Weekly Poll: Who should sing…?

Photograph of Andrew P Street

Andrew P Street is a genius. I say that because (a) he is, (b) knowing Andrew is one of the three vital components for understanding the full subtlety of this week’s poll, and (c) I dare not upset him by failing to acknowledge his enormous throbbing brain.

Last night ’Pong and I went to the Excelsior Hotel in Glebe. Their website is slick and glossy — but the web designer has clearly never set foot in the establishment because the Excelsior is what we in the business call a “dive”. Or, as the Macquarie Dictionary puts it, “a disreputable place, as for drinking, gambling, etc.”

I wish to report that the Excelsior is well-equipped for drinking, and we made ample use of its facilities.

Andrew P Street is, I believe, also well-equipped for drinking, being in possession of hands, mouth, gullet etc. He also has a guitar, and his mouth is so arranged that red wine may flow inwards while, at other moments, song flows outwards.

You may learn much more about Andrew from his MySpace profile and in particular the blog post The *Real* Andrew P Street. I was moved to learn — and I’m sure you will be too — that:

Like so many of the world’s hottest supermodels, I’m entirely made up of tinier Andrews; each of whom are, in turn, made of deliciously spicy Andrews which are only slightly tinier, but wear thicker jumpers. That’s fractal geometry at work, right there.

And:

WHAT’S SOMETHING THAT YOU’VE NEVER TOLD ANOTHER PERSON?
“My hovercraft armada will take those universal dorsal flaps to Bournemouth, Jason Donovan.”

Photograph of Samantha Fox

Andrew P Street was also at the Excelsior last night. But before I elaborate on that, I encourage you to revisit the 1980s and listen to a song.

Yes, Samantha Fox, singing Touch Me. Possibly the finest song of the 80s, in the same way that I Like It Both Ways was without doubt the finest song of the 1970s.

Samantha’s performance in that video is notable for three reasons:

  • Her breasts
  • The young man who dances with her who, in my expert opinion, is extremely unlikely to be genuinely interested in said breasts. That’s professionalism.

Last night, Andrew P Street also sang Touch Me. And can I say that the song has a very different meaning when sung by a 35-year-old man who’s had more than one glass of red wine and who, it must truthfully be said, is not quite as slim as when I first met him more than a decade ago.

Like a tramp in the night
I was begging you
To treat my body like you wanted to

Uh….
Uh, it’s begging for you

(this is the night)
Touch me, touch me

This all set me thinking.

If Andrew P Street is perhaps not the most appropriate person to be singing this song, who is?

Obviously it has to be a politician because politics remains the most popular topic on this website. But which one? Please visit the website to vote. Or, if your favourite candidate isn’t listed, please add them in the comments — with an explanation.

Who would you prefer to sing the Samantha Fox song Touch Me?

  • Helen Coonan (3%, 1 Votes)
  • Julie Bishop (10%, 3 Votes)
  • Julia Gillard (23%, 7 Votes)
  • Natasha Stott-Despoja (26%, 8 Votes)
  • Amanda Vanstone (19%, 6 Votes)
  • Margaret Thatcher (19%, 6 Votes)

Total Voters: 31

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Last week’s results: It started off looking like the most annoying Howard government action was buying $6 billion of military aircraft the RAAF doesn’t want, the “intervention” in Aboriginal communities edged ahead.

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8 comments

  1. DaSuthNa’s avatar

    On YouTube, in the Related videos, you’ll see a 2004 cover of “Touch Me” by Gunther and featuring Sam Fox:

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=RLaTYRBJmE8

    Not the most appropriate? Or is it in the “so bad it’s good” category. I can’t pick it yet.

  2. Snarky Platypus’s avatar

    I think the original video is dreadful — and not in a “so bad it’s good” way. It’s too schlocky and poorly made, with little sense of charm. The attempted orgasmic moans end up sounding like a noise a constipated seal would make. The fan and water bit is hilarious though, but I am partial to a good wind machine effect (would have been a lot better with a proper wind machine).

    As for who should sing it, it clearly should be Julie Bishop. I think her strident wannabe neo-con attitude would translate well into demanding pop sex kitten She even looks a bit like Sam Fox — their mullet-like hair styles have an eerie resemblance.

  3. RV’s avatar

    Why can’t I choose Christopher Pyne????

  4. Stilgherrian’s avatar

    Photograph of Christopher Pyne

    @RV: Christopher Pyne? The Duchess of Sturt? RV, let’s just look closely at this photograph (right) for a moment and consider what you’re suggesting.

    Touch me, touch me, I want to feel your body.

    Jesus wept!

    @Snarky Platypus: I have it on good authority that you were listening to Laura Branigan last night, so I think I’ll discount your input today. On the other hand, “constipated seal” is a phrase to remember. And Julie Bishop as a neo-con sex kitten is, well, disturbing. I note that on Saturday you were very keen to ensure she was listed in this poll too, so I’m making a note of that…

    @DaSuthNa: Well spotted! I think Gunther’s moustache alone makes that clip worth watching.

    Now, let us purge that image from our collective minds and never speak of it again.

    I think I’ll have to add the male version of this poll some time. Perhaps not immediately though.

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