Stilgherrian (@stilgherrian)

Wentworth Falls NSW AU

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @stilgherrian ever

January 14th, 2013

Drunk? Me? Unpossible.

via Janetter for Mac

@daev @giddeygirl Planet Earth is a choose your own adventure book. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Names_of_… Let’s not fetishise one woman we’ve see on TV.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to daev

RT @margotdate: they see the best and worst of humanity every day [We all do. And not only in the mirror.]

via Janetter for Mac

TumblrTXT THAT CRAZY MOMENT WHEN YOU DISCOVER YOU’RE OTHERKIN, AND THEN THE NEXT DAY YOU WALK AROUND AND ALMOST EVERYTHING GIVES YOU OTHERKIN FEELS.

via Buffer (retweeted on 11:50 PM, Jan 14th, 2013 via Janetter for Mac)

RT @daev: What do you call a person from Myanmar. Myanmarese? Myanmarian? [Burmese, unless a puppet of the former military regime.]

via Janetter for Mac

These things on the dashboard of a Volkswagen TDI mean… what ? instagr.am/p/UdtxvriFmn/

via Instagram

I did. I fuckin’ did. And here we are. instagr.am/p/UdtPETiFmR/

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Of course they’ll pick up a range of society’s detritus as they pass The Star casino. That is our future, and our children’s. Weep now.

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The tram is returning to Central empty, apart from its crew.

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Getting off the tram: me, a skanky hipster and a drunk accountant. It’s 2320 on a Monday. Is there a canal I can throw myself into now?

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Tram driver: “This is Lilyfield. This is the end of the line.” Oh mate, never a truer word…

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Also, if your business plan includes the word “crowdsourcing” then we’re entitled to kick you to death in front of your entire family.

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RT @benpobjie Writing a novel about a fat guy who likes chicken Kiev. [Fuck. My 2013 plan is screwed. I guess I can audition for the movie.]

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“How are you?” asked the tram conductor. “Perfect in every possible way,” I said. “Liar,” he said. These people are cunts.

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RT @NewtonMark Teh Tightening has begun early this cycle. Everybody just loves a horse race, don’t they? , [Let’s just kill them.]

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Noticing how the 140-character trim makes things even worse than they were to begin with.

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Oh look! A tram! A tram will take me to safety and I can avoid difficult questions about that guy’s youngest instagr.am/p/UdqamSiFk2/

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I suspect that in retrospect I will consider this is starting to go just a bit wrong. But tomorrow is another day.

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Kevlar is for softcocks.

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@Cyberknife4Oz If you’ve got a link that doesn’t go to those pricks at Facebook, come back to me.

via Plume for Android in reply to Cyberknife4Oz

OH: “Huh? $50 a week for beer? That’s like a quarter of what I earn.”

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Oh OK, this explains everything instagr.am/p/UdpPvKCFki/

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OH: “Thanks, ‘cos I know when I don’t have any money you guys will buy a jug.”

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Right. Polls. If any of you cunts write “analysis” that doesn’t quote the margin of error in the first par then I will knife your children.

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Oh this is embarrassing, if you realise you’re technically in the same species.

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I seriously don’t know how the staff cope with the clientele that’s washing up right now. Glad I tipped them earlier.

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RT @jonoabroad you have a first book? [Yes. ISBN 0644044975.]

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Polls. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You fucking muppets.

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New manager came on shift. “The cocktail list is a bit girly,” I said. “Yes, this is George St, that’s the point,” he said. Fair enough.

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RT @feed_the_chooks This bouncing breast ad is… fuck it. I don’t know. My vocabulary has been hijacked by it. [Today’s best tweet?]

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RT @jasonjordan Me too, I read my first book in just under a month!

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Did I mention I’m currently working on my second book?

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RT @indigoid @stilgherrian I get an erection whenever you use words… [Hey let’s end the review there, ok? That’s one for the cv.]

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I’m pretty sure this is how Mondays are meant to work.

