Heath Ledger dead: jokes here please

He was apparently scheduled to have a massage in his apartment this afternoon.

Guess he didn’t get the happy ending.

you’re all assholes, he died three hours ago! you could have waited a little to start this. or never put it up at all….

How did I know you were going to post this?

Damn… And I was looking forward to the heath ledger porn.

Dirty pillhead…

Katie: Read the blog post. Understand the context. Then again, it’s probably a bit much for you.

I did like how the NY Times originally reported that he was found in the apartment of one of the Olsen Twins. Too bad it was refuted — it would have raised a couple of interesting questions. RIP Heath.

whats black and white and hungry?

heath ledgers cat

guess ther won’t be a knights tale 2.

Chris Pirillo, on Heath Ledger’s death: This event should have been streamed.

At least, I think he was talking about Heath…

Apparently Heath Ledger tried to borrow a book on suicide from his local Library, but the librearian wouldnt let him take it, as she didnt think he’d bring it back….

Words last overheard in Heath Ledgers apartment.

“let’s massage some life into those stiff legs”

Heath ledgers as the joker was influenced by Brandon Lee in The Crow a little too much me thinks…

Accountants around the world today are in a state of panic.
It appears that they lost a Ledger.

Accountants from the new Batman movie are in a state of panic today. Reports indicate they have lost a Ledger. Police are looking for a man wearing a cowboy hat and Face paint.

Today, critics allegations were confirmed, Heath Ledger is a stiff actor.

They say he is a good actor but Heath Ledger’s last performance was a little hard to swallow.

Anyway, I don’t believe Heath Ledger ate all those pills to commit suicide… He was found in Mary Kate’s apartment. She’s anorexic so chances are the dude was just REALLY hungry……..

Accountants on the Batman set knew the ledger wasn’t well balanced!

He thought about jumping off the building but realised no-one was interested in seeing Brokeback again.

Britney Spears has got to be thinking, “Damn…how can I top this now?”

What has Heath and his role as the Joker got in common?

They both die young

Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Heath Ledger?
Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon… Heath Ledger is dead…

Come on… Its harsh but its true…

This one is a visual pun……

Grim Repear stands with heath ledger in front of him and yells, “you morons, I said bring me the DEATH LEDGER”.

We’ve got to work this Batman angle a bit. Help me people.. We can do better than those below…

I don’t want to make false accusations, but sources say they saw a dark, shadowy figure (much like a man dressed as a large bat) leaving Heath’s building.

The ledger reads:
Batman 1
Joker 0

How can Batman defeat the Joker?
With a handful of sleeping pills.

Word is he was depressed. I guess he took “10 things I hate about you” a little too seriously…..

Wonder if his suicide note read, “10 things I hate about myself….”

(Ok, I went too far with those last two).

heath ledger went to the doctors days earlier complaining of headaches…

the doctor gave him tablets to ingest two a day orally..

he was diaspointed they wern’t suppositories

A song for Heath:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=byKqAEhTkjM

riteo no more gay jokes i take it Stilgherrian

I explored the possibilities offered by blankets=wool=’dyed (died) in the wool Aussie’, but it feels a trifle forced.

‘Take 600 tablets and call me in the morning’? Nah.

‘He must have been swallowing those pills with Two Hands?’ Maybe, needs more work.

I got nuthin’ so far.

“He must have been swallowing those pills with Two Hands?’ Maybe, needs more work”

Perhaps something about ” He was new to the sleeping pills, so thought ” Two hands for beginners”. Nah.

Anyone? Anyone?

(sorry if my spelling is off. I’m not learned good….)

Its rumored Heath Ledger might of actually died from alcohol poisoning…..

a few too many cock sucking cowboys!

just beat me too it.

I just received that one by text…… they are spreading.

I’ve noticed that the film posters for the marketing campaign for “The Dark Knight” (the new Batman film) have the following tagline on them:

“Why So Serious?”

I now suggest that also be the theme for his funeral.

What do Jake Gylennhal’s cherry and a bottle of Paxil have in common?

They both got popped by Heath Ledger.

THE CLOTHES HEATH WAS WEARING WERE RECENTLY PUT UP FOR AUCTION ON EBAY.. IT STATES THAT THELL’Y NEED TO BE WASHED A FEW TIMES TO GET THE DIE STAINS OUT OF THEM…

heath ledger starred in
” 10 pills i took without you’
man i love that joke!

