Yes, Australian actor Heath Ledger is dead, possibly from a drug overdose. So now it’s time to collect all the jokes, ‘cos he can’t sue you for libel. Please add them in the comments.
Tasteless? Yes. Exploitative? Probably. Too soon for this? Yeah probably that too.
So why do it?
It’s an experiment…
More than a year after the event, a collection of jokes about Steve Irwin’s death is still one of the most heavily-visited pages on this website. More than half of the searches bringing people here are for Corey Worthington Delaney.
Tasteless is what you want, so tasteless is what you’ll get.
We’ll even throw in the phrases “heath ledger porn” and “heath ledger naked” to help things along. Index that, Google!
The comments will be moderated, but not heavily. They may take a while to show up because — oddly enough! — there are other things to do.
[Update: Scroll down to find the comments thingy. Try to spell properly. And if you're going to whinge that "It's too soon to make jokes," then at least suggest how long someone has to be dead before they're not sacred any more. And try to spell properly.]
[Update 27 January 2008: The two rules about relevance are now being enforced. Comments will not be published if (1) they repeat jokes which have already been posted, unless they're substantial improvements, or (2) they're just some anti-gay comment that doesn't have any relevance.]
[Update 3 January 2009: Comments have now been closed. See my very last comment for the reasons.]
Tags: corey delaney, corey worthington, death, drugs, heath ledger, steve irwin
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Pingback from Stilgherrian · More Steve Irwin jokes on 23 January 2008 at 10:05 am
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He was apparently scheduled to have a massage in his apartment this afternoon.
Guess he didn’t get the happy ending.
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you’re all assholes, he died three hours ago! you could have waited a little to start this. or never put it up at all….
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How did I know you were going to post this?
Damn… And I was looking forward to the heath ledger porn.
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Dirty pillhead…
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Katie: Read the blog post. Understand the context. Then again, it’s probably a bit much for you.
I did like how the NY Times originally reported that he was found in the apartment of one of the Olsen Twins. Too bad it was refuted — it would have raised a couple of interesting questions. RIP Heath.
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whats black and white and hungry?
heath ledgers cat
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guess ther won’t be a knights tale 2.
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Chris Pirillo, on Heath Ledger’s death: This event should have been streamed.
At least, I think he was talking about Heath…
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Apparently Heath Ledger tried to borrow a book on suicide from his local Library, but the librearian wouldnt let him take it, as she didnt think he’d bring it back….
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Words last overheard in Heath Ledgers apartment.
“let’s massage some life into those stiff legs”
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Heath ledgers as the joker was influenced by Brandon Lee in The Crow a little too much me thinks…
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Debit one from the Heath ledger. (Thanks, AR, you know who you are…)
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Accountants around the world today are in a state of panic.
It appears that they lost a Ledger. -
Accountants from the new Batman movie are in a state of panic today. Reports indicate they have lost a Ledger. Police are looking for a man wearing a cowboy hat and Face paint.
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Today, critics allegations were confirmed, Heath Ledger is a stiff actor.
They say he is a good actor but Heath Ledger’s last performance was a little hard to swallow.
Anyway, I don’t believe Heath Ledger ate all those pills to commit suicide… He was found in Mary Kate’s apartment. She’s anorexic so chances are the dude was just REALLY hungry……..
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Accountants on the Batman set knew the ledger wasn’t well balanced!
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He thought about jumping off the building but realised no-one was interested in seeing Brokeback again.
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Britney Spears has got to be thinking, “Damn…how can I top this now?”
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What has Heath and his role as the Joker got in common?
They both die young
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Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Heath Ledger?
Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon… Heath Ledger is dead…Come on… Its harsh but its true…
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This one is a visual pun……
Grim Repear stands with heath ledger in front of him and yells, “you morons, I said bring me the DEATH LEDGER”.
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We’ve got to work this Batman angle a bit. Help me people.. We can do better than those below…
I don’t want to make false accusations, but sources say they saw a dark, shadowy figure (much like a man dressed as a large bat) leaving Heath’s building.
The ledger reads:
Batman 1
Joker 0How can Batman defeat the Joker?
With a handful of sleeping pills. -
Word is he was depressed. I guess he took “10 things I hate about you” a little too seriously…..
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Wonder if his suicide note read, “10 things I hate about myself….”
(Ok, I went too far with those last two).
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OK, we’re four hours into the process. Time to reflect…
There’s the core of some good jokes here, especially the ledger = accounting link. But I’m thinking the Batman movie angle is just a bit too short-attention-span. Yes, it’s a new movie, but that doesn’t link to anything else.
Some of the entries don’t have anything that’s specific to Heath Ledger, they could be about anyone. Poor.
