@lapuntadelfin @SenatorSurfer Bah. I’ll have you know I’m a dickhead everywhere, not just on “social media”.

What is wrong with you people? pic.twitter.com/3P3suUDEKz
jonoabroad If I was the seagull I’d be finding a good defamation lawyer. twitter.com/melbournebrat/…
unormal Me when I knew one programming language: THIS LANGUAGE IS THE BEST LANGUAGE I LOVE IT WHY WOULD YOU USE ANYTHING EL..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…Z2
TheaHalpin My condolences to all the experienced health reporters who would have loved the opportunity to do a long-form story..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…Ae
This entire thread is extremely @jpwarren content, and it will also be loved by @dobes @NewtonMark @rohan_p..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…bF
@sylmobile I grant you, it’s very tempting, but I don’t have the frock for it.
@sylmobile Definitely not.
@BlueJayGliding Australia’s next finance minister: Darryl Lee.
papagaeio I think my Snail City in colour is complete. I tried to keep the colour quite minimal. So it’s basically sandy and..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…Gh
@BlueJayGliding Nether of them taste nice.
True Fact: All Belgian chocolates are dodgy.

Histreepix In the days before TV, a live performance of a tampon advert. Reculver, 1933. pic.twitter.com/dxPls4l5Ru
Histreepix The beginning of a virus that eventually spread across Europe, transforming all amphibious life into rampaging hoar..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…Kx
Burp.
David_Lofts @blaiklockBP Someone told me this is happening:
Catherine Blaiklock sells crack cocaine to men in brothels for £5..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…uJ
stilgherrian OH: “Leigh Sales is alright, but she’s no Annabel Crabb.”

cumtcgether this is the only good greek mythology post ive ever seen truly pic.twitter.com/UO7vc1jkkw
architeg Langley Wind Tunnels, Hampton, Virginia, United States.
LaRC has focused primarily on aeronautical research, but h..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…XY
patstokes Is there a factory somewhere that is making these guys? twitter.com/johnb78/status…
@juhasaarinen @malwareowl True fact.

richardwiegold There is no Slough General Hospital.
#Brexit was never really about leaving the EU, was it? pic.twitter.com/FfjTCNi9Ht
@juhasaarinen These jerkbirds are idiots.
@JustJimWillDo Ah! A literary reference!
@JustJimWillDo What a hoot, eh?
@stofsk @k_morrissey I couldn’t eat a whole one.
OH: “I have added a very helpful emoji.”
@RealNickHodge @dobes @expectproblems Cows are clever like that.
Well now that he’s shown his, should I show you mine? twitter.com/CosmicRami/sta…
Until I read the hashtags I assumed this tweet as about Ms Cousens. twitter.com/RozierHistoria…
OH: “Leigh Sales is alright, but she’s no Annabel Crabb.”

DJMay19 Always read the acknowledgements.
#fire #gender pic.twitter.com/tU3k7gXZJC
dobes Oh Lordy!!
Look at that absolute undercarriage destroyer! Master of the grass! The keeper of mange! twitter.com/JackDAshby/sta…
“Is ASIS feeling unloved? Foreign spy agency boss sees the benefits of being open” themandarin.com.au/112835-is-asis…
@dobes @RealNickHodge @expectproblems Agreed. Cows are naturally curious and would have found the whole thing fascinating.

ianvisits On this day in 1933 — the Piccadilly line was extended to Cockfosters. pic.twitter.com/TPkUOvMVeH
“ASX’s new blockchain-based CHESS system: A marathon not a sprint” by @ashabeeeee zdnet.com/article/asxs-n…
atlasobscura Before you ask: No, this sculptural montage is not historically accurate. No cows were present at the moon landing. trib.al/yPI5ejX
Next Wed evening in Sydney: Jens Stoltenberg, Sec-Gen of NATO and former PM of Norway at @LowyInstitute myaccount.lowyinstitute.org/events/2019-se…
@IngeborgRakvag @gathgwyn He is indeed serious about it, but nevertheless he is wrong.
FXMC1957 31 July 1932. The Nazi Party won 37.2% of votes in the national democratic elections to become the most popular par..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…8l
@whoretic @DrRhysPockett This is all excellent* to know.
@eddit0r Ah well this looks quite handy.

In which @gathgwyn tries to convince me it’s 6pm, but fails. pic.twitter.com/Ott31AAPvT
@DrRhysPockett This is definitely helping.
All rice cookers should come with a vodka-making attachment.
How can someone be this full of shit without suffering from diarrhoea? twitter.com/australian/sta…
@franksting Everything is perfect all around the world!
@_midofo_ @jxeeno Rice cooker shaming is particularly special. :) Attn: @SnarkyPlatypus.
@rohan_p I support this proposal.
@jxeeno @JustJimWillDo Glad to be of service.
@JustJimWillDo @jxeeno It is. But it may be possible to not fill it up.
@jxeeno This is quite big.
@chrisrauchle I guess so.

SuperCroup I am, as you all know, not one to judge but oh for fuck’s sake. pic.twitter.com/BNcdkEXkdo
@franksting Australia is pretty fucked right now, tbh. Maybe choose somewhere else.
Currently at Aldi: $20 rice cookers. Attn: @jxeeno.
brianstelter Per @GoogleTrends, Marianne Williamson was the most-searched of the ten candidates *during* the debate in 49 out of..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…HY
@billplein If only.

