ICYMI, the magnificent train wreck that was Barnaby Joyce on the radio this evening. #ausvotes twitter.com/stilgherrian/s…
“A quick guide to the perfect poo and how to get it” abc.net.au/news/2019-04-2…
@PPantsdown The dog, it me!
@PPantsdown You reckon they’re playing chess in that many dimensions?
Sometime this planet is perfect. twitter.com/EmmaKennedy/st…
glengyron Anything above $20 and you can shit in the mouth of the candidate of your choice. Just something to consider. twitter.com/egadheg/status…
liamvhogan This is pitch-perfect satire of the completely unselfaware entitled middle class I grew up in and I salute whicheve..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…h8
@jonoabroad Oh.
@jonoabroad Don’t you know how to break into a car?
@jonoabroad Because any longer makes for boring television. It’s not a documentary.
SarcasticSadOne They’re not sex toys. They’re sex figurines.
@boynxdor @NewtonMark I don’t think there was much of a strategy in there at all.
@NewtonMark Hats off to the @RNDrive team for deciding to stay with it.
@brad_5g @NewtonMark It’s hard to say. At least I wouldn’t want to make that call.
@NewtonMark What I found weird — well one of the many things I found weird — was how Joyce would calm down immediattwitter.com/i/web/status/1…6xdf
@johnmcternan My pleasure. It had everyone* spellbound as it went out live.
* Well, political tragics who get off on train wrecks.
@MikePBurgess More seriously, my friend’s one from Burundi is a new one for me. twitter.com/oberonsghost/s…
@MikePBurgess Probably job offers. :)
@johnmcternan It goes for half an hour but it’s… amazing.
I think @johnmcternan would enjoy this magnificent* example of quality* political communication because it is not a..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…DU
@reselsnark @SnarkyPlatypus It’s been a while since I read it but I think more of the former. Males in loud aggress..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…km

TerribleMaps Prevalence of colour blindness worldwide pic.twitter.com/xe0blh4sXk
@SnarkyPlatypus There’s research which shows people’s response to alcohol is largely socially determined, i.e. drun..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…nw
Will Mr Joyce be on again tomorrow?
SnarkyPlatypus Stop insulting alcohol by suggesting Barnaby Joyce was drunk
@SnarkyPlatypus Wash them before and after use.
@SnarkyPlatypus Maybe he doesn’t want you to find the special attachments.
@smidgey Not enough.
@twiddlekins @ashabeeeee @dobes @rohan_p @davidgerard The raccoons are sure to know.
This headline doesn’t do it justice. #ausvotes twitter.com/GuardianAus/st…
@ashabeeeee @dobes @rohan_p @davidgerard Hey I don’t explain them I’m just the messenger.
Attn: @dobes @rohan_p @ashabeeeee @davidgerard. twitter.com/btcArtGallery/…
So @dobes here is today’s jerkbird action. twitter.com/NicoKartel/sta…

tophermwoods royal commission into who barnaby is yelling at pic.twitter.com/ecbabYZuYv
@posty I also love how he makes everything look so, so daggy.

It’s the gift that keeps on giving. #ausvotes pic.twitter.com/7PjMmCkrFF
@posty Beautiful work.
The vacuum cleaner trick is also quite good. youtu.be/o3pfDeGNmws
Actually I hope someone draws this to Her Majesty’s attention. twitter.com/uespiiiiii/sta…
@Net_Metalrat All of his work is classy like that.
tunguz Tesla is poised to report a loss this week. CEO Elon Musk wants investors to focus on something else. wsj.com/articles/a-tal…
stilgherrian I reckon this podcast would be the perfect* way for you to wrap up your long weekend. We don’t mention sausage roll..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…nQ

JohnJohnsonson OK WE GET IT YOU DON’T FUCK DOGS pic.twitter.com/bxGtcBrQRO
GrogsGamut ALP now ringing up the ABC asking if Barnaby can be booked on every show
@oberonsghost The potential for scalding would sharper up the drams, yes.
@SnarkyPlatypus @becadroit @swearyanthony Sure, but the hinterland extends for quite some way.