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I have now exhausted the in every device in my possession except my phone. So I’ve ordered another Side car.

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RT @johnthelutheran The difference between UK and Australian definitions of “thongs” makes that tweet even more vivid… [Oh. Yes.]

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“Christmas Function”, it says, but is that a comment or a desperate plea? instagr.am/p/Udivl0iFh2/

via Instagram

The combination of backpackers in thongs and a cocktail bar fitted out in marble should be punishable by death, and not of the marble.

via Plume for Android

@jonrussell Hah! Don’t be coy. You know what I said.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to jonrussell

I’ve just outlined my Thai Whiskey Sour recipe to the waiter. He seems unconvinced. And he says he’s Thai. Bah!

via Janetter for Mac

Same or different? You decide! instagr.am/p/UdhFzjiFhR/

via Instagram

RT @ssharwood: Feel free to come over and consume my rinse aid. I’ll film it. Straight to YouTube. [It’s a deal. But not tonight.]

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@DamienCWalker Yeah, this all flips between high-traffic and radio silence. I recommend judicious use of filters and/or hallucinogens.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to DamienCWalker

@DamienCWalker You’re new here, aren’t you.

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Yeah fuckin’ retweeters get themselves added to The List n’all.

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RT @ssharwood: I call shenanigans [As a Man of Science, I recommend an empirical approach to these mysteries.]

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Right. I can see where this is going.

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OH: “Look, it’s definitely your own fault if you take advice from neo-cons.”

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RT @ssharwood: What is in rinse aid and how does it aid rinsing? [Meth, and gives you something to do while the dishwasher does its thing.]

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WhatTheBit .@nerdtalker as someone who has been to CES over 5 times, let me tell you, MBK in Bangkok makes that trade show look like an empty Best Buy.

via Twitter for iPhone (retweeted on 9:19 PM, Jan 14th, 2013 via Janetter for Mac)

“Journal”? Oh Christ, it just gets worse by the minute!

via Janetter for Mac

RT @AnnabelAstbury: If anyone needs links to awesome cyst removal vids, I’m your lady ! [URGENT, please RT.]

via Janetter for Mac

AnnabelAstbury If anyone needs links to awesome cyst removal vids, I’m your lady !

via Tweetbot for iOS (retweeted on 9:14 PM, Jan 14th, 2013 via Janetter for Mac)

A different, and strikingly better, Sidecar instagr.am/p/UddRrciFvm/

via Instagram

RT @NewtonMark: Hipster cyclist, one red sock, one green sock. Red on the right. NO! WRONG! [If you get this you need to get out more.]

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For those concerned about my liver, look, I have a brother, and I have a mate who’s a doctor. More or less. Anyway, he owes me a favour.

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Oh yes! Sidecar delivered. That strategy seems to have delivered the desired result. Well, Part A of the desired result.

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The cocktail menu is a bit girly. I’ll have words with the manager later. Meanwhile I’ve ordered another Sidecar and tipped the waiter lots.

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@markatextor @scugs1 Ah, Mark! Despite our obvious differences, I know I can always rely upon you for clear-headed analysis. Thank you.

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Hang on. I have this vague memory of making a joke involving Helen Mirren’s vagina. On a Monday. Looks like it’ll be one of those weeks.

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RT @NathanaelB: Once one can no longer competently make cocktails, one should… [THE WAITER MAKES THE COCKTAILS WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU.]

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That said, @PaulaGrunseit, I’d put money on my friend writing another article about Aaron Swartz in the morning.

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RT @PaulaGrunseit: Depends on what the friend has to do the following morning [I… um, my friend works daily media cycle. Tomorrow? Dunno.]

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How many cocktails should one drink on a Monday? Asking for a friend.

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@michaelneale That is indeed the hacked MIT website in the background. I’ll post a screenshot and/or a mirror later up.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to michaelneale

Not a martini after all, but a Whiskey Flat instagr.am/p/UdTv7niFsI/

via Instagram

Conducting a chemical experiment. With dark fluids, primarily.

via Plume for Android

Also, I never got that martini.