Press release from Warner Bros:

The studio has been worried about what to do with the next Batman movie now that one of the main draw cards has died, but some quick thinking was done and we are proud to announce the next installment in the series – The Dark Knight 2: Weekend at Heathies

Heath was murderred!
Somebody wanted to square the Ledger!

First Pavarotti, then our Heath,
After God got his Tenor he needed a Ledger

Heath Ledger has apparently died of an overdose.
Rumour has it, He got addicted to ‘crack’ after shooting Brokeback Mountain!

Sleeping pills =/= Two Handy Candy

OK, bad half-assed joke, but I got two film references in. I get some points for that right?

His latest role was “I’m Not There”.

Guess that applies to all his future film releases too….

Apparently it was a suicide…. he had been on the ‘ledge’ for a while…

Heath was found in Mary Kate Olsen’ apartment, he was visiting

what did he die of?

Starvation …….

“I just heard on TMZ that Heath Ledger will be playing the role of Bernie in “Weekend at Bernie’s 3.” His performance already getting Oscar talks.”

“When I was listing the 10 things I hate about him, being dead was #3.”

i dont know if you guys follow soccer or not but…

i think he took arsenals defeat to spurs a little bit hard, i mean 5-1 is bad but no need to top yourself

Batman: win by default.

Turns out Heath did not want to vote for Hillary or for Obama.

“What’s the difference between Heath Ledger, Steve Irwin, and Midnight Oil? They’re all Australian, but Midnight Oil’s career is dead. As opposed to Heath and Steve which are actually dead…..crikey.”

Ladies everywhere have finally found out how to pick up heath ledger ….. with a stretcher.

Apparently Heath Ledger recently got in an argument with the wardrobe consultant on the set of his new movie. He was really upset that the body bag was only available in green.

Rumor has it that Heath Ledger will be appearing on Inside the Actors Studio next week via Ouija Board.

Rumor has it that Heath Ledger will be appearing on Inside the Actors Studio next week via Ouija Board

E is reporting that production has began on “The Patriot 2.” Heath Ledger will once again play the role of the dead son.

PRESS RELEASE….. Coming Soon to a theatre near you…. Batman; The Dark Knight Starring Heath Ledger as The Choker.

CNN Breaking News: Natalie holloway has been found. She was found in the drawer above the one that they put heath ledger in…

MLK day has been modified to stand for (M)any people (L)ove heath ledger (K)illing

Its reported that heath ledger could have died of a alcohol poisoning - too many cock sucking cowboys

Why did Heath Ledger take so many pills? Because he wanted to be Down Under”.

Producers always thought the new batman movie, Dark Knight was set to make a killing.

What does Jack Nicholson’s potryal of the Joker have that Heath Ledger’s doesn’t.

A chance for a sequel.

Heath Ledger was supposedly about to audition for a role on the OC, however he obvisouly preferred the OD

oooh….tough judge. Fair enough. We’ve got to have some rules.

Whilst I make no promises about quality, (agree, many of my attempts are lame-o but I figured they were a starting point for someone else to build on), they have a valid Heath reference (either his name or his movies).

(The britney ref wasn’t a joke - it was an observation)

This one needs work, someone help me…

Got to be an angle around a sleeping pill overdose in New York?

Something like…

Who wants to “Wake Up in a City that Never Sleeps?
Frank Sinatra did. Heath ledger apparently not so much.

How do you depress an insomniac actor?

Call his latest film a real sleeper.

Ok, so it was an accident.

In that case….

Which script does Heath wish he’d read?

The one from the chemist.

An autopsy of Heath Ledger revealed that he overdosed on too many HEATH bars.

I feel just f’ing terrible…

I couldn’t even sleep last night.. Heath Ledger stole all my pills.

My girlfriend reminded me that he was a generous man.
He did leave a bunch just laying around next to him.
I still think the move was rather cold.

What’s the worst thing about Heath Ledger’s death?

He wasn’t black.

A little too cerebral perhaps:

Dyslexic insomniacs feel comforted it is now Ok to lie awake wondering if there is life after heath.

What do Heath and Death have in common?

No future.

I hear he died from a drug mix-up.

Guess he misunderstood Pacino’s advice and thought he’d try methadone acting…

lameness follows…

i guess he had been weighed, measured, and found dead

looks like he finally found a way to quit jack twist

Arsenal defenders Sagna, Gallas, Hoyte and Traore, are to be investigated into the mysterious death of Heath Ledger that occurred on Tuesday night…apparently no one can account for their whereabouts after 8pm…?!?!