Todd, your lame off-topic comment was deleted. Grow up.
Can’t you people spell?
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heath ledger went to the doctors days earlier complaining of headaches…
the doctor gave him tablets to ingest two a day orally..
he was diaspointed they wern’t suppositories
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A song for Heath:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=byKqAEhTkjM -
riteo no more gay jokes i take it Stilgherrian
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I explored the possibilities offered by blankets=wool=’dyed (died) in the wool Aussie’, but it feels a trifle forced.
‘Take 600 tablets and call me in the morning’? Nah.
‘He must have been swallowing those pills with Two Hands?’ Maybe, needs more work.
I got nuthin’ so far.
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@Todd: Well, your first comment was deleted because it was just an attack on another poster.
I’ve allowed the second one through since it’s actually a joke, though not very good. Heath Ledger was straight, the character he played in one movie was gay. The delay was just me working through the queue (and having other things to do today).
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“He must have been swallowing those pills with Two Hands?’ Maybe, needs more work”
Perhaps something about ” He was new to the sleeping pills, so thought ” Two hands for beginners”. Nah.
Anyone? Anyone?
(sorry if my spelling is off. I’m not learned good….)
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Its rumored Heath Ledger might of actually died from alcohol poisoning…..
a few too many cock sucking cowboys!
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just beat me too it.
I just received that one by text…… they are spreading.
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I’ve noticed that the film posters for the marketing campaign for “The Dark Knight” (the new Batman film) have the following tagline on them:
“Why So Serious?”
I now suggest that also be the theme for his funeral.
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What do Jake Gylennhal’s cherry and a bottle of Paxil have in common?
They both got popped by Heath Ledger.
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THE CLOTHES HEATH WAS WEARING WERE RECENTLY PUT UP FOR AUCTION ON EBAY.. IT STATES THAT THELL’Y NEED TO BE WASHED A FEW TIMES TO GET THE DIE STAINS OUT OF THEM…
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heath ledger starred in
” 10 pills i took without you’
man i love that joke! -
Time for some quality control, I think… some rules!
- Jokes actually have to reference Heath Ledger in some way. Jokes like the one Gazza44 just posted, which could be about anyone, are not acceptable.
- Jokes with a gay reference but fail to distinguish between the actor and the character he played in Brokeback Mountain lose most of their points immediately. So that’s jrock’s out.
I won’t delete any that are already posted (unless I change my mind), but won’t post any future ones that don’t meet these basic criteria.
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Press release from Warner Bros:
The studio has been worried about what to do with the next Batman movie now that one of the main draw cards has died, but some quick thinking was done and we are proud to announce the next installment in the series – The Dark Knight 2: Weekend at Heathies
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Heath was murderred!
Somebody wanted to square the Ledger! -
First Pavarotti, then our Heath,
After God got his Tenor he needed a Ledger -
Heath Ledger has apparently died of an overdose.
Rumour has it, He got addicted to ‘crack’ after shooting Brokeback Mountain! -
Sleeping pills =/= Two Handy Candy
OK, bad half-assed joke, but I got two film references in. I get some points for that right?
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His latest role was “I’m Not There”.
Guess that applies to all his future film releases too….
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End of the day for me — at least for now — so new commenters will not have their comments appear promptly at all. I’ll respond in detail to everything in about 12 hours from now.
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Apparently it was a suicide…. he had been on the ‘ledge’ for a while…
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Heath was found in Mary Kate Olsen’ apartment, he was visiting
what did he die of?
Starvation …….
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“I just heard on TMZ that Heath Ledger will be playing the role of Bernie in “Weekend at Bernie’s 3.” His performance already getting Oscar talks.”
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“When I was listing the 10 things I hate about him, being dead was #3.”
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i dont know if you guys follow soccer or not but…
i think he took arsenals defeat to spurs a little bit hard, i mean 5-1 is bad but no need to top yourself
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Batman: win by default.
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Turns out Heath did not want to vote for Hillary or for Obama.
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“What’s the difference between Heath Ledger, Steve Irwin, and Midnight Oil? They’re all Australian, but Midnight Oil’s career is dead. As opposed to Heath and Steve which are actually dead…..crikey.”
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Ladies everywhere have finally found out how to pick up heath ledger ….. with a stretcher.
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Apparently Heath Ledger recently got in an argument with the wardrobe consultant on the set of his new movie. He was really upset that the body bag was only available in green.
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Rumor has it that Heath Ledger will be appearing on Inside the Actors Studio next week via Ouija Board.
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Rumor has it that Heath Ledger will be appearing on Inside the Actors Studio next week via Ouija Board
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E is reporting that production has began on “The Patriot 2.” Heath Ledger will once again play the role of the dead son.
