Stilgherrian (@stilgherrian)

Wentworth Falls NSW AU

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @stilgherrian ever

April 24th, 2012

Cool night. Tawny port. Minor joy.

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@SnarkyPlatypus Ah, so a perfectly good residential area for the settled folk. [nods] @metarand

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@AndeGregson Yeah yeah I know PowerPoint is the end projection too, but I’m doing intial prodiuction in Keynote before converting. Quicker.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to AndeGregson

I will say, @AndeGregson, I always go for big bold images anyway, so this could be fun!

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So, @AndeGregson (or anyone else), any tips/gotchas for using Keynote 2008 for 16:9 pressos? Is going to the newest version recommended?

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@AndeGregson Ah! Well played. In any event, I’m working on the presentation tonight so by the time you look in the morning you’ll have mine.

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@metarand Hah! I don’t think I’d ever heard of it until @SnarkyPlatypus mentioned it. Worth visiting?

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@drueyjay I don’t think I ended up actually complaining to the C Bar. After venting on “The 9pm Edict” I was over it.

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@twcau I think the Falung Gong were only in front of HSBC because there’s plenty of room on the footpath there. g.co/maps/8me2u

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Right. Time for a half an hour of arsehattery and plugging sihit before returning to work, for my work is never done.

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RT @jonkudelka the tram that you are in you mean? [YES WHAT IS YOUR POINT?]

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This group of ladies of a certain age are going on a ladies-only harbour cruise early tomorrow “while the blokes are doing the Anzac thing”.

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Also, I think some of these people have been drinking.

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This tram seems to have become an impromptu psychiatric ward.

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RT @benmoretti Y [There’s always one.]

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That was a very great many occurrences of the letter N. Thank you for your advice.

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To be clear, it was someone else in the toilet and I don’t know what he was saying. Think it was Cantonese.

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Falung Gong holding silent vigil outside HSBC in George St.

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Talking loudly on your phone from within the toilet cubicle is acceptable. Y/N?

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Wait. Boris Yeltsin and Boris Johnson are different people, right? Right?

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Dear Hasbro, you are a bunch of cunts. Attacking your biggest fans? What arsehattery! They’re TOYS, FFS! Get a grip. Love, Stilgherrian.

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I am not far from C Bar, however, and careful readers with a grasp of geography and international expletives will know where.

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RT @AngGraham: Really? ‘Sydney suburb to launch ‘It all starts at Chatswood’ tourism campaign’ - mUmBRELLA j.mp/I5AQqs [HAHAHAHA!]

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“This comes with chilli, do you mind?” “Mai pen rai krub. Ped ped krub!” STOP FARANGIFYING MY FOOD YET MAE! [I am not at the C Bar now.]

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L’esprit d’escalier is annoying.

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RT @leslienassar: If I offered to pay you $7.50 to come out against cash for Tweets, would you do it? [Sure.]

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I hiked Flinders Chase National Park on Kangaroo Island when 15yo. A meal we cooked was so bad we buried it. Possums dug it up, and left it.

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I am for Kangaroo Island as a general concept, @RealNickHodge, and I know several excellent places to dispose of bodies.

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For some reason the C Bar is proving to be a less-productive work location than on previous occasions. [$100, plus a free jug.] [I wish.]

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Here’s the video and transcript of the Kangaroo Island cash for tweets story from last night’s Media Watch. abc.net.au/mediawatch/tra…

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RT @chrisjrn: I’m sure the best place to read it would be Kangaroo Island… [That goes without saying. It’s magnificent.] [$750] [I wish.]

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RT @leslienassar: Are you for or against cash for Tweets? [Depends how much they’re paying, obviously.]

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RT @ataraxite: If God is so smart, why do I have nose hairs? [Prevention of cocaine overdose.]

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I have just Expressed an Opinion on “Cash for Tweets” for the Adelaide Advertiser. I daresay you may Read it tomorrow.

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Ah hang on. Finding a quiet spot. I have to be an Expert for the Media for a moment.

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@helveticade Hello. If you’re the sort of person who might help a complete stranger with Processing, would you mind DMing me an email addy?

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Ministerial staffers are such delicate little petals.

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Sadly, @jonoabroad, last time I used the c-word re @Bowenchris’ portfolio his deputy chief of staff — quelle horreur! — unfollowed me!

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This isn’t really getting my presentation written but hey, a choice between these topics? I think I know what’s more imortant.

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Or perhaps @abc730 might get @CUhlmann to ask @Bowenchris a really challenging question, like “Is the government doing well?” Arsehats.