IBelieveInUFOs i love this classic novel pic.twitter.com/pgwSL2e0zN
@SnarkyPlatypus @JustJimWillDo And yet he’s already had two breakfasts, one of which was eight Weet-Bix, and the ot..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…H0
@billplein I can’t stand most political candidate debates, but the pre-primaries US party debates seem to be partic..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…BL
Also, who the fuck buys tea from New Zealand?
“Attention staff! Major sookage in aisle four.” twitter.com/MattLaslo/stat…
@jpwarren @dobes @jeamland @juhasaarinen At least it returns the value of $a. I think that’s good?
Then again, all the Nuke Twitter people I follow are starting to get just a bit too excited right now.
Maybe I should start watching this debate thing. twitter.com/normative/stat…
Hey @dobes @jeamland @juhasaarinen @jpwarren this is true beauty. twitter.com/lunetics/statu…
@Davelennonabc @erstkate The 19th Century ended a while ago now, Dave.
TheOnion Marianne Williamson Sternly Addresses Homemade Trump Puppet About Immigration In Fiery Debate Exchange..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…Et
umairh its like a horror movie except for the last three years twitter.com/SkyNews/status…
@Davelennonabc @erstkate No, it was.
@dobes @SnarkyPlatypus @upulie @jpwarren @NewtonMark @rohan_p Maybe it’s in the Jones-Latham cookbook.
RadioFreeTom What do you say to the 73% of African-Americans who are in favor of reparations?
I’d say: “You’ll never get that p..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…BD
Best line from yesterday’s cyber lunch: “I’ll conclude my remarks there. You have another drink.” (I’ll leave it an..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…jL
erstkate Asked for turnip recipes and so far I have “maybe put them in soup”. There’s an unavoidable conclusion here
@SnarkyPlatypus @upulie @dobes @jpwarren @NewtonMark @rohan_p No argument here either.
OK this has gone way, way too far now. Attn: @SnarkyPlatypus @dobes @jpwarren @NewtonMark @rohan_p @upulie and ever..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…YX
Sudden and quite enormous wave of fatigue. Goddammit.
@NewtonMark @jpwarren @Miah_HE Or possibly an endoscope near the salad bar.
dobes Americans. Not even once. twitter.com/ccroucher9/sta…
“Crown casino group tells ASX it cannot explain 7.7% share fall: Company says it has no extra information about why..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…Os

Mr_DrinksOnMe What does it take for Terry to give a one star review? pic.twitter.com/meuRzmSDVl
GreenJ I’m not sure I know what words mean anymore. twitter.com/thehill/status…
Attn: @CookSuck. twitter.com/_bornnfinee/st…
SnarkyPlatypus I suppose this does look like it was made with farming implements twitter.com/_bornnfinee/st…
A slogan we can all get behind. twitter.com/SmallsLife/sta…
@AusRob @NewtonMark @dobes @rohan_p Correct.
@NewtonMark @dobes @rohan_p Don’t be silly, Mark. Mr McAfee is a hacker.
@dobes @rohan_p @NewtonMark Ta. I’m a subscriber, but haven’t downloaded this month’s issue yet.
Pinboard Savoring this article about how a young artist can still make it in San Francisco if they can find a two-bedroom ap..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…i4
@rohan_p @dobes @NewtonMark @oberonsghost And for the caring family, “KFC Is Selling A Colonel Sanders-Crowned Inte..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…JF
@dobes @rohan_p @NewtonMark I did not. Where was it published?
@rohan_p @dobes @NewtonMark There’s a whole new genre here, except we’re already had it. @oberonsghost..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…RL
@dobes @rohan_p @NewtonMark I think I might study Admiralty Law, because I’ve been considering joining One Nation as a brain clever advisor.
@AusRob @dobes @rohan_p @NewtonMark Maybe @Aiannucci could direct it. ;)
Timeless tweet. twitter.com/doingitwrong/s…
EtheHerring The top image is a fictitious weather report imagining what the weather would be like in 2050 for a 2014 French TV..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…qb

I say, Mr @davpope is very good today, @dobes @SnarkyPlatypus. pic.twitter.com/5UOmVyuW5x
Wed plan, draft: Slow start with fried rice; story pitches; write for @zdnetaustralia according to editorial judgem..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…n5
bigjsl The best thing that will come from backdooring messaging apps is the politicians who will be caught out by it. But..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…Fq
Attn: @dobes @rohan_p @NewtonMark. twitter.com/officialmcafee…
@erstkate Well there’s another problem solved already!

Use it as a butt plug. pic.twitter.com/xbjIpnb8Hn
Small ladders, so they can climb up to ride them. twitter.com/davispg/status…
I have never liked donuts.
CJFrieman *Sighs in archaeologist* twitter.com/TheAtlantic/st…

I’m really hoping it does rain in Sydney today. pic.twitter.com/0EM3wGTICl
Wednesday. Table tennis balls are not eggs, but they’re made the same way and taste identical. Manage your budget. Wednesday.