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PRESS RELEASE….. Coming Soon to a theatre near you…. Batman; The Dark Knight Starring Heath Ledger as The Choker.
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CNN Breaking News: Natalie holloway has been found. She was found in the drawer above the one that they put heath ledger in…
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MLK day has been modified to stand for (M)any people (L)ove heath ledger (K)illing
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Its reported that heath ledger could have died of a alcohol poisoning – too many cock sucking cowboys
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Why did Heath Ledger take so many pills? Because he wanted to be Down Under”.
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Producers always thought the new batman movie, Dark Knight was set to make a killing.
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What does Jack Nicholson’s potryal of the Joker have that Heath Ledger’s doesn’t.
A chance for a sequel.
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Well, boys and girls, let’s review what we have so far. I must say, overall I’m pretty disappointed with the quality here.
Far, far too many “jokes” could be about anyone who’s died. They’re only “Heath Ledger jokes” because you’ve stuck his name in. I’m looking at you, muppet, Keenan, Peter Blaisdell, Robbie Weed, Jason, Daniel and others. Couldn’t be bothered scrolling back.
Too many jokes were solely based on Ledger paying a gay character in Brokeback Mountain. That just goes to show how far behind the pace some people are — especially since Ledger himself was straight. Disturbing concerns about your own sexuality, lads, eh?
I will pay the “cocksucking cowboys” line, though, because it combines the gay angle with the theme of the movie and a possible cause of death. Well done, plummer.
(smitty, you didn’t check to see if it was there already before you posted, did you?)
The accounting = ledger connection was also promising.
So, what now? Are there any new themes, or do we refine the current ones into the definitive tacky Heath Ledger jokes?
Evidence seems to be emerging that Ledger’s death was an accidental thing, a mix of a medication known for disturbing side effects plus a sedative. Here’s a challenge for you: Link the themes of depression and medication into one giant, convoluted story! Which has to still be funny to people with a mental age above 13.
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Heath Ledger was supposedly about to audition for a role on the OC, however he obvisouly preferred the OD
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oooh….tough judge. Fair enough. We’ve got to have some rules.
Whilst I make no promises about quality, (agree, many of my attempts are lame-o but I figured they were a starting point for someone else to build on), they have a valid Heath reference (either his name or his movies).
(The britney ref wasn’t a joke – it was an observation)
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This one needs work, someone help me…
Got to be an angle around a sleeping pill overdose in New York?
Something like…
Who wants to “Wake Up in a City that Never Sleeps?
Frank Sinatra did. Heath ledger apparently not so much. -
How do you depress an insomniac actor?
Call his latest film a real sleeper.
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Ok, so it was an accident.
In that case….
Which script does Heath wish he’d read?
The one from the chemist.
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An autopsy of Heath Ledger revealed that he overdosed on too many HEATH bars.
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Pingback from AlternateRoute » Squaring off the Ledger on 24 January 2008 at 4:29 pm
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I feel just f’ing terrible…
I couldn’t even sleep last night.. Heath Ledger stole all my pills.
My girlfriend reminded me that he was a generous man.
He did leave a bunch just laying around next to him.
I still think the move was rather cold. -
@muppet: “The city that never sleeps” angle has possibilities… But this one works, I think:
Which script does Heath wish he’d read?
The one from the chemist.
Does that work for non-Australian readers though? Don’t Americans call them “pharmacies”?
@daviusgrantius: WTF is a “heath bar”?
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What’s the worst thing about Heath Ledger’s death?
He wasn’t black.
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@mylyf: So, is there some really subtle ironic joke that I’m not getting there, or is that just a pig-ignorant bit of racism from a low-life turd? Gotta be asked… and they’re the only two logical alternatives.
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A little too cerebral perhaps:
Dyslexic insomniacs feel comforted it is now Ok to lie awake wondering if there is life after heath.
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What do Heath and Death have in common?
No future.
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I hear he died from a drug mix-up.
Guess he misunderstood Pacino’s advice and thought he’d try methadone acting…
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lameness follows…
i guess he had been weighed, measured, and found dead
looks like he finally found a way to quit jack twist
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Arsenal defenders Sagna, Gallas, Hoyte and Traore, are to be investigated into the mysterious death of Heath Ledger that occurred on Tuesday night…apparently no one can account for their whereabouts after 8pm…?!?!
[explanation for yanks: arsenal lost 5-1 to their biggest rivals….geddit?
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For sale: One spare ticket to the Batman premiere.
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@bobby: What’s English football got to do with a death of an Australian actor in New York?
