@GordyPls No, the answer to that question is an M4 carbine. I can instruct you in its use.
If “Sharepoint is the answer to everything”, as I was just told one company’s IT guy says, what the actual fuck was the question?
@markhellewell It scrolly go fast, like. Now that I see it, I don’t know that we can ever be friends.
R_Chirgwin If I find time to start podcasting again, I think I shall call it “The Lime Pit”.
RT @jonoabroad: @stilgherrian pub lease. [Around $500k a year, I think.]
This is Peter Jackson’s “Meet the Feebles”, you stupid proles. http://t.co/qzWyuLlf4C
RT @franksting: @stilgherrian @SnarkyPlatypus no, because The Silmarillion contains 28 stories. [Jesus fuck.]
I wonder how many people got the “Meet the Feebles” reference there.
RT @R_Chirgwin: @stilgherrian He starts in on the sheep again. [So, “Peter Jackson’s ‘Meet the Sheeples’?” Yes, this is a thing, I think.]
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: @stilgherrian 13 part Silmarillion. [Is 13 parts enough?]
Colvinius Legal definition of terrorism in Saudi Arabia now apparently includes not believing in God: ind.pn/1koglHf via @paintsandsings
So what happens to New Zealand when Peter Jackson runs out of Hobbits?
@mpesce You have forgotten how words even work, haven’t you. Is this your future? A FUTURE WITH NO ACTUAL WORDS?
Maybe we could combine those two ideas. The Obeid family doing a haka in the rain. Yes. And then we open fire.
I must say, these BuzzFeed folks really know how to do tabloid. Respect. http://t.co/X40hR5Bu9s http://t.co/EYfXEetgRs
abcnews Eddie Obeid’s son Moses admits to a “little white lie” after being shown his signature on a document, ICAC hears ab.co/1jX4154
@smperris Are you having Numbers feels?
@SnarkyPlatypus Oh. Cela ne satisfait pas au critère de “privé”. Merde.
@SnarkyPlatypus Looking for company earlier, @gusworldau suggested I invade the Allure Media office. I did. He wasn’t there, he’s in SFO.
@SnarkyPlatypus Je vais vous informer en privé. Il n’est pas secret. Il est tout simplement ridicule.
@oberonsghost It suits. You know where I am.
@dobes So you’ve found a job for me? That sounds perfect.
@CosmicRami I might continue speaking about @drspacejunk in the third person because I am an arsehat.
@CosmicRami Well perhaps if @drspacejunk is still in Sydney tomorrow I might ask her if she’s up for chatting for corruptednerds.com ;)
@CosmicRami I’ll give it a miss this time. I’ve absorbed a lot of info today. A shame, ‘cos I’ve enjoyed reading of @drspacejunk’s work.
@oberonsghost Sure, do feel free to people-watch with me.
@SnarkyPlatypus Bonjour. Je suis une victime d’un troll, mais je suis en train de réparer les dégâts. Et vous?
In the nice place instagram.com/p/mR1zqgiFtB/
@micklaw @HooHaBar Ah, that is a different scenario again! I was wondering why I didn’t know about a new thing in my patch.
@TristanRayner @ClaireRPorter I don’t do things by halves. Talk Friday. Happy Day.
Passing through the Bullshit Luxury Brands sector.
@mpesce I am responsible for everything that I do, or that is done in my name.
@ClaireRPorter @TristanRayner I hate the internet.
Heading towards Thaitown. Because I’m responsible.
@TristanRayner @ClaireRPorter Yeah, March was not a good month. Is Friday a good day to call?
@ClaireRPorter Hello, it goes well, apart from the trolling and the guilt of not returning people’s calls. You?
So, basically I am still at Circular Quay, but I left the pub and invaded a media office where the people l know were not actually at.
Laughing. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE BEEN THE VICTIM OF A TROLL BY A COMPLETE BASTARD. I mean @gusworldau of course.
Oh @gusworldau that was the best troll ever. BASTARD.
@gusworldau Don’t worry, I have just Used the Power of the Internet. I’ll pop over momentarily.
@puffycee I’m atrocious at spotting celebrities. Ages back I was set up for drinks with a Neighbours heartthrob, had no idea who he was.
@gusworldau Oh yes, please ping me the address.
