OK, I’m meant to be clever, so here are my predictions for 2008. The Snarky Platypus didn’t help me with these, as we decided we had better things to do on New Year’s Eve (gin and tonic, for example). So blame me alone.
- The Joy of Chairman Rudd’s Iced VoVo Revolution will be dulled by the end of January when they take some stupid actions which demonstrate that they are, after all, politicians like all others. Actually, this has already happened with the announcement of mandatory Internet filtering by ISPs. I’ll write more about that soon.
- At least one member of the (former) Howard cabinet will be charged with a criminal offence over something they did in office. I’d like it to be Brendan Nelson, because that deal to buy $6 billion worth of Super Hornet fighter aircraft stinks — mostly because the air force doesn’t want them and the process was, erm, rushed to say the least. However I suspect it might be something to do with the AWB scandal.
- Channel 7 will continue to win the Australian TV ratings. Channel 9 will fail to reinvent itself now that its owned by an investment vehicle and not a media proprietor.
- Telstra will be forced to separate its wholesale and retail businesses. Meanwhile the Sol Trujillo-led management team will continue to play nasty with the government, causing them to be increasingly sidelined — especially over the Rudd government’s new broadband rollout.
- Barack Obama will win the US Presidential election. I know Hillary Clinton is currently the favourite, but I have the gut feeling that the Oprah factor will be important, and that Hillary’s dirty washing will be aired.
- When former Thai prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra returns from self-imposed exile on 14 February the new government, which is a coalition led by a Thaksin-supporting party, will somehow drop the corruption charges against him. Another military coup will follow.
- At least one Australian company will suffer a major leak of its customers’ private data, prompting new laws on dealing with such things (like they already have in California).
- We’ll finally figure out what the Storm Botnet, the world’s largest network of hacked computers, is for. My guess: whatever the hell the designer’s paying clients want it to be for.
You might also like to read the interesting predictions from The Australian (not really predictions, but obvious events following on from their news calendar), advertising agency JWT, Peter Black and Rachel Polanskis, and predictions about toy names for 2008.
What are your predictions for 2008? And how do you think mine rate?
Americans won’t vote for a young bloke with what they consider to be limited experience. The winner will be whichever filthy-rich middle-aged white male bastard the Republicans eventually settle on. Because American voters are, without a shadow of a doubt, the stupidest mass of cretinous maggot-brained losers the world has ever seen. Individually, they’re ok; en masse, they’re blancmange on toast.
As for the rest… I think they’ll generally come true within three or four years, but not one. Things don’t move all that quickly.
1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Conrad Black will win his appeal and use the spoils to buy Chl 9
4. Yes, makes sense. And don’t be so hard on the 3 Amigos, they just did what TLR told them to do.
5. Obama, Clinton, Edwards, any of ’em is better than what the US has now, but I was impressed with a recent interview by Chris Dodd. He could canter up the middle while the front runners are tussling it out.
6. Yes, unfortunately, but that’s democracy for you. They’ve learned well haven’t they?
7. Yawn, so yesterday. Unless it’s a stuff-up on the scale of the .uk tax office fiasco.
8. WT…? Nah, just the spooks diversifying their portfolio now Afghanistan is going down the toilet again.
And just for your Stil …
9. For at least the forseeable future (or until #1. comes true), we can all wake up and remember, “it’s another Howard free day”.
Be well and happy in 2008 everyone!
@Eric TF Bat: Wow you think the Republicans will actually win after the lame duck presidency of George W Bush?
I grok your point about things taking longer than one year. However on 6 the Thais are very efficient at doing military coups (plenty of practice) so I reckon that one’s a safe bet. And on 7, the privacy breach laws are already in place in many states of the US following massive problems there, so my prediction on
@Cassie ST: Excellent points all. But I gather you noticed that I didn’t like Mr Howard…? 😉
Yep, I think they’ll win because the Democrats have conclusively proven their inability to locate their own arses with a map and a rottweiller best two out of three. They’ve had the balance of power in the Senate for a year now and what have they done? Nothing. If the USian system had the ability to process a third party, things would be different, but I really think that the Republicans will win because they’ve got the idiots scared and the smart people apathetic.
New Zealand’s looking better all the time. At least our new PM is too much of a control freak to just bend over for the US pres. He’s definitely a Top, I think.
@Eric TF Bat: I’ll admit that I don’t keep a particularly close watch on US domestic politics, but certainly the last year hasn’t shown much significant difference in the way the country has been operating. You’re right, the Republicans do have everyone scared. Still. That said, it’s still 11 months out from the election and a lot can happen.
But Kevin Rudd a top? Yes, he’s obviously driven and a control freak. But I thought that secret sexual behaviours were usually inverted from the outwards signs — that is, the dominant control freak really wanted to be tied up and [imagery unsuitable for minors]?
@Stil: You don’t like Howard? Gee, I never guessed … 😉
I agree with @ Eric TF Bat. It wouldn’t surprise me to see the USians elect another R POTUS, out of inertia and apathy. Not that anyone on the R side has rung my chimes yet.
The Dem candidates are shooting themselves in both feet, not playing up how good it was (compared to his successors’ track record) in the Clinton years, and going at each other instead of the abysmal Republican record on just about every indicator that the Rep.s use to bash the Dems over the head with, at election time.
Although I saw an Iowa caucus story on SBS/PBS News Hr last night; Obama grabbed hold of Clinton’s legacy and pulled it right out from under Hillary’s feet.
IMO, the winning Dem candidate will be the first one to say “look, it doesn’t matter who you support for the Democratic nomination, we’re all capable of doing a better job than any of the Republican candidates, and here’s why.”
Oh and BTW, like your new colour scheme. 🙂
@Cassie ST: The US electoral process seems to have this “choose the candidates” phase before getting into the “now let the parties fight” phase — the first being a much more public process than in Australia. Presumably it’ll flip into the other mode once the numbers start becoming clearer. Perhaps something like the phase change of crystallisation?
Glad you like the colour. The next step will be to move away from the light-blue links. Perhaps.
Number 6 is wrong. Obama will NOT become the next U.S. president. Think about it carefully. He is NOT presidential material. He doesn’t come across at all like a leader with his body language (especially one who can lead the most powerful nation on the face of the planet).
Let’s have a bet. If he wins, I will spank you with a feather duster and call you blinky all night long while rubbing your body with Four Seasons jam and olive oil. We must be playing Madonna’s “Papa don’t Preach†in the background.
If he loses, you will take me out to dinner and sing the national anthem to me slowly while I lick the dirt from your toenails. We will then read kids books while drinking Fanta.
Deal?
@patty: For some reason your comment was tagged as spam, and I’ve only just got it online now. That sounds a perfectly reasonable wager, particularly as Obama sounded so good in the Iowa Caususes. You’re on. [shakes hand]