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Does this count as a joke Mein Adjudicator?
How prophetic! ‘You can do Paxil’ was released in 1982 – some 26 years before the event…
You can do Paxil
You can do as many as you desire
Paxil, and you know
This is the one – a real Oscar sure-fireYou know darn well
When you down those pills, you’ll be off your face
You realise, can’t ope’ your eyes
As hard as stone, won’t wake todayDerr, derr, derr, derr, derr, derr…
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well i hate to explain jokes but the point is they were on the pitch that night in a televised game, but because the team lost so badly, the joke infers that they, the defenders were nowhere to be seen.
I guess the joke is more about arsenal but its still funny and involves heath…
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with a name like heath-cliff ledge-r, everyone was surprised that whe he took his own life he didnt just jump!!!
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Heath Ledger Special Boxed Edition Available!!!!!!
(until the morning of the cremation obviously)
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Count Adhemar finally gets his revenge!
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@bobby: Yeah, I get that Arsenal played so badly that it was like they were missing players. And I get that the the payers might have been out murdering someone. But what is the Heath Ledger connection (as opposed to blaming the missing players for any other event that day)?
@pee chai matt: Yep, that’s a joke. Is it funny though? [ducks] Worth reminding people about though. And I like “Mein Adjudicator”.
Keep ‘em coming, I’ll figure out what to do with this page later today Sydney time.
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Hey Stilghererrian, I thought my Down Under joke was rather clever. I guess you can’t fathom irony. Love ya anyway, Keenan
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Um… Lets give this a shot….
Some Revised Heath Ledger Movie Titles from IMDB.com:
- The Crematorium of Doctor Bareasses
- The Dark Night
- I’m Not There (why change it?)
- Heavan’s Cassanova
- Cassano-mo
- Brokeback Massage
- The Lords of Pilltown
- The Odor
- Dead Kelley
- The No-More Feathers
- A Nights Flail
- Two Hands, Six Feet Under
- 10 Things I Hate About Me
- Home and Really Far Away
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Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile Lost it’s wheel and the Joker…died.
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Why did Heath never win an oscar?
He slept in…
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Two Jokers walk in to a bar. “Caesar, Heath – what’ll it be” asks St. Peter.
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@Keenan: Yep, that’s right. My website, my rules.
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Do I get bonus points for quantity? There’s a few bits of gold in them there hills…..
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And, I like to think that someone somewhere is shaking their head saying, “Heath Ledger just died and some muppet has spent the day making jokes in poor taste”.
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what the difference between heath ledger and a jug of water?
water spills, heath ledger pills
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Apparently Heath Ledger died attempting a kinky sex act with his masseuse.
He allegedly sustained a brokeback mountain her.
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1.
Whats the difference between heath ledger and a turn stye?
A turn stye only takes one at a time.2.
What have heath ledger and a fly got in common?
They’re both six feet. -
slight change to the turn stye one.
Whats the difference between Heath Ledger and a bottle opener?
A bottle opener only pops one at a time. -
Heath apparently picked up the pills from a dodgy back street chemist, so… not the first time he has been fucked by a cowboy
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Headlines:
Australian Actor Discovers Cure for Insomnia
Mary Kate Olsen Survives Rape Attempt by Ledger’s Esophagus
Stingray Files NYC Police Harassment Suit
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They found the real reason Heath Ledger died.
They have confirmed that it was 1st degree murder, and the suspect in custody is Jack Nicholson.
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I knew I had to find a site like this eventually. So I’ve seen hintings at this, but here it is, with delivery polished.
So now with the autopsy report back as being ‘inconclusive’ with regard to a possible drug overdose, officials are expected to declare Friday that Heath Ledger officially died of a broke back.
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theyre making a sequel to first knight,its called good night
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i screwed that last one up,,,
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Note to andy, who has not had his comments approved (yet): Heath Ledger was straight, not gay. He’s an actor, you know. Fiction. We have already posted the rule that jokes which merely make an anti-gay comment will no longer be posted unless thy link to some other aspect of his life. Get with the 21st Century.
Note to Benno: The “cocksucking cowboy” joke is already here. Twice. And in better versions.
Please read through the existing posts before adding your own, or I will probably make a sarcastic comment about you.
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heath who …..another dead white boy… who the fuck cares
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As a slight modification (cleanup) of @IrishPJD’s joke (IMNSHO – the only really funny one so far).
For sale: Heath Ledger Special Boxed Edition.
Notes: One only, available for a limited time.
Keep refrigerated after opening. -
I’m all for a bit of dark humor, but these “jokes” are not even funny, nor are they intelligent in any way, shape of form. I think the word is purile. what a bunch of wankers.
