Heath Ledger dead: jokes here please

Photograph of Heath Ledger

Yes, Australian actor Heath Ledger is dead, possibly from a drug overdose. So now it’s time to collect all the jokes, ‘cos he can’t sue you for libel. Please add them in the comments.

Tasteless? Yes. Exploitative? Probably. Too soon for this? Yeah probably that too.

So why do it?

It’s an experiment…

More than a year after the event, a collection of jokes about Steve Irwin’s death is still one of the most heavily-visited pages on this website. More than half of the searches bringing people here are for Corey Worthington Delaney.

Tasteless is what you want, so tasteless is what you’ll get.

We’ll even throw in the phrases “heath ledger porn” and “heath ledger naked” to help things along. Index that, Google!

The comments will be moderated, but not heavily. They may take a while to show up because — oddly enough! — there are other things to do.

[Update: Scroll down to find the comments thingy. Try to spell properly. And if you’re going to whinge that “It’s too soon to make jokes,” then at least suggest how long someone has to be dead before they’re not sacred any more. And try to spell properly.]

[Update 27 January 2008: The two rules about relevance are now being enforced. Comments will not be published if (1) they repeat jokes which have already been posted, unless they’re substantial improvements, or (2) they’re just some anti-gay comment that doesn’t have any relevance.]

[Update 3 January 2009: Comments have now been closed. See my very last comment for the reasons.]

185 Replies to “Heath Ledger dead: jokes here please”

  1. What would you call the maid, who discovered handsome Heath Ledger’s nude body? Lucky Bitch.

  2. I asked my sister just before christmas what present she wanted, be obsessed with 10 things i hate about you she said, Heath ledger in a box

    Well, she got her wish

  3. Parently Heath’s family are sueing a road saftey company,
    last week he signed over likeness rights to the company so they’re are goin to digitaly recreate his image for the campain.
    Parently the tag line is

  4. Did you like my joke posted toward the end of 1/24???

    I know Heath laughed to death over it.

  5. * To those whining about making tasteless Heath Ledger jokes *

    From MTV.com:

    “Heath and his sister Katie are named after characters in Emily Brontë’s 1847 classic, “Wuthering Heights.” The protagonist of the book is Heathcliff, a violent and sadistic villain, according to Columbia University professor Nicholas Dames, who specializes in 19th century British literature.

    One of the things that Heathcliff is known for in the novel is laughing, although only laughing at the spectacle of someone else’s pain. In that sense, he’s a deeply screwed-up figure. … That’s kind of like the Joker,” Dames said, referring to Ledger’s “Dark Knight” character. “The funniest thing for the Joker is hurting somebody else.”


    Perhaps he’d get a chuckle at the irony of people all worked up over telling a few generic jokes adapted to his own life when he was named after a
    fictitious sadist…

    *Now for everyone else…*

    VARIETY HEADLINE: Heath Ledger just cast to play lead in “Weekend at Bernie’s III”

    Warning: Sleeping pills can be bad for your heath if you ledger self get carried away…

    Heath OD’d because sleeping pills were the only solid food he could find in Olsen’s apartment.

    I had heard something about an unbalanced ledger being bad for business…

    VARIETY STORY: Heath Ledger is to appear in the sequel to the film “Brokeback Mountain”. It will be called “Brokeback Cemetery” and will focus on the lives of 2 gay necrophiliacs.

    He thought they were Viagra….

    Already distraught, close friend Amy Winehouse upon hearing of Heath’s death, was quoted as saying; “I tried to make him go to rehab, but he said no, no, no…”

    PS… Stil… nice work – interesting project

  6. @Steve Brandon: Yes, it’s curious why someone would phone one of the Olsen twins rather than 911. I’ve made a point of telling my friends that if I’m ever found “unresponsive” to call an ambulance immediately, not one of my damaged-blond friends. Sheesh!

    @traj: That’s worthy of a silver elephant stamp, yes. At least it explores the territory away from the oh-so-obvious themes of pills and homosexuality.

  7. Heath ledger is so Australian, his parents claimed the real reason he had died was due to a dingo eating him

  8. is muppet australian cos im from Melbourne and i heard that cowboy joke here, hes right, it did spread, ,

    my mate is mourning over his death, and me and my mates have being paying out on him, it would be cool if every one who reads this helped out to,haha
    , [Edit: someone else’s email address deleted] , GO NUTS!!

  9. @heaths ghost: Christ, that’s some truly appalling typing! Do try to make an effort. And don’t post other people’s email addresses.

    @I’m Batman (whose comment wasn’t published): Please read the rules before posting. I’d have emailed you privately to explain why, but you’re obviously using a fake email address.

