Gorn.
Farting like a geriatric cow on an all-bean diet.
@NathanWinter75 @NikkyD77 Yes, but there the bookshelf would fall right to left.
@stewart_emily There’s a whole lot of stuff about building an emotional connection with people you only know as images on a screen.
@stewart_emily Depends what you mean by “genuine”. Search for the (arguably harsh) term “recreational grief”.
“In the Minister’s office, with a bookshelf.”
RT @0xAli @stilgherrian Thanks, now i am afraid of terrorists and bookshelves… [I am here to serve. Let me tell you about bathtubs…]
You’re probably more likely to die from bookshelves falling on you than terrorism.
RT @NewtonMark: Imagine if that bookshelf tipped over and fell on Brandis at his desk. Imagine. Just for a moment. #dataretention
RT @ben_hr: When David Icke is more sensible about data retention than actual govt policy you know we’ve ended up in a dark place http://t.…
You too can imagine your not part of the problem by retweeting every fragment of air crash related fact or rumour that you see.
Looks like the recreational voyeurs of other people’s misery have a new plane crash to obsess over. Extra lube to the rolling news studios!
RT @CyberPrefixerAU NT Cabinet cyberministers voice support for cybercrocodile safari hunting [CYBERCROCODILES! #cyber #cybercyber]
RT @belindafarrelly This has helped me better understand (and face) all the stupid this week ow.ly/i/a4mqv [So true.]
I want to know where Brandis scores his drugs, ‘cos usually it costs a fortune to be this stupid for this long. Or so I’m told.
Brandis sees a practical difference between a data store you own and a data store you can access any time you like just by asking? Arsehat.
No, @SenatorLudlam, it is not the least bit “remarkable” that Brandis doesn’t know things. It’s his key distinguishing feature.
Still, nice bookshelves, eh George? People must think you’re really bright. I mean, look at those shelves.
Thrilled∗ to be in a country that sets up comprehensive domestic surveillance because a buffoon of a minister doesn’t begin to understand.
RT @HughRundle: “Narrow and traditional.â€
George Brandis sums up his general approach to thinking about any matter.
GetUp in GetUp being useless shock.
Receiving advice on how to best manage my urination needs from a police officer. Long story.
Thanks to everyone else who also confirmed my belief about the (lack of) extra Anzac Day holiday. L
Essential’s amusingly misnamed poll, “Approval of Joe Hockey†http://t.co/jraArxmRJo
@phbarratt Oh, thanks, I wish I had the time to explore now. But alas I have to head for the train now. Noted.
RT @mjonesy_87: @stilgherrian yep, no extra holiday. [Thanks.]
Can someone confirm that there’s no additional public holiday in NSW, given that Anzac Day is on a Saturday this year?
Much pleuting en Haymarket instagram.com/p/0mran1iFuW/
Ah, this is good PR from @marshontap. “I’d like you to have the opportunity to throw bread rolls at my colleaguesâ@rycrozierr@jturner_ibrsr_ibrs
Time for gin and tonic two before the 2018 train. Because there’s nothing else to do.
RT @kcarruthers Sydney why are you so humid [It’s the weather.]
“Sharing economy apps need a fair and flexible framework of rules, Labor MP says” ab.co/1EDTMaa
Tub waan ped ped maak. I regret nothing.
“Hong Kong man who dismembered and cooked parents jailed for life” ab.co/19eS1ra
Phrases which are internally inconsistent #48: “Reality TV star”
Resorting to tub waan.
@SnarkyPlatypus He seems a bit needy.
I seem to have rather a lot of email from some bloke called Mike Baird.
Done. And now, to Thaitown.
So, half an hour now to document whatever the fuck I just did, and then figure out dinner plans before the trek westward.
Ah, good, I think I’ve got the fuckers.
MarkDiStef The most Australian TV cross you can do (pic via @dobes) pic.twitter.com/2ehd0mHRsA
Grrr.
EXHIBITING EXTRAORDINARY PATIENCE.
I suppose I just have to be patient, and watch the scan, and watch the passing Enmore traffic. It’s going to be a late one.
PATIENTLY WAITING FOR THE SCANS TO FINISH.
“Scanning for known malware files.â€
Right. Approval received. Time to flush out the infiltrators.
Waiting for a call back to authorise me to spend time and (their) money disinfecting this site.
@Steve_Lockstep @johnb78 @teek_eh Yes thank you. Sigh.
<meta name=”generator” content=”WordPress 3.0.3” /> Yeah I see what your problem is here. #headdesk
“We have received notification that abuse is originating from your service…†oh FFS that just makes the day perfect*.
@ruminski That’s not an “alsoâ€, that’s my entire point.
@kcarruthers @gusworldau Nobody needs a MOOC.
@kcarruthers @zerogeewhiz Well, I’ve departed the Oracle lunch. I shall forgot to pass on your comments in the fullness of time.
I had suspected that today’s plan seemed ambitious, and so it has come to pass.