RT @puffycee: Is that the one where you pick up Danish royalty? [No, that’s Slip Inn. Geddit? Sigh.]
So, you know, here I am at The Ship Inn… [Shuffles feet.]
RT @5at5daily: Just published: “5at5 number 26 | 2 April 2014” http://t.co/1sAs96COA8 Subscribe at http://t.co/jbj90TVJUB
RT @smperris: Fellow rail commuters, you are all first against the wall come the revolution. [I support this platform.]
Desk of the Moment instagram.com/p/mRn9rvCFh8/
@NewtonMark It’s good, isn’t it? And not at all patronising.
@jturner_ibrs And they absorbed EDS, remember.
Current status: About to have a beer at Circular Quay and prepare to @5at5daily … then loose in the Sydney CBD.
@jturner_ibrs I’ll get a confirmation, but they do have “thousands” in managing services in the region. Invisibility again.
HP’s Rhodes SOC is operational now. Added 30 to 40 staff to the “hundreds†of security people they already have in Australia.
RT @jeamland: @stilgherrian So they’re putting a SoC in it? [Yes. In Rhodes. Further puns please.]
HP DDoS protection service also being announced.
HP cites managing US Navy and Marine Corps intranet globally, with 7000 users and, presumably additionally, 38,000 mobile devices.
HP SOCs are Plano, Texas; Virginia [surprise!]; Costa Rica; UK; Bulgaria; India; Malaysia; and now Sydney.
Today’s announceables are HP’s new Security Operations Centre in Sydney and a Rapid Incident Response Service,
“You may have heard of [the kill chain] before. What we at HP want to be able to do is disrupt the adversary at every point in that chain.â€
@elronxenu Well played. There’s a lede for tomorrow’s column.
Next up is Arthur Wong, HP’s SVP and GM Enterprise Security Services. The unit is 20 years old and one of the biggest. But invisible.
Video promoting HP’s new Threat Central intelligence sharing platform, which I will be linking to in due course.
Like certain other vendors, they’re emphasising their [new?] intel skills, to catch to bad guys at the research and infiltration phase.
“Cyber kill chainâ€! Drink!
@scottcarson1957 Goodness! What a thing to say! ;)
Currently getting a well-put-together presentation from HP on the current threat landscape etc. Little new for me, but a good script.
@scottcarson1957 “Bad guy†was my term. They’re talking “organised cybercrime market†and such phrases.
HP says there’ll be am illicit new hackers by 2020. Compared to Cisco claims that we’d be a million infosec people short in the same time.
@gnoll110 HP does a shiteload of managed services but they are not very public about it.
HP claims that bad guys are spending $100 billion a year on attacking, global IT security market is only $48 billion. Imbalance!
@andrewdotnich They are. They’r#1oror #2 in nearly all the things they do. They’re just a bit invisible, they’ve realised.
HP says they’re going to be doing more “front foot†stuff with the media in Australia, to make sure we know what they’re doing. Good idea.
At the HP Enterprise Services media briefing. They’re opening a new security operations centre in Sydney.
jeamland Waiting for a flu jab. Must top up my mercury autism big pharma super powers.
@ahalam @CameronAtfield @dhanji Hydrocarbons (oil) can form naturally in early planetary atmospheres, and other places.
“But I don’t WANT to,†says. Mr Rabbit. “I’m not telling YOU,†he pouts, scurries down his burrow, and puts on a soldier suit. “I’m brave!â€
Hahaha how much? Oh, Sydney! instagram.com/p/mRVLECiFsi/
StartupSmartnow It’s time to embrace being a f-ck up and talk about mental health and startups: ow.ly/vjHwz
ddowza Today is World Autism Awareness Day, please make sure to ask your local iOS developer if they are having a tough time.
The next two things I am going to retweet are both very wrong and reasonably right. Here we go.
Newcastle’s @DiG_Festival wants to know which of these shortlisted presentations you’d like to see in October. http://t.co/jC48XWcIJT
@voodooKobra @attritionorg @myrcurial @gattaca @YourDigitalFile Thank you. I see you pulled no punches.
peachesanscream To find out your cat name, pick any name at random and refuse to answer to it.