[explanation for yanks: arsenal lost 5-1 to their biggest rivals….geddit?

For sale: One spare ticket to the Batman premiere.

Does this count as a joke Mein Adjudicator?

How prophetic! ‘You can do Paxil’ was released in 1982 - some 26 years before the event…

You can do Paxil
You can do as many as you desire
Paxil, and you know
This is the one - a real Oscar sure-fire

You know darn well
When you down those pills, you’ll be off your face
You realise, can’t ope’ your eyes
As hard as stone, won’t wake today

Derr, derr, derr, derr, derr, derr…

well i hate to explain jokes but the point is they were on the pitch that night in a televised game, but because the team lost so badly, the joke infers that they, the defenders were nowhere to be seen.

I guess the joke is more about arsenal but its still funny and involves heath…

with a name like heath-cliff ledge-r, everyone was surprised that whe he took his own life he didnt just jump!!!

Heath Ledger Special Boxed Edition Available!!!!!!

(until the morning of the cremation obviously)

Count Adhemar finally gets his revenge!

Hey Stilghererrian, I thought my Down Under joke was rather clever. I guess you can’t fathom irony. Love ya anyway, Keenan

Um… Lets give this a shot….

Some Revised Heath Ledger Movie Titles from IMDB.com:

- The Crematorium of Doctor Bareasses
- The Dark Night
- I’m Not There (why change it?)
- Heavan’s Cassanova
- Cassano-mo
- Brokeback Massage
- The Lords of Pilltown
- The Odor
- Dead Kelley
- The No-More Feathers
- A Nights Flail
- Two Hands, Six Feet Under
- 10 Things I Hate About Me
- Home and Really Far Away

Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile Lost it’s wheel and the Joker…died.

Why did Heath never win an oscar?

He slept in…

Two Jokers walk in to a bar. “Caesar, Heath - what’ll it be” asks St. Peter.

Do I get bonus points for quantity? There’s a few bits of gold in them there hills…..

And, I like to think that someone somewhere is shaking their head saying, “Heath Ledger just died and some muppet has spent the day making jokes in poor taste”.

what the difference between heath ledger and a jug of water?

water spills, heath ledger pills

Apparently Heath Ledger died attempting a kinky sex act with his masseuse.

He allegedly sustained a brokeback mountain her.

blooble1@hotmail.com

1.
Whats the difference between heath ledger and a turn stye?
A turn stye only takes one at a time.

2.
What have heath ledger and a fly got in common?
They’re both six feet.

slight change to the turn stye one.

Whats the difference between Heath Ledger and a bottle opener?
A bottle opener only pops one at a time.

Heath apparently picked up the pills from a dodgy back street chemist, so… not the first time he has been fucked by a cowboy

Headlines:

Australian Actor Discovers Cure for Insomnia

Mary Kate Olsen Survives Rape Attempt by Ledger’s Esophagus

Stingray Files NYC Police Harassment Suit

They found the real reason Heath Ledger died.

They have confirmed that it was 1st degree murder, and the suspect in custody is Jack Nicholson.

I knew I had to find a site like this eventually. So I’ve seen hintings at this, but here it is, with delivery polished.

So now with the autopsy report back as being ‘inconclusive’ with regard to a possible drug overdose, officials are expected to declare Friday that Heath Ledger officially died of a broke back.

theyre making a sequel to first knight,its called good night

i screwed that last one up,,,

heath who …..another dead white boy… who the fuck cares

As a slight modification (cleanup) of @IrishPJD’s joke (IMNSHO - the only really funny one so far).

For sale: Heath Ledger Special Boxed Edition.
Notes: One only, available for a limited time.
Keep refrigerated after opening.

I’m all for a bit of dark humor, but these “jokes” are not even funny, nor are they intelligent in any way, shape of form. I think the word is purile. what a bunch of wankers.

1.Wots heath ledger and a turbo engine got in common??

when they start pingin its not long b4 there dead

Stilgherrian,

you have to much time on your hands to spend creating webpages that are dedicated to such pathetic topics.

Why don’t you take your own advice and get with the 21st century and get a real job.

you guys are awesome, i waited 2 weeks before i said my virginia tech jokes, 3 hours after his death, wow, that is just great!!!! i will share several of these and give credit to STILGHERRIAN.COM!
Thank you so much
-Givans

Ledger directed ben harper’s morning yearning music video, i guess he gave it his all.