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1.Wots heath ledger and a turbo engine got in common??
when they start pingin its not long b4 there dead
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Stilgherrian,
you have to much time on your hands to spend creating webpages that are dedicated to such pathetic topics.
Why don’t you take your own advice and get with the 21st century and get a real job.
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you guys are awesome, i waited 2 weeks before i said my virginia tech jokes, 3 hours after his death, wow, that is just great!!!! i will share several of these and give credit to STILGHERRIAN.COM!
Thank you so much
-Givans -
Ledger directed ben harper’s morning yearning music video, i guess he gave it his all.
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@todd, do you have any idea how much time stilgherrian has actually spent inthe creation of this page?
@Stil – are you able to give us an estimate of how long you have spent of the creation and update (not reading) of this page?
(I suspect that my 3-4 hours monitoring/reading/adding-to this page is more than you have spent making/updating it).@Todd, have a look at the rest of the site – this is but one page, and (when you actually read the intro) here for a purpose other than just vicious voyerism.
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Us Australians call them Pharmacies… or Chemists…. it doesnt really matter, but we dont have ‘Drug stores’
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@Todd: I’m glad you’ve used your extensive knowledge of my schedule to give me such detailed, constructive advice. I am forever in your debt.
@Martin: Agreed, the standard is lower than I’d expected. What astounds me is how little though some people have put in before posting, and how little care they put into their communication. Many visitors seem so keen to blurt out their first thought that they don’t even bother looking at the context before posting. It does not bode well for the future of humanity.
@Crispin: I’ll break down the time in tomorrow morning’s post, which
will have the titleis now online at Heath Ledger spikes my website, Day 3.I can say, though, that very little was spent creating the page itself (about 10 mins, including sourcing the photo), then several short sessions of scanning the comments to decide which ones to post. The majority of the time has been spent on data mining — and that’s delivering enough information for at least two conference presentations.
@Givans: Glad to be of service.
As before, lame anti-gay comments have not been published. Please read through the existing posts before adding your own, or I will probably make a sarcastic comment about you.
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Why invent jokes?
I find the fact that the masseuse felt the need, in an obvious medical emergency, to call the girl who played Michelle on Full House three times before calling 911 a lot funnier than even the obvious “Death Ledger” puns.
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Phrasing it in the form of a joke:
Q: What’s the difference between calling Mary Kate Olsen and calling 9-1-1?
A: If you can figure it out, please tell the masseuse.
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What astounds me the most is people who bother to trawl for websites to deliver, “I can’t believe how pathetic you people are” comments.
Ummm…. am I missing something??
If you are above it. Don’t read it. Simple.
Why visit, and spend time reading, a website page titled “Heath Ledger Jokes: here please”, if you think you are above it?
Show us that with your actions – don’t visit. Don’t take the time to comment. Go wtune into something highbrow.
Um, with a page title so descriptive – what did you expect to see here???
@ Martin – so the jokes aren’t funny. They aren’t intelligent. They are purile. We are wankers. Fair point. Mostly true.
But, who is the bigger fool? The people who spent time here amusing themselves with something which is, let’s face it harmless, (hey, it’s not like we can make him feel worse or drive him to suicide) or people like you who visit a topic to say how disguted they are that they searched “Heather Ledger Dead jokes” to make a comment that they are disappointed”.
C’mon.
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What would you call the maid, who discovered handsome Heath Ledger’s nude body? Lucky Bitch.
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I asked my sister just before christmas what present she wanted, be obsessed with 10 things i hate about you she said, Heath ledger in a box
Well, she got her wish
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Parently Heath’s family are sueing a road saftey company,
last week he signed over likeness rights to the company so they’re are goin to digitaly recreate his image for the campain.
Parently the tag line is
WARNING SLEEPING KILLS -
Why was the dyslexic Gardener so sad?
Because he heard his Leaf Hedger had died!
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Did you like my joke posted toward the end of 1/24???
I know Heath laughed to death over it.
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* To those whining about making tasteless Heath Ledger jokes *
From MTV.com:
“Heath and his sister Katie are named after characters in Emily Brontë’s 1847 classic, “Wuthering Heights.” The protagonist of the book is Heathcliff, a violent and sadistic villain, according to Columbia University professor Nicholas Dames, who specializes in 19th century British literature.