I don’t know what it is, but I want one. pic.twitter.com/N1oUGTz9So
CyberPrefixerAU Hundreds of cyberjobs to go as BP closes Brisbane cyberrefinery
@elronxenu @SnarkyPlatypus This does not inspire me with confidence. I shall investigate.
Pamatuh.
Blagdown.
@marcoostini Indeed. We shall talk further.
@elronxenu @SnarkyPlatypus Re-ordering transactions is normal, as authorisations are replaced with captures, maybe days later.
@NewtonMark Perhaps, but this is… well you’ll see momentarily.
Good God, the think I have just receive from The ACMA is mind-boggling.
Crossing the Nepean instagram.com/p/mRHI69CFqL/
That ravine the train passes through between Glenbrook and Lapstone, where the tunnel is, is just stunningly beautiful.
@voodooKobra @attritionorg @myrcurial @gattaca Please keep me informed of progress. I’ll be writing about this service too.
@marcoostini And now you want to fire it into the Moon. Excellent.
RT @kcarruthers: @stilgherrian @marcoostini I prefer a @LogicalNarwhal [I don’t.]
@SnarkyPlatypus “Headmateâ€. They mean “head#ncaaw #ncaaw
@mpesce Yeah, but you’re fucking insane.
@WarWraith @SnarkyPlatypus There IS a proposal to split California into six, so Startupland doesn’t have to subsidise the rest.
@CosmicRami It’s Australian, and it gets around certain cyberprude filters.
@TatteredRemnant @gnoll110 It’s… it’s sort of a semi-parody techno sex thriller.
@marcoostini I should also talk to you about @lunarnumbat some time.
RT @marcoostini: Nobody likes a smarmy dolphin. Just ask @stilgherrian [True.]
“Private shuttle from NYC every weekend, so good-looking outsiders can fly in to party with residents (as pioneered by The Dating Ring).â€
@gnoll110 @TatteredRemnant Thanks, but I already have the opening sentence for my first novel. Most of the first page, in fact.
@CosmicRami Thank you for that. And no, I chose not to do business with those ankles at Facebook some time ago.
@SnarkyPlatypus That’s part of the future, yes. Just ask them.
As usual, @mpesce has shown us the future: Silicon Island. http://t.co/cF7GGeQFVL
@mattcdef2000 Actually, no, you engage them now. You engage the social graph. Arsehats.
@Kimota I am learning to cope. Coping involves drinking. Much drinking.
Sixteen minutes until the train arrives, and the weather is just terrible instagram.com/p/mQ-P2riFtx/
I will soon be starting the journey down to Sydney, but I’m likely to be quiet en route because my mobile internets are all fucked, like.
RT @mattcdef2000: will that venture entail consulting with various stakeholders on a wide range of issues? [Dunno. I’ll need an app though.]
“Later today I might go to the pub and ‘drive engagement’ with my community.” WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE LIKE THIS? #cmworld
@Patrickavenell Why are you like this?
@Patrickavenell Please throw yourself into a canal.
@CosmicRami That does sound an interesting possibility. I’ll see how my fatigue levels go.
RT @GreenJ: ah good-oh. HR Monthly’s in. [Will you be live tweeting your reading thereof?]
RT @joshgnosis: Brandis is also giving a speech in Washington entitled “Securing our Freedomsâ€.
joshgnosis The Attorney-General is going to the US and UK this week to discuss the cyber security and intellectual property with the FBI, NSA, MI5, etc
RT @TheNTNews: HEY WALKLEYS’ HEADLINE JUDGE, COME AT US BRbit.ly/1e6YErYqpic.twitter.com/Uyq2IWKDkTkT [Oh you guys rock.]
mattblaze But RSA *trusted* NSA. You know what they say: “Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, pay me $10 Million.”
Wed plan: 1024 train to Sydney; errands; 1345 HP Enterprise Services media briefing; @5at5daily; evening TBA; remain in Sydney overnight?
Sometimes I think I associate with the wrong kind of people.
@scottcarson1957 @jonoabroad As an ex-South African special forces guy told me always be polite to a man with a gun when you don’t have one.
RT @scottcarson1957 @jonoabroad yep Paul Hogan has always been red hot smokin’ gospel. [No wonder your worldview is, if I may say, fucked.]