So the marketing for the Anzac Experience events has begun. Sigh. pic.twitter.com/iHmR0uByi2
@zerogeewhiz @kcarruthers Oracle’s PR people consider your response “a bit harsh”.
@kcarruthers Well, moderately interesting.
“Irishmen”? Is Crusader Rabbit still living in the Great Depression? Language reflects the mind.
Il pleut en Sydney instagram.com/p/0mIkVSiFrO/
Very interesting information about Oracle in APAC being announced tomorrow.
So much pleasure from one fish.
Mulloway, etc. instagram.com/p/0mAcpOiFuP/
RT @jdub tfw you are impossibly wedged between authoritarians and civil liberties pic.twitter.com/xAR4EEOzbj [#rule34]
Oink.
@PlaneTalking @paulwallbank There’s plenty of pork-pulling at most of these lunchtime briefings.
@dobes No, no. I still have my pants on.
@dobes Ankles at webscale.
@kcarruthers It’s a glorious piece of spin, what?
Dear Oracle (and everyone), please think of an example other than Uber.
Oracle is pushing the idea of “engineered systems” rather than the “pieces of Lego” of tinkering with open source.
Here’s @paulwallbank’s picture of the pork cheek entrée.instagram.com/p/0l7ab1REKB/u
Australia’s skills shortage gets a mention.
Morris says that unless you do the analytics properly you’re not going to get any ROI for gathering all this data.
Morris doesn’t like the term “big data” because it’s not about the size but about predictive analytics, rather than retrospective.
Chris Morris IDG says increasing proportion of IT spend is from line manager level. They’ve got surveys, actually.
“Australia is teetering on the edge in terms of its focus”, says Oracle’s head bloke. Will we use technology to ensure our future?
Oh that’s right. Today’s discussion is about digital disruption”. Thank God there is wine.
The Oracle lunch is about to begin instagram.com/p/0l2G83CFqh/
Well here we are then instagram.com/p/0l0knGCFnZ/
What’s even funnier is that the linguitards and whinging about an event that happened two years ago. Do try to keep up. Arsehats.
My “‘Literally’ purists literally belong in the stone age”, August 2013 http://t.co/e94UxQKvc8
I guess I’ll have to repost my piece on “literally” again. Stand by.
Looks like @dobes is literally incandescent with rage.
@AtomicMPC Well they’re basically the same thing, under a sufficiently overwrought analogy.
Imagining Sydney Central station slowly filling with sarin, a decidedly pleasing image.
OH: “Oh we have lunch there every Tuesday. We drink champagne and complain about our husbands.”
The #purpletrain approaches Sydney Central station instagram.com/p/0lwQYsiFgS/
RT @benpobjie: Malcolm Turnbull sure does like discussing his colleagues
“Vast majority of metadata checks determine phone owner: Turnbullâ€, writes @dobes http://t.co/sBSQQMWWcs
@marshontap @rycrozier @jturner_ibrs @IBRS Why can’t I sit up the front? I can’t throw bread rolls as far as I used to.
You know, @jturner_ibrs @IBRS, we need to tell PR firms that their message is pretty shit if it won’t stand up to initial scrutiny.
RT @jturner_ibrs: confirmed some PR firms are scared to invite @IBRS analysts to vendor briefings because we’re too disruptive. They’re fai…
johnb78 Excellent use of “this course of action is not advised” pic.twitter.com/XmEmNEVz9X v/@luke_mas
MarkDiStef I can list Pad Thai-lovers favourite dishes
1. Spaghetti Bolognese
2. Margarita Pizza
3. Sweet and Sour Pork
4. Chicken Karaage
5. Nachos
Crossing the Nepean instagram.com/p/0lqvIICFmo/
BlackBarberCuts Barber: What you want?
Him: you ever seen Clint Dempsey?
Barber: Say no more pic.twitter.com/BbisPaO8lq
@MjwCoach No, sometimes it’s for the unexpected sexual adventures.
@sleepingdingo Meh. Blessed relief.
I tell you what, the “Kill all Boomers†campaign can start today, right on this train. The 0924, aka the Pensioner Special.
Slowly filling with a bitter hatred for humans and the world they live in. On a train.
“Keep calm, men. Be British!†On the schoolboy sailors who died at Gallipoli. http://t.co/c7KJ3bbg78
RT @TheFix: People who run in packs in the middle of the city are the worst. [Well you’re in America. You’ve got guns. Der.]
As @jturner_ibrs knows all too well, most analysts conduct all of their “work†with one hand.
There is no life problem that can’t be fixed by the retweeting of out-of-context inspirational quotes.
SecurityHumor Where would @Gartner_inc place themselves on the Magic Quadrant?
What is the sound of one analyst clapping?
#infosecdeepthoughts
@glengyron That’s terrible mural?
@PlaneTalking @GreenJ I think that’s a workaround for a different problem.
Rains approaching instagram.com/p/0livLKiFo4/
Radio ad playing in the taxi is for the “tradies’ mate”. An insurance company. Yes, your mate. Always.