One of the things that Heathcliff is known for in the novel is laughing, although only laughing at the spectacle of someone else’s pain. In that sense, he’s a deeply screwed-up figure. … That’s kind of like the Joker,” Dames said, referring to Ledger’s “Dark Knight” character. “The funniest thing for the Joker is hurting somebody else.”
http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1580272/story.jhtml
Perhaps he’d get a chuckle at the irony of people all worked up over telling a few generic jokes adapted to his own life when he was named after a
fictitious sadist…*Now for everyone else…*
VARIETY HEADLINE: Heath Ledger just cast to play lead in “Weekend at Bernie’s III”
Warning: Sleeping pills can be bad for your heath if you ledger self get carried away…
Heath OD’d because sleeping pills were the only solid food he could find in Olsen’s apartment.
I had heard something about an unbalanced ledger being bad for business…
VARIETY STORY: Heath Ledger is to appear in the sequel to the film “Brokeback Mountain”. It will be called “Brokeback Cemetery” and will focus on the lives of 2 gay necrophiliacs.
He thought they were Viagra….
Already distraught, close friend Amy Winehouse upon hearing of Heath’s death, was quoted as saying; “I tried to make him go to rehab, but he said no, no, no…”
PS… Stil… nice work – interesting project
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10 things I hate about me! said by daniel tosh
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what was heath ledgers latest movie……
10 things i hate about myself!!!
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@Steve Brandon: Yes, it’s curious why someone would phone one of the Olsen twins rather than 911. I’ve made a point of telling my friends that if I’m ever found “unresponsive” to call an ambulance immediately, not one of my damaged-blond friends. Sheesh!
@traj: That’s worthy of a silver elephant stamp, yes. At least it explores the territory away from the oh-so-obvious themes of pills and homosexuality.
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Heath ledger is so Australian, his parents claimed the real reason he had died was due to a dingo eating him
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is muppet australian cos im from Melbourne and i heard that cowboy joke here, hes right, it did spread, ,
my mate is mourning over his death, and me and my mates have being paying out on him, it would be cool if every one who reads this helped out to,haha
, [Edit: someone else's email address deleted] , GO NUTS!! -
@heaths ghost: Christ, that’s some truly appalling typing! Do try to make an effort. And don’t post other people’s email addresses.
@I’m Batman (whose comment wasn’t published): Please read the rules before posting. I’d have emailed you privately to explain why, but you’re obviously using a fake email address.
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Well seeing as he was working on a film with Terry Gilliam and in honour of Python humour, couldnt resist:
Well Ive left it long enough and I do realise that its a bit in bad taste but what the hell:
Terry Gilliam enters an Actors shop.Terry Gilliam: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
TG: ‘Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean “miss”?
TG: I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We’re closin’ for lunch.
TG: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Actor what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Heath Ledger…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?
TG: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!
O: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting.
TG: Look, matey, I know a dead actor when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.
O: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable actor, the Heath Ledger, idn’it, ay? Handsome thing!
TG: The looks don’t enter into it. He’s stone dead.
O: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!
TG: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up!
(shouting at the cage)
‘Ello, Mister Ledger! I’ve got a lovely fresh Steak for you if you show…(owner hits the cage)
O: There, he moved!
TG: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the cage!
O: I never!!
TG: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything…
TG: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) ‘ELLO Heath!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your three o’clock alarm call!
(Takes Heath out of the cage and thumps his head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
TG: Now that’s what I call a dead actor.
O: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned!
TG: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Heath Ledgers stun easily, major.
TG: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That actor is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged role.
O: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the outback.
C: PININ’ for the Outback?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?
O: Heath Ledger prefers kippin’ on his back! Remarkable actor, id’nit, squire? Very Handsome!
C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that actor when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its bed in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
O: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that guy down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ‘em apart with its nose, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
TG: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this actor wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!
O: No no! ‘E’s pining!
TG: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This actor is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker!
‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the bed ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies!
‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig!
‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-ACTOR!!
(pause)
O: Well, I’d better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
O: Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of actors.
TG: I see. I see, I get the picture.
O: I got a slug.
(pause)
TG: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
TG: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: Look, if you go to my brother’s shop in Bolton, he’ll replace him for you.
TG: Bolton, eh? Very well.
The customer leaves.
The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.
TG: This is Bolton, is it?
O: (with a fake mustache) No, it’s Ipswitch.
TG: (looking at the camera) That’s inter-city rail for you.
The customer goes to the train station.
He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked “Complaints”.
TG: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.
Attendant: I DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
TG: I beg your pardon…?
A: I’m a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
TG: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn’t it?
A: Yeah, well it’s not easy to pad these python files out to 200 lines, you know.
TG: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.
A: No, this is Bolton.
TG: (to the camera) The pet shop man’s brother was lying!!
A: Can’t blame British Rail for that.
TG: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!
He does.
TG: I understand this IS Bolton.
O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?
TG: You told me it was Ipswitch!
O: …It was a pun.