@scottcarson1957 It’s a shame. It’s clear that you’d have been a natural on the discreet cocktail circuits of Europe.
@leslienassar @dannolan I feel like you have burned out my soul with a cheap plastic cigarette lighter.
Ah, @scottcarson1957, once more building bridges across cultures!
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: Change banks. [Well it’s certainly triggered the urge to shop around.]
Wow. To celebrate the plummeting cost of digital transactions everywhere, @Westpac has raised the monthly fee on my account by 31%. Sweet.
RT @TheRealPBarry: Two reports of Mark Scott’s speech. Were they listening to the same guy? http://t.co/EZZYD7xqQ8
AND …
http://t.co/…
Watching @leslienassar, I see that I should now refer to a log file as “Big Data”. Important lessons here.
webradius @intelwire On a serious note: our understanding of/ability to combat terrorism is not helped by the myth of the arch terrorist.
watermelon_man The media in recent years have lost all sense of any distinction between news & propaganda, fact & opinion, experts & paid spokespeople.
@Arash_Mohebbi @Australia I don’t think the proper young ladies in “Picnic” had wine with them. I can check, I know one of the actors.
@ssharwood That’s a delightful mix of desirable and less-desirable things.
alphabete I googled this #OculusRift device everyone keeps talking about. Not sure what’s so great about a device designed to ruin black people’s hair
So pretty much all of that little performance was @dahowlett’s fault.
Remember, mate, in @Australia, if she proves “uncooperative” there are plenty of alternatives. australiasomeday.com/#!/week-22 pic.twitter.com/uZ6AqY29Ui
Give her MOAR WINE, mate, and she’ll be well up for it. Do it! Do it for @Australia! australiasomeday.com/#!/week-34 pic.twitter.com/S5SLggE52e
Excellent, @Australia, MOAR DISHEVELLED WOMEN WITH WINE! australiasomeday.com/#!/week-28 Get those sheilas drunk, I say! pic.twitter.com/FQs16dr0WZ
What. Could. Possibly. Go. Wrong.
Come to @Australia, Ladies, and stagger drunkenly around the countryside until nightfall! australiasomeday.com/#!/week-5 pic.twitter.com/MMdZuLBPvF
bartongellman Someone put a fake PGP key for Snowden’s lawyer, @benwizner, on keyservers. The real one is listed on his profile: twitter.com/benwizner
RT @sharnewolff: Why are Western Australian art and artists invisible? http://t.co/Fv0WxuZNxh [Bitten by radioactive spiders. Der.]
@dahowlett Ah, @Australia has decided to invent its own unique way of scrolling on a website, creating a platypus of UX. A PlatypUX. Bravo*.
@SnarkyPlatypus Socialism. Suck it up.
@jonoabroad I am kinda not the best person to ask about so-called “hardware” and “safety precautions”.
@dahowlett @Australia Well, I did see somewhere there was going to be a campaign to attract Americans. You know, now they’re unemployed.
RT @jonoabroad: How hard is it to wire USB plugs? The dog helpfully removed one for us. [How “correct” does it need to be?]
@annetreasure Tow back the dogs.
RT @TIME: Why the ban on Japanese whaling won’t end the whale wars ti.me/O90Act [Maybe ‘cos it’s NOT a “ban on Japanese whaling”?]
playswithf1re @stilgherrian the week goes Monday, Monday-2, Monday-3, Fake-Friday, Friday, Saturday, Pre-Monday. Hope Monday-3 doesn’t suck like Monday..
RT @TroelsOerting: Watch Every Cyber Attack in the World in Real Time. zite.to/ObQvvp [Seems you’re out of a job now, Mr Oerting.]
RT @annetreasure: I think this cartoonist knows my dog pic.twitter.com/vcKNVAipQd [This is more or less all dogs.]
@ssharwood @alliecoyne I think it depends WHICH strategy we’re talking about. There’s so many!
“CommBank urges Govt to update [Australian] cyber security strategy”, wrote @alliecoyne yesterday. http://t.co/IRPRb3qDyf
RT @e_cowperthwaite: Go ahead, say Big Data one more time …. pic.twitter.com/Oz5ZqFWFQr [Say eet! HT @gattaca.]
