerspeaksucks https://t.co/wXCLX7UKwJ
Mind you, in that time, there were four transactions out to PSN, each for $104.85. I’d like that back before the holidays.
First potential bad transaction detected at 0823. All dealt with and off the phone by 0828. Elapsed time 25 minutes.
The Westpac fraud team person says they’ve been seeing a lot of fraudulent transactions out to the Playstation Network recently. Gamers, eh?
@Westpac Thanks, Niki, the call is done, and now I just have to hope you can get this sorted before Christmas Eve. Have a good one.
So, nominally five working days to get a replacement card, it’s a 4-day week, and the post is clogged with Christmas. SUCH WIN.
Yep, my @Westpac card is compromised. A whole series of transactions out to the Playstation Network. Talking to fraud control now.
@Westpac Thanks, calling now.
alpaca4Sale Lois is a very special alpaca. $2300 pic.twitter.com/ClFkiARQca
@Westpac Hi, is the mobile number ending 739 sending me card fraud alerts genuinely yours?
Though I’m still rather proud of Cocaine Cockatoo.
Now we’re getting somewhere. https://t.co/gdJOZbrsgy
Yes, in further Stoner Sloth fail, no-one involved in the NSW campaign seems to have looked on the internet first. https://t.co/zMPkHJwFVt
danilic Will be speaking with the owner of medical marijuana vendor StonerSloth. Com later on this hour on @702sydney pic.twitter.com/zqvKjFDFDK
RT @BernardKeane: Proud to have been able to draw attention to this crisis. https://t.co/54yfJgkl5x
@loupascale @mumbrella She grabbed a frisbee off the shelf, “Here, would you like a frisbee to play with?†And the creatives scampered off.
@loupascale @mumbrella I had a major ad agency as a client once, meetings with the IT manager kept being interrupted by creatives…
RT @bernietb: “Resiliance; determination; an even keel; and drinking my own piss” https://t.co/pnUyQP2plB
@loupascale Saatchi & Saatchi, I’m told. And agreed about the award-chasing@mumbrellala has written on this quite a bit.
RT @jayrosen_nyu: “Column” is when you give your personal opinion. “Analysis” is when you give your professional peer group’s opinion. http…
@loupascale Well, in most cases, the aim is to tell Laura Norder voters that the govt is “taking actionâ€, not to actually help anyone.
Well I would take up this offer immediately, and reach for the waxer. https://t.co/H3apkvBKTX
fifimadrid I asked this man what drove him to come to PP HQ and he said: “I sell flags” pic.twitter.com/2DYh1Wfth6
Still, if we didn’t govern by listening to the expertise of bitter, ignorant old men on talkback radio, how would we govern? It’s a puzzle.
The public health goal gets forgotten, and the sociological knowledge of those who work in public health gets ignored. (2/2)
This is the idiocy that emerges when politicians want to “send a message†and ad agencies get “creativeâ€. (1/2) https://t.co/NqV85UpBu3
“Stoner Sloth is a bizarre campaign that misses the main target in the war on drugsâ€, writes @venessb https://t.co/8mim7t0Mum
“But it would be in all our interests…†Haha yeah like this will happen, @GrogsGamut. https://t.co/bJo0B9zVYP https://t.co/9YQkxNd0kv
That spa bath doesn’t look very comfortable. https://t.co/s3JIk8ib7w
Huh? What would Voltaren Viper actually do? Ache slightly less than previously? https://t.co/09Wt0rmLLR
USE PROPER PUNCTUATION OR I WILL HIT YOU.
I love how people work under the assumption that ad agencies know what they’re doing.
Mon plan, draft: Progress the weekly plan in various ways, details TBA. https://t.co/V5YndLoEGJ
True. Now shut up, Alex. https://t.co/8B5wb9Itpw
OK, I’m bored with all that now.
@sylmobile @kcarruthers Piss off.
alexkidman @stilgherrian How about Quaalude Quokka? Or the not-quite-as-effective-as-advertised Nurofen Numbat?
Just quietly, I think Cocaine Cockatoo would be a hoot to hang around with. They’re crazy to start with.
RT @beejeebus: @stilgherrian Jungle Juice Jabba https://t.co/U6DcQId0ex
R_Chirgwin @stilgherrian Potaroo
JaneAlcorn @dikkii @stilgherrian Nicotine nightingale.
BonnieWildie @stilgherrian Kiddies will bloody love the Adventures of Pinger Python and High Horse.
terry_legg @stilgherrian @no_filter_Yamba Laughing Gas Jackass
I should’ve hashtagged this shit.
JaneAlcorn @astudentnow @stilgherrian @leslienassar Alcohol alligator.
alexkidman @stilgherrian He’s not as motivated as the others, but don’t forget Wacky Tobaccy Wombat!
dikkii @stilgherrian armed robbery armadillo.
Chilp @stilgherrian Speed Snake it is then ;-)
astudentnow @leslienassar @stilgherrian Codeine Crocodile
bubbiting @stilgherrian Heroin Horse
Oh yes! https://t.co/5NArdGv1lY
RT @leslienassar: Oxy, the Blue-Ringed, Blue-Lipped, Overdosing Octopus https://t.co/WfWi8WuDcr
Yeah, the kiddies would love Ritalin Roo. https://t.co/HMaiTDLTb9
GordyPls @stilgherrian the Ice Ibis and the Ritalin Roo
SnarkyPlatypus @stilgherrian Pinger Platypus?
@Chilp What sort of animal, though? It has to be an animal.
Who’s your favourite superhero?
Ketamine Koala.
Cocaine Cockatoo.
Stoner Sloth.
Eccie Echidna.
Who else?
Monday. Push it all the way in, until you hear a click. Monday.