  10. Well seeing as he was working on a film with Terry Gilliam and in honour of Python humour, couldnt resist:
    Well Ive left it long enough and I do realise that its a bit in bad taste but what the hell:
    Terry Gilliam enters an Actors shop.

    Terry Gilliam: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

    (The owner does not respond.)

    TG: ‘Ello, Miss?

    Owner: What do you mean “miss”?

    TG: I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

    O: We’re closin’ for lunch.

    TG: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Actor what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

    O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Heath Ledger…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?

    TG: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!

    O: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting.

    TG: Look, matey, I know a dead actor when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

    O: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable actor, the Heath Ledger, idn’it, ay? Handsome thing!

    TG: The looks don’t enter into it. He’s stone dead.

    O: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!

    TG: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up!

    (shouting at the cage)

    ‘Ello, Mister Ledger! I’ve got a lovely fresh Steak for you if you show…(owner hits the cage)

    O: There, he moved!

    TG: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the cage!

    O: I never!!

    TG: Yes, you did!

    O: I never, never did anything…

    TG: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) ‘ELLO Heath!!!!!

    Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your three o’clock alarm call!

    (Takes Heath out of the cage and thumps his head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

    TG: Now that’s what I call a dead actor.

    O: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned!

    TG: STUNNED?!?

    O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Heath Ledgers stun easily, major.

    TG: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That actor is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged role.

    O: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the outback.

    C: PININ’ for the Outback?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?

    O: Heath Ledger prefers kippin’ on his back! Remarkable actor, id’nit, squire? Very Handsome!

    C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that actor when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its bed in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.


    O: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that guy down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ’em apart with its nose, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

    TG: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this actor wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!

    O: No no! ‘E’s pining!

    TG: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This actor is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker!

    ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the bed ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies!

    ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig!

    ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!!



    O: Well, I’d better replace it, then.

    (he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

    O: Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of actors.

    TG: I see. I see, I get the picture.

    O: I got a slug.


    TG: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

    O: Nnnnot really.


    O: Look, if you go to my brother’s shop in Bolton, he’ll replace him for you.

    TG: Bolton, eh? Very well.

    The customer leaves.

    The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.

    TG: This is Bolton, is it?

    O: (with a fake mustache) No, it’s Ipswitch.

    TG: (looking at the camera) That’s inter-city rail for you.

    The customer goes to the train station.

    He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked “Complaints”.

    TG: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.


    TG: I beg your pardon…?

    A: I’m a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!

    TG: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn’t it?

    A: Yeah, well it’s not easy to pad these python files out to 200 lines, you know.

    TG: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.

    A: No, this is Bolton.

    TG: (to the camera) The pet shop man’s brother was lying!!

    A: Can’t blame British Rail for that.

    TG: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!

    He does.

    TG: I understand this IS Bolton.

    O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?

    TG: You told me it was Ipswitch!

    O: …It was a pun.

    TG: (pause) A PUN?!?

    O: No, no…not a pun…What’s that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?

    TG: (Long pause) A palindrome…?

    O: Yeah, that’s it!

    TG: It’s not a palindrome! The palindrome of “Bolton” would be “Notlob”!! It don’t work!!

    O: Well, what do you want?

    TG: I’m not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!

    Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly…

  11. Rumours are that Heath will be starring in Michael Jackson’s “thriller”, just in time for it’s 25th anniversary

  12. this is pointless!! not because the subject matter is tasteless or its too early for such a ‘touchy’ subject! theres just no controversey to play upon! really it is just tragic..both the circumstance surrounding his death and you got nothing! no lead up or anything. at least with diana you had a car and all the press etc easy pickings for jokes. but we know nothing much!

  13. What’s the diference between Steeve Irwin and Michael Jackson? Heath Ledger could play the saxophone and you are all pricks. ha ha ha

    Heath Ledger walked into a bar and he died because he hadn’t not stopped not taking any less pills since the arvo before hand.

    knock knock
    who’s there?
    Heath Ledger
    Heath Ledger who?
    Get fucked.

    What sort of contraception was Heath Ledger on at the time of his Death? THE PILLS MATE!!! THE FRIGGIN PILLS!!! GET IT???

  14. The masseuse apparently rang Mary Kate Olsen 3 times before she rang emergency. I think it went something like this.

    Masseuse> Hello! What’s the number for 911?

    Mary Kate> (hangs up)

    Masseuse> HELLO! WHAT’S THE NUMBER FOR 911?

    Mary Kate> (hangs up again)


    Mary Kate> It’s 911 you stupid bitch now will you FUCK OFF!

  15. A news report earlier today confirmed that before his tragic death, Heath Ledger had been rehearsing for the much-anticipated Owen Wilson biopic, Brokenose Mountain.

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