MorganGodfery The West Wing is boring and also shit. pic.twitter.com/tTczbsHTUA
@oberonsghost @GordyPls Burundi is new. They’re branching out.
@SnarkyPlatypus @becadroit @swearyanthony There’s one in Katoomba.
@margotdate They’ve been very busy lately.
@SnarkyPlatypus You’re closer to the truth than you may think.
@GordyPls Do I look like a messaging service?
ICYMI earlier..twitter.com/uespiiiiii/sta…CG

Also, Russia. pic.twitter.com/Rxn70I8fw0
jonoabroad Tbh this is just good advice twitter.com/SnarkyPlatypus…
@RNDrive Correct. Also the phrase “hand over fist, shoulder over toes”. #ausvotes twitter.com/michaelkoziol/…
@ssharwood You should give her a raise.

WarWraith Compare the pair.
Then open the bottle of Scotch, and start drinking. pic.twitter.com/DoGMgcUnGm
@sylmobile Indeed. I just tweeted the page one up in the structure.
NewtonMark This is like the 1950s when the whole family gathered around to listen to the radio. Very traditional, the National..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…97
THE RECORDING IS UP: “Barnaby Joyce questioned over Australia’s ‘watergate scandal’” on @RNDrive (29m37s)..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…2A
@_midofo_ @MichaelWestBiz It was quite brief.
@SnarkyPlatypus @jplonie I HAVE PLENTY TO SPARE.
Barnaby Joyce has exhausted me.
And there it ends. With a truly brilliant closer. Waiting for the link to the recording. @MichaelWestBiz on now. Hah!
@sylmobile It’s still going!
A brief film of Barnaby Joyce explaining everything. youtube.com/watch?v=32F3bX…
@paulkidd Arf! Arf! Arf!
Knockin’ up corflutes!
Also correct. twitter.com/Kate_McClymont…
Correct. twitter.com/samanthamaiden…
Cornflakes!
Barnaby Joyce tl;dr: It’s Queensland Labor’s fault for recommending a bad deal. Labor Labor Labor Labor Labor. Ask Penny Wong!
@LizDolphinfluff I have no idea.
I don’t like this boat.
“Hand over fist shoulder over toes!”*
* Direct quote.
This is definitely* going to help the Coalition’s messaging. #helping
Imbroglio!
True fact. twitter.com/JohnBirmingham…
@JohnBirmingham @mclayfield I think I’ve been to that club.
@jonkudelka More and more I am thinking that people cause their own brain worms.
@DavidFeng I know. That’s your problem.
New “Russia, If You’re Listening” from @MatthewBevan, “The Mueller report in 20 minutes” pca.st/Fv9s
jonkudelka I reckon quite a few of the people people who scream at Pats Karvalas on twitter have quite obvious brain worms, an..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…zD
The latest @beefanddairy podcast “Eli Roberts In Korea” is… odd. pca.st/w4o5 But then they’re always..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…At
@DavidFeng It starts tomorrow, really.
Once more Donald Trump reads the room: “‘I’m having a good day,’ Trump says at wounded warrior event following rele..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…eq
Sulking.
patstokes Oh wow, now do a Forrest Gump joke and it’ll be in the bag. twitter.com/australianlabo…
@HamishMack @HitherToFore Goddammit @vincentdonofrio!
HitherToFore Vincent D’onofrio is a fool. Pigs were barred from seeing the stars for good reason. He endangers us all.
botandy globally boyfriends are replaced by machinefriends, reviews are mostly positive
@riskybusiness Not overly, because I am always happy and satisfied, but I should visit some time.
@DavidFeng Stop it.
@SnarkyPlatypus True. I’m now wondering if there’s some other, more everyday, weirdness that we take for granted across the Old Empire.
@SnarkyPlatypus Big call.