RT @SnarkyPlatypus: How on earth is a 23 year old guy a women’s college basketball head coach#ncaawaw [Oh, I think I saw that movie…]
RT @ssharwood: Coming at you live over satellite internet from deep in the australian desert https://t.co/aFXesCDpWE [Top THAT, Putin!]
Wed plan, draft: Suppress nausea; train to Sydney; errands; 1345 HP Enterprises Services media briefing; @5at5daily; evening TBA; cry.
@jperlow But WAIT, there is a BOLD HERO, coming from the YEAST.
“Alleged Silk Road Creator’s Lawyer Denies Bitcoin Is ‘Monetary Instrument’” Also, that quacking avians are bicycles. http://t.co/glNoGHwWVI
RT @s_bridges: CNN beyond parody now. RT @igorbobic: CNN has a garbage man on right now pic.twitter.com/96YXnGV1Kp [THIS IS EXCELLENT.]
OK, this is now the actual, official attempt at Wednesday. Any further attempts by my own brain to troll me will be shot. No wait.
And there’s today’s political reportage done and dusted, @garystark.
Right.
I’m going to try for a couple more hours of sleep. Timestamp 0327 AEDT.
JessicaGKwong #GoogleBus protest at 24th & Valencia happening now. Very visual: pic.twitter.com/xcbCbf7fOU
JessicaGKwong Woman with fake #GoogleGlass saying there’s a free “Gmuni bus” pilot program she’s pushing. #GoogleBus still blocked pic.twitter.com/S6pPiX9aXs
JessicaGKwong Here’s the “Gmuni pilot program” protesters taped on the #GoogleBus pic.twitter.com/IIbhB14OTm
juliacarriew Protesters are passing out tickets for GMuni pic.twitter.com/CJ1eGAyC9d
@myrcurial @ClintonDucas @gattaca @semibogan @liquidmatrix I can present no strong argument against your position.
BoingBoing Houston family calls 911 when dad has psychotic episode; now sued by the deputy who killed him dlvr.it/5HfXLp
@myrcurial @ClintonDucas @gattaca @semibogan @liquidmatrix You’re on the right path. Present it as a fact, you have to be able to prove it.
@myrcurial @ClintonDucas @gattaca @semibogan @liquidmatrix Can’t say they’re crazy, but can talk about personal impressions the facts give.
@myrcurial @ClintonDucas @gattaca @semibogan @liquidmatrix Yeah not as directly as that. There are ways. ABC Radio gave me good training.
@19bk69 Yeah but that’s what makes it the snake oil. It means THEY have keys to everything. THEY are the weak link. “100%” my arse.
@myrcurial @ClintonDucas @gattaca @semibogan Anyway, I thought you might like it for @liquidmatrix. Our defamation laws prohibit me…
@19bk69 It’s good, isn’t it.
@myrcurial @ClintonDucas @gattaca @semibogan What scares me is this patent-applied-for split-key system. Sounds like magic.
@myrcurial @ClintonDucas @gattaca @semibogan Indeed. So now there’s this man, it seems. http://t.co/pN1XuSW4rp He’s got a job ahead of him.
@myrcurial @ClintonDucas @gattaca @semibogan It must’ve just launched, but it’s real. Australian company registration goes back to 2011.
@myrcurial @ClintonDucas @gattaca And the best* bit? This from @semibogan https://t.co/JEGtigkupf
@SnarkyPlatypus Je ne pense pas qu’il a encore tout à fait atteint ce nadir, mais les choses se détériorent.
@myrcurial @gattaca @attritionorg Indeedy. But I know that when it comes to snake oil you love the good stuff, so drink up!
@myrcurial @gattaca @attritionorg Sure, and “100% confidential — It’s impossible for anyone to access your documents without your authority”
@noblemonkey Why? What will they do?
Oh @myrcurial @gattaca, you MUST read this headline http://t.co/h4FXx7thDl and read through this site http://t.co/kGiN8bYOjx ‘cos not joke.
@SnarkyPlatypus Oui, oui, je sais. Il semble être chevilles tout en bas.
RT @gusworldau: @stilgherrian It does seem a tad early. [Yes, yes it does.]
@noblemonkey Eating the candles is looking a viable strategy at this point.
So here we all are then.
Oh FFS.