So this is human sexuality?

I’m fascinated by the rich variety of the human sexual experience — and by the widespread denial about same.

For all that Cardinal Pell, bless his little silk knickers, thinks that sex only happens between (one) man and (one) woman who are married, have the lights turned off, and are not enjoying the experience but are breeding to better the Catholic Church, actual experience proves the complete opposite. Humans have and enjoy sex in pretty much every combination that can be imagined.

I was therefore fascinated with a massive spam comment which I’ve just deleted, which purported to list “What people search for” on the porn sites it was promoting.

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If you’re still with us, you might compare this list with Spammer’s Ode #1.

19 Replies to “So this is human sexuality?”

  1. That list is just for beginners, mate.

    I can personally attest to there existing a website somewhere for every combination of every conceivable act of debauched filth known to humankind — and even a few that haven’t been invented yet. Anal fruitshakes for instance. Who would have thought?

  2. Ah, good old rule 34. I never cease to be amazed by the sheer variety of things that people have fetishes for. I think the guy who likes having sex with cars, and the ‘Rogue from the X-Men with a gigantic hermaphrodite cock’ fan art that my ex-boyfriend thoughtfully downloaded to my computer are the current winners in that regard, although I’ve not doubt that there are even weirder things out there.

    Also, I do find the idea of middle-aged virgins lecturing people on the evils of sexual deviance to be kind of ironic.

    Also, I wonder if “crocodile porn videos” actually involve crocodiles…

  3. And here’s a few more niche categories of sexual perversion for your weekend amusement:

    People dressed as clowns
    People dressed as aliens
    People in space costumes
    People in nappies
    People wrapped in plastic
    Amputees
    Ballerinas
    Balloons
    Body Painting
    Halloween
    Hypnotism
    Jungle characters
    Mummification
    Nuns
    Pizzas
    Vampires
    Vomiting

    And for some reason, Paris Hilton is still a pornsite category all on her own.
    It’s a funny old world.

  4. @anon: I was going to include librarian porn but I thought it would probably fall into those more ‘traditional’ fetishes that probably wouldn’t raise an eyebrow. Like bosses & secretaries, nurses/doctors & patients, teachers & schoolgirls. You get the idea.

  5. WTF is “Vector porn” ?! I guess i’ll have to go do some “research” to find out 🙂 .. In the meantime i’m trying to decide which is worse: asphyxia porn or “rabitt porn”

  6. But I’ll concede that ‘innocent librarians & unfit single nerds’ does take that setup to a new, more realistic level. If not more raunchy.

  7. Promise me you’ll do a follow up post with all the crazy Google searches you’re going to have giving hits traffic to your blog in the next few weeks.

  8. An amazing list that you got going on there, certainly is a list that makes one wonder all kinds of things, but I won’t go into them here. Interesting subjects are to be here at your site, glad that I took the time to look around.
    Respectfully,
    Dr Saxe

  9. I have young sons that surf the net. With all the porn on the internet now, it’s extremely hard to set the ‘net nanny’ type tools so that they can search for what they need to find without coming up on something they don’t need to be seeing, you know what I’m saying? It’s a shame that something as educational and useful has turned into such a sex education tool also. Tell me how to block them without blocking relevant sites, please!!!

    Thank you,
    Vinae

  10. @Vinae Bay: Please correct me if I’m wrong, but are you trying to imply — without actually spitting it out — that Stilgherrian is being irresponsible and unhelpful to your child-raising efforts by running an article like this on his own website? I would have thought that if parents haven’t taken the responsibility to start talking to their kids about sex by the time they’re old enough to surf the internet, then they have only themselves to blame.

  11. Gosh I’m glad I didn’t stay around to watch the comments on this one!

    @Randy Brown: I’d have thought “vector porn” referred to pornographic images that were vector (outline) graphics, as opposed to photos. But I’m guessing.

    @Alex: Yes, I will report back on the traffic this post attracts. Though @Stephen Stockwell, the computer does the collation of the data automatically. Me, the human, does the analysis.

    @Vinae Bay: The wonderful Internet transmits every kind of human communication — including pornography. Pornography isn’t sex education, of course, but both are a natural part of the human condition and I’ll certainly continue writing about them.

    I’m not quite sure what angle you’re coming from here but your last question is about how to automatically block porn without blocking “the good stuff”. short answer: you can’t. The “Net Nanny” filters aren’t foolproof — I’ve written previously why automated systems can never be fully effective, and some of the filters come the from Christian Right of American politics and also block any sites whose politics they don’t agree with. They do drastically reduce the chances of accidentally stumbling across something you don’t want, but they won’t prevent your lads deliberately looking for the dirty stuff. If you block it, they’ll just find it elsewhere.

    I suspect the only effective answer is a combination of education and supervision.

    I feel uncomfortable saying much more because (1) I’m not a parent and know bugger all about parenting, and (2) if you have a look though my writing, you’ll find that I’m actually against censorship.

  12. Wow — that is quite a list! My program that I use to blog (WordPress) has a spam filter that keeps that kind of junk out of my incoming comments — it just deletes them. Doesn’t yours?

  13. Tell you what — the internet’s sure brought golden showers out of Germany and right into the mainstream these days. I understand even the Catholic Family Life movement gives it the tacit nod, when enjoyed between monogamous husbands and wives in the act of procreation.

    Jesus, we’ve come a long way, eh?

  14. For those of you keeping score at home, in its first full month online (August 2008) this page attracted 5337 page views, according to my web server logs. Oh, how I love the Internet!

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