Tue plan: 0924 train to Sydney; write en route; 1200 Oracle lunch; errand; record podcast bits; 1621 train back; @5at5daily; finish podcast.
@GreenJ @SilvesterSJ @australian Oh? I’ve found that they improve my sex life no end. YMMV, of course.
@GreenJ @SilvesterSJ @australian You could build a workaround by proxying your web access through a proxy server with a fixed IP address.
@GreenJ @SilvesterSJ That’s a yes. Telstra currently would not log those rapid public IP address changes.
@GreenJ Yes. Yes, I am.
@GreenJ @SilvesterSJ It’s down to how some of Telstra’s mobile network is now built. @australain would need to change their system to cope.
@GreenJ @SilvesterSJ TL;DR is that your login is tied to your IP address, and your IP address as seen by @australian keep changing…
@NewtonMark @Fremean @R_Chirgwin Bullshit. I saw this checklist on a website with a black background that said how to do it.
@SilvesterSJ @GreenJ That is pretty much the core of my theory, yes.
@GreenJ More seriously, are you on a mobile device using Telstra’s mobile data network? If so, I have a theory.
RT @GreenJ: Dear @australian … Why won’t your app remember me? Why? So. Sick. Of. Logging. In. [Leftists always want special treatment.]
Maybe we can.
SwiftOnSecurity Maybe Mars One is how they get a list of all the people too stupid to go to Mars.
I suppose we can’t just kill everyone.
RT @bbotezatu: @stilgherrian personal branding. Sounds like selfie 2.0 to me :) [I am so stealing this line.]
@bbotezatu You’re making me cry now.
humphriesmark News Corp v Netflix: shit just got real pic.twitter.com/BoZjcIzER5
@domknight HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF LAVA WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
@timpoliti Kill that friend.
How they ever built the pyramids without a third series of “Twilight†is beyond my understanding.
Wait. What if Russell Brand is right?
Pro Tip: Netflix is just another way for you dumb-fuck cud-munchers to sit gape-jawed in front of your TV screens.
The clamour over Netflix launching in Australia is a depressing reminder of just how little bread and circuses keeps the proles happy.
“Thousands of geese fall dead from Idaho skies” http://t.co/Z16eMecJzl #rule34
“The CIA Just Declassified the Document That Supposedly Justified the Iraq Invasionâ€, reports @vicenews https://t.co/aenZ2iGP2f
@jeamland Ah, happy days!
@teek_eh Yeah just swat those little fuckers hard, and crush every bone in their fragile little bodies.
RT @SBSNews: Coalition gets best Newspoll in six months bit.ly/1DQgAZi pic.twitter.com/bUilxySh4I [Kinda like “Best-smelling turdâ€â€¦]
Have you noticed how the only people who think a personal brand is important are those who go on and on about building your personal brand?
RT @smh: Sydney customs officer celebrated cocaine bust with coke-fuelled night out. ow.ly/KHtEJ [Seems fair.]
“Largest-ever meteorite crater found in Australian outback†http://t.co/hi37aBdiZR
Kragar_LGF “Do you have a coloring book where you ride an eagle while holding a gun? No? Then STFU”! #TedCruzCampaignSlogans pic.twitter.com/VPuH2muycM
“Kaspersky accused of having close ties to sauna-loving Russian spiesâ€, writes @gcluley, with some scepticism. https://t.co/urp34WfJhV
I will pretend that I didn’t se@alexkidmanan’s tweet ab@murpharooaroo’s tweet, because I am already in a very bad place.
RT @EricScherer: Donc @lemondefr utilise aussi des robots journalistes pour ses résultats d’élections avec @syllabs et @data2content http:/…
@murpharoo Ah yes, I see what you mean. Some things are best observed from a safe distance. Atomic explosions. Wasps. Baird/Marr slash fic.
@murpharoo I think you need to get out of Canberra for a little while.
Dear PR People, your client’s feelpinions are rarely “insightsâ€, no matter how much they’re paying you to lipstick the pig. (2/2)
Dear Everybody, just because some high-profile person expresses their feelpinion with a snappy soundbite doesn’t make it an “insightâ€. (1/2)
Thanks to @murpharoo, I just saw the words “eroticâ€, “David Marr†and “Mike Baird†all in the one tweet. I feel a little ill.
murpharoo They paw him. It’s erotic. David Marr on the road with Mike Baird. All kinds of marvellous, really gu.com/p/46pct
Tue plan, supplemental: I think I’ve put too many things into that plan.
Tue plan, draft: 0924 train to Sydney; write en route; 1200 Oracle lunch; record podcast bits; 1621 train back; @5at5daily; finish podcast.
Jason_Spacey David Cameron rules out serving a 3rd term as prime minister. He also ruled out inventing time travel, winning X Factor and riding a unicorn
iainmartin1 Couple “trapped” in hi-tech keyless car forgot to try the door handle… pic.twitter.com/DU5DB2s65O
RT @myrcurial: There is no way to optimize for Tuesday. [This is true.]
Tuesday. It could be worse. You could work in search engine optimisation. Tuesday.