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I get the feeling I should stop now. Something to do with the sweats, and the strangers staring and wondering why I’m giggling so much.

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Oh that’s right. I didn’t bring my umbrella. You can stop looking thanks.

via Plume for Android

And this man? He’s wishing he was a woman, JUST SO (S)HE COULD CONTROL HIS/HER PARTS! instagr.am/p/UdPSvjiFqe/

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This woman? SHE’S CONTROLLING HER PARTS RIGHT NOW! instagr.am/p/UdPJ0KiFqY/

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This woman? Control of her parts, and she uses them to trap and skin wild animals. instagr.am/p/UdOq1CiFqN/

via Instagram

Ah. Rain. So, of the various places I’ve been today, where do you think I’d have left my umbrella? Backtracking…

via Plume for Android

Every female customer of this bar? Control over her parts! instagr.am/p/UdOA6GCFp2/

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Cameron Diaz would CERTAINLY have control over… those parts instagr.am/p/UdNovyCFpt/

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Dame Helen would have control over… those parts instagr.am/p/UdNWjwiFpm/

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@RadhikaR Sigh. I thought you women were meant to have better control over… those parts. All the GOP blokes have been telling us.

via Plume for Android in reply to RadhikaR

RT: Me at @crikey_news: “Aaron Swartz: a martyr for info-freedom fighters?” crikey.com.au/2013/01/14/aar…

via Janetter for Mac

@RadhikaR This is your homework for tonight. Justifications for each scenario, with reference to Brazilian case law. Say, 5000 words by 9am?

via Janetter for Mac in reply to RadhikaR

@chrisbrownie Awesome. Subdomain “mobile” works, “m” does not. Bloomberg’s website is built out of stupid. I have fiX0red my tweet.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to chrisbrownie

Or maybe Bloomberg is run by public lice. Fearful pubic lice. Which is why they’ve launched this spirited defence of the critters.

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Here’s a link to the mobile version of that Bloomberg lice story, because apparently Bloomberg is run by arsehats. mobile.bloomberg.com/news/2013-01-1…

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“The shop run by Jonice Padilha and her sisters Jocely, Janea, Joyce, Juracy, Jussara and Judeseia may be ground zero in the war on lice.”

via Janetter for Mac

@deconstructo You didn’t read both tweets, did you. Or the story linked to. Baby Jesus is crying now.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to deconstructo

“In Australia, Sydney’s main sexual health clinic hasn’t seen a woman with pubic lice since 2008.” bloomberg.com/news/2013-01-1…

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Bloomberg (because obviously): “Brazilian Bikini Waxes Make Crab Lice Endangered Species” bloomberg.com/news/2013-01-1…

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Looks like I’ve just been starting too many tweets with “Looks”.

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Looks like I may have been wrong about my predictability.

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Looks like Forster is the place to be of a weekend. police.nsw.gov.au/news/media_rel…

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Looks like my question will be answered any minute now.

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@feed_the_chooks No, that won’t work. A sacrifice has to be of something that someone… anybody, anywhere… might conceivably care about.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to feed_the_chooks

RT @feed_the_chooks: Is there something I should be sacrificing to appease the God of Unpaid Invoices? [The children of the addressees?]

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I am in a predictable place, at least for someone with the right knowledge.

via Janetter for Mac

Or, I suppose… and this could be tidier in the long run… end them.

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Oh FFS it looks like I’m going to have to sort out ALL of these people’s lives now.

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My comprehension skills are 100% accurate, I’ll have you know.

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What I don’t understand is his body language. He doesn’t seem to be ashamed of himself at all.

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Watching a grown man in a pink business shirt use an iPad in a lime green suede cover to compose a lengthy message in Facebook.

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[Passive-aggressive reply.]