@todd, do you have any idea how much time stilgherrian has actually spent inthe creation of this page?

@Stil - are you able to give us an estimate of how long you have spent of the creation and update (not reading) of this page?
(I suspect that my 3-4 hours monitoring/reading/adding-to this page is more than you have spent making/updating it).

@Todd, have a look at the rest of the site - this is but one page, and (when you actually read the intro) here for a purpose other than just vicious voyerism.

Us Australians call them Pharmacies… or Chemists…. it doesnt really matter, but we dont have ‘Drug stores’

Why invent jokes?

I find the fact that the masseuse felt the need, in an obvious medical emergency, to call the girl who played Michelle on Full House three times before calling 911 a lot funnier than even the obvious “Death Ledger” puns.

Phrasing it in the form of a joke:

Q: What’s the difference between calling Mary Kate Olsen and calling 9-1-1?

A: If you can figure it out, please tell the masseuse.

What astounds me the most is people who bother to trawl for websites to deliver, “I can’t believe how pathetic you people are” comments.

Ummm…. am I missing something??

If you are above it. Don’t read it. Simple.

Why visit, and spend time reading, a website page titled “Heath Ledger Jokes: here please”, if you think you are above it?

Show us that with your actions - don’t visit. Don’t take the time to comment. Go wtune into something highbrow.

Um, with a page title so descriptive - what did you expect to see here???

@ Martin - so the jokes aren’t funny. They aren’t intelligent. They are purile. We are wankers. Fair point. Mostly true.

But, who is the bigger fool? The people who spent time here amusing themselves with something which is, let’s face it harmless, (hey, it’s not like we can make him feel worse or drive him to suicide) or people like you who visit a topic to say how disguted they are that they searched “Heather Ledger Dead jokes” to make a comment that they are disappointed”.

C’mon.

What would you call the maid, who discovered handsome Heath Ledger’s nude body? Lucky Bitch.

I asked my sister just before christmas what present she wanted, be obsessed with 10 things i hate about you she said, Heath ledger in a box

Well, she got her wish

Parently Heath’s family are sueing a road saftey company,
last week he signed over likeness rights to the company so they’re are goin to digitaly recreate his image for the campain.
Parently the tag line is
WARNING SLEEPING KILLS

Why was the dyslexic Gardener so sad?

Because he heard his Leaf Hedger had died!

Did you like my joke posted toward the end of 1/24???

I know Heath laughed to death over it.

* To those whining about making tasteless Heath Ledger jokes *

From MTV.com:

“Heath and his sister Katie are named after characters in Emily Brontë’s 1847 classic, “Wuthering Heights.” The protagonist of the book is Heathcliff, a violent and sadistic villain, according to Columbia University professor Nicholas Dames, who specializes in 19th century British literature.

One of the things that Heathcliff is known for in the novel is laughing, although only laughing at the spectacle of someone else’s pain. In that sense, he’s a deeply screwed-up figure. … That’s kind of like the Joker,” Dames said, referring to Ledger’s “Dark Knight” character. “The funniest thing for the Joker is hurting somebody else.”

http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1580272/story.jhtml

Perhaps he’d get a chuckle at the irony of people all worked up over telling a few generic jokes adapted to his own life when he was named after a
fictitious sadist…

*Now for everyone else…*

VARIETY HEADLINE: Heath Ledger just cast to play lead in “Weekend at Bernie’s III”

Warning: Sleeping pills can be bad for your heath if you ledger self get carried away…

Heath OD’d because sleeping pills were the only solid food he could find in Olsen’s apartment.

I had heard something about an unbalanced ledger being bad for business…

VARIETY STORY: Heath Ledger is to appear in the sequel to the film “Brokeback Mountain”. It will be called “Brokeback Cemetery” and will focus on the lives of 2 gay necrophiliacs.

He thought they were Viagra….

Already distraught, close friend Amy Winehouse upon hearing of Heath’s death, was quoted as saying; “I tried to make him go to rehab, but he said no, no, no…”

PS… Stil… nice work - interesting project

10 things I hate about me! said by daniel tosh

what was heath ledgers latest movie……

10 things i hate about myself!!!