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Perhaps @Bowenchris might write a reply to the girl, answering that question, and read it out straight down the barrel of a live TV camera.

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Here’s @crikey_news on one 10yo girl we keep “detention [spineless euphemism] because… why? crikey.com.au/2012/04/24/our… Why, @Bowenchris?

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Dear Minion who Watches Twitter for @Bowenchris, please ask the Minister how “we are young and free” covers imprisoning innocent children.

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@ForsakenDAemon Thank you, I shall contact @helveticade directly on behalf of this Processing-using FoaF. And thanks too, @danoot.

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It pays to explore the boundaries of propriety now and then. And to remember we’re creating the biggest database of personal info ever.

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rycrozier As much as I understand you handing exclusives to print dailies, at least don’t bombard me with the presser after the fact.

via Twitter Web Client (retweeted on 4:15 PM, Apr 24th, 2012 via Janetter for Mac)

RT @mjcp: No, you should not. [OK, that’s two for “no”, so I’ll go with that for this event.]

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RT @CGLawyers: What an appalling trivialisation of an historical tragedy. [Obviously, yes, but… that’s a “no” from you?]

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Wondering whether I should explain tagging your every website visitor with a cookie as being like the tattoos at Auschwitz.

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Exactly 72 hours from now, in Perth, I’ll be “Destroying your world, tweet by tweet, like by like” media140.com/perth2012/digi…

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If I were a proper I’d have all this crap Keynoterisified already, to repeat endlessly. My presence at will be… odd.

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RT @mpesce: I guess you just have to go with what your heart tells you to do. There are no maps for these very ugly territories. [Google?]

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Dear Lazyweb, is there a data viz thing called Processing, and is there someone in Melbourne who can help a masters student grok it?

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@PacketNetworks I have checked. I have not flipped a paddy wagon on its side, nor torched one. ALL DAY!

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RT @expectproblems: @SnarkyPlatypus @jeamland @snerdish I shop at kmart. Isn’t that already a fate worse than death? [Well, put that way…]

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@expectproblems @SnarkyPlatypus @jeamland @snerdish Thank you for the sartorial suggestions, Sirs. Now two of you must go kills yourselves.

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DroneInsertion DRONES BELIEVE THAT CIRRUS CLOUDS ARE APHRODISIACS FOR ANY SPECIES THAT CAN COMMUNICATE VIA THE EARTH-IONOSPHERE WAVE GUIDE.

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I am at my table and plugging into my power point.

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Rainbow low in sky. / Grey clouds, grey trains, grey people. / They fail to love their world.

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So where do people buy proper clothes now that Stolliar Brothers is gone?

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Mobile: Train to Town Hall station; buy a shirt; walk to C Bar to write presentation.

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I’ve stopped stressing about not having uploaded my presentation. I just saw that the Dropbox folders are still mostly empty.

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RT @snerdish: What happened to you, man? You used to be cool. [BUT I’VE JUST LAUNCHED KEYNOTE! I MUST BE COOL!]

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RT @PacketNetworks: @stilgherrian Have you flipped one on its side? [Probably not.]

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I haven’t torched a paddy van all afternoon.

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@SnarkyPlatypus This is called “project remediation” and it’s a highly sought-after and highly-paid skill.

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darrenpauli Malware cuts Iran oil artery from the net. Don’t think Stuxnet. goo.gl/BSgKM

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Storm cell approaching Sydney CBD from the northwest.

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Belay that last.

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En route to the village. RI completely inadequate.

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We begin our time in Broadway by watching people pull out in front of the oncoming fire engine. Arsehats. Oh well, here we go…

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So CPI figure is what inflation has been in that quarter, that quarter annualised, or total in last 12mo? I need the last.

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“Strap a rocket to your balls”, I think that sign said. No.

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I have escapified. I’ll deal with your tweets a tad later.

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I wonder how long the people at the next table can continue to talk about how much every single one of their friends paid for the house.

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Young ladies, why must you dawdlesprawl over the ENTIRE width of the footpath?

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Mobile: Walk to Leichhardt; brunch; bus to Broadway; bus to Broadway; shopping; bus to Newtown/Enmore; errands; remainder TBA.

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@Lyall Bertie? Offering? I am confused.

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It appears that the Apple People don’t have my notebook after all. Here is it, hiding under the washing. That saves be from temptations.

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Dear Perth People, who else should I catch up with while in town? I’m talking infosec, startups, internet specialness and the like.