TG: (pause) A PUN?!?
O: No, no…not a pun…What’s that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?
TG: (Long pause) A palindrome…?
O: Yeah, that’s it!
TG: It’s not a palindrome! The palindrome of “Bolton” would be “Notlob”!! It don’t work!!
O: Well, what do you want?
TG: I’m not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!
Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly…
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Rumours are that Heath will be starring in Michael Jackson’s “thriller”, just in time for it’s 25th anniversary
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this is pointless!! not because the subject matter is tasteless or its too early for such a ‘touchy’ subject! theres just no controversey to play upon! really it is just tragic..both the circumstance surrounding his death and you got nothing! no lead up or anything. at least with diana you had a car and all the press etc easy pickings for jokes. but we know nothing much!
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I heard Ledger mistook sleeping pills for Pringles…
Once you pop the fun dont stop!
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What’s the diference between Steeve Irwin and Michael Jackson? Heath Ledger could play the saxophone and you are all pricks. ha ha ha
Heath Ledger walked into a bar and he died because he hadn’t not stopped not taking any less pills since the arvo before hand.
knock knock
who’s there?
Heath Ledger
Heath Ledger who?
Get fucked.What sort of contraception was Heath Ledger on at the time of his Death? THE PILLS MATE!!! THE FRIGGIN PILLS!!! GET IT???
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What’s the difference between Heath Ledger and a washed-up actor?
Drier body bag.Where did Heath Ledger learn to act?
Rehab. -
what was the last script heath ledger ever read?
clearly not the one on the bottle.
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The masseuse apparently rang Mary Kate Olsen 3 times before she rang emergency. I think it went something like this.
Masseuse> Hello! What’s the number for 911?
Mary Kate> (hangs up)
Masseuse> HELLO! WHAT’S THE NUMBER FOR 911?
Mary Kate> (hangs up again)
Masseuse> HHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT’S THE FUCKING NUMBER FOR 911?
Mary Kate> It’s 911 you stupid bitch now will you FUCK OFF!
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A news report earlier today confirmed that before his tragic death, Heath Ledger had been rehearsing for the much-anticipated Owen Wilson biopic, Brokenose Mountain.
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Its just been announced that Heath Ledger has been cast in Dawn of the Dead 2.
He will be playing Zombie # 4
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Will the drink “cock sucking cowboy” be renamed “a stiff Heath Ledger”?
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Many, many women think Heath Ledger is one hot Aussie…
well he will be when he gets cremated
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Steve Irwin to Heath Ledger in Heaven: “Yeah? Well at least *I* went out like a man… stabbed in the heart by a fish… You pill poppin wanker…”
(not great… but I’m sure someone can improve…)
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A REMINDER ABOUT THE RULES: PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING! Comments are being moderated. Comments will not be published if:
- They repeat jokes which have already been posted, unless they’re a substantial improvement; or
- They don’t link to Heath Ledger specifically, but could be about any dead person; or
- They’re just making a stupid anti-gay comment. Heath Ledger may have acted as a gay cowboy in one movie, but he himself was straight. Acting, y’see. Don’t bring your sexual insecurities here.
Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. I have other things to focus on too.
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how about this
whats the difference between Heath Ledger and Steve Irwin?
One was serated, the other was sedated.i dnno it was funnier in my head :]
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This song is pretty funny.
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If you think most of these “jokes” are funny, you should kill yourself like Heath Ledger
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@”Heath Ledger”: Wow. Telling people to kill themselves but not having the spine to use a real email address. Classy.
Mind you, it’s the first commenter in a while to actually read and reflect on what’s already been posted. Is that worth a bonus point?
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OK…
Q: Why did the Maid let the Masseuse into the room?
A: Heath was looking a little stiff…Q: What’s the difference between me and Heath Ledger?
A: Heath’s Better looking, but I woke up on Tuesday.Apparently he completely misunderstood Jack Nicholson’s advice and decided to try methadone acting.
Looks like this Joker was more than just a “midnight toker.”
Heath Ledger to the pill bottle: “I wish I knew how to quit you…”
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What’s the difference between Heath Ledger and Heath Ledger jokes?
The jokes will get old.
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it is a proven fact that hair grows 3 months after you die, which means that Heath Ledger is only going to get cuter
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Steve Irwin, Heath Ledger and Peter Brock are in the line for heaven. When they get to the front St Peter stops them:
St Peter: “I’m Sorry guys but it’s pretty full in there, can you tell me a bit about yourselves before I let you in.”
Peter Brock pipes up: “Well I was a world class race car driver, I won Bathurst seven times, and I promoted road safety across my nation.”