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Because I am convinced that his last tweet was obviously a coded plea for help.

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Preparing to mount one of my trademark rescue missions, the kind which are never ill-advised ever.

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Oh let me decide! I’m good with questions!

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Drifting slowly northward, in a mildly inevitable manner.

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RT @Glebe2037 Biggest structure in universe: Large quasar group is 4 billion light years across: sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/… [So not the NBN?]

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@a_makohon @barrysaunders @misswired Yes, I am full of good suggestions. Ask anybody.

via Plume for Android in reply to a_makohon

Would a martini do? I’d like a martini, actually.

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It appears that I have completed my errands. Does someone have a reason for me to stay in the CBD?

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@elronxenu Yeah maybe let’s not use the phrase “plugging Ron Jeremy”, m’kay?

via Plume for Android in reply to elronxenu

The ironing did not escape me, @iain_chalmers.

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RT @iain_chalmers “paywall-bypassing link”, which - perhaps ironically - is pretty much what he was being threatened with 35yrs gaol for…

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WSJ on how Aaron Swartz’s plea bargain feel apart just days before his death (paywall-bypassing link). online.wsj.com/article_email/…

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RT @jeamland: The squeeze pack of tomato sauce just adds that extra touch of class. [I am 100% class.]

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Not drinking before lunch on Mondays is the new rule, so… Anyway it’s 1548 AEDT. instagr.am/p/Uc4kr9iFsx/

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Such disingenuous bullshit.

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“We tender apologies to the administrators at MIT for this temporary use of their websites,” ‘cos putting a message on the web is SO HARD.

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Yep, MIT web server hacked and defaced, culprit claims to be Anonymous (like anyone can). rledev.mit.edu/aaron.html

via Janetter for Mac

KikkiPlanet Best. Autocorrect. EVAH. pic.twitter.com/Oq28YhFt

via Twitter Web Client (retweeted on 3:18 PM, Jan 14th, 2013 via Plume for Android)

morgan_murphy Just found a picture of Tommy Lee Jones having an orgasm: pic.twitter.com/pys4rz6l

via Twitter for iPhone (retweeted on 3:11 PM, Jan 14th, 2013 via Plume for Android)

Mobile: Tram to Sydney CBD; lunch; haircut; errands; remainder TBA, but I’m open to suggestions.

via Janetter for Mac

@snurb_dot_info I’ll have a read about later today. Thanks for the tip. And your compliments.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to snurb_dot_info

@snurb_dot_info @crikey_news TBH, I probably wouldn’t have included it, tho. I was already well over target length, and wasn’t my angle.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to snurb_dot_info

@snurb_dot_info @crikey_news I knew not of until you mentioned it just then. We move in different circles. When was it created?

via Janetter for Mac in reply to snurb_dot_info

Aaron Swartz’s “How to Get a Job Like Mine” from 2007. aaronsw.jottit.com/howtoget

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Me at @crikey_news: “Aaron Swartz: a martyr for info-freedom fighters?” crikey.com.au/2013/01/14/aar…

via Janetter for Mac

@semiboganman I actually have a link to a fucking website, if you want it?

via Janetter for Mac in reply to semibogan

“NSW govt seeks ban on court tweets”, writes @joshgnosis zdnet.com/au/nsw-govt-se… Go streaming video, I wrote in 2009. zdnet.com/twitter-in-cou…

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RT @semiboganman: doj.gov is not a fucking website. it is justice.gov [Oh today gets better and better!]

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RT @kylemaxwell So far, I can’t tell if this is actually a DDOS or somebody monkeyed with mit.edu and doj.gov DNS.

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@jonoabroad Macquarie Dictionary and Thesaurus online. $39.99 a year. Highly recommended. macquariedictionary.com.au

via Janetter for Mac in reply to jonoabroad

@jonoabroad Solipsistic, says Macquarie Dictionary: “focused on one’s own needs, interests, etc., to the exclusion of all others.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to jonoabroad

Mind you, @crikey_news’ editor has previous emailed me, “Nice try. You can’t use the c-word. You know you can’t use the c-word.”