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In precisely 48 hours I depart for Perth so I might present this to you on Friday. media140.com/perth2012/digi…

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I must say, that @GreenJ chap knows an end time when he sees it.

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@lukehopewell @bernietb The Producers Hotel in Adelaide was next to the old fruit & veg exchange. Opened at 0500. Very civilised.

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crikey_news We’re hiring (again)! Are you Crikey’s next deputy editor? The criteria and details: bit.ly/JOZdXF /@Private__Media

via TweetDeck (retweeted on 9:17 AM, Apr 24th, 2012 via Janetter for Mac)

RT @lukehopewell: I’ve never wanted a double vodka more at 9am than now. Drinking fixes things, no? [Yes. Yes it does.]

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As usual, the media release @nazzer sends crashes Apple Mail 5.2 because she hates both me and Steve Jobs.

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Yay. Geoff Huston has just been inducted into the Internet Hall of Fame. internethalloffame.org/media/press-re…

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Amused to see conference organisers “need” material days in advance. They need to work in live or daily media and chill the fuck out.

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I should perhaps have read the speakers brief before now. I seem to have already missed at least one deadline.

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Tue plan, unordered: Write presentation; haircut; buy pants; plan rest of Perth timetable; thoughtful blog post.

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Wow I was right! 25 mins in they talk about this specific sentence-beginning “So…” originating in Silicon Valley engineering culture!

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So, that thing where people start a sentence with “So…”? Slate’s “Lexicon Valley” podcast explores it well good. slate.com/articles/podca…

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I shall now restore normal brain functions by listening to the last episode of “The 9pm Edict”. stilgherrian.com/edict/00020/ Stand by.

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@PointZeroOne I believe that’s exactly what I fucking well said, arsehat.

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Fuck me dead, this is a difficult cunt of a thing!

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@miss_shiny Oh I haven’t been in the mountains for ever so long, my sweetness! I have been in Sydney since just before Easter! Ah, to laugh!

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@SnarkyPlatypus @jeamland One can NEVER have too much fair dust, children!

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Oh! @australiapost doesn’t play nicely with other children! Must use THEIR internet payment, not BPay. I am so disappoint, boys and girls.

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Yes. “3. Steel core, tracer and incendiary rounds are prohibited” seems just such a silly-silly, doesn’t it, boys and girls!

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Oh! I have found a piece of paper I signed called “Range Safety Rules”! Well, I think we can ignore those now, children!

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Goodness me, @BruceHore @franksting, aren’t you the grumpy-bumbles this morning! That will never do!

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And — I was ever so busy! — I wrote about how naughty people might find out about our secret sicknessescso.com.au/article/422310…uH

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I also wrote a story about iiNet and AFACT for the nice, clever people who write comments at @ABCthedrum abc.net.au/unleashed/3965…

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Children, did you hear the podcast I made with @rgibli?”iiNet wards off AFACT, but what next?” it’s called. zdnet.com.au/iinet-wards-of…

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@BundyB Why I’m sure I don’t know WHAT you might mean, though it does seem like it would be a little too early in the day, the lovely day!

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I’m afraid this means I shall have to visit the Apple People again a little later this morning, but I’m sure that will end well.

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@BundyB Well, taking the time to be just that little bit polite costs nothing, sweet one! It’s a lesson we should all learn, children.

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@safzoro Why of COURSE that’s what I mean, you cheeky thing! Whatever else could it be, my lovely?

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Oh no! A little disappoint, children! It would appear that my notebook has been left with those lovely people who sold me all the apples.

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One of the things I shall tell them is how the naughty businesmen can find out what’s happening in their underpants without asking.

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Today I shall decide in detail which happy things I will be telling the poor people, and make some pretty pictures to cheer them up.

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@ataraxite Oh! Well THAT sort of grape just gets better and better the longer ago they were squeezed, and the more of them you can find!

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Did I tell you? I’m going to Pretty Perth on Thursday! On Friday I will explain all the happy internet things to poor people. Like stalkers.

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@ataraxite Grapes are glorious! I especially love that sudden little burst of crisp moist freshness when you squeeze them JUST so!

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@ataraxite And good morning to you! Isn’t it wonderful to be one of God’s special creatures!

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@ForsakenDAemon Oh I SHALL have a nice day, Beautiful Petal, for everything is all so gloriously delighful in this wonderful world!

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Good morning, Sunbeams! I do hope everything is going to be marvellous for you all this lovely, lovely day!

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