mclayfield I love the idea that some poor rube fell for a baba named Richard. pic.twitter.com/LkWwLMzs6l
I am more concerned about the Bellend Creamer, @DavidFeng. twitter.com/DavidFeng/stat…
@SnarkyPlatypus To be fair, everyone on a red bit of the map was indeed a British citizen then. Well, not all, but you know what I mean.
I DID THIS THING. twitter.com/_midofo_/statu…
jendudley A scammer just ended an email by sending me “unfeigned regards” and it’s sincerely my new favourite saying.
Oh well played. twitter.com/LapTop006/stat…
I would vote for this policy. twitter.com/NewtonMark/sta…
@natecochrane Phenomenally so. Obviously.
_midofo_ hmm, @stilgherrian problems twitter.com/harnessdhashta…
Just look at this filth. twitter.com/riskybusiness/…
bencjenkins Hmmmm. They’re going to lose the election. twitter.com/australianlabo…
@franksting @NewtonMark @BoontaVista I HAD FOOD POISONING.
@franksting @NewtonMark @BoontaVista @NicholasFryer Undoubtedly. I fit right into the demographic, right?
@NewtonMark @franksting @BoontaVista I hadn’t planned to tell that story, but somehow we ended up there. I blame @NicholasFryer.
dannolan EXPLAINER
Everybody with a 💧 emoji in their username is using it to protest that they are sad about the current sta..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…7P
@NewtonMark @BoontaVista I’m sold!
@NewtonMark @BoontaVista Now THIS is the kind of challenge I like!
@natecochrane There’s a huge random element to it.
I reckon this podcast would be the perfect* way for you to wrap up your long weekend. We don’t mention sausage roll..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…nQ
Well Taylor sounds like she’s a huge bundle of fun. twitter.com/clapifyoulikem…
@sylmobile In a jelly mould.
@SnarkyPlatypus Did you see my breakfast? @sylmobile twitter.com/stilgherrian/s…
NewtonMark Generally speaking, the richer you are the more insulated you are from the sharp end of policy, and you don’t need..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…EG
@arizclint Exactly.
I’m going to make a salad now, I think.
“Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” — (probably not) Sigmund Freud.twitter.com/jason_a_w/stat…3
So as far as the history of Centrism goes, it was a pilate program?
I’m here all week, folks. twitter.com/andylevy/statu…
@raaahbin @JohnBirmingham Punning in French? It’s the least I can do for our great nation.
@WarWraith @dtsmith_sydney Yes, one dive down the rabbit-hole is enough for one day. Thanks for the references, too..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…m3
Two rather interesting threads about Pentecostalism in the light of Scott Morrison, and the supporters of Donald Tr..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…GK
You mean “eaux pairs”, @JohnBirmingham. twitter.com/JohnBirmingham…
@benraue @gabriellecj No one “needs” a car. Not in a city, anyway. Don’t @ me.

@garystark There certainly are. pic.twitter.com/NnbsohACvm
@benraue @gabriellecj I’ve lived in and near Sydney for 25 years and never had a car, because I don’t have a licens..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…7C
What is wrong with me.
I stumbled across a committee document I hadn’t seen before on the Australian Parliament House website, and one thing led to another.
I just wrote a story pitch. :(
@Manic_Henry @jonkudelka @hingers Arf! Arf! Arf!
@BrigadierSlog Don’t bother. It’ll never catch on.
No no, I can imagine much wronger things than this. Like, Giuliani saying exactly the same thing but while he’s so…twitter.com/i/web/status/1…eg

uespiiiiii Happy 93rd Bithday!!
#QueensBirthday
#HappyBirthdayHerMajesty
#NationalTeaDay
#BGT pic.twitter.com/FNf0LGlHvs
@BrigadierSlog Are you bringing facts and logic into this again? #ausvotes
@jonkudelka Jon, Mr @hingers said “powerful” and “elite”.
Still one of the best. twitter.com/ClickHole/stat…
Definitely not a cult. twitter.com/alexrkonrad/st…
GrogsGamut Good thing poor people never have to worry about money twitter.com/smh/status/111…
@jpwarren Ah, I see what you mean.
It is definitely not creepy that I’ve been retweeting @hingers so quickly. twitter.com/hingers/status…
hingers Thrilled to get my first big name endorsement of the campaign. Thank you, @LaTrioli - would love the opportunity to..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…bY
“The bad show? Q&A attacked from left and right, but remains unrepentant” theguardian.com/australia-news… But “dedicated” p..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…tJ
@christopherneal They will find you.
James_Jeffrey One Nation is like Tinder, but for risible chuckleheads twitter.com/workmanalice/s…
@jpwarren I’m not so sure. These people are professionals.
@niltiac Oh excellent! Thanks for remembering me on this one. [Dives in]
I’m not sure that it’s “his” church or his decision to make. More the folks up front, I’d have thought. twitter.com/SBSNews/status…