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I even managed to finish the @crikey_news piece without calling anyone a solipsistic cunt, which is a bit of win compared with yesterday.

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I should probably mention at this point that my soon-to-appear @crikey_news piece is about reactions to the death of Aaron Swartz.

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I had set myself a target to not drink before lunch on Mondays, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it now.

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Except, @ddowza, that assumes they can write, you know, sentences and stuff.

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RT @ddowza: I’m just glad people have invented a way to get their anger out that doesn’t involve blog posts, every DDOS saves the world.

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DDoS against MIT? Oh FFS.

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Final re-pimp: Me at @CSO_Australia: “Nasty Ruby on Rails vulnerabilities highlight small websites’ risk to us all” cso.com.au/article/446211…

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Fuck that was exhausting.

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Right. Time to do some typing for money. Baxoon.

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Yep. Google Search result number 9. FFS.

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RT @gattaca: “@ironfog: draft article in the works - working title is “Condoms not Castles” ” < Orly? [Oh! We need to talk!]

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Oh dear. Someone just found my website using the search terms “corey delaney nude twister”.

via Janetter for Mac

I just got a phone call from the inside of some woman’s garments. Sounded odd.

via Plume for Android

chrisdejabet Tired? There’s a nap for that.

via iOS (retweeted on 9:34 AM, Jan 14th, 2013 via Janetter for Mac)

OH: “… and they were just cheapskates about it all.” “Why?” “Italians.”

via Janetter for Mac

TumblrTXT um what FUCKING BITCH MODERATOR REMOVED ME FROM A SERVER ON CLUBPENGUIN FOR SAYING UR NOTHING BUT A STUPID SCENE KID BITCH im FUCKING PISSED

via Buffer (retweeted on 9:26 AM, Jan 14th, 2013 via Janetter for Mac)

Mon plan: Write for @crikey_news; washing; bookkeeping; a bit more writing; errands to Sydney CBD, including haircut; then evening TBA.

via Janetter for Mac

bphogan If criticism of your favorite programming language makes you angry, you don’t know nearly enough programming languages.

via Tweetbot for Mac (retweeted on 8:56 AM, Jan 14th, 2013 via Janetter for Mac)

@lionel_bischoff @SnarkyPlatypus It is not my fault that Google Translate cannot deal with “in the face of imminent cultural peril”.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to lionel_bischoff

hnycombinator Windows Phone Error Message Tells Users To Insert CD And Restart Computer goo.gl/fb/lJSlt

via Google (retweeted on 8:27 AM, Jan 14th, 2013 via Janetter for Mac)

@SnarkyPlatypus Bonjour. Je suis joyeuse face d’un péril imminent culturelle. Et vous?

via Janetter for Mac in reply to SnarkyPlatypus

New blog post: “Death of a Freedom Fighter, a writing challenge” stilgherrian.com/personal/death…

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@DrJJoyner @MichaelAlcroft1 Hey, if a plutonium coin is up for grabs, let’s split it three ways! We all have uses for it, right?

via Janetter for Mac in reply to DrJJoyner

DrJJoyner Next week on Twitter: the plutonium coin RT @MichaelAlcroft1: For a second I thought this said ‘plutonium’ otb.nu/ZY2AbA

via TweetDeck (retweeted on 6:59 AM, Jan 14th, 2013 via Janetter for Mac)

Becoming suddenly aware of the difficulty of the challenge I’ve set myself for this morning.

via Janetter for Mac

@eldonnn @en_gy Ah, thank you. I’ll be looking at my Flickr things once I have the day’s first writing task done.

via Janetter for Mac in reply to eldonnn

Mon plan, draft: Write for @crikey_news; washing; bookkeeping; further writing, though this has to be planned; evening TBA.

via Janetter for Mac