St Peter: ” Oh Mr Brock, come on in. You’re a hero up here too.”
Steve Irwin steps up: “Well I’m a conservationist, I advanced awareness of endangered species around the world and was affectionately known as the crocodile hunter.”
St Peter: ” Oh Mr Irwin, your exploits are legendary come right on in.”
Heath Ledger clears his throat: ” Well I was an actor. I made a number of entertaining movies, one of which gained notoriety for my role as a gay cowboy.”
St Peter: “You’re welcome here to Mr Voight.”
I’m quite proud of it. It’s not mean, its not nasty, and it’s not inflammatory to the homosexual communities or cowboys. I hope people get it.
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Apparently he ODd on jelly crystals by mistake.
He was a dead set ledger.
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Did any of you brain dead assholes stop to think Heath’s family have access to the world wide web, and could read this shit?
I hope that when you pass on, some asshole posts jokes about you!
But then again, that ain’t gonna happen…….
…….Because your not rich, famous or good looking, hey? -
@Gavin: You’re right. I’ve never realised it before. The Internet might be read by someone! We’d better not put anything there which could possibly upset any of the 1+ billion Internet users. When you get a moment, could you drop me a quick list of everything that has the potential to be upsetting? I’ll make sure that it’s never mentioned again.
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C’mon folks…come up with something funny. The only good ones have been “…..addicted to crack” and “…cocksucking cowboy”. “… a stiff actor! “was kinda funny but too generic.
I know I know…I don’t have anything to contribute but I need something new to tell my g/f who always pretends to be mortified at “wrong” jokes but secretly loves them. -
a poor effort. it seems there’s a few americans on this site. you know, the jokes are so farfetched that you can tell the yanks have been up for hours thinking.
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everyone who has contributed to this is a sick individual, this is unbelivable!!! i love the compassionate nature this world has.
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I haven’t contributed until now but if it makes me a “sick individual” and “compassionate” then here goes…
Q:How many Heath Ledgers does it take to change a light bulb?
Okay admittedly I don’t have an answer but I find the old light bulb joke is a good jumping off point..
i.e A:He doesn’t change it he already gone towards the light.
A:He doesn’t that’s why he couldn’t read the labels on those pill bottles.
A: That was what room service came up to do, too late.
Anyway you get the idea…give it a go. I should try to work in Gemma Ward or Mary -Kate’s security, your turn.
Works for people you know well much better. -
How many Heaths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, coffins dont have lightbulbs.“10 Pills I took before Bed”
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Final Analysis?
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@AJ: I’ll publish a final wrap-up on Tuesday 19 February, which will make it 4 weeks since Ledger’s death. Should be plenty of data to crunch.
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ok so heath ledger was about to take his medication right…..when all of a sudden the olsen twins kicked him down the stairs
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Apparently cinemas are currently showing a movie starring the late Heath Ledger. That’s no excuse, any jokes posted here must still adhere to the three basic rules.
Comments are being moderated. Comments will not be published if:
- They repeat jokes which have already been posted, unless they’re a substantial improvement; or
- They don’t link to Heath Ledger specifically, but could be about any dead person; or
- They’re just making a stupid anti-gay comment. Heath Ledger may have acted as a gay cowboy in one movie, but he himself was straight. Acting, y’see. Don’t bring your sexual insecurities here.
Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. I have other things to focus on too.
-
you guys shouldnt make fun of him!!!!
he could come back from hell with his gay cowboy demon knight army and attack you!!!! -
these are hilarious, i had a great time reading them.
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Funny how hot guys on film always seem to look better after they’ve died.
Heath Ledger, River Phoenix, James Dean…If Johnny Depp bites it next week, I won’t know what to do with myself, I can tell you right now.
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It’s strange, but everyone I’ve heard these jokes from in person has had a low I.Q.
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Loose associations coupled with offensive material does not a good joke make. Instead, it confirms a lack of creativity and an excess of douche baggery
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Maybe he watched The Patriot for the first time?
Great list!
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Guys you should seriously think of some good jokes on here or its just another shit page.
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OK, time to close off comments on this post, even though it’s not quite been a year. I declare the experiment closed.
This was the most-visited page on this website for 2008 and is, as I write this on 3 January 2009, the number one Google search result for “heath ledger joke”. But I suspect the vast majority of visitors didn’t bother looking at anything else. That makes sense. If people are finding the page through looking for Heath Ledger jokes, there’ll be little else here to interest them.
Besides, I’m not the least bit interested in making fun of Heath Ledger myself. The purpose was to learn more about how Google AdWords generate website traffic, and the lesson has been learnt. I’m not learning anything new. Time to stop.
Comments are now closed.
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