Ah, the Lithuanian mob is at it again. Nice day for it. pic.twitter.com/fSwm2xkjzP

jplonie When you don’t engage a lawyer early enough in your business idea. Ping @Idealaw pic.twitter.com/aNMsUWxkcb
Mon plan, confirmed: As previously advised, and everything is going terribly well so far. twitter.com/stilgherrian/s…
@jpwarren Apparently you’re not, according to a senior Liberal minister. twitter.com/stilgherrian/s…

pleasedontatme it’s a real david and goliath battle here hey pic.twitter.com/QZMSPfgNzh

This morning is not a fried rice morning. pic.twitter.com/hRBamwC6dd
JordanRasko Like you’re one to give advice on avoiding eggs. twitter.com/fraser_anning/…
wragge @TroveAustralia @AARNet The press releases provide a valuable resource for research in both political history & lan..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…Zn
wragge @TroveAustralia I’ve used this notebook to save a search for the terms ‘immigrant’, ‘asylum seeker’, ‘boat people’,..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…In
wragge So @TroveAustralia includes more than 370,000 press releases, speeches, and interview transcripts issued by Aust fe..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…Zg
chadloder You traveled all the way to China, saw one of the wonders of the world, had an opportunity to learn about the incre..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…Wd
@ApostrophePong I’m looking forward to them.
“The majority of Australians are going away for a road trip so won’t even be in their electorates [over Easter],” t..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…ip
@Ingeegoodbee I haven’t got that far yet.
@ApostrophePong All of this is true. I’m having a lazy day today. Tasmania even has Easter Tuesday. And Thursday is..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…R2
@natecochrane We already have “motorheads” for this as a technology-neutral term, surely?
@ApostrophePong Hah! A certain organisation’s unpredictable accounts team in Singapore didn’t get their act togethe..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…pV
But could the IPA podcasts really be worse than “The 9pm Edict”? You tell me! twitter.com/stilgherrian/s…
A message in from a listener to “The 9pm Edict”: If you think Captain GetUp is poor, you should try the IPA podcast..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…nS
@ApostrophePong Suddenly I am very thirsty.
@ApostrophePong Try here. ;) aguamala.com.mx
@ApostrophePong Fair point. Do they have any lighter-textured ales on the menu?
@phil_sec_mel Not as good as a standard poodle puppy though, eh.
Teen girl pillow fights are now acts of terrorism.
See where this “weapons of mass destruction” idiocy gets you? Now “mass” destruction is one person at a time. So, l..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…zP
@BenMoretti Which is?
@ApostrophePong I’m trying to work out whether that silhouette of the “jellyfish” on the label is actually a Portug..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…qc

“10 Facts About the Portuguese Man O’ War” mentalfloss.com/article/550892… 1. It’s not a jellyfish. pic.twitter.com/Q0KefzPkVT
wyomingpd Officer: How much have you been drinking?
Subj: I haven’t
Officer: *points to TV* nobody your age watches MTV sober..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…oH
hingers Seems relevant to our situation, tbh. @billshortenmp & @ScottMorrisonMP - feel free to get in touch. I can smell yo..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…cC
@markhumphries @LaTrioli In this context, has anyone reminded @BreakfastNews of @hingers yet? Or do comedians actua..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…hc
@ApostrophePong Oh that is good. I’m also reading the description and it sounds great. (I know it’s Spanish, but I..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…HM
I’ve scheduled these reminders to go off at 0800 AEST but I’m thinking of moving them to 0730. Does anyone have eve..twitter.com/i/web/status/1…0v
Today is Day 12 of the federal election campaign, or E minus 26. Enjoy. #ausvotes
Mon plan, draft: Nothing. For me, this will be the most day-offish of the days off this long weekend.

It looks like another pleasant day ahead, thanks to @CARROT_app. Mostly. The public holiday helps too. pic.twitter.com/NKxzgyiaF9
Monday. The World According to Jellyfish. Monday.