Heath ledger is so Australian, his parents claimed the real reason he had died was due to a dingo eating him

is muppet australian cos im from Melbourne and i heard that cowboy joke here, hes right, it did spread, ,

my mate is mourning over his death, and me and my mates have being paying out on him, it would be cool if every one who reads this helped out to,haha
, [Edit: someone else's email address deleted] , GO NUTS!!

Well seeing as he was working on a film with Terry Gilliam and in honour of Python humour, couldnt resist:
Well Ive left it long enough and I do realise that its a bit in bad taste but what the hell:
Terry Gilliam enters an Actors shop.

Terry Gilliam: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

TG: ‘Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean “miss”?

TG: I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

O: We’re closin’ for lunch.

TG: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Actor what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Heath Ledger…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?

TG: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!

O: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting.

TG: Look, matey, I know a dead actor when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

O: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable actor, the Heath Ledger, idn’it, ay? Handsome thing!

TG: The looks don’t enter into it. He’s stone dead.

O: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!

TG: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up!

(shouting at the cage)

‘Ello, Mister Ledger! I’ve got a lovely fresh Steak for you if you show…(owner hits the cage)

O: There, he moved!

TG: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the cage!

O: I never!!

TG: Yes, you did!

O: I never, never did anything…

TG: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) ‘ELLO Heath!!!!!

Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your three o’clock alarm call!

(Takes Heath out of the cage and thumps his head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

TG: Now that’s what I call a dead actor.

O: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned!

TG: STUNNED?!?

O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Heath Ledgers stun easily, major.

TG: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That actor is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged role.

O: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the outback.

C: PININ’ for the Outback?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?

O: Heath Ledger prefers kippin’ on his back! Remarkable actor, id’nit, squire? Very Handsome!

C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that actor when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its bed in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

O: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that guy down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ‘em apart with its nose, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

TG: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this actor wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!

O: No no! ‘E’s pining!

TG: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This actor is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker!

‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the bed ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies!

‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig!

‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!!

THIS IS AN EX-ACTOR!!

(pause)

O: Well, I’d better replace it, then.

(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

O: Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of actors.

TG: I see. I see, I get the picture.

O: I got a slug.

(pause)

TG: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

O: Nnnnot really.

TG: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

O: Look, if you go to my brother’s shop in Bolton, he’ll replace him for you.

TG: Bolton, eh? Very well.

The customer leaves.

The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.

TG: This is Bolton, is it?

O: (with a fake mustache) No, it’s Ipswitch.

TG: (looking at the camera) That’s inter-city rail for you.

The customer goes to the train station.

He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked “Complaints”.

TG: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.

Attendant: I DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!

TG: I beg your pardon…?

A: I’m a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!

TG: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn’t it?

A: Yeah, well it’s not easy to pad these python files out to 200 lines, you know.

TG: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.

A: No, this is Bolton.

TG: (to the camera) The pet shop man’s brother was lying!!

A: Can’t blame British Rail for that.

TG: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!

He does.

TG: I understand this IS Bolton.

O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?

TG: You told me it was Ipswitch!

O: …It was a pun.

TG: (pause) A PUN?!?

O: No, no…not a pun…What’s that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?

TG: (Long pause) A palindrome…?

O: Yeah, that’s it!

TG: It’s not a palindrome! The palindrome of “Bolton” would be “Notlob”!! It don’t work!!

O: Well, what do you want?

TG: I’m not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly…

Rumours are that Heath will be starring in Michael Jackson’s “thriller”, just in time for it’s 25th anniversary

this is pointless!! not because the subject matter is tasteless or its too early for such a ‘touchy’ subject! theres just no controversey to play upon! really it is just tragic..both the circumstance surrounding his death and you got nothing! no lead up or anything. at least with diana you had a car and all the press etc easy pickings for jokes. but we know nothing much!

I heard Ledger mistook sleeping pills for Pringles…

Once you pop the fun dont stop!

What’s the diference between Steeve Irwin and Michael Jackson? Heath Ledger could play the saxophone and you are all pricks. ha ha ha

Heath Ledger walked into a bar and he died because he hadn’t not stopped not taking any less pills since the arvo before hand.

knock knock
who’s there?
Heath Ledger
Heath Ledger who?
Get fucked.

What sort of contraception was Heath Ledger on at the time of his Death? THE PILLS MATE!!! THE FRIGGIN PILLS!!! GET IT???

What’s the difference between Heath Ledger and a washed-up actor?
Drier body bag.

Where did Heath Ledger learn to act?
Rehab.